Invisible Mom Syndrome

Be glad that he is wrapped up in your son!!! Many dads aren't. They just come home from work and plunk their butts on the couch and watch tv with a beer.

Have you ever ASKED your husband to sit down with you and talk? Maybe he doesn't realize exactly how much he shuts you out. Don't be negative when you talk, always start with a compliment. Tell him that you love the fact that he is so loving and attenttive to your little boy, but you feel a bit left out. Then ask him if you can schedule some time in for just the two of you. Even some cuddle time on the couch after your little one is in bed.

M.

yes, be happy that he wants to spend time with your son, but he needs to remember that it wasn't just him that brought him to this world. my issue is that my son wants everything to do with everyone else, but me. it makes me feel horrible, i do everything for everyone but like you said, i'm a maid and a cook, etc... i dont feel like a mom or a lover or anything... and the problem will only get worse for me after i have this baby... i never had a good self esteem, so this just makes it worse for me... my fiance doesnt acknowledge me, neither does my son, or my family, so i know what a lonely feeling it is. i would suggest couseling, he may just see you bitching and complaining about it and not hear you, so being in the same room with someone whose neutral and will make him listen and see the other side of things. good luck....

A.,
There's actual research that found that in most marriages, satisfaction rates go down the first few years after having a child. It's ok- this is normal. Except it feels really crappy. Baby has become the center of attention for both of you, and at first maybe you don't notice it, but the marriage piece usually gets pushed aside unless you are diligent about attending to it. Schedule time to be with your hubby- just the two of you. Let your husband know how you are feeling, and see if maybe he isn't feeling the same way! Or he may not have noticed because he's so wrapped up in his little boy. With some time and effort, your marriage can become that much richer- just acknowledging that it's changed (for the better bc of your child!) is the first step!

Hi A.,

I just wanted to comment. Take what you want from this. I want you to know that this is abusive behavior from your husband (emotional). No one should feel invisable in their relationship. Have you tried to speak with him about how you feel? Couple's therapy could be really helpful in your situation.

Pam