Suggestions on "Behavior Charts": What Has Worked for You?

D.,

I actually make these charts with parents for a living. I will break it down into steps.

1. Pick the behaviors that you want to see/not see. Make sure that it is something that your son understands.
2. Phrase each of the items in a positive manner. (i.e. "use a calm voice" instead of "no shouting")
3. Determine what things that your son responds to as reinforcement (i.e. an extra story; try to avoid food and costly prizes)
4. When giving him stickers (or whatever you choose) on his chart make sure that you do it within seconds. The younger the child the faster you need to reinforce for him to form a cause/effect relationship.
5. Determine how many stickers he needs to earn his reward.
6. Introduce 3 behaviors immediately, choosing ones that he is more likely to experience success.
7. A week later, introduce another behavior. Once he has mastered a behavior, take that off the list and replace it with a new one from your original list in step 2. There should be no more than 4 behaviors until he gets a little older.

Let me know if you would like more suggestions. Again, I do this all the time with parents and they have found amazing success.

Good Luck!!

2 moms found this helpful

Hi D.,

Children learn to be good because it pleases you the MOM, outside of themselves. As they get older, they shift to what pleases them.

You will not be able to keep up with everything to reward them as they get older.

Set up rules for the house and if they misbehave, have a discipline area that they are to sit or stand for a minute for each year of their age.

Resources for mom are:

www.chkd.org/classes
www.chkd.org/hrpen
www.dl.odu/101s
http://attachmentparenting.meetup.com

Potty training resources:

http://www.parentingtoddlers.com/pottytraining.html
http://www.thediaperfreebaby.com/
http://potty-training.suite101.com/article.cfm/elimination

Hope this helps. D.

1 mom found this helpful

I am a mom and a pre-school teacher. I do believe in reward charts because it gives the children something visual to monitor and chart their own behavior. However, I think that some of your expectations are a little high for your children's ages.
I think you should forget the "eating all their dinner" and "not having accidents." Food should never be used in any type of reward /punishment. Do you always eat all your dinner? Children should be encouraged to try new foods but if they do not like the food (and have tried it) - there should be no negative effects to the child. To get your child to try a new food - show them that you are willing to take a "tiny" bite and never show that you do not like the food beacuse then you will bias their reaction to the food. Also, as to the "not having accidents" - 3 year olds are going to have accidents. It is inevitable. Do not punish for having an accident but do reward for having "no accidents." If your child has an accident - gently remind them that "big boys and girls" use the potty. There are several good children's books about potty use ( board books for the children to look at) See if there is a pattern to the accidents. Do they always happen the same time of day or when your child is involved in certain activities? If you can find a pattern - then take your child to the bathroom prior. Your four 1/2 year old might have some accidents too - because the 3 year is "getting more attention" for using the potty. Re-inforce the "big girl" issue with your 4 1/2 year old. Make her potty use special too - a few ways to do this: take her (and only her) to the store and let her choose her own "big girl underwear", if your house has more than one bathroom - make one bathroom the "potty training" room and another bathroom "the big girl bathroom", you could even let her choose her own toilet tissue from the store.
Sharing is hard for children. If there are toys that BOTH children especially like - then get a second toy that is the same. A rule we have at my preschool is "if the toy is in Sammy's hand - it is Sammy's toy - if Sammy lays the toy down - it is anyone's toy." The children is my class are bewteen 18 and 24 months old and they learn quickly to understand this rule.
As to the rewards chart - keep it simple at first (you can add more as the children grow to understand the chart).
Children as young as the ones in my class should be able to:
pick up and put away their toys (HOWEVER - you must have specific places for each toy and do not change that - the children need the consistency of knowing each toy always belongs in the same place.)
not whining - the best way to get your child to not whine is to NOT GIVE IN TO THE WHINING. I know it can be nerve racking but simply tell the child "I do not like it when you make that noise. You need to use your words." If your child is whining in a public place - you may have to leave and sit in the car with the child until the whining stops. If your child wants something - remember it is just a want - not a need. You are not being a bad parent by not giving in to all their wants. And you are not doing yourself any favors by giving them what they want to stop the whining - the next time the whining will be worse.
Making their beds - the 4 1/2 year should be starting to learn how - don't expect perfection and don't have a lot of stuff on the bed for her to deal with. Your three year old can help YOU by handing you the pillows, taking the dirty sheets off the bed, etc.
Make your rewards chart simple - choose the 3 or 4 things that are most important to you for the child to achieve (add more as they grow older.) Make the chart BIG, colorful and visible to the children. Take them to the store and let them choose stickers to put on their chart when they accomplish a goal. Make the rewards chart a daily chart where the child to gets to add a sticker for each activity they accomplish (each child should have a different type of sticker). Have a prize box (with small toys, coupons good for a walk with mommy or daddy, coupons for a movie out with mommy or daddy, coupons good for any activity that you and your child like to do together (perhaps an extra bed time story, choosing what to wear the next day, a $1 for their "special piggy bank" - one that they get to empty out every so often and spend the money as they want to.) Be sure and explain the coupon system and write the coupons on PRETTY paper but MOST IMPORTANT - tell your child when you will honor the coupon and "Come Hell or High Water" - honor that coupon! You may want to have two prize boxes - one with daily tiny prizes and one with weekly larger prizes (as they get older you could stretch it to weekly and monthly and make the prizes better.) Put in some other things that your children like too - a small plastic animal with a note attached for a trip to the zoo, a Chuckie Cheese ad from the newspaper with a note attached promising a trip to Chuckie Cheese, a box of cookie mix with a note where the child gets to help make the cookies.
Also - you may want to NOT expect your child to get a sticker every day in every category. As adults, it is hard for us to "always be our best", we should not expect children to always be "good" either. You may want to start out with a reward for stickers in the majority of the categories (this reward would be from the small prize box) and if they get all stickers - then they get a prize from the big prize box.
Be creative - you know your children better than anyone. Use what you know about their likes and dislikes. And make sure you BRAG to dad, grandparents, etc (in the hearing of the child) about their good behavior but don't play one child against the other by saying something like "Oh, Jimmy was so good all week and got lots of reward stickers but Mary was bad on Tuesday and got no stickers that day." This is not a race between your children - it is each child's race for themselves.

The first thing you want to start with is to pick one or two behaviors that you want to work on. For this age you don't want to have too many goals because they will get overwhelmed and the plan will not work. The next thing is to sit down and discuss some house rules with the children and then write them and post them in plain sight and in bold colors so they are constantly reminded of them. Then have them come up with rewards that they would like to work toward. They do not all have to cost money. Some can be one on one time with a parent of their choice or a trip to the park, picking the tv show to watch at a certain time. They can also be much larger rewards like a game boy or a movie at the theater. The key is to reward as much as you can in the beginning and pair it with praise so they get used to what is expected. Catch them being good and compliment them. You do not always have to go overboard but something like "I like they way you shared your toy with your sister. That was very nice of you." When they get used to the positive attention they will seek out the negative attention less. Also with the potty training, that is something that will happen in his own time. You cannot force it. My son is totally potty trained at home but still refuses to go out of the house when I am not around. I praise him and make a big deal out of when he does go and he loves that attention so he wants to go more. I do not scold him when he has an accident but I try to talk him through it. Good luck and if you need any further advice on behavior plans let me know. This is very brief intro but I did this as my career...helping parents to create behavior plans to alter a child's negative behaviors.

You are the only who know what stages your children are at and you are also right about just doing a little at a time. Just remember what they are capable of doing and be patient.

I never really had much luck with behaviour charts. Start with the one thing you really want done and work with that. Try a jar with marbles in it. When they do a good job let them add a marble ( or poker chip or something of that sort) and when they are bad make them take one out. Figure out a treat such as a trip to chucke cheese or a movie or something, and tell them that when they reach 10 marbles for doing what they are supposed to do, you will reward them. But always remember to use positive reinforcements. Even when they slip. Its hard not to get mad and its alright when you do, but eventually things will just fall into place

I bought my son (4-1/2 year's old) a magnetic Behavior Chart made by Melissa & Doug. It shows pictures of the activity that he is being rewarded for. He is given a goal of smiley faces to meet every week. The more smiley faces the better.
With potty training, my son saw the incentive to going potty because of the other kids in his daycare class. Their peers are very useful in motivating children to learn to do something new.
With the Behavior Chart, my son sees what he is supposed to do everyday. He can't read all of the words, but he understands what the images are saying he needs to do. Sometimes the goal is a particular movie, treat, play activity, or a Happy Meal.
Hope this helps.
Carla

M. and Doug make a magnetic responsibility chart. My mother-in-law bought it for my year old nephew. It is very nice and I plan to purchase it for my son when he gets older (he is only 19 months). It comes ready to use with repsonsibilities already on little magnets. There are two blanks to make up your own. Then instead of using stickers there are magnets place on the chart as the child completes responsiblities. They have it at the teachers store on Ritchie Highway in Pasadena. It is the shopping center that has Old Navy, Kohl's, and Bath & Body Works. It is close to Bath & Body Works.

I never used a reward chart for my older children and they did just fine. I didn't reward them for potty training, or picking up their toys. We are not teaching our children ANYTHING by rewarding them with a toy or sticker everytime they do something well. A hug, a kiss, telling them they are the best, are good enough.

every child learns at their own pace. If you reward them everytime they do something good - when they get to school, they're not going to want to do anything because - what's in it for them.

I'm sorry this isn't the answer you wanted, but it's just so ridiculous to me that everyone thinks their child needs to be rewarded with something else besides love. That's all they want!

You have a lot to address! For my children, I have used a chart for a specific thing, such as potty training, or listening to mom, or tantrums...all at seperate times. You could do it that way, focus on one thing at a time. What I did was make a chart, with both my girls' names on it, and at the end of the day, before bedtime, they got a sticker if they behaved, or did well on the focused behavior (or there were times I just drew a flower or star instead) in a square beside their name. After so many (I believe I started out with a week), I would take them to the store and let them pick out a small toy. Or I would already have a new coloring book for each of them hidden in the house, and pulled it out to give them when they reached the goal.
You could focus on all, in general of just behaving properly. Make sure to sit down and tell them what is required to get the "star" at the end of the day, and what is not okay. YOu could make it clean cut like that...or allow her 3 warnings throughout the day, losing the star after the 3rd. Display the warnings on the chart, or chalkboard, or fridge, maybe using colored magnets, or numbers...letting her know which means what.
Then after the first week, and they get the reward, if it went fairly well, I will extend it to more days, then more...until I feel that they have gotten it, and don't need it anymore. Good luck, and be creative!
K.

Hi D.,
I agree with Donna. Your toddlers are not too young to understand your house rules, particularly if you follow through every time they break them. They will learn what behavior you expect from them over time with consistent discipline when they are acting up. I think it's very dangerous to set up rewards for every good behavior. Then your kids are behaving only for what they get in the end (rather than just the expectation that it's the right thing to do), and they will keep upping the ante. Eventually they will be bargaining for bigger and better things when they perform any simple task. Listening, sharing, asking politely and finishing their dinner are not things that deserve "rewards" (however, I would also make sure that dessert is not seen as a reward for finishing dinner, but also not given if dinner was not eaten---this keeps children from believing that dessert is the best part of the meal, which contributes to increased consumption of sweets and weight).
The potty training and "chores" are a different animal because they are learned behaviors that may require more encouragement. With potty training, I would suggest starting with small rewards each time they pee or poo in the potty (an M&M, or some such that you approve of but is a treat to them), and then maybe a slightly larger reward for going so many days (say 3-7, gradually increasing times) without an accident, and then one final "prize" (maybe day at the zoo, etc) once they are considered potty trained (maybe can go a whole month without an accident). As for chores, I would decide on some that should be done because it's a house rule, and then maybe reward (again in small increments) for anything extra that gets done. We used a chart showing what chores needed to be done and set-up a point system for accomplishing tasks. This way kids can learn that they need to do certain things because that's a part of life, however, there are also rewards for going above and beyond the call of duty and doing the "right" things. For example, you could say that maybe you expect them to make their bed and pick up their toys after playtime, however helping Mom with setting the table or folding clothes/sort laundry into light and dark or putting some of their clothes away are extra. I would change up the expected/extra tasks as they age to include laundry, dusting, vaccuuming, cooking/clean-up. A good rule of thumb is to make the expected tasks those that enforce the kids to clean-up after themselves and the extras those that contribute more to the good of the whole family (this encourages reward for helping others). Good luck, and remember to just be consistent and the good behavior will come!

D.-

I have to agree with the poster that said "No system"!!!

I belive in 'catch them being good'!

Look for those moments (and praise them highly!! "what a great job at..." "I liked the way you..")...ignore inappropriate behavior when you can...and time out one minute per year of age...when you cannot...the end.

Who has time to chart at home?? Let us NOT forget...a child's work...is play!

Michele/C.

I have always used behavior charts with my daughter off and on, she is 6 now. I usually only have to use one for a few weeks till the behavior change I am after happens. Maybe with as many issues you want to address, you could have a couple different ones. They always worked wonders with my daughter. We made them together, and she puts the stickers on herself when she something good. We recently made one for bedtime and getting up. She can be lazy in the mornings and not want to get dressed, only wants to stay in bed and at night- shed play around instead of getting ready for bed. So we started a chart just for these 2 issues. If she can get ready for school/bed good, she gets a sticker (one for am and one for pm) and if she has stickers the whole week, she can stay up "late" on Friday night. She LOVES this reward. Its hard to keep a balance between taking too many things away and demotivating them. There are only so many things you can take away in a day! This is what we were doing with bedtime and getting up in am.. so the behavior chart has worked WONDERS since we started it 4 weeks ago.
Like Supernanny would do- make a list of house rules for your kids. They know better, theyre old enough. You shouldnt have to have reward charts for some of things, theyll come to expect rewards for every little thing. Make the house rules and enforce time outs if they break the rules. A reward chart could be made for a few of things tho, like sharing and listening first time. Good luck :)