Grown Man Loves Video Games More Than....

It can be annoying to say the least, my husband and kids all play video games, and an hour seems like only 5 minutes when they are in the middle of a "battle", trust me I got addicted to one of the war games and probably would of sat there for hours if I could have, funny thing is I really don't play them I am not coordinated enough! Can't even help the little ones when they need it. Go figure! Halo is my 6 year olds favorite, we have Call of Duty but no one really likes it, anyways, in my opinion, video games are only a problem when parents don't take the time to know the content and then discuss it with their children, my 6 year old and younger all know that it is fiction, lets face it we aren't that advanced and no aliens have landed, so we discuss the topics and why they are played they way they are played. And my kids are perfectly well adjusted kids.....most of the time, they are teenagers....hello!

Approach your husband in the manner that "we need" instead of "we want" and his video game need isn't really different then men and their sports. One thing I have learned after almost 18 years of marriage is the more you push the harder they resist, the bigger the issue the less they want to deal with it. My suggestion would be to try a diffrent direction when dealing with it, when he needs you to do something explain you don't have the time you have things of your own to dao and that the baby takes up most of your free time. This is the one that made the biggest impact on my husband, there was a time I couldn't do anything with-out taking the kids, but while I was out he wanted me do this and that, I would tell him no I couldn't do it that taking the kids interfears with how long things take me and I only have enough time to do what I need to do, after a month of nothing he wanted accopmplished he started to take the kids a little more and know I can just leave them with him. Some men get their wives needs others have to be manipulated (for lack of a better word). Good luck no matter which way you go!

Sometimes I feel like my DH is having an affair with is ps3. He plays it every evening and on the weekends, his friends come over to play it with him. They love the violent shoot 'em up games. There are two things that really helped with this situation- 1) we set up his TV in the basement so my daughters and I don't have to see/hear the nastiness. 2) I realized my husband has a lot on his shoulders. He is supporting a family of 5 and he's only 27. He works so hard at a job he doesn't really enjoy and comes home to a house full of estrogen. This would drive a lot of guys to drink! DH's video games are his chance to escape for a little while and de-stress. When he gets his time, he's much happier and has a lot more to offer the family. 5 years ago, when all this started, I would just cry and cry and visualize throwing his stupid playstation out the window and setting all his games on fire. Gradually I figured his stupid gaming is far outweighed by everything wonderful he brings to the family. Also- by knowing he is free to play his games as much as he wants whenever he wants without me freaking out, he is SO grateful and a lot of the time, if he sees I've had a rough day, he'll put the controller on the shelf and watch a movie with me. And I know this sounds far from the fairy tale idea of marriage- but I'd much rather have my husband at home playing some stupid video games than out at the bars until the wee hours of the morning.

This seems to be such a common issue. I have many friends with similar problems and it seems like something works different for everyone. Here are the ones that have worked:

- Have him be very actively involved in the decisions. Make him think it's his idea even if it is not.
- Video games are not allowed to be played in less they are age appropriate for our kids (E right now...he can never play M around our children)while the kids are awake. Once they are asleep it's his time to do whatever he wants however long he wants.
-Write down the time he plays and the time he spends with your daughter, had a friend who wrote this down and her husband was amazed at the amount of time he played.
-Have specific hours where he can play, if it's available. I had someone do this and then they did not want to ever go out during this time...even if they were invited out with friends. But sit down every week or so and plan times where he can play guilt free! And then you have to be completely supportive of it. When we did this I made my husband a special drink and treats. So he really felt like it was worth it to only do it during the right time 'cause I supported the game play!

I have read through a few of the responses and I think it would be a really bad idea to get rid of his games when he is not home. My husband would just go out and buy them again if I did that! Playing video games is no longer a thing just kids do...I know many 40 year olds even who play. For example Halo and Call of Duty are both adult games, it's sad how many children play them, but it is a Mature game. My husband also plays both of those. If you try to be his mother though he will resent you for it. It needs to be something you both can agree on and come to, not something you tell him he has to do. Yes, there is better things that he could do with his time, but I know I personally sit down and watch a TV show or two...and I'd be better off participating in real life then watching one! But, it's what I want to do! In my opinion Video games are much more stimulating then watching TV...so I guess my husband is doing better then me! lol! It's our generations recreation and instead of getting rid of it I think we need to compromise the time! I know when I'm reading an amazing book I have a hard time putting it down, even if I promised only an hour...and it's the same with video games. You get so into it that sometimes it's hard to stop.

Also do not think any less of your husband! He is so incredibly normal!! When my son hit 6 months is when my husband decided he just couldn't get enough of him! My husband has never been way into babies and so he would spend his time playing video games! Now my husband spends most his day off taking my 2 year old son with him.

I had some rough times with my husband and video games, but after working through it it is no longer an issue. He still plays but it's what he does with his free time, not his family time! Good luck!

Video games are time sucking, evil things. I am only 27 but 2 of my good friends have already divorced, with video game addiction being the primary reason. One of my friends refused to have a baby as they had planned because she was not going to believe his unrealistic promises to lay off the games after the child was born and the other couldn't get her husband to actually come to bed at night to make the child she wanted! How can you be married to someone who wants to live in a virtual world instead of the real one? Of course you feel he would choose the games over you since you have to time him and go get him off the computer yourself.
My husband used to play a certain game about the same amount of time that you are allowing your husband BEFORE we had our baby. Now he'll play it a couple hours a month at most. He understands the game will be there, but this constantly changing baby will not. How does your husband find time to see your child and spend some alone time with you? I'm sorry I don't have an answer for you, but I think you are smart to address this problem before it gets worse. Personally, I would just sit his daughter on his lap and leave for some alone time. This will force him to spend some time with his daughter and stop taking you and your hard work for granted.
Good luck!

I have 3 boys but with the last one I had I started nursing for the first time. My husband felt (didn't know for a long time) that I was always with the baby and put the baby first. Which I did and is most natural when we are new mommies. But he resorted to games and computer things too. I think he actually felt a little neglected ( i was feeling that way too) but his way was to "un-wind" and not make it a big deal. Especially when he didn't really know that was why. He thought he was suppose to back off and give me my space but really, I was feeling sad and lonely. So communication is key here. Maybe he is feeling the same way and needs to connect with you also. Maybe he feels you are pushing him aside so he resorts to videos to escape or give you your time with the baby. Not sure but your situation sounds similar.
Good luck!
M.

well let me first state that i am a man with two young ones and one on the way who plays video games. and i like one of your responses play on my down time like when the kids have gone to bed or when everything is done.. but my response is to the lady who thinds that all the school shootings are becouse of video games, i think you need a escape goat and need to relize that all the kids that do this are depressed usually come from a broken family whos parents never cared what they did or the people they hang out with. your husband is one thing on the video games youll just have to work with him on that but if you are conserned about your kid growing up to become a killet you do have controll of that and you can controll his video game input if that is what it takes...

The reality here is that video games are not the real issue. This is not a new problem with marriages. It all boils down to "My husband is choosing to spend time doing what HE wants to do instead of what I want him to be doing." If it wasn't video games it would be TV, if not that it would be basketball with friends, if not that it would be in the garage fixing cars, or some other hobby.

The problem for us we nag them to STOP doing that instead of asking them to do something different. How many times have you said to him, with a tone of discontentment and outright disgust "Would you just stop playing those stupid video games for 5 minutes and pay attention to me!" Not a particularly effective form of communication. Then when he does stop what is the communication like between you? Is it still hostile "Its about time you decided to spend time with us!" or some other complaint? If so he is thinking in his mind "why the heck did I get off the darn games if thats how I am going to get treated."

My guess is you don't even realize how hostile you have become over the issue. I am not saying you don't have a right to be upset, but if you are hostile, that is going to breed resentment in him-and I can even read it in your post. That makes him want to run to the games more--not less. You breed more of what you want so badly for there to be less of.

Instead of nagging him to stop, try finding ways to draw him away form what he is doing. Try enticing him with other interesting things to do. PLAN other activities. Don't just let time "BE". Let him have some time to himself...but then pull him away by saying "Hey--lets...." or "Wouldn't it be fun to...." instead of "Gee don't you think its about time you got off there!!"

We should start a support group for "computer widdows"! My husband's step dad is addicted to VG's so I will not even allow play stations ect into my house. But my husband does play WoW. I hate computer games, but understand the need to "unwind" to some extent, but like you, it has been taken to far extremes.

Well, I can tell you to talk to your husband, but it hasnt been working from what you say, so I think I would try once again, especially emphasizing the deal you two have made, and then, I would hide the controllers to the games or the mouse to the computer, and if that doesnt work, you can change the password on the computer (I have contemplated using the word "divorce", but my husband can hack passwords). If this doesnt get him to listen to you can try to get counciling, or move into a hotel for a few days so he knows you mean business. It took me packing a bag before my husband realized he was killing our marriage every time he turned on a game.

My husband is an Xbox junky. It is insane how many hours he can waste in front of that thing. There are probably 1 or 2 nights a week he comes to bed around 1 or 2am because he loses track of time. It is ridiculous. It sounds like you are on the right track by limiting his usage. It's just unfortunate that he can't see it as an issue and give himself some parameters. I'm in the same boat.

My husband likes those games, too. I just make sure he doesn't play them until the kids (and sometimes me too) are in bed. He'll sometimes stay up late on Friday or Saturday nights playing games, which is fine with me, because he still gets up in the morning when the kids do.
Tell him he has to do it on his "own time", after you put your daughter to bed.

My husband used to have a video game addiction as well. It was very frustrating. He eventually realized that he had an actual addiction and sold his games and everything. I don't know if that would help, but maybe help your husband realize that an addiction like that exists. Show him articles. They even have rehab centers for them now. Maybe realizing that other people have this addiction would make him realize how much he plays??

You have just described many household in America! including my own. My hubby could live on games if he didn't need to eat. I learned to compromise with this addiction of his. We sat down and I told him I'm ok with his "unwinding" for about 45 minutes and I won't bother him with anything until that is over. After that he needed to be a father and husband until a certain time in the evening and then he could go back to his gamses. I even went so far as to get him a timer. I have found that when games go on, their maturity level drops, so you sometimes have to treat them as little boys or teens to get them to respond to you. Good luck with this one, it's a difficult thing to deal with.

Your baby isn't that old just yet, but I learned years ago that video games are simply NOT WORTH having in your house AT ALL. The "feeling" they give off effects the whole household. You could suggest to him that when he needs to wind down, do some other activities, such as play an actual, not virtual, basketball game, go walking or jogging, sit and watch a decent movie with you if he doesn't want to be active, read a book, or sit in the yard with the family and enjoy the nature around you. But in any case, it seems to me, that your husband, as dear as he may be, simply needs to grow up. If he acts like a child,(i.e. refuses to live by rules on his own without reminding, can't think past his own wants, etc.)treat him as you would a child--Don't ask that he only play acceptable games, just get rid of the ones that aren't and replace them with ones that you feel ARE acceptable ratings -- when he isn't home--He will probably be angry at first, but If he truly loves you and your child, he will understand.

My husband doesn't play video games, but he sits in front of his computer for HOURS claiming his down time. He told me I don't need down time because I get it during the day. I finally started going over my entire day with him...sometimes to the 1/2 hour. He finally realized, that I don't get any down time, so we have a "his down time" and a "her down time". We both know that we both need it, so we work hard to make sure we both get it. Especially when it doesn't interfere with the family time. You have some great suggestions so far. But like already mentioned, you aren't his mother. He has to face the consequences for himself. And he really shouldn't play adult games in front of the kids. Kids don't understand reality vs. fiction at the young age. That is why we have so many school shootings. Good luck