A., I understand your situation. I have a teen step-son (16) who I have raised for the last 7 years. He had a very troubling childhood and was overjoyed when his mom gave him up to us. He has a hard time making friends, especially with other guys. In the last 6 months he has taken to "counseling" the girls he met this year at HS. They have confided in him on a variety of levels from cheating, drinking, drugs, sex, and even childhood molestation.
We believe as parents that as long as he lives with us we are privy to all information to protect him in the best possible way. We do read all incoming and outgoing texts, although he does use the phone late at night, read all emails and check behind him after internet usage, and check his online statement from his debit card. (He does know that we do this as a house rule.) His mood is rapidly changing since talking with these girls and it now seems as if I'm challenged with a teenage daughter. His mood swings, unending drama, back talk, complaints of serious depression, and breaking down into tears when things don't go his way are just a start.
I've wanted to put an end to his interaction with these girls, but think I'm overreacting. They are his only friends and in return he does need someone to vent to. As soon as my husband's new insurance kicks in I am going to set up counseling or therapy. (maybe family) I know that there are obviously deeper issues which need confrontation. (He also picks all his scabs and they take weeks to heal, lies about trivial things constantly, and can't stop cracking his knuckles, and wringing his hands.)
I think you are doing the right thing as a mother as far as invading her "privacy," and wanting to seek her some therapy. Again, there probably is some underlying aggression or issue she is not comfortable talking to you about. How can one protect their own child if we are so hung up on giving them "privacy," and "not breaking their trust?" I'm not out to be bff's with my children. I am here to parent and guide them with making good choices through life. I remember being a teen and making almost really bad choices, only to be caught by my mother. I hated her then, but am secretly glad she kept me from doing something I would of regretted. Depression, cutting, suicide talk, and anger are not things to be taken lightly. Trust your gut and get help. S.. (feel free to email me if you need to vent! ____@____.com)