Mom to 14 Month Old Wants Advice on When to Try Again

My kids are about 20 months apart and it is great! It was extremely difficult at first and I wasn't sure we would get through it. Like you, my first was the best baby. Slept well, ate well, did everything just as you would want her to. We weren't as lucky with the second one. However, now, they are the best of friends and I wouldn't have done it any other way. Having two in diapers was hard, but it was totally worth it. I sometimes think 3 years apart is too much and they tend to fight. That seems to be the age when they mature a very different paces and the younger is trying to always keep up. At two years they are so much closer and can share similar interests. At least that is the case in our house.

In my opinion, closer in age would be better. Mine are 18 mos. apart and the best of friends!

My girls are 19 months apart. The first 6 months were tough, but they are now 2 1/2 and 4 and it's great. They are close enough in age that they are still in the same stage for toys and interests, so they play together all the time. I'm very glad that they are so close. With my friends whose kids are 3 years apart, it's not quite as easy for them to play together constantly. (and give mom a few minutes of space sometimes!)

Whenever you feel comfortable is best for you. I personally think 3 yrs. is better. That way your 1st child can be a little more independent and helpful with the new baby.

Hi D.,
I have 4 children and I have 2 that are 3 years apart and 2 that are only 20 months apart. I prefer kids closer together. The kids that are 3 years apart rarely played together and the two that are 20 months apart are best of friends. The two that are 20 months apart also were in the same activities together like baseball and soccer. Made for less running kids around to different places. It was busy when they were little but they have always been the best of buddies.

You never know if you will get pg right away, that's why I have a 3 year gap between the first 2 kids. I tried for a long time to get pg and just didn't.

I just had my second almost 3 months old, my son just turned 3...for me this was a good space. My son is a pistol, I would not have survived having an infant with him younger than he is now. He's also old enough to help out, understands and communicates with us so well and is very good to his baby sister.

Good luck at trying to plan what month to have the baby...I tried that, became obsessed with getting pregnant with the second baby so much that it took us 11 months. As soon as I forgot about it and focused on other things, BOOM got pregnant.

My baby daughter has a totally different personality than my son...and I got what I wished for...a more laid back child that is just an angel. My son was a great baby too, more demanding than my daughter, but still good.

As soon as he turned 15 months old...he hit the terrible 2's. And he's still in them when he has his tantrums...typical toddler. They say that lasts til about 4...so I hope.

Good luck

Dear D.,

This really isn't any help, but I think it truly depends on the parenting style and the childrens' personalities. My husband is two years younger than his sister and they have always disliked each other. My brother and I are 4 years apart and adore each other. My oldest daughter is 2 years older than my son who is 3 years older than my youngest daughter. So far the two oldest children play really well together (as long as my son plays and does what my older daughter tell him to). I think as long as you give them there space to resolve their own conflicts and never set them against each other it doesn't matter. Of course, I'll probably be more of an expert in 20 years when they're all 3 grown.

My kids are 13 months apart. Very hard in the beginning but beyond fabulous now. They are 8 & 9. boy and girl. I bet you will get a slew of opinions, but go with your gut. Close sibs are great.

I actually have both. My first two are 2 years apart, and my second and third are 3 years apart. Especially if your little one is a good baby, I would say 2 years is best. It has definitely proven to be a better distance in age with mine. They seem to be more accepting of the new baby, and do not seem to fully understand much rivalry when the new baby comes home. Later when the two reach elementary school, they will also enjoy being closer in age--and so will you. Now when my second was 3 and we had our third, she did not like having the baby in the house. Although she acts like his little mom now (four years later.) Either way 2 or 3 will still be good...I just preferred 2. Good luck!

If they are closer to 2 years you might have more running around and craziness, but they will be closer in age to play with. 3 years the child will be old enought to help you a bit and understand more. My sisters and I are all 3 years apart and we never had any problems playing with each other. It seems that if they are too close things might be a bit crazier. I am pregnant now and my kids will be about 3 years apart. I have seen people with kids two years apart and things seem to be a bit crazier than if you wait a bit - but it is up to you. They say it is best to not wait much longer than 3 years apart because then they will be able to play with each other (may not as easily relate to each other as one will find something interesting and the other one will be like "that is so boring").

It is up to you, I would recommend 3 for your own sanity- you just don't want to wait too long as you still want to be in the "routine" of taking care of a baby (diapers, etc). Nothing like getting out of the routine and have to start all over again.

My 2 girls are exactly 2 years apart and I love it. I would suggest to start trying right away because mother nature doesn't always cooperate with our "plans!"

Hi
I have four children (almost 14yrs., almost 11yrs., 9yrs and 8yrs) The first two were actually planned to be 3 yrs. apart. The older one was great with him as a baby, and through the past years. There was some fighting in there but all in all they got along pretty well. My second son and third son ____@____.com have their good days and bad days getting along. But all siblings fight. It is nice because they are closer in age and like to play similar things. My third son and daughter are 13mos apart. They get along really great together and play together alot. He likes to play her things and she likes to play his, whether it be Barbies and/or GI Joes, house, school, army men. From my own personal experience, my brother and I are 4 yrs. apart. We got along, played together, fought, but in the long run he is one of my best friends. Good luck in whatever you do. :)

My daughter just turned 2 a couple weeks ago, and I am trying now for #2. I went through the same debate as you, wondering what the best spacing between the two would be. I have friends who have done it both ways, and for me personally, I am more comfortable with them being 3 years apart. I am a SAHM, so I will be the one home with both kids, something that definitely affected my decision. When they are 3 years apart, there are a number of advantages - the older child will be in a big bed, so no need to buy another crib. The older child will be potty-trained (or close to it) by age 3, so only one child will be in diapers. The older child can communicate better and understand more, making it easier to manage 2, especially when you need to explain why the baby needs your attention. The older child can play more independently and is also ready to start preschool, giving you additional one-on-one time with the new baby. And no need for a double-stroller! I never wanted one of those in my life - I've seen how cumbersome they can be. Plus at this point, I feel like I've had a really nice break from all the things that come with having a newborn - sleepless nights, breastfeeding, etc,etc. And as far as interacting with each other, 3 years apart is still close in age - they'll still be in school together at the same time, and the older one can help teach the younger one lots of new things. For me personally, it feels like a win-win. Just my thoughts. Hope this helps!

Mine are 3 years 2 months apart and we wouldn't have done it any other way. I think it is much easier to care for a baby when the older one is a little more independent. If my older one was any younger I think I would have had a much harder time trying to deal with 2. The older one is more independent and loves to help with his little brother. Plus, you aren't right in the midst of terrible 2's when you have another baby. But, children at any age gap is a blessing. :)

I'm two years older than my middle brother and he's three years older than our little brother. We all get along great so I don't think it really matters. It all depends on you.

I think when the older is potty trained and can get around good by themselves without being carried then it is a good time. It all depends on the older one. I had my second child almost exactly two years after my first...because the first was very mature and so on. I didn't try for my third for a bit longer because I was tired and the second didn't cross those milestones as quickly as the first.

I really don't think it matters though.

i dont think it really matters. Medically, it is advised to not get pregnant within one year of giving birth ie to birthspace around 18 months to 2 years but there are lots of reasons why that might not be practical. For instance, I am 42 and so waiting isn't such a good option for me. I have friends who have their children quite close and they think that works great, though sometimes it leads to more fighting. It is really hard to predict. I think in general when you are ready, you are ready.

Hello. My kids are spaced oddly because of a step son in the mix. My stepson is 15 and my birth children are 18 months apart. My 15 year old and my 7 year old get along famously. They are great friends but tend to leave the 5 almost 6 year old out of things. BUT, when the 15 year old isn't here for the weekend, the two of them are as thick as theives. They are best friends and are always together. You don't get one without the other. Many people often ask if they are twins. My husband I and I don't see it, but to each his own. They share the same room and one wakes the other one up in the morning and play quietly with the other til we wake up on the weekends. How awesome is that!
My first biological child was so fussy and never slept it seemed. I was sleep deprived! But my second was so oppositie! He slept well and had a smile on his face all the time! Now, the crabby one is the happy one and the smiley one is the crabby one.lol Go figure! Anyway, good luck on your decision.

Actually no one can answer that question better than you. My sister and I are 17 months apart, we fought like cats and dogs, she was cool, I was not, I was not allowed to be around her friends.. you know.. how it goes. My children are 5 years apart brother and sister... 22 and 17, total opisite, nothing in common, she does not even claim, in her opinion I have a son, she does not have a brother.. so it just depends. By the way my sister and I are now close. We do not always know how it will work out. I am sure my two will some day be close... not sure I will live that long.... but like I said you are the only one to really answer that one.

Hi D.,

I have a 3 year old girl (today she's 3!!!) and a 9 month old boy so they're about 2 years apart. So far so good. It's a lot of work because they both need alot from you but I think in the end it will be worth it to have them close in age. Really, whatever you decide will work for your family. There's not a whole lot of difference between 2 years apart and 3 years apart. Either way you'll be paying two college bills at the same time! I hear having them closer together means they'll play together and entertain eachother......I'm looking forward to that day!

Mine were 3 years apart and everything was fine in the younger years. My daughter and son were in to every sport you can imagine. I never realized until jr. high that the sibling rivalry was aweful. She was the eldist and he struggled to keep up with her in everything. Until high school when he hit his growth spurt and could play basketball (that's the sport they both ended up sticking with)as well as she, if not better or at least the same. They did catch up anyway but to this day, she is still jealous of him (sad to say). 1 or 2 years apart they can grow up being best friends.

My boys ended up being about 3 1/2 yrs apart. It seemed perfect when they were little my older DS was Wonderful w/ his little brother very Loving and protective now that older DS is hitting that preteen stage they are at each others neck occasionally but I think it is just the age not the yrs between them.

My sons are 20 months apart and the best of friends. Its definately hard the first year or two but awesome at the same time.

D., My children are 22 months apart at times it was very overwhelming. They seemed to not get along very well at first, but now that they are 5 and 3 they are the best of friends. They place together, laugh together and do everything together. It seems hard sometimes, but when I look back on it i wouldn't have done it any other way.

Hope this helps your decision.
K. N.

D.,

There really is no right spacing of your children. My friend has spaced her about 1 year and loved it. I spaced my children 3-5 yrs apart. I enjoyed this because I could concentrate on one child at a time, diapers, bottle breaking and potty training. Also, having that older one to help with these things was AWESOME. My biggest joke was, "I don't know how I raised my oldest without his help." Spacing would be a decision you and your husband would need to discuss.

Good Luck

I don't think it matters how far apart your kids are as long as you're prepared to start splitting time between them and you are healthy enough to have another baby and take care of both of them. The important thing you must realize is EVERY pregnancy is different and EVERY baby is different. I have had three pregnancies and each one was so different it was unreal. Each baby's personality was very different also. I had one baby with colic, one who cried for no apparent reason and one who was perfect in every way. Please don't get pregnant thinking this baby will be just like your first - you'll be disapointed.

hi D.,i am a mom of three my older 2 are 4 years and one month apart to the day, they do bikker alot but what siblings dont?they do get along for the most part,they are totally at different stages but i like it that way my oldest who will be 11 on the 14 is a grear role moldel for my second who will be 7 on the 14 of next month.i guess it depends on how you raise your kids!my thrird child is our only girl so she is totally spoiled she has all the males in this house wrapped.she is only 17 months so there is a huge gap,but the boys are great with her,they love to hang with her and play they are truly great.i like the gaps i have #1 was in prescool when #2 came and was old enough to understand what was happening hospital and all.and when#three came my second was also in school i think it made it alot easier to spread equal time for everyone.but i do agree with the other moms when they say what ever gap you have in kids it will all workout in the end.good-luck

Mine are 2 years and 2 weeks apart. It was really a lot of work when they were younger and it is getting easier now. I would say having a 3 year old to deal with rather than a 2 year old might be eaiser...but there are other issues there as well. My friends have a 3 year old and infant and the 3 year old physically bats at the baby when it is where he doesn't want to be. The baby is now 1 and the other is 4 and literally the baby is starting to man handle people after having to save himself so often. My only thing would be having the older child understanding the baby is part of your life and I think you have to adjust them to the new family member. Anyway...it does get easier if you decide to have it earlier. I love my gals and wouldn't have it any other way.

I wanted my kids about 18 months apart, but it didn't work out that way. They are 25 months apart and I wouldn't have it any other way. 2 was a big adjustment for me. Now my oldest does have some special needs, and she had to go to therapy 3x a week, so I was always running with her and a newborn. So that of course was rough. I like 2 years apart. They are far enough to be separate people and have their own friends, but close enough to be friends together. We are working on number 3 and it is taking longer than I like. If it finally happens this month, my 2 youngest will be 22 months apart. I would maybe plan for 2 years, cuz it might take awhile. Good luck!

My kids are just shy of 3 years apart. It worked out well for us because my oldest was a little more demanding and high maintanence! So the 3 years gave her more time to grow up and become a little more independant. Then while my second was a newborn, the oldest was able to play by herself well while I tended to the baby. Now (almost 6 and almost 3) they play together alot, fight alot, and play independantly also. So I guess it just depends on your situation and what you like.

I have a 18 year old and a 15 year old and I also have a 7 year old and a 2 year old I think the 3 years apart was perfect my oldest was potty trained and eating food on her own so i wasnt as stress about a new born. Plus as they grew up they were able to play together and interact alot more than my younger two. Now the are great friends they hang out and have each other toto talk about the "teenage"stuff. with my younger two my 7 year old doesnt want to be bothered with the two year old and the two year old doesnt want to stay away from the 7 year old.

I would say the closer the better. I have a Girl and Boy 20 months apart and they are the best of friends. I wouldn't have it any other way. It is a little hard for a few years, but it absolutely pays off in the long run. Good luck!

i wanted my kids to be 2 years apart so we sarted trying when my daughter was 11 months old, she turned 4 december 2007 and we still havent been able to give her a sibbling for whatever reason they call it secondary infertility
so you never know

amongst me and my girlfriends, our 1st and 2nd babies are spaced anywhere from 20mos to 2.5yrs and we're all very happy with this. one advangtage to having a little more space (like mine, 2.5yrs apart) is that the older one is more likely to be potty trained and is more likely to be very helpful (able to run little errands for you, "honey, can you get the wipes for me, please?"). Hope this helps!

I just had my 2nd child in November - and they are two years apart. I think 2 yrs is better than 3 just b/c at age 2, they are not as "bratty" or hard to control, whereas a 3-yr old can be more defiant. This is just my observation among those that I know who did wait about 3 yrs in-between. I must say it was a bit rough in the 3rd trimester trying to still carry around the toddler, but now the big brother is a big help and has adjusted well. Good luck!

My first was heaven-sent as well. Sleeping through the night by the time I went back to work. What is teething?? All of the sudden he had them. No major problems, everything went smoothly. I now have a 5 year old and a 21 month old so they are a littel over three years apart and I think it was perfect!!! I am a school psychologist and work for school district as well. My second was a June baby and I thought that was great but most of my morning sickness happened during the school year as opposed to in the summer time when I had a February baby. She has been a completely different child. I am glad they were 3 years apart becasue at 3 they become much more independent and not so high maintenence. He was fully potty trained at three and a half so we did not have 2 in diapers for very long which was wonderful. He has been a very good helper but they are close enough in age that they still enjoy similar activities. Hope this helps!

Happy with 2 in Illinois!!!

Everyone is going to have their own theories on this, so mine is that 3 years is better. My mom had horrible pregnancies - sick all the time! I was the same way with my son, who is 21 months old. When my mom was pregnant with my brother, I was old enough to understand that she couldn't play with me all the time, that she wasn't feeling well, and I even held her hair back when she as throwing up. (EWWWW!) In anticipation of my next pregnancy being just as bad, if not worse than my first, I'd like my first child to be a little more independent, since I likely won't be able to keep up with him as I'm accustomed to doing right now. But that's my own personal take on the subject. If you had an easy pregnancy the first time, that might not hold much weight for you.
Good luck, whatever you decide!

Hi, I am mom to three kids: 4, 3, and 1. My first two are 15 months apart, and the next two are 22 months apart. Although the first two weren't necessarily our plan, I am so happy my kids are close together! I love that they are all still interested in the same things, so we don't have to split up our family when we do things. They don't have any memory of being an only child, and they love having playmates all the time. So, I would say 2 years is better. I am also the 6th of 7 kids, and most of us are 2 years apart. The two closest to me are only 2 years older and younger than I am. It was great having a sibling in highschool with me the whole time and sharing a car was actually pretty cool most of the time. I believe that God knows best, and will bless you with a child when it's right for your family. I looked at getting pregnant with number two this way: if I'd had her at any other time, she wouldn't be the Lillie Jean we love so much, because we would be different people as well.

Hope this helps! Enjoy yourself with your son! 14months is a lot of fun...in fact all the ages are a blast for me!

Hey D.. So nice to hear there are good sleepers out there, you give me hope (#3 on the way). I have two boys that are two years apart and I love it. They are still close enough in age that they play wonderful and my older one is so nurturing to his little brother. With #3 on the way, my youngest will be 4 years older so I guess I will see it from the other side. With it being the 3rd and all, I guess we are happy for the age gap because of all the work involved with 3 boys, ugh! Anyway, if you are planning on a March-May date, we started trying at the end of July for our first 2 and one is an April baby and one is a May baby.

Hope this helps!!

Well I am a mom of 2 girls and they are 2 years almost to the day apart and it is great they can share some clothes, toys, and even friends!!! I am 3 1/4 years younger than my sister so it was harder because 3 years is just enough that we were in different stages. She was close with me until teen years (about 14 and 11) and we have never been real close again!!! She was big enough to date and go out with friends without my parents and I was not then she clould drive and I was the little sister that was left out. Then she became an adult and I was a teen and she knew everything and tried to be my 2nd mom, then I wanted to live a young adult life and have fun and she was a mom so it got worse she told on me all the time and it was "for my own good" !! Well that is my opinion Good Luck!!!

There are so many different ways to answer your question. The books say to wait 4 yrs, because the oldest is able to understand alittle bit better that the baby needs alot of attention, they are also able to help out alot, and that makes them enjoy the baby more. I say it's up to you. As long as your family is ready than go for it. My children are 5 yrs. apart(pretty big gap). My daughter was very high maintaince, didn't take naps, always fussy. Witch didn't let much time for the boy. He had a hard time at first, but giving him attention when we could, I sat at home with the baby and my husband took my son out and did fun stuff. It wasn't perfact but it got our son threw the first 6 months, after that she got better and we all could do things together, he truly is a great big brother. So after all my babbeling, it's all how you handle the situation with the oldest. After all, that's the one that is affected the most by the new baby. If they are ok with the situation, then you dont have them acting out for attention. Believe me, there's nothing more trying on the nerves as your baby crying and the oldest wining and acting out. What ever you decide I'm sure it will be the correct thing for you and your family, after all you care enouph to think it threw before you act.

My kids are a little over 2 1/2 years apart. I think being more than 2 years apart worked well for us because I was able to involve my daughter in taking care of the baby after he was born, and to this day, she's VERY protective of her younger brother. Not to mention, if you wait a little longer, you'll have more time to spend potty training your toddler (trust me: do it BEFORE the baby is born if at all possible!).