Another Third Baby Question

We have three, the youngest is 1.5. I'm closer to 40 than 30 and my husband is a little past 40. After the youngest was born, I got the baby cravin' really quickly. We would totally have another IF we were 5 to 10 years younger. I think it's because we had a few years as a committed couple before we decided to start a family and we are looking forward to getting somewhat back to that, as in we don't have to plan things around naptime and have to remember to bring all the things that babies and toddlers need. I'm not trying to make them grow up faster but I'm at the point where I realize that, yes someday soon I won't have to buy diapers anymore. And looking forward to having a clean house again (nobody ruin my dream here!). It's sad because that chapter of my life is ending, but I'm ready to move on to the next one, especially when I realize how old I'll be when my youngest graduates from high school. And I have more room in my basement now that I'm giving all my baby stuff away. It was so hard going through the clothes, so many memories! I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm done - absolutely and completely - and it makes me sad but also frees me in a way. Does that make sense?

You didn't say how you husband felt. Is he waffling too?

Someone once told me if you are on the fence about having another baby and you aren't sure than you should have one because once the baby arrives you will never regret your child but you may someday regret not having one. When you are done you will know.

Here's a "huh" question to ask yourself:

During baby cravings (a hormonal thing) do you actually want a CHILD or do you want little snuggly smell good hold in your arms BABY?

If it's the "wittle fwingers" and "pure love"... it's just hormones.

Sounds like maybe you want a baby. I know PLENTY will disagree with me, but the fact that you are 39 means very little in my opinion:-) I've known a LOT of women who had babies around 40 (my mom being one of them) and they had healthy babies. So, I wouldn't let age throw you off.

For me, I'm on baby #5. I think I'm 33...but I can't really remember for sure. haha! I haven't had anyone ask for a while. I finally feel done with #5. This whole pregnancy I've felt like it's our last one. I imagine I'll miss the baby stage and meeting new babies for the first time, but I just feel done. I feel like I know I am. I used to wonder if I'd ever feel that feeling, and I do! Granted, I'm currently prego with #5 (only two more weeks!!), so I can't say how I"ll feel months later, but for now, I just *know* I'm done. I never felt this way with my other four. This is a very different feeling.

Oh, and I can't imagine you'd regret having a third! And your spacing is pretty good. Your son would be close to 3 years old. I think you should seriously consider it:-)

My 6th baby was born when I was 39. It was my best pregnancy and delivery. And, oh, how we've enjoyed her! I'm currently 44 and just found out we are expecting again. I'm over the moon.

I think at age 40 our body tells us we are "done". Besides the risks of having a complicated pregnancy or having a chromosomal abnormality, the strain on your body just delivering and raising the child is more than it was in earlier years. Knowing what I know about pregnancy after 40, I really wouldn't encourage anyone to PLAN a baby after 40. That being said, if God hands you a surprise, despite best efforts to prevent with reliable contraception, He will see you through.
Please think of the future and not just the baby/toddler stage. How willing are you to have a teenager still when you are turning 60. I'm 37 with a 20 month old and my husband and I are completely motivated to maintain our fitness and health just so we can be around to guide these kids into adulthood. My husband and I are both products of late childbearing and as we were having our 3rd less than 2 yrs ago (a surprise baby that we treasure) we were having to arrange care for his Dad with Alzheimers in a long term care facility, support his mother with monthly checks so she could meet the bills, all this while my mother was in and out of the hospital with serious heart problems. Hope this gives you food for thought. Nurse- midwife Mom of 3 of God's greatest blessings

I think it depends on what is important to you...you have to not only think about having a baby at age 39 but also what age you will be when they graduate, when they have kids. is it important to you to be able to be involved over the course of their lifetime or just when they're young? i'm not trying to sound harsh i'm just saying decide what is important to you...
we had children young for several reasons, i wanted to have several children & wanted to be done having babies when i was 30, this was our decision...it's not everyone's i know a lot of mothers decide to wait & thats fine, if thats what you want. you just have to decide what that is...yes i know easier said than done lol

You haven't gotten to the stage yet of entering kids into things like sports, music, school, art. I don't know how financially well off you are, but consider what your life will be like if all kids are into something in a big way can you afford it. I have 3 kids and love all of them. I thought once I got through early years I would get a little more sleep and just be directing them and teaching them. I however have little time to get anything done because of the activities and I have an almost 4 year old, almost 8 and a 10 year old. Also do you and your husband want to be able to retire at a reasonable age and do things together or do you want to spend your retirement caring for them as become responsible adults. Are your parents in good health? do they seem to be a challenge or potential health challenge? What support system do you have in place in the event you would have to return to work. Could either one afford to take care of 3 on their own if something happens to the other parent? This is a question anyone should ask, not just parents of older age. Are you prepared to decide to want a baby to have your body tell you it can't? or have a child with developmental challenges. If you still are on the fence after deciding you could handle all the above then go for it. If you don't want the hassle of simply doing potty training, sleep training again and add all of the other considerations don't do it. Use your heart but don't lose your mind. Good luck either way.

I think that everyone's situation is different. I only have one DD who's almost 5. But her and her dad are ADHD and life is really, really tough in our household and I know that I just couldn't handle mothering another child. It took years to come to that decision as I am an only and didn't want to have an only child, but it's the best that we can do. I held onto all of her clothes for 4 yrs and this summer had a garage sale to get rid of them. I knew that i was done. Also, can you afford more kids? That was an issue holding us back too. Part of me still regrets not having another as my DD needs a constant playmate, but I couldn't have handled another one. Do some real soul searching as to why you want another baby and could you just be happy holding other's babies?

I think it depends on what is important to you... (this is what Seoul Mom said to you) I agree with her. I'm a single mom with a 6 year old. I'm at the point where I think I'm done. I enjoy that I can focus all my attention on my son. I am enjoying that he is getting older and more independent. There are so many things in my own life that I want to accomplish. Babies and kids are gifts, but they aren't easy gifts. I can't imagine dealing with finding the perfect daycare, not sleeping through the night, baby proofing my house, etc. I really think I am very content with my one boy and I don't really want to deal with my body changing for a pregnancy. This all makes me sound a bit selfish, but I guess it's the realistic look that I know what I can handle and what I want out of life. Like Angie said, I love that now we can grab a bottle of water and go rather than packing up all the newborn gear! I used to be a bit sad that he wouldn't have any siblings, but I have 2 and am not close with either of them! So, I guess you need to look at your life and what a baby would do for it. Think about all the real things about a kid, not the cute cuddly parts. And think about if that's what you want or not. I used to wish for another and now I am SO happy with what I have. Wouldn't have it any other way.

After my second boy and the 5 thousandth diaper I decided I didnt want anymore puppies :)

I think maybe it is time to have a check-up and find out why you are so tired. 40 is suppose to be the new 30. Run another baby past your Dr.

Both of my children were adopted when I was 39 and 45 years old. By the time I was 45 I couldn't believe how much freedom I was giving up. Working around naps, etc. She is truly a gift from Heaven, they both are.

Take care
J.

I don't know. It sounds to me, that if you are even questioning it then deep down you are not really done. After I had my second one, I just knew that I wasn't done. After I had my third I knew I was done, there was no going back and forth, I even had them tie my tubes during the c-section. You also have to look at the practical side of it. It's not just about wanting another baby, but being able to afford it, and being able to devote the time and energy it's going to take for the next 18 years. You will be almost 60 by the time the last one finally leaves the house. If you are ok with all of this, then I would say that it's a good move.

I had my son at 36 and my daughter at 38. Both are smart, beautiful, healthy and happy children. I REALLY wanted a third baby for the longest time. Even after having a wicked case of morning sickness for five months with my daughter. My husband was done and I was a little resentful of that for awhile since he was an integral part of the baby-making process! I have no doubt that I could have and would have been just fine to have another child while approaching 40, but having two back to back did take its toll on my body. I had terrible head and neck pain from lugging around all the heavy gear required for an infant. Poor lifting on my part was mostly to blame. It took a good year and a half of chiropractic, physical therapy and massage therapy visits to rid my constant pain. (it was also around this time that we were done with infant carriers and strollers too...hmmm go figure...) Suffice it to say, my kids are 2 and 3.5 now and I am relishing the fact that we can grab backpacks and go. They can climb up into the car on their own and are becoming more and more independent each day. It is a great stage of life to be in. If I got pregnant today, I would do the whole newborn bit again happily, but I have to say life as it stands right now is pretty darn awesome. Sooner or later, you will get to the point that you realize you are at a win/win stage of life!
A.

We have 3, I still long for a baby sometimes... but I'll be 39 next week... I'm tired, busy, and my husband works and travels a lot. My boys wear me out :) They are busy and I sometimes think three is all I could handle. I've decided that as much as I long for another - three is all we will have. I think you have to weigh all your options... look at your finances, how would your life change by adding #3? We needed a bigger car, bigger house - both of which we could afford and were able to do...

Anyway - just think it over. Weigh the pro's and cons. The thing for me is not the baby part. I could totally handle having to do all the baby stuff again. I love it... pregnancy, even delivery, nursing, all that I could do. What scares me off is the thought of having four KIDS. My kids wear me out way more than they did when they were babies. Kids are still work... can you handle the third? I did, but I think 4 would put me over the edge.

Good luck with your decision.
J.

I can't say for sure how I knew I was done, but it was clear to me that one child was how many I could optimally care for. Once that was clear, the craving became manageable, and only flared up briefly now and then. Mostly I just felt contentment after I made that decision.

Mama Nature makes sure most women crave babies. It's how humanity has survived plagues, wars and famines, and how women are still willing to face pregnancy, childbirth, and infant care in spite of the demands and dangers. If we didn't crave babies, there would be far fewer of us.

Creating a new human being is the single highest-impact decision most women will ever make. I dearly hope you won't decide to get pregnant unless and until you're sure it is the single best thing you can do, for yourself, your children, your husband and your world. The massive population growth of the past few decades is likely to have a significant impact on every child being brought into the world today. Not to mention all other life on earth.

ADDED:

We can't know for sure that our health and energy will hold up as we age. I was a fit and extremely healthy woman in my 30's and halfway through my 40's, but then various health issues all landed on me at once. I can't imagine how I could have given a young child all he/she deserved.

I don't thiNk the baby lust ever really goes away...I, like you, had no real desire to go through the tough times again. I always thought 3or 4, my husband would have been content with 1. We have 2. I decided to turn to logistics rather than emotions. Logically, my husband was 40, I was 33. Our youngest child will turn 22 on the very day I am eligible for my full pension (perfect right?). We easily afford these guys. But another would probably be felt financially. I saw my friend's 1 year old today who is totally darling, but she's getting her mollars and waking up screaming 6 times per night. NO THANKS!!!! Anyway those are some of the questions you ask yourself. Then you make a decision and donsomething to cement it. Because I still think about what it would be like to carry a baby again, to nurse again, to have my perfect birth experience, etc. However the reality is, we have 2 healthy, awesome sons and it's manageable now. We're in food shape. So your answers may come out differently than mine, but answering them honestly with ourselves is how we chose keep our numbers as they are.