Okay Weird Question?

Yes, talk to her. Why in the world would you not. Why didn't you ask that very minute. By now the sixteen year old has already begged the 14yo not to tell you and they are now in cahoots. Not to be rude, but really . . . do you live under a rock. Two 16 year olds in a bedroom together with no adult supervision. Best of Luck to you. This makes me glad my daughter is only 5, no looking forward to these conversations!

Tell her you made an appointment for the gynecologist. When she asks why, tell her "I think you are having sex & I am not ready to be a Grandma".

You know they more than likely had sex. And if they didn't, they are pretty close to starting.

Get her on the shot so she doesn't have to worry about taking a pill everyday.

I know what I was doing at 16.......No, you're not being ridiculous. Yes, you should talk to her. Something was going on in that room....
Is her bf allowed in her bedroom?

If you want to know just ask. Let her know you will not be mad, but you want her to be safe and you really do not approve..

You are disappointed and very concerned. And then tell her why. You are afraid of her reputation, she could get pregnant, she could get a disease, she is going to be really hurt when they break up.. Talk it out. Do not lose this opportunity.

They may have been "Making out", but not actually having sex, but it should not have been allowed to happen.

But keep this in mind. you NEED to know if she needs birth control. And while you are at it purchase condoms. If you think this is going to stop you are mistaken.. so they need to be protected from the consequences.

Also there should be a rule they are only allowed to be in the family rooms. And NEVER with the door closed.

Denial just leads to problems. You be the strong one and open the door to this conversation.

Is your question were they having sex? Yes they were having sex with your husband home. Tons of respect there. Yes your 14 year old daughter walked in on them.

You have a huge mess on your hands because doing nothing shows your 14 year old that this is just fine. You need to be the adult and ask your daughter what she saw and how it makes her feel.

The other thing is why they heck do you let your daughter hang out with her boyfriend in the house with no supervision?

I'm NOT going to tell you that you aren't being ridiculous the way you want me to. The reason is because your daughter IS having sex, and you have your head in the sand about it. And you are going to end up being a grandmother and you'll wish that you had done something about it when it happens.

Your 16 year old shouldn't be having her BF in her bedroom. You should not be leaving the house when he is there with her either. I never left my son here in my house with his GF, and he was 18 and she was 17. I also did not allow them to be in any bedroom - only the family room. We would allow them to watch TV with us upstairs, but they knew that we could walk downstairs any time.

Take her back to the GYN and ask for birth control. Have the GYN talk to her about STD's and pregnancy. Also, about self-respect.

Your 14 year old is traumatized over what she saw. Face this head on and talk to her as well. And change the rule in your house allowing this. It is extremely disrespectful of that young man to be having sex with your daughter in your house. You may not be able to stop her when she isn't home, but it speaks VOLUMES to your younger daughter that you are allowing them to have a venue for it by letting him continue to visit in her room. Then you'll be dealing with this same thing with your younger daughter too.

Get with it, Mom. Your daughter is a pregnant teen waiting to happen.

Dawn

Yeah, they were having sex, or oral sex, or something along those lines. It's ridiculous to think they weren't. Do not leave your 16 year old and her boyfriend alone in the house.. he shouldn't even be allowed in her bedroom! Talk to her and set some ground rules. They will still find a way to have sex, but why make it easy for them to do it in your home? All the talking to her about safety in the world isn't going to mean a thing if you leave them alone like that, and then not follow through on the incident. That's just giving them 'silent permission.'... and for your younger daughter too. I am amazed your husband let them go back there.... my dad wouldn't even allow boys passed the hallway. And he put them to work to, they had to mow our lawn, move furniture, rebuild the attic floor, paint the garage, do dishes.... No casual hanging around and snuggling on the couch or bedroom was allowed at my house unless the whole family was doing an activity together. I think you know the answer here, it's just new scary territory!

Girl - you need to sit down and talk with both of them. If your younger daughter saw something - she obviously was a tad traumatized by it if she looked like she had seen a ghost.

I wonder if she was giving him some oral sex - that's why HER hair was messy and your other daughter is feeling funky/awkward.

COMMUNICATION is key!! If you are giving your 16 year old permission to have sex - I hope you are ready to be a grandmother...Sorry but when my daughter was 16 (she's now 25) - she was NOT ALLOWED ALONE in the house with a boy - period. My ex and I told her and her boyfriend that we were not ready to become grandparents and there will be NO CHANCE of it happening in our homes. NO alone time - PERIOD. She was told to respect herself and not let her hormones let her think with her little head instead of her big head!!! :)

You need to set ground rules in your home. I know I would be BEYOND livid if my son was alone in his room with a girlfriend at 16. NO FREAKING WAY!!!

We are talking EVERY day about situations we see, hear about, etc. so my kids know they can come to us with ANYTHING.

Telling your daughter to be safe is giving her permission to have sex....is that really what you want?

If it were me, I would actually ask your 14 year old what she saw... that way you will know what to go into the conversation with. 16 year olds shouldn't have boyfriends in the bedroom, so just remind her of the rules. No bedroom, No closed doors.

At 14 I had my boyfriend in my bedroom, having sex, every time my parents were outside or wherever... at 16, I was doing it even with them inside the house.

Im not going to tell you you are being ridiculous, sorry. I was 16 once.

Although I would have never ever done this in my parent's house because my mom and dad would have killed me ... this is why boys were not allowed in my bedroom. EVER.

Now, on to your question ... yes, they probably were having sex -- or involved in a sex act -- and your younger daughter walked in on them.

Time to find out. Good luck.

I would have another talk about safe sex, and about what happened that day, with both daughters, but one at a time.

Sorry mom. Doesn't sound ridiculous at all to me.

Talk to the younger one alone and find out EXACTLY what she saw. They were clearly doing SOMETHING that made her uncomfortable which could have been sex, or not. Either way you need to find out what she saw and make sure 1) she's not freaked out and 2) you know what you are talking about when you go to the 16 year old.

Then talk to the 16 year old and ask her what was happening. She'll be more likely to talk to you if you ask rather than accuse her.

Good luck.

T.

Oh, yes., you need to talk to both your husband and your daughter. Unfortunately, I believe they were doing something along the lines of sex. I would have said something right then and there because boys will NEVER be allowed in my granddaughter's room and if I ever came home and found them both coming down the hallway, I would say something right that very minute! Boys are only allowed down the hallway to use the bathroom, and then they go by themselves. There would be no need for my granddaughter to go down the hallway with him so no excuses would be accepted! If you don't say something and/or do something, you will find this happening again because no objection will equal permission in their minds!

Hmmmm....only two people know for sure--your daughter and her BF---maybe three-your 14 year old.

If you have a history of talking to your daughter openly--I think now is the time to talk some more.

I don't think it's fair to ask the 14 yo to "rat out" her sister, though.

You might want to ask the 14 year old if she's "OK because you seem a little pre-occupied lately" or something like that.

Ugh. I don't envy you. Generally, where there's smoke there's fire....

you totally need to tell your husband first then together talk with her and set major boundarys.

Not a weird question--you may not know exactly what was going on... but I'm sure you've got a few ideas...
Like the other responders, I know what I was doing when I was 16! My parents didn't let any boys past the common areas (living room, dining room, kitchen) at our house, but I quickly learned that the rules were a lot more flexible at the boy's house--so that's where we'd usually go to "hang out." Don't get me wrong, I wasn't promiscuous, in fact, I've only had 1 partner (and I married him), but my motto was "there are a LOT of things I can do that aren't sex!" Have a long talk with BOTH daughters (separately), but talk to hubby first. You have to be on the same page for what expectations you have from your girls. Remind him of what HE was up to when he was 16! I remember a similar incident when I was about 17, my bf and I were in an "intimate position" (nothing that required protection, but, yes, very handsy) and his little brother (3 years younger) walked in on us! It was absolutely embarassing and I couldn't look his brother in the eye for months! I think I would talk to the girls separately to gauge their respective feelings, then have a talk with them together about respecting each other's privacy, talking to each other, etc. It will probably be very awkward and some eye-rolls going on, but you have to have your voice heard while they're still listening! Good luck! (My girl is only 3 and I dread the day we have to have this talk!)

Yes find out what was going on. There should be ground rules about this to protect your daughters. She shouldn't be having sex and your daughter shouldn't have to witness this. Waiting until marriage has a lot of major benefits, fooling around as a teen, unmarried has terrible consequences. I'd talk to them.

Maybe she was being safe??? I know what I was doing at her age! Are boys allowed in your daughter's room?

Until this comes out into the open your youngest is gonna probably have that "sick" feeling about it. I'd sit with the oldest and let her know what you think is going on.... and let the convo start from there. After you find out what happened, you can talk to little sister and let her know that you are aware so she can let go of the burden she's probably carrying.

I was 16 once ;) I think you have assessed the situation correctly. Chat with your Husband and decide what your stance on this is, whether there will be consequences in the future etc, then sit down and talk to her.

Um looks like she was caught doing SOMETHING.. she's 16, I was 16 and I hear of my aunts other nieces having friends in like 8th grade that are sexually active (YIKES!) just talk with her again about being safe and maybe after you talk to your younger daughter about what she saw, talk to the 16 year old about how embarrassing a situation she can put herself in.. good luck!

I have not read a single other response so if this repeats I'm sorry but I know it will be a passionaste subject sorry pun intended. First and foremost do not put the 14 and 16 year old up against each other trying to glean info. Don't teach your daughters this petty method of communication. Being direct with the person who you wish to talk to is much better. While I said to be direct, don't be confrontational as getting a teen to open up in this situation is like trying to get a stray cat to come closer..you have to appease it and get it to come to you. You and you husband put hormones in charge of a house when you stepped away from being in direct supervision. It is now time to take your daughter and talk to her again and find out if returning to the gyne is needed for birth control because while you don't condone here having sex or opening herself up to diseases that can last a lifetime, take her life or her ability to live her future the way she wants or potentially effect her ability to be able to have kids later. The point would be that this would at least possibly prevent having a baby and missing out on being young.

Sure talk to her. I'd love to know what you would say. "Seems like you were having sex which is something I'm cool with. Be safe and have fun. "
Looks like you don't really want your 16 year old to be having sex in which case I feel you angst. Seems you are conflicted. I recommend you pick up a book called "Epidemic; How teen sex is killing our kids." and decide if safe sex is really the only thing you are worried about here.

Okay, well they were doing something physical.
Seems obvious. OBVIOUS.
They looked like a bird caught with a bird in its mouth.
How awkward.

Is it allowed, that your daughter's boyfriend, can go in her room and the door is closed?

Regardless, you need to talk about this, with your 16 year old.
And with Dad.
Ditto Jackie T. below.

Even if a parent talks to their kid all the time about 'being safe'... kids, do, things. Make out, grope, heavy petting etc.
It happens.
And they do not have total control. Even the good kids.
Even the smart kids.
Even the genius kids can get carried away and/or pregnant.
Remember that.
Even 'safe' adults... get pregnant or carried away or lack control.

You need to sit her down and make rules and talk about boundaries and the whole realm of what is going on.

NO way in hell a boy would be in my daughter's bedroom even if the door was open. I absolutely would thing you oldest was having sex with her boyfriend. I would blow a gasket because she is NOT mature enough to be married or have a child. Is this a boy you could see your daughter marrying? Is your daughter old enough to move out and raise a family? Is your sixteen year old capable of paying bills and does this boy have a way to support a family? Really what is the reason for dating? Isn't it basically to be able to find a person to marry. 16 is to young for marriage so why allow it? You're asking for trouble.

I would have assumed she walked in on them, ask her what they were doing and that you figure it was sex. She could have seen so "many different' things going on and she could be really confused and embarrassed. Let her know what she saw was probably normal and that you need to know about it. She is only 14 and hopefully has little knowledge about this....

As for the older one, tell her you know it's going on and you'll make an appointment for her to get BC. Then you'll need to make sure you hand it to her every day and that you discreetly make sure it goes down the hatch.

Once she knows you are not going to blow a gasket she will most likely tell you everything you Don't want to know about what they're doing. My daughter started having sex in high school and I let her know I understood but she had to do the BC too. She started telling me about her nose tingling when she climaxed...OMG too much information!

I see a lot of answers chastising you for 'permitting' them to be in the bedroom alone. Let's all try to remember our past and mine is probably a lot further away than yours were. we all knew our parents didn't want us doing this in the house, that is part of the exciting dangerous part. The next thing, if you bar the door to the bedroom and put a chastity belt on her she can still find a car, park, tree or other things or places in which she can do the same thing she possibly did in the bedroom. The point isn't about whether she was doing 'it'. She was doing something. You gave her the rules, you gave her the talk and she is violating it. It is about being reminded once again what the consequences are if you have unsafe sex. Disease, pregnancy, etc. etc. Schools are very good about laying this information out so she knows. My thoughts, yes, she knows. And all of the ' well I would not let my child have her boyfriend ' with her in her room doesn't mean anything if she choses to violate that while you are at work, at the store, in the basement doing laundry. The point is it scared your other daughter or shocked her, and you or you felt disappointed because you thought it was all pretty clear. Have the talk again and again. Not because she doesn't know but because you care.

Personally, before talking with your daughter, and I would think you should, I'd suggest talking with your husband so both parents are on the same page about this situation. Good luck.

Talk with your hubby, get on the same page, and then talk with each girl separately and then with both girls together.

Talk with your 14-year old and see if she needs to talk about anything that upset her--do not grill her on what she may have seen bc it only pits one sister against another and will do more harm than good--but let her know you're there if she needs to talk. Then talk with her about sex, bc, stds, love, emotions, boys, etc.

Talk with your 16-yr old and lay down future ground rules, no being home alone with her bf, no bf in her bedroom, etc. Don't bother rehashing the previous event bc it's unlikely she will admit to it, it will alienate her further, and what's done is done bc you implicitly allowed it by virtue of not directly disallowing it in her mind.

Then talk with her about her future behaviors, love, sex, teen sex, bc, stds, respect, emotions, gyne visits, etc. Encourage her to make emotionally and physically smart sexual decisions. Encourage her to wait til she is old enough to handle the responsibility and consequences of being sexually active, and if she has already started having sex, remind her that she can always pull back-- saying yes in the past doesn't mean she has to continue saying yes in the future!!!

Then have an open, unaccusing convo about her going on the pill or getting the depo shot if she is going to be having sex. Because if she is, she is. You will not be able to convince her not to-- don't even take that gamble. Give her literature to look over on her own time. Hopefully, she will not refuse birth control if she is indeed sexually active. Frame it as though she doesn't have to admit to having sex if she isn't comfortable doing so, but is she comfortable going on the pill "just in case" (because she prob is having sex already). Either way give her a bag of condoms to keep in her room, on her person, in the car, etc.!! Teens need more access to this sort of thing. Not providing access does not prevent them from having sex!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Then take her to her gyne and have the the doc talk with her and also allow the doc to spend a little time without you in the room so your daughter can listen to doc and ask questions if need be without feeling uncomfortable with mom in the room. Have doc do a check up, test for stds, etc.

Then periodically have conversations with both girls together (it takes some of the pressure off of a one-on-one convo) or separately and remind them you are there to talk and that they can come to if needed for anything.

When I was in high school, by the end of Junior year, I would say 6 out of 10 people were having sex. In my peer group specifically, which was very social, went to parties, and was generally the "in" group, nearly everyone had had sex by senior year. They were just regular high school kids and nearly everyone was having sex, including oral. It's going to happen one way or another if the teen wants it to happen. Prepare her the best way you can. Communicate.

Best of luck!!