Any Moms Have 2 Kids 6 or More Years Apart?

Hi E.,

Our son was nearly 8 years old when our daughter was born. We didn't intend to have such a large age gap between our children, but life happened and we kept putting off having a second child. Our son had begged for a sibling for years and had pretty much given up on having a baby brother or sister. He was so excited when we told him that his wish was coming true. Our son is a tremendous help with his baby sister and dotes on her very much.

Give your son time. He might not be too keen on the prospect of sharing his parents' love and attention with a sibling right now, but that'll probably change once he sees his baby brother or sister. Stress to him that he will be an integral part of this baby's life. Also, now is the time to reassure your son that he will still be a priority after the baby is born. Try planning a special weekly activity to do with your son before and after the baby is born so that he knows that he'll continue to have one-on-one time with you and/or your husband.

I hope this helps. Good luck to you!

A little about me: WAHM of a 9-year-old son and 21-month-old daughter; married for almost 13 years.

Hi E.,
well i can tell you from personal experience i am 15 years older then my brother n sister, and it helped me mature alot faster. My kids are 8 1/2 yrs apart and they get along just fine I think if I had to do it all over i would do it the same way you get to enjoy both of them at different stages of their lives when they are close in age its hard Good Luck and congrats
L.

hi
We back I had my children 7 years apart. My son used to ask why other people had more children. I would explain that God gives us babies when he wants to. I had a daughter and when I brought her home my son was in love with her immediately. Let your son know that there is room in your heart to have as many babies as God chooses to give you. Include him in your feelings as the baby grows inside you and all preparations fr the new baby.

I do not have kids that far apart but possibly may someday. I am in the same situation as you. I would have loved to have had kids close in age but it has not been possible for me and as of right now I have an only child not by choice. My husband however is 6 years apart from his closest sibling in age. While growing up he was always taken out by his older siblings - they took him to see Santa, taught him to drive, etc. They had a great relationship and I get to hear so many stories from his brothers. Now that everyone is older he is their peer since everyone is married and has kids. The only difference is that my son's cousins are older than him - but I have a ton of babysitters. I think your children are going to be great friends and closer than you can imagine - it is just hard for the older one to see that now. Good luck - I am sure it is going to go great!

Hi E.,
My sister and I are 8 years apart. My mother often says she had 2 only children! We are not particularly close, mostly because of our age differences, but we also had little sibling rivalry because we just did different things. As we have gotten older we have become a little bit closer. Your son will adjust to his sibling and grow to love him or her. It might be a bit rough at times but it is anytime you add a new family member, regardless of age.
Good Luck!

My sister and I are 9 yrs apart (she's older). My mom says she raised 2 only children. By the time my sister went off to college I was only 9 so we didn't share much of anything. We were typical siblings though, we fought, we played together, normal sibling rivalries. Now we are great friends, even though she lives 2000 mile away. My newphews are 5 yrs apart as well. They get along great too. I wouldn't worry to much about him. Keep his life as normal as possible. If he plays sports or music keep that stuff up for him. Try and carve out time just for him. It won't be as bad as you think. He will adjust.

Hi E.,
My children are older adults now but they are 5 years apart. My daughter is older. When I had my son she became so protective of him. Like a little mom. We used to call her Mother Goose. She wanted to make sure that he was alright and worried even about her own grandmother taking care of him while in school LOL. We had to reassure her that grandma did a great job with her own Dad and not to worry. That helped her a little. She loved playing with him and when they became teenagers oh my gosh. He was constantly arguing with her. What a struggle. But after a while things got a little more quiet and now they love each other so much. I would not have it any other way. My son wasn't planned. My daughter was. I hope this helps. E. in NJ

Hi E.,

I have two boys and they're 7 years apart. I also wanted my kids closer together, but I'm happy that my second little man of the house is here and full of vinegar! My older son is great with him. Since we brought him home from the hosp. there wasn't a jealous bone in his body. Sometimes my husband and I laugh because sometimes he thinks he's the parent! I find it hard at times with play dates, after school activitys, homework, etc... because of nap schedules. I also find my little one doing things much earlier than my first. He is a little dare devil, NO FEAR!!! My older son thinks this great that now he can keep up with him. Its scary at times but they adore each other. My older son always tells his brother, I'll always got your back, nothing will every happen to you! Your mine!!!

Congrats and much happiness! Its gonna be great!!!!

L.

Hi E.!

My kids are 9 years apart! I thought that was going to be weird. It is a struggle at times. Like getting them to activites when the baby is napping. But the older he gets the more my older ones have fun with him and appreciate him. I will say it was tough the first couple months, but it seems to be getting better, for them and for me.

Good luck with the new arrival and enjoy as much one on one time with the older one, let him know you'll always include him when you can.
J.

My husband and I have 3 children. Our son and daughter were 11 and 7 years old when our 3rd baby (a boy) was born. They were like having two instant baby sitters!...always eager to help with the baby, and throughout the years they grew up with a very strong bond between the 3 of them. They are all married now, and have made us proud grandparents!

Hi E.! First of congrats on being pregnant! I had the same problem, wanted my kids to be about 3 years apart! Well Hubbys work an health problems on my side (and a gastric bypass later) and our daughters were both born in april (16th for the little one 25th for the big one) 7 years apart.
BUT my older daughter wanted a sbling most of the time, even though she told me at times that she is worried that we wont have enough love for both of them, and that maybe we should give the baby to my younger, unmarried sister, who doesn't have kids... Right now she is a great older sister. I included her into everything about the pregnancy. She was the first one to know besides my husband that we were expecting, she was the one that told my dad and his mom... SHe went with me to most of my checks, got to see the baby on the monitor, kissed my belly good morning and good night, got to paint on my belly with water colors or face paint, it was her job to make sure mommy took her prenatals. RIght now its not mommys baby it's "our baby" she drags her little sister around (mind you the baby is 4 months old and a good 15 pounds, the big sis is 7 years!)
Of course your son might react completely different. Look through pics of yu during is pregnancy, point out how much fun it will be for him to teach his sibling how to build stuff, or use the swing. Incorporate him as much as you feel comfortable with. but mak sure that he hears it from you and your husband first, he will be heartbroken if he hears it from anybody else.
Hope I was able to help a bit!
M.

Hi E.. I only have one child so far, but I thought I would share the sibling perspective with you. My brother is almost 6 years younger than me, and we get along fantastically. (And my sister is 11 years younger!) We have always been great friends, save for a few years when he was about 5-6 and I was about 11-12 (preteen girl stage!) and he always wanted to hang out with me and my friends and I thought he was too little to hang out with us! I have fond memories of him as a baby, helping my mom change diapers or give him a bottle, and watching him grow up was really fun. By the time he was about 17 he was "cool enough" to hang out with my friends and we have really been good friends since then. I am sure other moms will tell you that there are great books for preparing for younger siblings out there and good methods to prepare your son, but I just wanted to let you know that your kids can develop a great sibling relationship spaced so far apart.

Hi E.,

My kids are 5 years apart. However I did have the girl first, they say they are more nuturing which is true. I think it all depends on how the parent interact the children together. I never made my daughter feel she was not part of any. Only the opposite I make sure she is involved in everything. With a boy it will be more difficult I think. So I would do the best I can and have him help out and don't forget the alone time the older one will need with you at least once a week. So this way he will feel he has you still. Good Luck! :) P.S. I do this with my daughter. :)

I have a 8yo, 3yo and 3 week old! My oldest was 5 1/2 when her sister was born. It will work but the dynamics are a little different. My oldest sort of "mothers" the middle child. I found it worked better than the 3yo with the newest addition. The 3yo is so angry and jealuos with the new baby but when she came home the 5 1/2 yo wanted to help but wasn't angry and only slightly jealous. It was much easier with the larger age span between PLUS I am now potty training and breastfeeding at the same time!!!! I am getting more grey hairs daily!!!! Congratuations on the new addition! A.

My oldest and youngest (I have 3) are 6 years apart. My oldest is a boy and youngest is a girl. From day 1 he was excellent with her. All joking aside he does everything but change diapers. If he did, they wouldn't even need me. He has always been attentive and loving to her. I trust him with her more than I do most adults. And now that she is 2 she just adores him. Always clinging and hugging him. She calls for him in the morning to get her from her crib. I just always let him know that I trusted him and made sure he knew how important a big brother is.

Hi E., Let me start by saying "congrats" to you and your family. My daughter is 11 (born in April) and my son is 5 (born in February). I would love to be able to tell you how easy it was having my kids so far apart, but, I can't. Don't get me wrong, it hasn't been a nightmare. In fact, the hardest thing I find is planning family vacations. It's the little things that I got used to that I had to start all over again. There was no more diaper bag, no more baby carrier, there was no more nap time to schedule around, I could finally say "get your shoes on and get in the car" and I had been able to regain some mindependence and gotten a part-time job while my daughter went to school. Then BAM... I got pregnant. I wouldn't trade my son for the world! He is so completely different from my daughter. I think it's because I was much more relaxed. I wasn't so afraid to screw up. Starting over wasn't that bad.

As for my daughter... she was great until about a year ago. Then the arguing started. He wants to due everything she does, he gets mad because he can't and she has a fit because he's always in her way. I think that's just the way it is with siblings though. My friends have kids much closer in age and have the same problems, if not worse.

My best advice would be to include your son in EVERYTHING baby. The baby's name, picking out the furniture (clothes, toys, etc.), if you have a baby shower have something there for him, even if it's books for him to read to the new baby. When the time comes, let him help with feeding, changing, bathing, or anything else that he shows interest in. It might take some time, but he'll come around. He might even surprise you and be thrilled from the very beginning.

Good luck to you and if you need to talk, you can email me at any time. J.

My oldest daughter was 5 & 9 months old when we had our second daughter. I was extremely nervous too and to be completely honest w/u i think that there r times that she would love for her baby sister not to have happend. But I come from a family of 4 children & my parents never asked for any of our approval if another sibling were to be added into the clan.

I think that sometimes with such an age difference, we try so hard to make their decision a part of our own. Sami eventually got used to the idea of another child and what I do remind her about quite often is that she had my husband and I all to herself for almost six years. Anything that our youngest does has already been done and she's not getting the alone part like Sami had. We had thought of just having one child, but after spending a full day with an only child I changed my mind. I always had someone to play with, we could always do things together because where there was one of us, there were 2 or 3. The biggest struggle was going from a child who was pretty much self-sufficient to the diapers, bottles & rocking all night long again. But it worked out. Here we are almost 6 yrs later and my oldest can't wait to meet her little sister (who drives her crazy) at the bus stop to hear all about her first day of school.

If you have any questions or anything, please ask - i know it was a scary transition, but I involved her as best i could which helped a lot. Sami also bought haley a "lil sis" charm & necklace which she put on her the day we took her home from the hospital. That was on her neck for over 5 years............. Good luck!

Hi E.
I have 4 kids, my first two were 4 1/2 years apart. I had no trouble. In fact it was relaxing. Our oldest was in school so I had time for our younger son. Our older son was learning to read and would read to the baby often. Little did I know that those hours of reading would be a gift to our younger son who learned to read early, and by the start of preschool he read everything including the newspaper. My mom was shocked when he said to her that Captain Kangaroo had had a heart attack, and showed her in the paper.
When they were 14 & 19, for our 20th wedding anniversary I had twins. Trust me I did not have near the time for each of them that I had had with my older children.
God bless you and enjoy every minute.
K. SAHM married nearly 39 years --- adult children 38,coach; 33, lawyer, married with son; and the twins are 19, college students after homeschooling, commuting, journalism 3.5 GPA and on campus,fine arts 3.8 GPA.

I have a daughter 10 and a 1 year old and she becomes neddy at times and she can act her shoe size not her age, but she loves her lil brother, I also realized that she needs her space from the lil brother so I give it to her I hope this helped.

Hi E.,
Congrats on the pregnancy! That's how it happens, when u don't stress or think about the process. Anyway, I think ur son will be fine. He's just saying that because your son is used to having all of your attention and not sharing it with another sibling. U will not know what your son's reaction will be until he has a sibling and it could go very well. MY kids are 3 yrs and 10 months apart, almost 4 years. I did not know how my son would react when his sister came this past April. He's fine, excited, and is involved. Even though they are not 6 years apart I am trying to give u the same advice as it is a similiar situation. When the time is right just talk to your son and when the baby is born have him involved any way possible. Try not to worry about it and just enjoy the pregnancy that u worked so hard for!

First of all congratulations! I know you are concerned about hte age difference but you must be so excited too. I have a sister who is 6 years older than I am. My mom too wanted us closer in age but things dont always work ou the way we want them to. There have been times in our lives where the age difference seemed huge (mostly when she was in HS and was "too cool" for me) but for the most part we have had a great relationship. I always looked up to her and she liked being older and "in charge" of me. What I mean by that is she knew I looked up to her and had a say in what I liked or how I dressed. As we got older our relationship grew closer and once we were both out of HS we bacame very close. We have had our ups and downs just like all siblings but I can assure you it was not a big deal being 6 years apart! Any differences we had was usually more about the different people we are than our ages. I hope this helps and again congratulations!!!

My son was 5 1/2 when my other son was born. He did very well. When they are older it is easier to explain things to them and to let them know that any attention is not taken away from them even though by default they may receive less. The age difference really isn't a big issue. My sister was born when I was 10. I thought that was a huge difference but really it made us closer. I was old enough to care a great deal for her instead of feeling like she "imposed" on my life. Just love your son and keep him in the loop like maybe bringing him to an ultrasound. He will be absolutely fine!

I feel like I've had two "only" children. My oldest was five when I had my second baby. He had been the center of everything: first child, first grandchild on both sides, etc. I suggest making sure that he doesn't think that whether or not you have additional children is his choice. The choice is between your and your husband--make sure he appreciates this fact.

Because my oldest was from my first marriage, he was getting to the age where he would be gone for extended periods in the summer. That left my daughter at home all alone for weeks at a time. That made her my "other only" at least part time.

My daughter was already seven when my triplets came along... when she realized that she was getting three more brothers, she quit talking to me for a week. lol

In the end, it has worked out ok. For a while we had a teen, a tween, and three toddlers--try planning family vacations around that! But we've made it work. We plan activities that can be modified for all ages, and we have a lot of fun together. In fact, in the past two years the two older kids have gotten very close. The oldest drives the younger one to dance lessons, school, etc. They chat and enjoy each others company (most of the time). :)

As for the little boys, they look up to both older kids. And the older kids are kind to them and include them whenever possible. That doesn't mean it's always smiles and giggles. But it's fun, and we're happy with how it's worked out.

My nieces are 6 years apart. It worked out just fine. My son is 6 and 8 years older than his sisters. That too has worked out fine. He had wanted siblings but resigned himself to being an only. He had his own activities -- that they of course were taken to. He has become a good friend and advisor to them. They'll confide things ti him they would rather not bring up to mom and dad --- they're all older now. Good luck to you. Your son will get over not wanting a sibling; he'll be proudly showing him or her off before long.

Hi E.,
Congratulations! I have a boy and girl who are exactly 6 years apart. My son is the oldest and he's 10 now, my daughter 4. I too didn't want the kids so far apart but similiar to you that's just the way it worked out for us.

My son can be wonderful with his sister he watches her when we're in the playground or out anywhere. He actually helps with her around the house too, he tends to her requests and even reads to her at night. So, in that regard it's great. However, they don't really play together. She does mimmick my son and while he loves that he's not too crazy about sharing, becasue some of his stuff has been lost or broken. We have managed to work that out though, he has an armoire in his bedroom where he keeps all his really special stuff and my daugher can't get in there. Homework is a little difficult because I can't spend the time I would like with my son. My son needs alot of help with homework and of course my daughter doesn't understand that, so it makes it tough. So, because they are in always in different places it makes it a little tough right now. However, my daughter will be starting school this September, so in another year they should start to get more in sync. Also, as they get older I think the gap will feel closer because again they'll be more in sync.

One thing I wasn't prepared for was that I felt like I was starting over. I was just starting to enjoy the freedom of no stroller, diapers, diaper bag, bottles, change of clothes etc. but as I write this that is actually becomming a memory to me now. I do feel like we don't do as much because my daughter does hold us back, so of course I feel guilty about that, but again that too is changing. Another positive is that I loved that I was able to spend time alone with my daughter while my son was in school. It's almost like having two only children, because you do have that alone time. I did feel bad though because my son of course realizes that and I think he misses his alone time with me, so we try and do some things just with the two of us. However, that's not always easy.

It's really more positive than negative. I'm happy that I have both kids and was really thrilled when I had my daughter because we really didn't think that was going to happen. I didn't have a tough time getting pregnant it was staying pregnant and if I heard one more person say: well at least you have your son, I thought I would scream! So, I'm happy and done now. I wish you and your family the best of luck and enjoy that little baby! (I love the infant stage).
Best,
C.

Hello there.

I have a son who's 10 and a daughter is 18 months. It has not been easy. She gets into his stuff, I have to keep reminding him not to leave his legos out. He has his moments where he dislikes her. And he'll do something goofy and she'll start laughing hysterically. She misses him when he's at his fathers and vice versa. I always make time for them seperately and together. On the weekends I make sure the we have an activity the whole family is involved in.

all 4 of my children are spaced apart and their relationships so far are pretty good--i must say b/c of the age gaps there's less sibling rivalry. My sis and I are spaced far apart in age, too, but once you're older it really doesn't matter.

My kids are 12 years apart. My daughter is 17 and my son is turning 5 in December. My daughter always wanted a sibling, but of course I think it was hard in some respect because she did grow up alone. I was sure to plan special alone time for her and I to let her know she wasn't "losing me" when the baby came along. She turned into quite the little mother when her brother came along, and they are very close. I wish you all the best with having another child. It will work itself out, I'm sure.

My son is 6 almost 7 years older than my daughter, he is so loving towards her. He always said he didn't want a sibling either, but boy did that change when I had her.

hANG IN THERE IT WILL WORK OUT!

My youngest two are 10 1/2 years apart...talk about a gap.

Your son's at the age where he is gonna be past the jealous stage and regression..hopefully. He is old enough to help out and learn the skills needed throughout his life...nurturing, compassion, caring, etc.

He also has no say in whether or not he becomes a big brother.

Nanc