17 answers

17 Year Old Who Quit School

I have a 17 year old son and I also have a 15 year old son and a 10 year old daughter. Last month my 17 year decided he no longer wants to go to school--"and I can't make him go". He does not work, but says he is looking for a job. He sleeps till around 11 every day doesn't do anything around the house and makes sure he is gone before I get home from work. Basically he sleeps here, takes a shower and communicates with his friends. He stays out all weekend and rarely tells me where he is. I want to send him to his dad's--he says he won't go. I know that he will never amount to anything as long as I allow him to continue this behavior. I don't want the confrontation and feel guilty every time I think about telling him he needs to leave. Then he comes home and gives me a big hug and a kiss and tells me he loves me, and I melt--he is my baby after all. I know I've got to buck and big strong for him. In my opinion he will never learn to make good decisions and become a good man unless he is allowed to fall on his face and have to pick hisself back up. What do I do? HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

Thanks for all the responses. It really supported my own thoughts and helped me get a handle on the situation. He is going to his dad's this weekend to go to work. I told him that I love him very much and will always be there if needs someone to talk too, but he can no longer live with me. I know it's going to be hard for him and me and I know he will make bad decisions, but he has to learn to pick hisself back up. I will let ya'll know how it goes. Thanks so much again.

Featured Answers

Take them to homeless shelters, to southeast raleigh, to see the bad parts of town... and ask him if thats what he wants for his life. Then take him to the business and law colleges or any nice colleges in the area, point out the girls.. lol jk... and ask him if thats what he wants for his life....
also, get involved with him at least 3 times a week or more... ask questions...
just a thought

S.
I just want to say I hope everything works out for you and that I agree with everything that everyone else has already said.
Good Luck!
J.

More Answers

Take them to homeless shelters, to southeast raleigh, to see the bad parts of town... and ask him if thats what he wants for his life. Then take him to the business and law colleges or any nice colleges in the area, point out the girls.. lol jk... and ask him if thats what he wants for his life....
also, get involved with him at least 3 times a week or more... ask questions...
just a thought

GO, to God in prayer.He will lead you . Join a church of your choise. Look into a youth session. Never give up don't stop praying

I'm one of 5 children, and the only one to graduate H.S. and pursue a higher education. All of my sisters and my brother struggle as adults because of their lack of education. The ladies here are correct. Give him a week to find a job. Start charging him for food, rent, etc. If he doesn't find a job, tell him to walk. Change your locks if you have to...if you don't do it now, it will haunt you for the rest of your life. You may feel bad about it, but you aren't doing him any favors by coddling him. If he's adult enough to decide he won't go to school, then he's adult enough to support himself. Be strong and don't back down. They can smell weakness!

Love him enough to help him. First, he has suffered if he quit school. I am sure he has no self esteem. You can go a couple dif routes. One is, sit him down and tell him he will have to labor hard the rest of his life without a degree of some kind. He can stay home if he takes classes to get his GED and works part time, giving you 1/2 of what he makes. His probable only option will be fast food, but he needs to get right over to whichever one will take him.
Other option is Job corp- excellent for teaching him what he needs to know about making it in life. He WILL get his GED there, and learn a trade, they pay for everything.
Sounds like he is still sweet, and needs a few weeks but don't let it go on too long. You have to give them ultimatums. Like, if he gets the ged, he can go into the military at 18.

I couldn't begin to tell anyone what to do in this situation. But let me tell you what MY mom did when my sister pulled this. She packed her a bag, changed the locks on the door and pushed my sister out. TOUGH LOVE. I hate to say, it took 20 yrs for my sister to turn her life around. But she is now a responsible working woman raising her boys on her own. She also became a Christian. You are right about enabling him by allowing him to live in your home and manipulate you. Are you certain he is not taking any drugs? I sure hope not. Anyway, all the best in whatever decision you make. I hope it works out.

Kick him out...It's the hardest thing to do but if you do not set the tone now..The others may follow and he is running you not the other way around. I had a son that gave me so many problems and one day 3 weeks before Christmas I did it... I couldn't take another minute of it...Kick him out... Make him deal with the consequences of his own actions...

Don't give him a penny, don't wash his clothes...Basically go ON Strike if he is..

Tough but the only way. He needs to know you are serious.
School or work...I'm not paying for a dead beat and I didn't raise one.

T.
www.momonajourney.com

My advice is to Kick him out. I moved out when i was 16. I had a job and i found a place to live. I even dropped out of school. Well 2 months later i came back home went back to school Finished with my class because i went to summer school and then moved back out on my own. Kids have to learn Responsibility these days.

Hi S.,

My sister went through some of this with my niece. First, make him get up and go at the samae time you do every day. Second, have hi go out and find out what it will cost to get a place to live, pay for utilities, food, gas, and insurance, and anything else he thinks he *needs*. Then, tell him to figure out where he's going to get a job to make that kind of money. It's not as easy as they think. My niece is 20 with a high school diploma and some college. She's working non-stop to make enough money to live. She doesn't have the money to go out with her friends and works at a restaurant, so she gets a discount on food.

He needs to be held responsible for his decisions. He's using you and free-loading. If he's going to stay, he needs to pay rent (even if you set the money aside for when he actually moves out to help pay his deposits). You aren't doing him any favors by letting him do this to you. If he's old enough to decide to drop out of school, he's old enough to take on his responsibilities. If he's going to mess up, better to do it now than when he's older and can really mess up his credit.

Also, look at the exaample *you* are allowing him to set for your other children. If it's that easy for him, it will be that easy for them, too. How long were you planning to support all of them?

Good luck!!

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