How to Deal with My Pregnant 17 Year Old Daughter

Give her her options. She can shape up and get a job or else she can put the baby up for adoption so it can be raised in a home where it is loved and cared for. As long as you baby her she isn't going to take any responsibility.

Hi G..

I think that a lot of people of missing the rebellion issue. So, she always wanted to be a grown-up, and she is almost there (in her mind) and having this baby will just make it known to the world how grown up she really is. So, the harder you push her to get a job, or to finish her eduacation (although I feel these are very important) the harder she will push back and do just the opposite.

Tough love may work better fo ryou in this situation. Cut your strings with her. Someone else mentioned and I think it is a good idea. If she wants to be grown up, it is time to start acting that way. Make her pay rent, pay for her food, pay for her clothes, etc. It is a good way to show them that if you are making this adult decision and feel you are ready to take care of another life, just try to take care of yourself first and see how far you get.

If she decides to keep the baby, it is always a blessing in disguise. Be sure to keep yourself mentally and physically healthy. Lend her the emotional and mental support she will need to make it through this process. A counselar once told me, you just make sure your child has food and necessary medications, but besides that, make them learn their life lessons.

Good Luck

G.,

I am sorry to hear of your situation. There is places out there that she can stay until after the baby is born. They make her take responsibilty for the baby while completing her education. They ususally live in a home with other pregnant teenagers and take classes on raising a child and have support staff there to support and teach your daughter how to take care of her baby. I know there used to be one on the other coast.

If she stays here you can make your rules for the boyfriend but they will continue to see each other if they have not broken it off. Unfortunately that is how kids are these days - you set your rules but they somehow find ways around them to do what they want anyways.

Brandon has a crisis pregancy center on Moon I believe where she can go and take classes and get free (I believe) counseling. I highly recommend this at least if she does not go to one of the pregnancy homes. There is the Mary & Martha house somewhere in the Tampa bay area but they are hard to get into, and I think they only take in mothers who do not have a place to go. Email me back if you have any further question.

Best Regards,
Kathy

G., you are in my prayers. I don't have first hand experience with this as I waited until I was 27 to have kids because I acutally listened to my mom who got pregnant with me at 17 and she ingrained in me the desire to put off childbearing until I felt responsible enough. I have a cousin whom I used to be close to who got pregnant for the first time at 15, then again at 17 and again at 20 (all with different boys) and she came from a very loving and stable home. She had the same attitude about it that it sounds like your daughter does. I would love to say that at 26 she has grown up to be a great mother and contributing member of society, but I can't. Something I have noticed in her and others that get pregnant at a very early age like that is that they tend to become stuck emotionally at the age they were when they had the baby. I think this is due to missing out on all the milestones of young adulthood that we normally go through. I do remember well from my teen years that no teenager listens to their mother. They are all convinced that their parents know nothing. In order to get through to her and impress upon her the seriousness of the situation you may want to consider making an appointment with a therapist who specializes in teens and young adults. I think you should do everything you can to support your daughter emotionally, but I think it should end there. This is her baby and her responsibility. Have you discussed her options with her? I know it's a very hard thing to do, but there are a lot of wonderful people out there who want to have a baby and can't. I have family that has adopted and I would be happy to give you the name of the agency if you would like. I wish you luck on this journey with your daughter.

Sounds tough... does she WANT the baby? She doesn't sound ready. Has she considered adoption?

I have a very good friend who is a licensed Christian Counselor who can help you. She works at Tampa Bay Christian Counseling Center...###-###-####. Please call her and you can tell her I gave you her number. I will be praying for you and your daughter.

C.

Good morning:

Your letter is very familiar. I do have a practical suggestion. There is at least one wonderful support system in Venice that is there to the pregnant mother and her baby. It is called Pregnancy Solutions ###-###-####. Thee is another one in Bradenton. She needs outside support to get an education and take care of the baby. We have those in the sarasota area. Please e mail me if you need more ideas. ____@____.com
B.

There are very affordable Child care and babysitting safety classes at www.MedicalTrainingClasses.com this might prepare her a little for what's a head and at least give her a certificate she can be proud of.

Well, first thing's first, I guess. It's time for your daughter to grow up. Since she is still a minor, and living in your house, it's time you set her some goals. She MUST get her GED, she MUST work at least part-time (pregnant or not, now is the time for her to learn how to juggle real world responsibilities), give her BILLS she must pay (for example: car insurance, phone/cell phone), put her in driver's ed. classes and tell her she MUST learn how to drive and get her license. And the father of the baby and his parents MUST be involved, financially, at the very least. You should not have to shoulder the financial, physical, and psychological burdens of your daughter's accident. Also, she should (as well as the father)be sent to parenting classes, which are available through the hospital or can be found through the gyn/ob office. Many young people who become parents do not know how to effectively parent, as they are still babies themselves (though they think they're so grown up at that age, don't they?). If either she or the father showed maturity and a sense of responsibility I would not suggest it, but since she seems to be in her own world about reality, I do. Also, I would start taking her around to daycares to show her what they are like, and how much they cost (half of that cost should be shouldered by Daddy). You are only 35, and you obviously cannot retire to take care of her child for her, nor should you. I really think the most important thing for everyone involved is for your daughter to learn to shoulder this responsibility. Sympathize with her all you want, but don't do it all for her. How else will she ever learn to stand on her own two feet someday?

I was 20 when I became a mom, but I was halfway through college, had a boyfriend I could count on (married going on 10 years to him), some life experience, experience working with young children, and felt true responsibility for my child. My parents did disown me for a while, but it all worked out because I had the support of my then-soon-to-be spouse to get through it all. As angry as you the parents may be at the boy involved, he NEEDS to be involved. Too many young men just think they can walk away and let their pregnant girlfriends live with the mistake, accident, whatever they want to call it, while they just move along with their lives like nothing important has happened.

p.s. There are other options for her than dropping out. She must take steps to secure her future. Have you heard of the Florida Virtual School? She can take her classes online, and still graduate. It is maintained through the State of Florida, and I believe the enrollment period has just started for the upcoming school year. There is also an alternative ed. school in Lakeland for pregnant and new moms that are high school age, with a nursery for the babies and toddlers.

Perhaps showing her what minimum wage is (what she would make without a diploma), how much she would bring home full or part-time, as well as a sampling of the bills you have(it sure is eye opening how much goes out just in our basic bills!), and teaching her money management will also be helpful. Her future certainly isn't ruined, but learning balance and basic time and money management skills will help her succeed. Best of luck to you and her.

i know that in Fort Myers there is a high school called LAMP ( Lee Adolesents Mothers Program). There she could finsih high school AND bring her baby to school with her. My mother got pregnant with me at 17 and she went there, and also one of my friends got prgnant in high school and she went to that school too. They both say that if it wasnt for that school neither one of them would have graduated high school. At LAMP they also offer parenting classes, and support groups, and therapy. If you live in the Fort Myers area (or near by) i would recomend checking it out! Good luck. And just know thats its not the end of the world, just the begining! ;-)

I would check with the local hospitals, they might have some classes that she would attend that would make this real to her! You can also check with the Kimberly Home in Clearwater, they might have some ideas for you as well!

Contact the Alpha House and talk to them. They will have some good advise for you.