Need Advice on Spacing Between Kids

I'm going to offer a different perspective to this... I joined this site after my mom asked me to and your question caught my eye. My sister and I are 22 months apart. When we were growing up we fought a lot, like all siblings, but when my sister got into high school, we became inseparable! Since then, we have been best friends! I don't know what I would do without a sister close in age that has gone through what I am going through recently and can offer me advice. I think having children close together is a great thing!! I wouldn't change our age difference for the world!

I agree that having children close in age is great. I have read that your body needs a full 18 months to recover and heal before you conceive again. So maybe that will be the deciding factor in how far to separate the ages! Good luck and have fun with those babies.

I agree with most everyone here that your body needs to rest. My OB/GYN told me at LEAST one year and put me on birth control. She actually said it could be dangerous for me (the mom) because I had a c-section. I think two years is a great spacing...somewhere I read that between 2-3 yrs was best as far as getting along, but I can't remember where I read that! Sorry! Hope this helps!
J.

Make sure they are at least 2 years apart in school. Then they will have their own identity and will be more confident. Do not group your kids together, it is much harder on you and them. The sibling rivalry will be less.

Well, my children are 7, 5 and 4..I had giving birth to my first child at age 35 I didn't want to have any children past 40. Now that's for me, my mom had me at age 42 ( this was in the sixties and it wasn't done much at all). My sister is 8 yrs older then me and she's it I have no other sibs. From my own life experience I can say this it was like being an only child at times and I was they youngest at the same time. My sister and I now are able to get along ok but it's like we are from diffrent generations. Since I now have children it's ok but no matter what she's been there done that...soooo well we are sisters so we don't always get along. As far as my experience with my boys being close it's wasn't really planned so to speak but now I'm glad it's worked out this way. I don't know that I'd want to go through the waking up in the night every few hours to feed a new born after not doing it for years...I now pretty much enjoy a full nights sleep I got my lost nights of new born over with in a few years. As far as my kids getting along they are like all children they fight at times but boy, oh boy they stick together no one better pick on the other (meaning a stranger) or they all start giving that person finger pointing and a piece of their minds..lol ..I have to say there's an advantage to having them a few years apart it's easier when one is really walking before giving birth to another...and potty training well every kid is different so close born or not doesn't matter. I can see that when my kids are older I've set the stage for them to be close it's up to them not to have a girlfriends or wife or their own behavior to not be close or getting along later in life...at least as little kids I can say they are close and really love each other very much. Best of luck with what you choose to do, I'm for it but you need to see what's best for your family and your body.

I always said that when I finally had kids that I want them to be close together in age. Well my thoughts didn't work out, my son is six and my daughter is 6 months. It's PERFECT, he helps us so much with her and is really good with her too. I like it this way and would highly recommend it. Give yourself a little time with this baby and enjoy this one before you load yourself with another.
Good Luck

My first two are 15 and a half months apart. This was not intentional... I just get pregnant really easy. Anyway, I will say the first year was absolutely insane. And I have read and been told that if you have a baby within 18 months of the first drastically increases the chance of premature delivery (which we did have the second one 4 weeks early). It was very hard to see what I thought of as my baby become a big brother before I thought any of us were ready. That aside... I LOVE it now! Those two are best friends, completely inseperable, and basically like twins. It was nice because when you get done with the diaper phase, you're done. Same thing with most stuff. And when potty training the first one, the second one wanted to too, so it happened at the same time. Once we made it past the first year (they are 5 and 4) I would have it no other way. I think a lot depends on the temperment of your first child. If he/she is easy going, mellow and such, I don't think it's crazy. If they are more high strung... it might be a lot to handle. My husband was gone A LOT with work, and it is managable, but of course the more support you have around (closest family for us was over 1600 miles away) the easier it will be. Good luck, and if you go for it feel free to ask advice, or just vent. I've been there! And whatever you do, don't decide because of what all of us say. Do whatever feels right for you and YOUR family! Much luck!

I had my 2 older children 3 years apart. That's how me and 2 of my other siblings were spaced. It's easier on you. The older one is usually potty trained, can help out a lot and won't demand your attention as much. You won't have two babies in diapers, you won't have two feed to children, one can walk and take care of theirselves a little. If you have them any closer, you will have two babies: crying, wetting, demanding your attention and you will get no rest. Also by having them 3 or 4 years apart, one will be ready to start school so you will only be home with one during the day or if you work outside the home, you will only have to worry about childcare for one child fulltime. Just my thoughts. Side note: I had my 3rd child 9 years after my second child and they were really big helpers and she's still close with them even at 13, 21 & 24.

My children are 19 months apart. I can't tell you about what it would be like to have them even closer together but I can tell you about my experience. It is really tough to have a baby and be pregnant. It is also tough to have a newborn and a toddler. But, now my kids are 3 1/2 and 5, and it is wonderful! They are both potty trained, both can get themselves around, go potty all by themselves, feed themselves, and they enjoy playing the same kind of things still and watching the same things. I can't imagine if I had just had one potty trained and then have to start all over in a year. So...be prepared for some tough times, but later it is worth it!

I think this is a personal decision, but I can tell you what we did. We got pregnant with our second when our baby was five months old. They are 14 months apart and the best of friends. Our third child is 2 years and 4 months younger than our second child. The only problem is that the first and second are such good friends that the third feels left out a lot. However, our oldest is in kindergarten, so the two younger ones are becoming good friends. I am glad that the three of them are closer in age than a lot of my friends' kids. I think that spacing five years between kids is an awful big gap and doesn't allow them to become close at all. My oldest and youngest are 3.5 years apart, with one in between. It is a lot of fun, albeit busy around here.

Hi M., I have two beautiful children, a boy and girl. They are 13 months apart. I am always being asked if they are twins. They fight like most siblings do but cannot stand to be apart. It is a security to me that they are so close in age and they are great company for each other. Not only at home but in school as well. My brothers and I were 3yrs apart and as I was startin High School in my brother would be leaving and the same went for my younger brother and me. It would have been nice to have them there and to share a lot of that experience with them. But I must say too that not being so close did give us our independence. So what every you and your husband decide will be right for the both of you.

Hi M.:

I am a happily married mom for 29 yrs., and a proud mom of 2 "kids" 27 yrs and 18 yrs. old. Although it wasn't planned to have our kids this far apart,(I honestly didn't think I could conceive again!!) both of our children have been a HUGE blessing. It is alot like raising two separate generations though, and I wouldn't advise waiting so long between kids..

Probably 3-4 years is the best timing, from all I can gather, not less and certainly not anymore..

All the best to you and yours,

D. D.

Hi M.! I see you have gotten many responses, but I do have to give you my opinion. I have three chidren a son 16yrs old, a daughter 13 yrs old and our little surprise well she is 18 mths. My two older ones are almost 3 years exactly apart. One was born Nov. 21, 1991 and the other Nov. 19, 1994 (my husband is Nov. 20th) believe or not. I think to have children 3 years apart was the best thing my husband and I could have done. In my opinion.. having kids to close together takes attention away from the oldest or older ones. I feel that every child has to have their own special baby time with mommy and daddy. A two year old still needs that special time. A three year old is old enough to help out and get involved with the baby. Enjoy the bundle of joy that you have now and in a year and a half start tring for another.
Good Luck!!
S.

You should probably wait until your baby is at least a year old before you try to get pregnant again. Your body will take a while to recover from the birth of your baby, and you need to give it time. Otherwise you could have some health problems later in life, and you run the risk of your body not being ready to get pregnant and having problems with your next pregnancy.

Ha, I think you're going to get so many different (conflicting) responses on this I hope it doesn't just confuse you more! :o) I've heard so many people say to keep a few years between each kid. But I personally wish I'd had twins or had them one right after the other. We have a 9 & 4 year old (both girls) and I think the difference in age really bugs them. The younger one is always following the older one around and wanting to be just like her but she's so much younger she can't actually do much of the same stuff and it drives the older one bonkers. If they were just closer in age they'd be doing more similar activities. When one wants to hit the ball the other would be in a similar hand-eye coordination stage... I always thought I'd want them spaced further apart, so the older one can be helpful with the younger one, but I hate to say it, my older one is not helpful at all, and she was much happier w/o a younger sister. If she'd been exposed to one earlier she wouldn't have gotten a chance to get used to life as the only child. Many kids aren't a whole lot of help until they're WAY older (past the point in which you'd want more kids)! I kept thinking I'd wait till my youngest one got older so she can help me, because she's more the helpful type.. but I've been saying that for years now. Plus having them closer together means they'll go to the same school in middle and high school! And the years of raising them will be shortened a bit. I know when kids get to be teens, the parents are lways ready for them to go to college so they can travel and stuff... imagine a life to yourselves again after 18 years. but if you wait 5 years between 2 kids, that makes it 23 years... and if you have another... gosh. That's a long time! ;o) So my suggestion is hurry up! :o) haa haa. Of course if you're overly stressed by the current baby, or you're unhappy and convinced that having another baby will make you happy, then I veto my entire response. :o)

hi M., its time for my 2 cents..ha ha
my husband was like that also around the time our daughter was her age. she is 18 months now, and we are expecting #2 in september. they will be a little more than 2 years apart.
every woman that ive known had kids far apart in age had wished that they would have had them closer together, because it felt like starting all over for them. plus, my husband has an 11 yr old boy from his 1st marriage, and doesnt understand why babies get into everything and everything she sees is hers, and he gets frustruated with the her at times.
honestly i would wait maybe 1 more year. give your body some time to heal, going thru pregnancy and childbirth really takes a toll on it. plus it will give you time to enjoy the one that you already have.
and another perk of having them close in age is that, your house is already baby proofed, you dont have to think of what should i put up that she will break, socket outlet covers, etc, already have bibs, bottles, etc....
but all in all, the decision is totally up to you, having some input is a good thing, you get to see all sides of the spectrum.
i hope this helps.
thanks for sharing

E.

I have four kids, ages are 8, 6 and 4 year old twins. I spaced my kids 2 years apart, and then there's the twins. But that's a different story!! Anyhow 2 years seems to be perfect, they're not too far apart that they can't be playmates. My older boys play great together, real buddies with a lot in common. When I brought a baby home to a two year old there was some jealousy, but they were old enough to be a little independant and voice what they needed. And then the twins which are 5 minutes apart, they are great playmates for eachother, but having two infants was hard. Now that they are four much easier!! Well that's my experience. Good Luck and congratulations on your baby!!

HI M.,
My two eldest children are 4 years apart...enough that I wasn't doing double diaper duty and the older one didn't need as much attention as far as waking up in the night etc... but now they are 23 and 18 and very close...then 8 years after the second,unplanned,I had my third. The oldest two are out of home,it was very hard on me when they left so it was great that my baby is still 8 years from graduating and the older ones spoil her rotten. I don't have any special advice for you,just my experience...hope it helps :)
Dee-Dee

I was say NO , spacing of 3 years was perfect for me , the first out of diapers and the oldest can actually help like giving the baby a toy or bring you a diaper etc. and at 3yrs they actually understand why mommy cant play with them RIGHT then. Think about your current child and how he/she needs to be the baby a bit longer. Do you think your 5 month old is ready to not be the baby? Besides that you dont need the added stress of having 2 infants. it'd be like having twins. Once you have said second baby uou wont beable to pick up first baby at first because they tell you dont pick up anything heavier than your newborn for the first few weeks. A baby dosnt understand that. a 3-4 yr old does.

My siblings are all 1-2 yrs apart and it was hell for my mom , there are 4 of them between ages 15 almost 16 - 21. at one time she had 4 kids under the age of 5. Can you imagine the amount of diapers?

You do what your family thinks they can handle but remember it always turns out harder than you think it will expecially with babies, they dont come with a manual and are all differant.

When our first born was 18 mos. we got pregnant again, they are best friends. I have other friends that planned their next pregnancy just after 12 mos. I'd wait a little while to let your body recover from the first go round. Wish you the best!

My first son was born in September 2000 and my second son was born in July 2003. For us, this spacing was perfect. Our older son had mastered potty training and he could 'help out' some. For instance, if he wanted juice while I was nursing the baby, he could bring me the juice and a cup. He could understand when I would tell him that we could play in 15 minutes. At three years old, they love to be 'big' and help out. Now at ages 4 and 7 they play well together. They disagree sometimes, but they are into the same things and are usually good friends.

I would suggest closer is better. I have 5 kids and it was just easier when they were closer (1 set is 18 mos apart and another set is 11 mos apart). The further apart they are (there is almost 4 years between the younger of the first set and the older of the second set), the more problems there are...can't play together, don't enjoy doing the same things or going the same places, etc. When they are close in age, they keep each other occupied and it's easier to plan outings that everyone can enjoy. If you want them spaced further apart, I recommend 5-8 years apart. That way you can dedicate the full day to the new little one, while the other one is at school. My brothers and I are all 8 years apart and I think we are all pretty happy with it (other than wishing we had a sibling to "grow up" with).

It is totally up to you. My oldest is 6 and we are just now trying for no. 2. I didn't feel that I could handle two "babies". My son can do a lot on his own now and can even help out some. Plus he is in school all day so I can have time with a newborn and not feel stressed. For most of the day it will be like having only one child! The age gap will probably be an issue with them when they get older. Kids are not going to get along most of the time anyway so what difference does it make? My sis and I are 6 years apart and we get along fine now but groing up it was rough because neither of us were into the same things. My mom also made up play together which I do not recommend. You shouldnt force kids to play together, they only resent it. But if you have them close in age they will probably be more jealous of each other. Just thin about what you can deal with and go from there.

You must have an angel that eats and sleeps well to be thinking about another one. There are ups and downs to having them close together and further apart. We had the angel first. Our boy started sleeping through the night at three weeks and was always very calm and reversed. Since we had the angel first we tried to have another when he was 18 months. We got pregnant immediately and our second was born making it 2 years and 3 months between them. She however is why we are not having a third. she was early coming out. She has been non stop and a total 180 from my first. She scares her daddy. Down fall two in diapers at one time. Downfall one in expensive formula while other in 5.00 a gal milk. Downfall they love each other immensely but eventhough boy and girl they fight constantly. Upswing - we are done. We can clean house for all bottles, high chairs, etc. Upswing we are done with diapers. Upswing I am done with having to tote snacks and sippy cups and a bag everywhere. Both eat normal food so no special takealongs. However, my friend had the oh my god hellain (didnt eat, didnt sleep, didnt poop) and it took her three years before she could think about having another. But the second turned out to be calm like my first so she went for number three about 18 months later. She just gave birth to that one so we will see what kind of personality she gets with this one. I guess my bottomline answer is to be prepared that the next will be nothing like the first...you will have a different child, you will have a jealous first, you will have all kinds of different challenges. I say wait at least until this one is a year because even if you get pregnant on the first month that will put them 21 months apart and you will have less time with two in diapers, etc. Good Luck.

I think its good to have children close together but not two close. You need to give your body a rest.

I am a mother of five children now 24, 23,22,17,17 Yo.
I was away from home when I got pregnant for each one of my
children. My husband was very, very busy with his studies and his full time job so it was very dificult for me to handle the care of my children and my self, home, chores,husband, and so on.. One reason too was my, some kind of artistic, mind loose of structure and my love for meditation and time for reading which I had to set on the last of my list of priorities. My opinion is to set apart around 2 years in between pregnancy for the individual attention to each one of the members of the family and for sanity and your body to reshape accordanly. This is if you dont have the help and support I did'nt have. it was not After I had my first three children that I remember the advice once an aunt gave me just before I got marriage. When you have children have them two years apart in between. I had 5 years after my weding before I had the first child so I didnt remember her advice until after I had the first three of them and I felt the need to remember her advice, ups!

Mine are 15 1/2 months apart. I had a lot of "what was I thinking moments" but am now so glad we did it close together. It is a little rough in the beginning (first six months or so), but they are such great playmates for each other now. Once they get to a certain age it's easier having two than one because they amuse each other so much. I also think it's great that we can plan family activities that they both are at the perfect age to enjoy. Just my thoughts... good luck whatever you decide.

I got pregnant with my second when my first was nine months. They are exactly eighteen months and one week apart and I love it! I can not wait to have another one. I actually kind of want the next two to be closer. My first daughter can get a little jealous sometimes just because she does remember what it was like before her dear sister came into the world. But other than that I love it. And everyone I talk to who has had them close loves it, I have actually not ever heard anyone who did not like it. It is hard at first, but so worth it in the end. My daughters love to be together and play all the time. Hope this helps. Good Luck.

I think I agree with sonya on this one. Ya its good to have them kinda close like a couple of yrs so they have someone to play with but as for being too close....it's extremely hard not just physically but finacially. Instead of having to buy diapers for 2 babies and all the ess. babies need its alot easier to have one out of diapers and old enough to help out a little and to help teach the other a thing or two. My second learned alot of stuff fast b/c he had his big brother there to help out. Mine are 3 yrs and 3 months apart and I preferred to have mine a little spaced out...its very draining to do the baby thing all over again before you've had a chance to miss it.

I have five children under the age of 10. I love it! I come from a family of six children (all within 10 years). I wouldn't trade that for anything. My oldest two children (both boys) are 18 months apart (one born in October and one in April). Their interests are so similar since they are close in age, they feel like they get two birthdays a year. There are so many advantages to having children close together. Do what you think is best and don't worry.

Hey! Of course all of this is up to you, but I would recommend waiting at least a year. Your body needs to FULLY recover in order to give baby #2 the best environment for growth. I was like you with both of my kids - I was already talking about getting pregnant again before delivery! And with both of them, around the one year mark I relaxed and decided to wait. My kids are 3 1/2 years apart, which is good and bad. The good is that psychologists did research and determined that the very best spacing between siblings, from a psychological standpoint, is three years. There is less competition because they are always at different levels developmentally, they say, and so they are more able to achieve emotional health. I would agree so far, but they're only 4 and almost 1 right now. I am surprised by how well she does with her brother - I thought there would be too big a gap for them to really play, but they really do seem to have a relationship. I know she'll have times in the future when he's a pain, but they like each other a LOT. The downside is that IF there is a number 3, Hannah will be a lot older, and speaking as the eldest of four, with them 6, 12, and 14 years younger than me, I don't have a real sibling connection, or what I imagine would be one. I love them, but I changed all of their diapers! I did not grow up with them, but watched them grow up (still am). SO, if I had another, I'd like to do it when baby #2 is between 2 and 3. That way, Hannah's not too terribly old, and the two younger will be closer. I do wish I'd had number 2 a little earlier, but it just didn't happen that way, and I can't really complain because they do remarkably well together. Plus, Hannah is a big help, which I am very conscious not to exploit. In any event, good luck to you, I'm sure you'll make the right decision for you and your family. Perhaps baby #2 will just be here when he/she wants to be here!

I don't think anyone can give u the magic answer, just do what u think is best. My kids are 23 mths apart and there are pros and cons - it was really tough being pregnant while having a toddler, 14-23mths. - Also I nursed each for 1 year so getting preg. while my baby was mths old wasn't an option. Just follow your heart.

M.,
You should wait a little longer. Pregnancy is really hard on your body and depletes a lot of minerals. Give your body time to recuperate. The reccomended wait is 2yrs but if you are in that much of a hurry a least wait until your first one is a year old. Having two babies can be very exhausting. Enjoy this one. Learn from this experience, then in a year try again. They will still be close enough in age to play together and the first one will be a little more independant when the next one comes.
In addition, the cost of diapers and formula for two can be costly and if you are planning to breast feed both that is going to be very hard on you physically and emotionally. When will you sleep? I would definatly wait at least a year but even better, 2yrs.