Deciding to Have a 3Rd Baby???

Well, as the mother of a 1 year old, you already know you're not shortchanging anyone! Cheat them out of what? Competing for dates and fighting over clothes? :) Age offers LOTS of enriching things to your skills. Youth isn't EVERYTHING. I don't know your health habits, but I'm 40, and don't feel a whole lot different than when I was 30-actually no different. I hardly remember being 20, but I didn't think I felt different at 30 than 20...to be honest, my kids help motivate me to stay very healthy since I am older. I had my 3 at 35, 37, and 39. The third was a big surprise. I LOVE IT!

I'm not gonna lie, since my husband always travels and we have a tight budget and I do EVERYTHING for everyone all the time and take them all on every errand-it's A LOT OF WORK. I do not have a tidy house. But I LOVE it. My 3rd is the biggest character of all, way more challenging than my 1st two, and I don't know what I would ever do without her.

Like you, I had a boy and a girl first, so didn't NEED a third for gender variety, but luckily, I got overly blessed, and not a minute too soon (Though I don't think early 40's to be much different than late 30s really). I'm healthier than lots of the younger moms I see at the park. I'm rarely sure if they're younger or not.

Even kids with young parents could be orphaned. Being 60 when your kid is 20..who cares? They don't need you to do acrobatics with them when they're teens (though I intend to still be doing yoga then and always...)

Technically, your kids only "need" you until they are 18 if they are blessed to have parents that long. The rest is icing on the cake. So you had more time to yourself when you were young than you'll have as a grandparent. Such is life. Many of my friends didn't try for their first until they were 40. and my very close friend had her daughter (2nd child) at 43 after trying for years. She's still a hip cool mom and doesn't feel old.

In the old days before all these hyperactive blood tests, older women had babies all the time. My dad's mom was 42 when he was born in the 40's. He's a lawyer and Harvard graduate, still living well consulting the Pentagon in retirement. She died young, but my moms mom, in her 90's, is alive and well and enjoying great grand kids.

You're going to be 60 in 20 years no matter what. Do you want to spend that 20 years with 2 kids or three? There is nothing wrong with either choice, and your 3rd would be blessed. You can't go wrong! I personally wouldn't wait 4 years to start trying though because you like a certain age spread. You gotta compromise in life. :)

Oh, and discipline is key. I could never do this with 3 terrors. An ounce of firm prevention when needed, which is not easy and takes lots of work, makes it possible. I have friends with one child I could never handle because they do the "child centered" thing not the, "build a child to function well in the world and respect others" thing. And finances-they're gonna be thinner. Again, depends what wealth is to you. Love or stuff. Only some people can afford both :) If you can afford both WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR??!

ANYWAY! I personally LOVE being my age, and LOVE having 3.

Note on the population: I heard people on average aren't having ENOUGH kids to sustain the work force (hospitals etc) caring for older generations as they age. Most of our friends have one or no kids. NONE of our European friends have kids. There are facts backing up both sides of the population thing. Don't worry about it.

My experience with going from two to three will be very different from yours because they came all in a row, which means the first two were still in total "baby" mode when number three came.

Number three was, therefore, the baby that tipped my selfish scale. When I had two, it was easy to imagine that there was an end to all of it and that I could still think about doing all the things I wanted to do in the day. Now, with three, I'm not my own. I haven't used a restroom alone in years. I don't sleep at night. Small examples to show you the kind of life I'm "forced" to live over here.

As I said, it's different because they are all so young, but I can tell you that overnight I went from having naps during the day to not, to sleeping less than four hours a night for more than a year, to having an hour a day to read or write to not, to all sorts of crazy things I never would have thought... "yeah, I want to do that."

BUT--- I am so blessed!! I can't imagine life without my precious third. A year later my husband and I can't believe she's already so BIG and are starting to see how the larger a family is the more selfless everyone HAS to be which means we are so totally growing all together. Our family is BETTER off for my selflessness and it's not just me. Having three YOUNG children means daddy HAS to step in more, that the other two HAVE to participate and help more. It's a wonderful system to build family culture, and it's love-building. We all love each other more and better for the challenges that having a growing family brings.

Don't worry about the population. It's ridiculous. Most of my friends have 7 and up children and per child we use what amounts to 1/8th of the resources (if that) my friends who have 1 and 2 or no children use.
Don't worry about money... again.... what needs to come together can be pulled together, and what do you REALLY need? My family of five lives off of less than $250 every other week. True story. And we're doing great! takes some creativity, but I got that. :)

I guess when I'm really reading all these responses I'm hearing over and over again that it's about YOU and what YOU want. I don't agree.

How are your other children? Are they obedient? Interesting? Fun? Compassionate? Kind? Are you willing to do what it takes to train up a child and release him/her into the world making it BETTER and not worse? In other words, I would ask you first if you are really teaching and training the other two.

I also definitely advocate letting the husband lead the way. Sounds like your husband is ready, which is why you're asking yourself if you're ready?

I don't know. All I hear in the responses here for the most part is fear (population concerns, financial concerns, etc) and self-centeredness (I want my life back now that my kids are getting bigger and are less needy.) as reasons NOT to have another kid. Which, hey, some people will tell you they think it's ok to be a little bit selfish. As time goes by, I'm realizing what makes mothers TRULY special-- it's the ability to completely give themselves away. We don't do that naturally-- we need to be stretched. The design is such that when we welcome new life, we HAVE to get over ourselves and pour all of our energy, time, love, resources, etc into this little person, who -- if we do it right-- in turn grows into the kind of person who can do that for someone else.

So what I would ask you is not do you "feel" like it (a baby is not a toy, or a pet, of course) nor "can you afford it?" etc, but "are you willing to give yourself away a little more for the love of your family?
Whatever your answer, then you have your answer.

mom of 1 and blissfully content here. first, i will disagree with anyone arguing ANY reason to have more kids. at all. sorry, i don't agree with any reason i've ever heard in all the debates on this topic. but S., and most important. it's not my decision. it just isn't. it's yours. it's a personal choice. it's about what YOU want. notice i said YOU and WANT. it's not a selfless noble choice, it's not about a need or any other valid reason. having more kids is about what one or two people WANT. that's it. only it's a lot more important and has a LOT bigger ramifications than do you want the red car or the blue car. just saying.

Hi, I don't respond very often on this site, but your question intrigued me simply because I'm 55 yrs old, widowed, and the single mother of a 7 yr old son. Am I daunted by that being my life? Only when I say it out loud - or, in this case, write it down. I will be "ancient" when my son graduates HS, and may not live to see grandchildren born, but I wouldn't trade this life for anything! He keeps me young and challenged and going strong. You only have so much control over how life plays itself out, really. I had a partner when we decided to be parents, but my husband died when our son was 3.5 yrs old. Did I ever have any desire to be a single parent - not at all, and certainly not at an age when I should be enjoying grandchildren! But here I am, and this is my life, so I embrace it and pray to survive it long enough to bring my son to adulthood and send him on to his life adventure. Good Luck! C.

Momof2, I am a mom of 3 and soon to be mom of 4. I always wanted 3 and I was done upon the birth of my third baby but I guess God had other plans for me. I'm 39. I don't worry myself about how old I will be when my newest baby will be 10, or 20. Why should I? I have to concentrate on the here and now. If you feel in your heart that your family will be complete with one more, then if you can financially afford another child, then do it now. I think you only cheat your kids out of anything if you have the mindset that you are old and if you stop taking care of yourself. I don't look 39. I get compliments all the time that I look like I'm in my 20's. Heck, even when I took my oldest out with my one day (she is 11) I was confused for my daughter's older sister! What a compliment that is, huh? I don't have the mindset that I'm getting older and I work out (when I'm not pregnant). I take care of myself and I keep myself looking good, not only for my husband who is older than me, but for myself so that I can keep up with the demands of my growing family.

I hope you will not get pregnant unless you and your husband are both clear that this is the best possible thing you can do for everybody concerned, including your existing children and any child-to-be. There are lots of reasons for wanting more children, but they may not hold up in light of your actual, real-life circumstances.

Please consider that this is the single highest-impact decision you can make, not only for your own family, but for humanity at large. Today's population growth on a graph isn't even a curve – it's a line going almost straight up.

Environmental scientists have serious concerns about the Earth's ability to go on supporting such growth, which is making extraordinary demands on livable and farmable space, on other species, on non-renewable resources, on our atmosphere and oceans, on the climate, as well as social and economic strains on society.

Because I already had these concerns more than 40 years ago, I limited my family to one child. My daughter has done the same. We have both been happy with our decisions. My concerns are far more urgent than ever. The state of the Earth is really a huge question mark right now. The children we bring into the world now may well face a much-diminished quality of life than we have enjoyed. I hope young parents will look toward more conservatively-sized families for the good of their own children and children everywhere, so they will all still have choices when they grow up.

My experience is that once I find clearness about a decision, I become calm and content with it, even though other choices may still look attractive. I may choose to revisit a decision at any time it's desirable. But it is possible to commit to a specific path forward, and then turn your attention to other matters. Yearning for the joys of more children is programmed into us. With today's realities, that's not a "good enough" reason to make another person. Wishing you well.

Um, so what does your Husband think?

I have 2 kids.
They are 4 years apart.
I had my 2nd child when I was older than you.
Got pregnant naturally.
It was planned.
Not the spacing of my kids, but our wanting a 2nd child was planned.
It was a joint decision of me and my Hubby.

My friend had her 2nd child when she was older than you. Via In-Vitro.

It really depends on how your Hubby feels as well.

Sounds like you and your husband really want this 3rd child. Don't let your fears get in the way of your hearts' desires...

I think this has to be your decision. We agonized over this and finally decided to go for it. baby 3 will arrive this fall. My other kids will be 8 and 5 and are a boy and a girl, like yours, so we didn't need to try for one or the other. I never understood the light at the end of the tunnel concept until now, when the kids are finally sleeping through the night (most of the time), can swim in the big pool, potty trained, in school. did I really want to do this again. It was a lot of soul searching. My hubby is 41 and is worried about finances and retirement. In my family, it was my brother and me. My dad was older (40 when I was born) and even though my mom wanted a third, my dad felt he was too old (in those days, he was the oldest dad in the bunch by far, now a days not even close). My brother has a lot of special needs and can barely live on his own. We have never been close. There has always been a lot of pressure on me to succeed. Taking care of my parents and my brother in the future has been put soley on me, even though I don't necessarily want the responsibility of my brother. I always thought if I had another sibling, I could connect with someone, someone would understand what it was like to be in our family, and someone could help me shoulder the future. My hubby on the other hand, was in the middle, and his parents had his little sister 8 yrs later. she has always screwed up and he has felt like she has taken resources from the family. She is always a cause of drama, so he is terrified of a similar situation occurring with us. I will say that with this pregnancy I have been a basket case because i am a little older, and I don't want to press my luck. Every thing looks good so far though and I have to believe that this is God's will. Good luck in your decision.

We were set on two. We had two boys.in three years marraige. number three....woooowie. He is three now. and I need to sleep, shower, poop and have a night out. we are so tired. but we are going to be at the finish line in our fourties. Three is a handful. He is a handful himself. If you have lots of family support babe go for it. my mil refuses to watch all three and my parents will but only once a month.

My mom had my little sister when she was almost 45. seven years younger then I. My little sis graduate when my mom was 62...my mom had someone though when My older sister and i got married and moved out (we are two years apart, we both got married and moved out a year apart from each other..so lots of change) she had my little sister to focuson. and once lil sis went into school full time mom got to go back to school. she is now teaching. she acts younger now then she did when i remember her back when i was little. While i was in school and lil sis was still baby she retired from her gov'ment job of 30+ years. She did daycare for alot of the teachers at my sisters school and schools around the area for amazing rates...she figured out she only was making $2.50 an hour but it wasnt about the$$.

Their are many sides to having baby three. I wouldnt give back my z-man for anything. It has just made us have to reach out to our friends and family for help. They have many of my hubs and I friends that are now full plegde aunts and uncles. Which has made our extended family so amazing. They now have extra Gmas due to the ''friend'' aunts and uncles. They have sooo much love.

This is a tough choice. I will pray for you guys.

Lovely,
-
libby

I'm only 27 with my third boy, but wanted to say that my dad was 65 when I graduated from college (and I have one younger sister) and he still did tons with us growing up--hunting, fishing, camping, hiking, frisbee at picnics, boating, swimming, etc. My mom is 12 years younger than he is so both of my parents were older than a lot of other kids parents, and sometimes I "noticed" it, but most of the time I think they were able to be just as active as we needed them to be. My mom is now almost 58, recently re-married, and raising 3 grandchildren she adopted, ages 11 and 10-year-old twins. Unless you are in a specific risk category (aside from normal age-related differences for pregnancy) don't let your age be a major factor. You still have little ones. =)

I'll be curious to read your responses, as we might be also toying with the idea. The key thing I'm struggling with is the changes -- do we get a bigger house so each kid can have their own bedroom, do I have to get a bigger car, etc....

There is no right answer, but I think you should try to visualize your life 2, 5, 10, 18 years down the road and ask yourself whether you think you'll have regrets... if you have another and if you don't.

Most of my kids are more than 3.5 years apart, but #2 and #3 are only 13 months apart (#1 was just about to turn 5) and, I have to tell ya, it was TOUGH at 26! Now that they're older, the age gap (or lack of) is no big deal, but it was a rough 2-3 years there.
Of course, I'm "only" 33 now, and my most recent pregnancy took a real toll on me, so maybe I'm just a bit wussy. ;-)