3.5 Year Old Is Afraid of the Dark

This is the age for "scary night monsters/shadows' as preschoolers' brains are developing the capacity for imagination. Reading books together before bed can help. The books help the child see that the fear can be worked through as the kid in the book has done. Here are some books kids 3-8 respond to:
Can't You Sleep, Little Bear? by Martin Waddell
Night Light; A story for Children Afraid of the Dark by Jack Dutro
Scary Nights by Irene & Paul Marcus
There's a Nightmare in My Closet by Mercer Mayer
Who's Afraid of the Dark? by Crosby Bonsall
Furlie Cat by Berniece Freshcet.
Local libraries and bookstores will have them. Good luck.

Please see my post to Crystal. It addresses something similar. I'm in the same situation (about to have #2 and #1 doesn't sleep well). They feel our anxiety so that may be adding to it. We stopped laying in bed with our daughter and put a stool next to her bed for us to sit on. It's helped her sleep by herself. In addition, I reassure her that our job is to protect her and NEVER let anything bad happen to her. She also has a prayer to say when she gets really frightened which has seemed to help (just something about protect me and help me sleep like a big girl). She made it up so it gives her a little more control over the situation. I think the routine is very important for our girl, maybe you can incorporate a banishing of the frightful feelings before she lays down????

A....
My son would come into our bed almost every night...finally (when he was SIX!)I told him he was getting too big and we couldn't all fit (I was then preg with son #2!). His response was "I promise I won't grown anymore!" The next night he brought in his sleeping bag and slept on the floor next to the bed! That lasted for months! He is now 24 and has a family of his own and son #2 is 18 and just graduated from high school. If I had realized then how "temporary" these stages are, I would have worried less and enjoyed them more. They all grow up and move on....and sometimes I really miss the little boy sleeping on the floor holding my hand over the side of the bed! It's all temporary...relax.

We found the most ingenious little night light - it's called the MOBI TykeLight. It plugs in and charges during the day, and at night you unplug it, and the child can carry it around with her. The light slowly fades over the course of a few hours, and then you just plug it in the next day. No scary shadow problem, b/c the child has the light RIGHT THERE. Plus, the slow fade helped our daughter get used to the dark in stages. We keep two, in case we need a fresh, charged one for Claire to carry, but she learned very quickly how to plug it in herself. We found ours at BabiesRUs, but I don't know if they still carry it - their website is www.getmobi.com

P.S. It also helped when we "locked" her in her room at night. The crib is like a safe little nest, and when the crib is gone, so is the nest. With her bedroom door closed, Claire has come to see her whole room as her safe place.

May be you can have a all lights on look around, under, behind etc. of everything in her room to show her that there is nothing in there that could hurt her. Also let her know that the door is open for her, and that there is a light on so she can see, and that Mom and Dad are in the next room. And that you will come in a check on her later. Do this even while she is still awake so that she knows that you will do this. While in the crib, she had walls to keep her safe now she does not have these walls,(bar's). Maybe you could get one of those night light's that makes shapes that move or change on the walls along with a radio that can play some music. These can act as a distraction for her. It worked for my son. Good luck

My 3 year old (in two weeks) says he is afraid of the dark, too. He even mentions having SEEN the big bad wolf at our front door. I guess that's due to his blossoming imagination. I talk to him logically at length about how his imagination plays tricks on him. We lay in his bed and turn out the light and he points out a shadow that's scary and then we turn the light on and talk about how harmless it is after all.

Our bedtimes are certainly not perfect, but the afraid of the dark thing is not as bad. He also has a little flashlight I let him have in his bed at night if he is feeling scared or lonely.

I have heard of some moms letting their kid pick a protector. Like picking out a plastic dinosaur or superhero or whatever to protect them and make them feel safe. I have also heard about moms who put a spray bottle of water by their child's bed labeled "monster-be gone" or "shadow repellent" or something and the child can spray whatever they are scared of.

I have a now 4yo and 2.5yo. I think we end up with one if not 2 in the bed. I haven't been able to rectify that part of the problem, but I don't usually have an issue getting them into bed and falling asleep. At first I kinda blew off the "there's monsters in my room" Then one night a friend went in and told the scarries to get out. We don't have the door on the closet and we leave the light on for them. Now when there's any issues I'll go into the closet and tell the scarries to get out of here and give them "smacks". Sometimes the boys will get up and get in the closet with me and yell at the scarries to get out. It helps empower them and then they just go to sleep.

good luck and let me know if you figure anything out for stopping the late night bed intruder.

Hi A.,
I often have my 3year old come and get into bed with me too. I would suggest that you have a mattress on the floor in your room for her until she gets past this hurdle. My 3yo is also scared of the dark. I always think it is worth it to go along with them when they are scared, and not try to get them to sleep by themself. I remember being scared of the dark as a child and it was horrible. They are little once and they will trust you more if you handle it in a gentle way.
I hope this works for you.
W. from Katy

i can say that i relate in many ways im having trouble with my 3 year old too with the same thing s almost exept mines not the dark she just doesnt want to sleep. but i went through the dark thing with my oldest i got him a type of security item i tryed a security blanket he picked out his favorite one that didnt work so i gave him a teddy bear that my father had gave him when he was born and hes always called it his papaw bear i told him if you ever feel scared tell papaw bear and hell protect you but for him to do that he had to clos his eyes and be really still that worked for my son hope you have some good results with it k let me nkow how things work out

dear A.,
you can try stars on her cieling. i was going to say those lamps that have shapes that move around the room, but that would probably scare her to death if shes afraid of shadows. : ) you have time left before baby #2 you can always try putting her toffler bed in the room. let her sleep in it, and let her go to her big bed in her pace.
theres tapes you can by that have nature sounds she might like, that help her drift off. you can tell her youll give her her "baby" bed back. and when she wants to sleep in her "big girl bed" she can when she ready.
M.

Make sure that you and your husband establish a concrete night-time routine with your daughter. Bath, bedtime story, lullabye, then lights out is what my husband and I do with our son who is about the same age as your daughter. He knows that we are not going to lay down with him until he falls asleep. What I have figured out is that if 1 of us is in bed with him when he falls asleep, he will come looking for us in the middle of the night when he wakes up and we are no longer in bed with him. This could be part of what is happening with your daughter when she comes into your room in the middle of the night. If you or your husband is there with her when she falls asleep, but then you're gone if she wakes in the middle of the night, she is going to be scared that you're not still in the room with her and she is going to come looking for you.

Again, I say establish the night-time routine with her, making sure that she knows she must fall asleep on her own. Then try giving her a special stuffed animal to sleep with that you tell her will stay awake all night long to watch over her and protect her while she sleeps.

I was number 3 out of 4 girls, so my parents never let any of us in the bed with them because if they let 1 in they knew they would have to allow all 4 of us in. They would however let us bring our sleeping bags and pillows into the room and sleep on the floor next to their bed if we woke up in the middle of the night scared about something. This worked well and everyone got sleep.

Hope this helps. GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!!

Hello! First, let me apologize for the delay in getting back to you...I have been home tending to my 3 y/o and a terrible ear infection!
My 3 y/o has issues with the dark that trickled down to my almost 2 y/o...they both think there are monsters, dinosaurs and dragons in the dark...and like yours, dont like the shadows...two words "Monster Spray". WEll, ours is multi-purpose, it is Monster, Dinosaur and Dragon spray...I use Febreeze (I spray my house weekely anyway..) I have a girlfriend that uses plain water in a spray bottle. I just have both of them walk through the entire house, and some days they ask me to spray the garage, and out the front and back doors...and when we are done, they are both quite content. It really works, my son will even get up in the night and go potty with out waking me to turn on the big light..the night lights are good enough for him...I must say, also, both of my children sleep with me. It is a choice my husband and I both discussed and we like the fact that they are close to us right now, as we all know, they grow up so fast and we cherrish every moment we have with them while they are still young...

I hope this helps!
Happy Wednesday,
J.

Are you sure you are not describing MY son (3.5 years) instead of your daughter??

I sure do hope some people here have some really good advice.

I have stopped laying down with him to fall asleep and some nights he is still awake in his bed at 11pm. Calling out every two minutes "Mama?!?" or "Dada?" (He goes to bed at 8:30pm)

We also have the bathroom light on across the hall, his night table lamp and the closet light.

We have a king sized bed and 2 nights out of 3 I wake up being jabbed and kicked by him. He has climbed into bed with us without us waking up. And usually I just shove him over closer to my husband and go back to sleep, because I am just so tired. Occasionally, I get up and carry him back to his bed.

My son has never been a good sleeper, so I have just grown used to it. But if anyone has advice I would love to hear it.

You are not alone!!
{{{{{hugs}}}}}

Find her a toy (we used a big mean looking stuffed bulldog) to let her sleep with...to scare the night things away. Then walk her through her room at night before you put her in bed, and let her look behind chairs, in closets, and under the bed, to let her make sure nothing is there. Then make sure she has her 'protector' and let her go to bed.
I've raised four (who are all grown up now) and now am helping my husband raise his boys. None of my children has ever slept in my bed.Our youngest one now had kind of the same problems, and since we got the bulldog, he says he hasnt seen the 'shadow' any more. She just needs a little confidence, and some time.

Ah, I've been there! We went to build-a-bear and let our son get a "sleeping buddy" which gave him something special (besides M.) to hug as he fell asleep. He also has a fear of the dark and of the shadows caused by a nightlight, so he sleeeps with his overhead light on. There is still an occassional nightmare which sends him to our roomin the middle of the night. I hate to not comfort when there is real fear. I keep a sleeping bag under my side of the bed so on those nights he gets a hug to calm his fears and then can sleep on the floor beside my bed. He has just turned 6 and those fears are few and far between now.