26 answers

4.5 Year Age Difference Between Siblings?

My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for over a year and a half. At this point if we want that to happen we'll have to go w/donor egg and IVF.

Even if we made the decision to go forward with that immediately, our daughter would be at least 4.5 when the baby was born.
I'm wondering what other peoples' experiences have been with this kind of age difference. Can siblings still play together at all, or will they really be in their own separate worlds.

My mother had several miscarriages resulting in me being 8.5, 12 and 13 years younger than my siblings. I was more like a second family unit w/my parents. I am pretty close to my sisters, especially the younger. (The older felt she had too much responsibility to raise me).

In any case, perhaps you have a similar age difference with your children, or have children with these age differences and can tell me a little about your experiences. I know there's no way to guarantee siblings will have a good relationship, but I feel like I have no idea what this age difference would be like.

This is a pretty heart wrenching decision.

Thanks so much,

J.

What can I do next?

Featured Answers

My brother and I are three years apart and then my sisters and I are 11 and 13 years apart. My kids are 12, 11, 11, and 7 years old. My youngest and my oldest play together just fine. (Aside from typical sibling squabbles.)

4 1/2 years really isn't that bad of an age difference. They're close enough that they can still play together, but the oldest is old enough that she's out of diapers, can feed herself and can even help a little with the baby. (ie get diapers, put a bottle in the sink, etc)

1 mom found this helpful

my sons are 9 years apart! They're now 14 & 23 ....& are closer than they've ever been. I love it!

Mine are 4.5 years apart almost to the day. I think it is a good age gap especially now as they are getting older. (9 and almost 5) They are starting to play together and enjoy each other more and more every day. We will see what happens in the preteen years :)

More Answers

My children are exactly 4.5 years apart. They are a boy and a girl so they weren't playmates as children but they always loved each other. They are now 25 and 21 and are REALLY close. When my daughter turned 21 she wanted her brother to be the first one to go out with her to celebrate. They still go out together on occasion and go for lunch, movies etc. Also, there wasn't much jealousy between them when we brought her home, because he was old enough that his needs were not as great as maybe a 2 year old. He was such a help and really loved her. Good luck I hope your little blessing comes soon!!

3 moms found this helpful

I have a sister who is 8 yrs older them me, a brother 4 yrs older, a brother 19 mos younger & my girls are almost 6 yrs apart. It makes no difference in my opinion. The relationships that develop over the years change so much as we are growing up but always remain the same in so many ways. My little brother is still the one I talk to when I need a laugh or the one I tell stories to my girls about when I want to put a smile on their faces. Whereas my sister is the one I ask questions to about my 12 yr old to since we lost my mom, and she was the one that I went to when I had boyfriend troubles, unless I needed one of them beat up then it was my older brother! I really don't think there's ever a good age that we can introduce a child to another at and if we try to hard it can only make things harder. We can only to the best we can and try to include them in as much as we can. My daughter Sami had a babydoll that we'd dress up in babydoll clothes & change the diapers - we just prayed her sister didn't come out with a head of hair because we hoped Sam wouldn't carry her around by the hair like she did her babydoll. Wishing you the best of luck!

2 moms found this helpful

We lost our second baby at 21 weeks and I almost didn't try again but I am so glad I did. My son was 6 months old a couple of days ago and my DD will be 5 in January. He is a joy! She is the best sister and such a great loving little mamas helper. She loves him so much. There have been no issues of jealousy. She is able to tell us when she feels left out or needs time with mommy or daddy without baby brother. I had my doubts about the big gap but now I am so glad because I also only have one in diapers and she is in preK so I have 5 mornings a week with the baby all alone. They both get one on one time with mom and dad.
I am amazed on a daily basis at the love and nurturing spirit my DD brings to her brother. If she hears him crying she will go to him and comfort him. She wants to help feed him. I love it. Now I want another one. lol

2 moms found this helpful

Our boys are exactly 4.5 yrs apart (5 and 9.5 now). Not totally by choice but a 180 degree career change after the first meant it was best to wait longer than we planned to make sure the energy and $$$ stuff was back on track.

Our boys LOVE each other. They are always helping each other, playing together, whispering secrets....

Their shouted good nights and I-love-yous ring through the house every night.

Their inevitable spats are usually over before we can interfere and they are apologizing before we have to make them say sorry.

BUT...My theory is not that 1 year or 2 years or 4 years or 10 years is "best". I actually suspect there is no best. What makes the difference is the parents themselves. Couples that have a happy marriage, that are personally satisfied, parents that love their children and work day and night to do their best...That is what matters. If you have that, the timing between kids doesn't matter. It sounds like you have love to give another child -- Good luck. You deserve that.

2 moms found this helpful

Well, we're not too far into it, but my daughter was nearly five when her little brother was born last year. So far it's been mixed. She adores her little brother and has since the start. (she often says that the day he was born was the happiest day of her life) :)

The hardest thing for her was having to deal with not having 100% of our attention, like she was used to for almost five years. And although that's been really tough, I think that part will fade and once her brother (now 11 months old) can really start playing more they will have lots of fun together. As it is now, they already play together and giggle together. It's so cute.

So, like you said, there's no guarantee that siblings will get along, but there's a good chance that even with a larger age gap, they'll still love to play together.

Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

There is a 4.5 age difference from my oldest to my middle, and from my middle to the youngest.
They ALL play together! :)
They fight, argue, play, and love each other to pieces. Some days they are all snuggled up together, and some days they are fighting over the TODDLER'S toys! Lol!
Good luck. If you decide to have this baby, you guys sound like great parents and I'm sure your daughter will have lots of fun with him/her. :)

1 mom found this helpful

My brother and I are three years apart and then my sisters and I are 11 and 13 years apart. My kids are 12, 11, 11, and 7 years old. My youngest and my oldest play together just fine. (Aside from typical sibling squabbles.)

4 1/2 years really isn't that bad of an age difference. They're close enough that they can still play together, but the oldest is old enough that she's out of diapers, can feed herself and can even help a little with the baby. (ie get diapers, put a bottle in the sink, etc)

1 mom found this helpful

My 2 are exactly 4 years apart, and are 19 (girl) and 15 (boy) now. The older one is off to college, so now my son is getting lots of our undivided attention! LOL. They DID play together when they were younger - however, this is something I often had to encourage. I think individual personalities of the children makes a big difference in how they get along. I was an only child, and so desperately wanted to have at least 2 kids (hubby is one of 4) to "keep each other company." Their relationship has evolved over the years - when my daughter was in HS and son was still in grammar school there seemed to be a HUGE separation between them in terms of interests - they didn't really have that much in common. Now that they are older, I see them as converging a little bit more and having more common ground. Sometimes I will find my son skyping with her or texting her and that makes me so happy :) I really wouldn't worry about the potential age difference if I were you - it sounds like you have so much love to go around! It's all good.

1 mom found this helpful

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