http://www.mamapedia.com/questions/18421111779452190721
ok, I'm a bit more serious today. to illustrate - Do you watch Greys Anatomy? Owen was mad at Christina for having an abortion, so she was begging him to forgive her and desperate for him to love her, then in the middle of her begging, he admitted he had an affair and now the pendulum swung. He is begging for her forgiveness and love. Sad to say, but that happens. Bottom line, when I'm mad at him he kisses my behind and when I'm not, he doesn't. I don't like this game. I just want to be deleriously in love. I don't want to have to shake the sugar tree. I'm sure he is oblivious to all this. I would sound crazy if I brought it up. I just give him his space and wait for him to come to me, but it's annoying. Why do men only want what they can't have? Do you notice this shift in power in your household too? What do you do to keep him engaged, even when everyone is happy and things are going well? I don't want us to be so content that either of us get taken for granted. Maybe I was taking his attention for granted, but I want it back! Stupid Sports Center!
Jo - that's my point. Shouldn't be like that. I notice it. I don't engage it, I just notice the differance and am trying to deal with it. Aunt Mel-Mel has some good suggestions. I have to tread that line between giving space and taking an interest.
I have a real relationship, not a TV show. Beyond trying to understand why I am pissed Troy treats me no differently when I am mad at him than when I am not. I am the same.
One of the huge things we love about each other is we don't have to play games, we don't want to play games, we both have exes that were game players and that takes too much energy, ya know?
No, there is not a power struggle in my house and I don't think there has to be one in your house either. Mutual Respect is the key.Take a course in Communication Skills, and if your husband will join you, all the better.
I think you can feel better about communicating. It will help both of you get what you want, and accept what you can't have.
We sometimes just have this ephinay at the same time...and give each other a look and say "it's time"...we both know this means that "we've grown content we need a little spice"...sometimes it's just a movie on the couch together, sometimes is a "date night"...sometimes it's playing basketball in the driveway after the kids are in bed.
"spice" to us is just getting back to the basics...us...because before the kids it was "just the two of us". When we take that time to get back to basics...we both are engaged more.
I've learned video games...I will admit it. I will pick up a controller and "make" him show me how the game works. He likes it because I have taken and interest in something he knows I just dread. Likewise during March Madness he would sit at follow KU with me. For the kids and I during a KU game the world stops! He knows basketball...know how to shoot around the ball...but doesn't know the "game rules"...so when he asked questions (much like I do during a video game"...I answered them.
Again back to the basics. Just us. Find your niche.
I had this power struggle with my ex. He'd become extremely complacent, lazy, etc.
I finally realized that it was NEVER going to change...and the issues I was mad about were things that made me dislike him intensely. So I broke up with him.
Be the same no matter what. When he is giving you the cold shoulder or the sports center look, be the same by accepting the part that you played in the circle.
Continue to share with him and allow him to understand that you want to be with him, he may be resentful for you taking his time for granted and now he is showing you how he felt so show him how it is done and win you man's attention back by being the same no matter what even when your feeling are hurt and watch sports with him, shux I have to so you should too! LOL........
reminds me of the movie Two Can Play That Game....
Hey don't knock Sportscenter! It is the glue that holds my marriage together :)
I saw a commercial for that Grey's episode. I don't watch it but was wondering what that was all about.
If your DH only kisses up when you are mad, just be glad he isn't making confessions when you aren't!
I don't play games. Also, knowing the nature of men, I don't over-think it. Men are basically simple creatures (I don't mean stupid, just uncomplicated) - they are visual creatures, and don't tend to get wrapped up in the touchy-feely emotional side of things. Knowing that, I make sure that I pull myself together every day (makeup, hair, clothes) in such a way that I'm visually appealing to him. I don't get jealous (honestly I don't notice or care if he looks at other women, or goes to a strip club with the guys, as long as that's as far as it goes). I think that when we think jealous thoughts or act in a jealous manner, that is a big turn-off to most men.
Aside from that, I do find it annoying that men are so into sports on TV. My husband does it, too. I just wander off and go do my own thing. I think men are pretty much hard-wired to like sports (battle! grrrr!), and expecting them to abandon it because we want all their attention is a losing proposition. He likes sports, I like shopping, and neither one of us will ever love the other's hobby. I accept it and move on to something that doesn't drive me crazy. :)
I guess the way I keep my husband's attention is by being good to look at, and then not giving a damn if he pays attention to me or not. Reverse psychology, I guess?
