New to this site- love it- thanks mamas! My 2nd is only 13 months but I am 34 and had a m/c b/n #1 and #2, so I am thinking about whether we should go for a third child. I love the idea of 3 but #2 seems like a handful and financially it is tight and I am not sure about going back through pregnancy, sleeplessness etc. Anyway, I know this is a decision my husband and I will think about over the next year (he is ambivalent too) but I keep perseverating over it- one day yes, one day no. How do I turn my mind off???
When you really do want another baby, you dont ponder over all the reasons why not ~ in most cases.
I'd say you are probably finished, logically.... emotionally you have a ways to go.
Since both you and your husband are hesitant, and since your finances are tight, I think you answered your own question - no more babies. Be happy and enjoy your 2!
I don't understand... why you are considering #3??? You both seem ambivalent about it.... in many ways.
Loving the 'idea' of #3, is not the same as KNOWING you want #3.
ALSO... some women simply "miss" having a baby... when their youngest is no longer a baby... and is growing up. Pangs of "empty nest" syndrome... for example. But that does not mean you then go and have another baby. KNOW why and if you really want... another baby. Or just missing the babyhood of your kids.
I hope you will not get pregnant unless you and your husband are both clear that this is the best possible thing you can do for everybody concerned, including your existing children and any child-to-be. There are lots of reasons for wanting more children, but they may not hold up in light of your actual, real-life experiences.
Please consider that this is the single highest-impact decision you can make, not only for your own family, but for humanity at large. Today's population growth on a graph isn't even a curve – it's a line going almost straight up.
Environmental scientists have serious concerns about the Earth's ability to go on supporting such growth, which is making extraordinary demands on livable and farmable space, on other species, on non-renewable resources, on our atmosphere and oceans, on the climate, and even on other less-powerful societies.
Because I already had these concerns more than 40 years ago, I limited my family to one child. My daughter has done the same. My concerns are far more urgent than ever. The state of the Earth is really shakey right now. The children we bring into the world now may well face a much-diminished quality of life than we have enjoyed. I hope young parents will look toward more conservatively-sized families for the good of all our children.
As far as "turning off" your mind, my experience is that once I find clearness about a decision, I become calm. I may choose to revisit a decision at any time it's desirable. But it is possible to commit to a specific path forward, and then turn your attention to other matters. Good luck!
My hands are full with 2 but some people want a bigger family. How about taking it off the table for a year and reevaluating when the second baby is 2. I had both of mine after 35 so having 1 more at your age is probably doable if you decide to go for it.
I think that you are where i am with #4 and I think rationally and logically I know we are done but I cant convince my emotions just yet...but they are getting there~
If you are concerned with if you will be able to handle raising three, I can tell you from experience of myself and my best friend that adding the third was much easier then adding number two....but he is only 7 months so that could change. My friend agrees, for me we would be going for number four if just one of my children has slept in the past five years....I have not been blessed with through the night sleepers. and I just dont think my mind can handle two more years of this never mind that I know that I will be a much more patient mama when I finally get some sleep!
This is a personal decision and not one that needs to be made right now, maybe some time will give you clarity. I am now looking forward to the next phase in my life as a mom, moving forward to all of the fun things I can do with my young children and no more babies~
I can tell you from experience, I have 3 ages 8, 7, and 5. I obviously had 3 before I could put any thought into it! I would do it all over again, they are really close. Going from 1 to 2 kids is the hardest transition, going from 2 to 3 was nothing. Really! Good luck!
Sam
Mother of 3
Devin 8, Donovan 7, and Mya 5
This is such a common thing. Going from one to two seems almost innevitable in most cases. Going from 2 to 3 is a much harder decision. I spent a long time going back and forth between wanting a third & wondering if it's the right thing to do for many reasons. It's hard, but try to just put it in the back of your mind. There's a great forum I recommend you check out. havingthreekids.com
Good luck
You have plenty of time, you should wait till it's a clear answer to both you and your husband. Maybe wait another year before deciding, long enough for your current child to grow out of all the baby gear so that you won't have to double up anything (which helps not spending more money), and by then you'll have a better idea how your 2nd child impacts your finances and more importantly your family dynamic. You should not be ambivalent at all, it's a big decision that affects your whole family.
good luck!
You will "know" when you know (if that makes sense!!!) And when you know, go for it. I think siblings are the greatest gift that you can give your children. You're feeling this way for a reason and eventually it will become clear to you whether to have another one or not. Good luck!!!
