Please Share... Chore/incentive/rewards Charts & Ideas

Hi S.,
Try to focus on the positive. I have been a teacher for 13 years and a parent for 8 and I have read a lot on child raising. A lot of advice says,'Praise the good, ignore the bad". I have a job chart for my children and when they were young like yours, we used stickers next to the job that they did (make bed, brush teeth, get dressed, clean up). I kept behaviour separate. I use a jar and fill with marbles everytime they do a nice thing for eachother or for someone in the family. In Feb. I use red balls, in Dec., we use a paperchain. When they fill up the jar, or whatever item we use, they get to choose an activity to do together. For negative behaviours, keep reminding them calmly what the negative behaviour is and tell them why it is unacceptable. Give them two warnings, then put them in timeout. The timeouts will eventually eliminate. Now that my children are older, we say that when they make a good choice to do what they are suppose to ( jobs, behaviour), then they get to do the things they want the next day like video games, computers games or TV. that won't work for your age children. Always put a lot of importance on the right way to behave. Kids will exhibit negative behaviours to get attention, even if it is negative attention. I bought a chart from a teacher supply store, Lakeshore, that had an erasible surface and boxes to that we could mark off the jobs that they did. I have also made charts on the computer with pictures of their jobs and I just have to print one out every week. I hope this helps.
K.

As a way to get them to start learning to be responsible for chores etc. I think making a chart with pictures (so they can read it) where they can put a sticker when they accomplish something works really well. As far as getting them to stop hitting fighting etc, most people will say that it depends on the kid what works. Some kids are not motivated by external factors- like charts and prizes- at all. As for getting rid of time-out we still use it with our almost 9 year old. We use it more in the sense that "wow that was a really bad choice- you must need some time alone to think about that." and then she sits down somewhere- not in her room with toys etc. where we can observe that all she is doing is sitting and thinking. We give our kids one minute per year they are old.
I had a brother that used to enjoy being in his room so much sometimes he would pick a fight just to get into trouble so that he would get to be in his room alone for a while. So look for what works for your individual kid.
I am not a big fan of consequences not being directly related to the bad choice. For example... I don't think hitting your brother should mean that you don't get desert. Not eating your vegetables might mean you are too full for desert.... and hitting your brother might mean you need a "time out" to think about making a better choice... or if they hit because they were fighting over a toy, that toy must need to go away because "you aren't sharing it responsibly". But if a kid worked hard to pick up their toys and then later when they are more tired they get frustrated and throw a fit... that fit shouldn't erase all of the good they did earlier, but have its own consequences. That could be really frustrating for a little kid. Good luck.

I've been using charts from this website http://www.freeprintablebehaviorcharts.com/ for the last two weeks. I've catered it to my different aged children and it has been working well so far. The charts I chose have four behaviors/chores for each day and we give them stickers at the end of the day based on how they did. My four year old gets a lot more grace than my eight year old. At the end of the week they get to pick from the prize basket if they got enough stickers on their chart. My four year old has to get 22 out of 28 stickers, my six year old 23 and my eight year old 25. So far it's worked o.k., but I think it is going to take a little while to see what kind of behaviors can be worked on using this kind of chart, and which need to be dealt with differently, so we are still working out the kinks. Doesn't hurt to check out the website though! I do find that it works well for my oldest since he is very motivated by rewards and is a people pleaser. My middle son is not very motivated that way, so it hasn't worked as well for him.

Keep the time outs for whenever they hit because they need an immediately consequence. Never take away what they earned for being good or they will quit trying.

But you can also have a reward chart to motivate them to be good.

When you write it up focus on giving points for positive behaviors like.

1. Keep hands and feet to self

2. Use nice words

3. Pick up toys

4. Follow direcions

Then keep this on a chart and reward them with a sticker, every 3 hours if they were able to be good for that long. Then after they earn lets say 9 stars they get to go to the park. Be creative with your incentives children value time with you more than toys.

We found that a reward system was the best behavior modification system. One way to help with behavior you don't like is to reward not doing the bad behavior. So, if you have a specific behavior that you know may happen in a given situation (say refusing to take a nap, brush teeth, etc.), you can offer a reward for completing the behavior. If sharing is an issue, you can tell your sons that if they share for 15 minutes they get a reward. We found that a token system worked really well. So, we got colored glass pebbles. They were handed out as rewards and then could be used to "purchase" things off a reward list. Most of the reward list items weren't real "things", but rather doing a special activity, playing a game with a parent, etc. Most rewards were like 5 pebbles, but some were 15 (going to the zoo). As they got older, the rewards changed, and got more expensive as the idea of delayed gratification was more reasonable. Rewards were given for not doing something or for doing good things; however, they were not given for stopping bad behavior. Completing chores could receive a pebble, too. And, if something was done that caught my attention as being very nice, a pebble was given out. We all respond better to rewards than punishments. Rewards (a paycheck) are why most people go to work.:P Hope that helps!

I would focus on the positive for the reason the moms listed below. Try to catch them doing the behavior you want and praise it, maybe giving a "time in" and do a puzzle together, play outside, something short but basically the opposite of a time out.

It's not like we want to ignore the bad and our kids need correction, but let me share an experience I had with my son. Yesterday I was so exhausted and frustrated with my almost 4-year-old son's disobedience. He's usually quite cooperative, but he had done several naughty things. My husband travels for work and was gone. I was completely worn out by my son, and with no help from hubby I just wanted the kids to go straight to bed last night. I was frustrated and told him so and I listed all the bad things he had done that day. I wasn't yelling or anything, but I told him I didn't have the energy to lay down by him at bedtime like usual because of x, y, and z that he had done wrong that day. He just started crying and said I was mean. So I pulled him close and asked, "What did I do mean?" He replied through tears, "Talking about all the naughty stuff. I don't like that." I said, "Okay. And I don't like it when you do naughty stuff. Would you rather I talked about everything you did nice today?" He sniffled a yes. I had to wrack my brain for what he did right, but once I got started I was able to list a ton of kind gestures and helpful things he had done (we find what we're looking for. Good thing I changed what I was looking for). I held him and stroked his back while I talked about everything I liked about him and his behaviors that day. It felt much more right to focus on the positive than to pick him apart. Anyways, when I was done his shoulders were lifted, his self-esteem was nurtured, and he was smiling. I asked him to get in the bath and he yelled, "Okay!" and eagerly jumped in the tub. When I asked him to clean up the bath toys and get out, same thing. He was so EAGER to please me, so eager to be the good boy I had described, and so eager to feel the pleasure that comes with doing what's right and being recognized for it. So I learned a valuable lesson (the hard way) yesterday about how to get the desired attitude and behavior out of people and to feel better about myself in the meantime. When people feel like winners it's natural to make good choices.

I saw a chart online someplace where a mom used clipart for their chores instead of words because they couldn't read yet and it was more fun and appealing to them. She had pics of dishes for helping load the dishwasher, pics of towels for them folding the laundry, etc. You could have pics of a hand for hitting, a mouth for talking back, a truck for picking up trucks. This chart was made because the childrens Granparents gave them giftcards to Mcdonalds and mom wanted to teach them that theres a price to pay for everything and treat them like credit cards they had to pay off. So when they went to Mcdonalds and got a hamburger, that cost 1 time of dishes and 1 time of folding laundry. The children were so excited she could hardly keep up with washing laundry for them to fold. I have 3 kids- 8, 6, and 16 months. Ive used time out since they were very little and never saw good results from it. Hopefully your charts work out Mama.

don't know if they are too young for these ideas, but i'll throw my ideas out there.

you can make a chart with simple words (both positive and negative) and pictures next to the words so they understand. when they exhibit a positive behavior, they get one "chip" made with whatever you choose. then at the end of the day or the next day they can choose one special activity. you can have another chart with special activities. they can be simple like watching a movie or going to the park, or bigger like going swimming or going to the movies. if you don't want them to pick, you can have something like a pie chart with different rewards. at the end of the day, if they have enough "chips" they can spin a spinner to see what they get to do.

another idea that's similar is to have a chart with chores/good behaviors. if they earn a checkmark or star or whatever, then when all the boxes are checked at the end of the day, they can do the spinner thing. for bad behaviors, you can have a different chart and a "consequence" spinner.

i like changing the charts maybe every month as new behaviors need to be worked on. also, change the rewards so it doesn't get boring.

one thing i do have to say is that ignoring the negative behaviors and only rewarding positive behaviors is completely wrong. as adults, our negatives are not ignored. and, also, as adults, we don't get enough rewards/encouragement from anyone (work, spouses, children, etc.). so keep rewarding/encouraging!

to complete my book here (lol), we have 7 principles to follow at my work, and they are fantastic! i'll make them short so as not to bore you to tears. #1 open, honest communication, #2 clear on each individual's role, #3 don't compromise standards/performance, #4 seek opinions of those closest to the action,listen, and value their ideas, #5 ongoing training opportunities to sharpen skills, #6 when accountabilities are not met, act quickly, #7 achieve results and share successes (these are the rewards).

hope that helped.

p.s. whatever you do, CONSISTENCY is the key!

I have always read to NOT put bad behaviors on reward charts. If you want to do a reward system, keep it only rewards. Just turn those negative behaviors around into positives you can put on the chart. For example, instead of "talkng back," put on the chart "Did not talk back today."
Rewards are simply that: rewards. If you make the chart so that things are constantly given and taken away, a 3 and 4 year old will quickly get discouraged from any of it because right from the start, you are setting them up to fail. If they see that it is harder to earn things, they will stick with it.
We put on our daughter's chart "No time outs today." It took her a long time to not get any time outs. But we never took any thing away. Having a time out in itself was the punishment. Then she learned that once she did not get a time out for the day, she got an extra sticker which brought her closer to getting the reward.
Charts are good and so are marbles. Then you can write things down in one area and keep that chart without having to mess it up with stickers. Just put a marble in the jar every time a good behavior is done.
A dry erase board is good. that's what we have. And instead of making a star, etc, I bought a roll of magentic tape (easy to find at a craft store. I bought mine at Ace). Then I stuck stickers to the tape and cut around the sticker to make pretty magnets. Then I'm not constantly erasing. I just remove the magnets and start over the following week.

There is a free website called handipoints.com It's pretty cool because you can set up several different types of charts such as behavior, chores, school (when they get older) or anything you want. You grade their chores and they get points which can be used for whatever you set it to be. There are also games and things they can play on the website. I don't know if your little ones play on the computer much, but mine love it. You can print off the chore charts also so that you don't have to be online all the time. Good luck.

I think you are really talking about two different things...a chore chart and a behavior chart. For instance if you combine the two, does calling a brother a name take away a point for making your bed? The two don't relate. so I would have two seperate methods.

I made daily chore charts when my kids were young (easy stuff like making their bed) but moved on to a more complicated system when they got older. I called it the "Plus One System". They had to do their assigned chores "plus one". The extra chore was of their own choosing and taught them to look around at their surroundings and see what needed to be done. (I am sure you can relate having an 18 year old as well).

Anyway, for a behavior chart I would have two rows one for positive behaviors, one for undesirable behaviors...let them see at the end of the day which has more in it and reward accordingly.

I think it is wonderful that you are teaching basic responsibility through chores and kindness by monitoring behaviors, you sound like a great mama!

I have 2 magnetic charts that I just listed on craigs list. They are by Melissa & Doug. They are called responsibility charts. You can look them up on line or if you send my your email address I can send you the link. My boys loved them, I live on Mesa/Tempe border. Let me know if you are interested. I am selling them for 10.00 ea. They normally sell for 20ea. There are blank ones to make up your own, and it is a dry erase board as well.
N.
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Hi S.
I made a chore chart in Office program they have a lot of templates. i listed every day of the week across the top then all the chores i want my son to do during the week down the sides and then in all the boxes below the days i put a dollar amount! like .25 and so on then he only gets paid for what he does. nothing to hard. but hes earning his own money! if you would like i could send you a copy.
email me @ ____@____.com

so much work! set up two jrs with their names painted fancy on them, stick them visible but sorta outa reach. stick a dime in it for good, take one out for bad. competition helps and so do extra incentives. it is a cheap easy alternative that they get to count every once in a while (doesn't have to be big--old baby food jars work great)

I came up with a points system where I reward extra good behavior and deduct for bad behavior. Nuetral behavior gets 0. I made the points equal to a monetary value and I total them up daily and add them to a "bank". They can save up for things they want and trade the points for them. My daughter is saving up for a WII. The monetary value of the points and how much you give/deduct for a certain behavior depends on your budget. In my case, I made them worth 25 cents, so it will take 1000 points to get to the wii. She is already close to 600 and has pulled a few points out here and there to get some things she wanted.