Help Disciplining 8 & 6 Year Olds

I am in the same boat, husband outa town all week.
SO I just started a behavior chart. LOVE IT!!
Dry erase board divied with child #1 and Child #2 both have about 8 to 10 squares on each side.So everyday if there is something particulary good they did they get smiley faces &why. And sad face & why for bad things. At the end of the day before bed we go thru the chart and discuss each action. Add them up and on the fridge is the score card. Erase the board every night, to start the next day new.
Add Monday thru Fridays score card and then on Sat or Sunday the one with the most smileys(cross off a smiley for every sad face) gets a special treat(stay up later on school day, order pizza for dinner, play a game with mom, watch a movie,buy a special treat a grocery store)
It has really worked!! I have 3 girls My oldest 10yrs tends to do extra things around the house without being told jsut for a smiley and my younger one 4 is learning how to think about her behavior before she acts on it.
I also have on the chart one rule that was my biggest stress.. BED TIME!!
NO TV 1 day if i have to yell more then 2 times to go to bed.
NO TV 2 days if I have to come up stairs and tell them to go to bed.
NO TV 5 days if I have to come upstairs 2 times.
.............now if i can only do this with the 10 month old...ha ha ha
hope this helps..

Hi K.,

My husband went out of town for about 2 months and just returned a month ago. My daughter is seven and started acting out. She wouldn't stop talking back, slamming things, forgetting stuff at school, getting in trouble at school... I was also really stressed out and we didn't do much for fun. Between full time school and taking care of the house (I did get to take a leave of absence from work, which helped), her attitude was killing me. I went ahead and called the school counseler and told her the whole story. She started seeing my daughter once a week, and she would let her sit down and write emails to her dad (which she could do at home too, but it made her feel good). If I did it over, I would have gone out of my way to take her to the park more and brought my homework, and other things like that to occupy her and not let her think about it. She also knows that she can get away with things with me more than my husband. Neither one of us are "spankers," but he is stricter with her. It seemed that I needed to let her know that I wasn't going to be a mushball that she could take advantage of while he was gone as well.

Well I basically think that since he's been gone you have to be the 'dad' I read where one person put that the dad is the stern person. If they know that dad isn't there and they can get away with it then how can you be the disciplinarian? You need to discuss it with you husband what to do but my advice would be to take matters into your hands and have your husband tell them that since daddy is away working mom is the man of the house. If they see that you keep telling your hubby about what's going on and he never shows then they will use that to their advantage. I would do the reward thing and give them responsibilty but also let them know that you are the boss. Don't reinforce their tantrums. I hope this makes sense.

I would sit down and have an open talk with them. Let them know that you are not going to tolerant their behavior anymore. Make them a reward or disciple chart. Give them a reward after they get five stars just an example. Explain to them that their father is going to be away and they have to help you. Ask the boy to be the "Man of the house" and he has to protect you and your daughter. Tell the girl that she has to a princess and she has wait for her prince or knight whatever. You get the point. Make it seem like you need their help.

If you call tell them you are going to call their father for a daily report. If they are bad you will tell him and they will receive a punsihment. If your husband is not able to talk to them tell him to leave them a record message or have your brother, father or some other family or friend help out with the phone call. Just an idea. I tell my children that I'm calling daddy at work to tell him how they are behaing and they usually start acting better.

Redirect their behavior. Tell them "will I guess if your are going to scream and shout you won't hear me tell you what I have for you to do". Do an art project together for their daddy or grandparents.

Don't give up.

L.

I'm not sure at all. Alot of moms do so many things differently and I know with my kids, NOW, I KNOW, patience love and understanding is most important. Just be patient. There could be something they are going through within the household. I'm not sure. Just love and patience...lots, and lots of patience!!

Hi K.
I don't know know about you but in my family, the Dad is usually the force figure. Like I tell my 5 and 3yr old... don't make me tell daddy, or do you want me to tell dad how you've been behaving?? this usually works since there dad does not put up with their monkey business. Dad is more stearn when it comes to time outs and no desert.
Just remind our kids that this is behavoir that dad would not like and he can still give punishment after the fact, when he get home. Find some thing they really enjoy and take it way when they start to act up! don't give in! no matter how hard.
I know that when my 3yr old has to go to time out she wants her blanky and I just tell her she needs to be good to get the things she wants.

A Book called "Parenting with Love and Logic" I read it when my son was very young and have re-read it MANY times since he is now 8.

I feel your pain. I just did a two month stint with my husband away for 2 months with an 8 and 5 year old. The main thing is that the kids miss their daddy and they are not emotionally mature enough to handle these feelings right now.

If I were you I would give the kids a clean slate starting today. Any punishments etc. that are currently in place need to be released (unless they are from before your husband left). This gives them the feeling that you are listening to them and understand what is going on.

Sit down and talk to your kids. Let them know that you miss daddy to and you need them to help you. Try not to sound exasperated, but ask them to help pick up the slack that daddy left behind. Make it an important sounding task. Give them a sense that they are really helping out and contributing to the houshold in some way.

Next, find a close male friend or reletive to spend some time with your kids. Someone who is willing to take the kids for a couple of hours and watch a movie or take them to the park. They are missing the primary male in the house, so give them a bit of a substitute. No one can replace dad, but your kids are craving the male attention that dad cannot give right now.

Take some time for yourself! This is the most important. Your kids feed off of your stress levels. If you are calm and collected, they will settle down as well.

Plan some special time with you and your kids. Have a movie night with a good movie that you all love. Cuddle up under blankets and enjoy time together. This time is for you and your kids. Don't take phone calls (unless it is dad of course) and don't worry about the state that the house is in or anything else that needs to be done. This is for you and the kids.

Remind them often that you miss daddy too and understand.Kids are naturally self centered and my not really realise that you are suffering too. Make a list with the kids of things that the kids can do with daddy when he come back. Let them each think of things that they would like to do both one on one and as a family together.

Acknowledging his absense will make it better for all of you rather than trying to pretend that things are not different. Keep an open door policy to allow your kids to talk about things that are bothering them, especially about his being gone. Give them extra hugs and kisses and your house should settle down soon. If not consider selling them to the circus! :)

Hi K. its K.!LOL I can completely understand your pain and frustration. My husband was gone to Iraq for an entire year and I was sure that my kids had been replaced with spawns from satan. Although it is tough now the most imortant thing you have to understand is that at their age they have no clue how to show their frustration and sadness. So what do they do.....(they kick and scream and throw themselves on the ground). To be quiet honest sometimes I wish I was 6 and could throw myself on the ground and get away with it.
Not only are the kids frustrated but they can also see they you are as well. Hey K., you need to know that you are doing the work of two people...you are doing an awesome job. You know how I know? You are here trying to fix what is wrong in your home. Take some time for yourself for sure but make sure you sit down and spend extra time with those little stinkers because they need you most of all. Little things like board games,fun crafts or even taking them individually to a special place all their own.
I guess maybe the most important thing that I have to remind myself daily of is to listen. These kids are smart they know how to push your buttons...but really they just want your time. You are doing an awesome job honey and remind that man of yours that when he comes home there will be a list of massages and foot rubs waiting for him.
K. M

I know how you feel. I went through the same thing with my boys when my husband got called over-seas. My children were a bit younger, but we faced the same problems. As the person before me suggested. "Parenting with love and logic" that book is awesome. I also found that the reward system worked GREAT. They had a behavior chart. At the end of the week if they had managed to make there way back to the top of the chart they got rewarded. I would take them to a movie or let them pick a special place to eat or anything along those lines. The ything there is you really have to stick to your guns and if only one child earns the privilage than you can't reward the other also. I know everyone says you have to take over the role of being the stern paretn, but until you are put in that position, it is easier said than done.
I wish you the best of luck.