July 19, 2009,
S.J. asks from Cragsmoor, NY on July 17, 2009
Advice for 16 Year Old Girl
Well my daughter seems to have been very depressed lately. I talked to her about it and she told me she feels like an outcast like she doesn't belong in places or with others and that shes is different and extremely unhappy about it.Every since she turned 15 she has been like this.She went from a very bright child to a depressed,unmotivated,isolated teen.She doesn't want to do anything but stay in her room all day on her computer.She was doing extremely well in school but now. she says she doesn't care anymore or doesn't feel like doing anything.She told me she wants to do things but laziness takes over.So many problems... help?
1 mom found this helpful
So What Happened?™
Well ladies... She is going to a therapist next week. I would send her to a next school but shes graduating. Thank you everyone for your help. She wants to say something to you guys so here it is.
Hellloooo Mamasource moms!
This is Christie and i thank all of you for suggesting some things that can help me. I'm still kinda mad that my mom told my problem to the whole world *glares at mom* but i guess she was doing what she thought best. I am going to see a therapist soon but i think i won't like it because talking in front of people is very hard for me. I want to let you all know that school is kinda why I'm sad. It isn't a bully or anything like that cuz i can whoop some you know>.> if i have to and even tho I'm quiet i can tell somebody some things<.< (those are eyes by the way). I'm on the computer all the time because I'm actually teaching myself some stuff because i want to be a web designer so I'm practicing a lot.Don't really have much friends because people in my school are different than me. They all drink,party and do stupid stuff and I'm not really into that. I'm more >.< quiet and stuffs (i don't know) I have to admit i am extremely sad don't really show it a lot but i am have been for a very long time and i need help.I don't really know when i started being sad but nothing bad happened or anything i just don't like my life right now actually i hate my life but anyway.. Hope the therapist can help me and thank you everyone i appreciate it.
A.D. answers from New York on July 19, 2009
Dear S., Do you think she can get some counselling? I do know that too many kids spend too much time on the computer and as a result they do not cultivate their social skills. She may also need to get out for some exercise. You are still young, maybe you two can go for a walk together once in a while. Best wishes, Grandma Mary
E.R. answers from New York on July 18, 2009
Hi, I just wanted to say that you are very blessed to be able to get her to open up with you and I would encourage this communication as much as you can. Not necessarily this same conversation, but if the 2 of you could figure out in an honest and nurturing way why she thinks she is being left out, maybe you can come up with solutions. For example, if it's because other girls think she is not as pretty or she doesn't have the trendiest clothes, maybe you could treat her to a makeover at a fancy salon and/or take her shopping.
Another idea is to find activities (dancing, join a gym, big brother/big sister club, get a job, etc.) outside of school where she can meet others who may not go to her school and so are not caught up in their mean girl cliques, but who have similar interests. You may have to take her there yourself because there's a good chance she will say no to whatever you suggest. But once she starts something different, she may come around. Let her know that as important as it feels to be included at school, high school is notorious for this sort of thing and it only lasts a few more years, by which time, she will be onto bigger and better things, and people will be more mature by then. Let her know you are there for her, that you are her friend as well as her mom. Has she seen that movie "Mean Girls"? If not, rent it. It just shows that she is not alone, and this happens everywhere to lots of people. It will make her a more humble and mature person in the long run if she can cope now. But please, whatever you do, do not put her on drugs for this! It is natural and she can work through it. There should be a counselor at her school who she can talk to; if not, take her to another professional if she wants. Good luck!
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K.M. answers from Syracuse on July 18, 2009
We all remember how rough it was being a teenager, but some kids can't handle the hormones. Some kids hormones go in a different direction. It sounds like your daughter may be clinically depressed. She needs a professional to speak with. Please get her some help before it becomes irreversible. It's not laziness, that's the depression talking.
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E.F. answers from New York on July 18, 2009
This sounds like true depression which can be very debilitating. Has she seen a therapist? I would recommend that she sees a therapist who can help with talking therapy and the possibility of medication if needed. Certain therapies such as cognitive behavioral therapy can help directly deal with the symptoms of depression. Both you and your daughter might be surprised at how much can be done without medications.
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J.P. answers from Buffalo on July 18, 2009
I can tell you,from experience,That your daughter sounds like she is depressed. I suffer with depression and anxiety. It is a chemical imbalance and needs medication to be corrected. When you are depressed you can not just "snap out of it" as many people will suggest. If this is the case with your daughter, she will need to speak to her doctor. He will give her a check list of questions and based on her answers develop a course of action. She may need meds to help her get over it, she may also need to talk to a therapist. With the help of the meds and doctor, she will feel so much better! If we had know the signs when I was teenager, it would have made such a huge difference for me. Unfourtunatly, we didn't find out until I was much older.
Some people can get over a bout of depression with the help of meds just once, and some people need to be on them long term. Only your doctor can help you figure that out. I wish you the best, and please feel free to contact me if you have questions.
J.D. answers from New York on July 19, 2009
Get her into counseling. SO many teens feel lost and feel like they don't fit in. There is a high incidence of self injury behavior with teens and depression. Don't feel like you did anything wrong. It can be genetics and it can be just society today. I think we are seeing so much depression with teens and adults these days.
P.C. answers from New York on July 18, 2009
Im work with teenagers, they could possible be a lot more going on with your daughter. Do not allow this to go any further, speak to her primary physician and get a referral a psychiatric evaluation.
M.W. answers from New York on July 18, 2009
I read many o the other posts. Yes, trying to get her involved is important as well as counseling. But, don't push her into anything - she'll pull away even more. Encouragement works well, but even as adults - we hate to be pushed, but as teenagers - we rebel against it!
But - I do want to ask - did something happen. Maybe it is just hormones, but if it was more like a lightswitch, I truly wonder if something happened to her. Bully, drugs, abusive boyfriend? I ask about them all b/c bullies are still very common in high school, drugs are ridiculously common and she may be keeping that from you (and easily). Abusive boyfriends are more and more common, verbally, emotionally, and physically. She may have gone through something and she's not willing to share it with you right now but it may be the cause of her behavior.
Whatever it is - be there for her and allow her to talk to you openly without judgment. Take her to a therapist, and you may want to go as well so you know how to help. Teen groups are a good idea also. I wish you much luck and pray that she gets through this time well, as do you.
N.O. answers from New York on July 19, 2009
I remeber feeling like this and the only thing i can say now that that was about 30 years ago and nothing really changes as much as it stays the same.
I know what helped me were prayers from family members. I do not want to makke you crazy but this sounds exactly like what I went through and at that age and younger I was a little suicidal now I had a dysfunctional alcoholic dad in the mix as well but I would not allow her to isolate so much she wants you but is hiding go and find that bright little girl who is still in your house but hiding. I believe she is still there if you have the tiniest bit of faith in God use it to cry out to Him he does not always answer as we expect but i have found that He always answers.
Believe me the bright young girl who cared about school and grades is there you just have to give her a reason to come out of hiding.
Let her know you love her reassure her and try to do simple at home activities or go on th net with her. Get involved with her and involve her in your stuff. Share yourself with her let your guard down and she will let hers down. I will pray for your family S. He is real!!!!!