Will My Daughter Miss Out with No Cousins?

Just wanted to say that we'd love my son to be close to his cousin, but my SIL doesn't want it, so it isn't going to be. So some things in life just don't play out as we think they will and we move on from there :)

Well my mom only has one brother and he has no kids. My dad had a big family, but we never met them, for they lived out west. So i grew up w/ no cousins, but I did have 3 brothers. My mom's mom (my grandma), we always looked forward to see her and my uncle. B/c we were their only grandkids/neice and nephews, we were always doing something fun. So I feel we didn't miss out on anything. Plus she will have friends. I wouldn't worry, can't miss anything you've never had.

I think there is a common urge to want to recreate our own childhoods for our children and let them experience all the joyful things that we did. But we have to realize that this is their life and it is going to be different from our own. That doesn't make it better or worse, just different. Maybe she will enjoy being the center of attention and not having other kids to compete and fight with. There are always two sides to any coin.

Hi. I think you have to realize that EVERY child misses out on something. No one has everything 100%. Concentrate on the wonderful family she does have that so many others do not. Accentuate all the positives. Don't mention what you may see as a negative, then she won't see it that way either. I am sure that you will see to it that she has plenty of social interaction with children her age once that becomes appropriate. You have provided her with what is the most important. A mommy and daddy, love, security and you are obviously parents who are putting the needs of your child first. Keep up the good work!

my sister and I were the only children in our family for an entire generation. No cousins. We didn't feel like we were missing out , life was just the way it was! How could we feel we were missing playmates that we'd never had?
My husband has lots of cousins. But what I've found is that he has relatives that he can't even name. My family, however, is very close and tight. Since my sis and I didn't have other kids in the family to play with, the adults got to know us very well, and we are like children to our aunts and uncles. It's a special relationship that my husband doesn't know about because the kids were always separated in his family (at a kids' table at Thanksgiving, playing in a different room, etc). So my sis and I felt special all the time at family gatherings because we were the only ones!
As long as the fmaily is loving and generous of their time with your daughter, she will be very happy!
hope this perspective helps.

Are you saying then that you don't plan to have any more children (siblings for your daughter)? I have 1 cousin from my Dad's side of the family but we have a pretty good age gap and lived far from each other so we did not see each other much growing up. Same with the cousins I have on my Mom's side of the family that live in Florida, I grew up in Texas. There are 5 of them there and I have only seen them a few times growing up. There are only 2 that I saw more often and lived near us but even now we still do not have a lot of contact. I live in Virginia now and have for a while and they are older and have jobs/college etc... I do have siblings though and still keep in touch with them often and visit as often as I can. I plan to move back to Texas and be closer to them. I am not sure if this is something you planned to do. I do not know how much a person feels they miss out on being an only child and/or having no cousins growing up. I was not an only child so I cannot answer that but as for the cousins, I am only somewhat connected to them, and it did not compare to my siblings. That may have been different if I had nothing but cousins growing up. I do have some friendships though that are very close to having another sibling :) Whatever you decide, good luck and God bless!

As you say, there is nothing you can do about it, so why stress over it? To be honest? I hardly ever saw my cousins.

My SIL doesn't have any cousins, and she's always done fine. I feel she missed out only because I have a LOT of cousins (something like 30 without counting in-laws, second-cousins, etc, which I also knew). But now, my SIL is in our family, and she does have cousins in a way. She never felt she missed out-her family was close and she had a lot of friends, it was the way she grew up. One thing you might do though, is talk to another mom (a closer friend) about it, and see if they could be honorary cousins. We have a family friend who lost both of her parents before her daughter, who is close in age to my son, was born. There is a huge difference between her kids' ages and her nieces and nephews, so my kids are honorary cousins. It's fun for the kids to have cousins, and to get presents for them, etc. Also, my husband had cousins who he actually saw only once or twice his whole life, until he met me. Then we visited one famly more b/c we live only a few hours away, but he grew up not knowing his cousins, and there is one he hasn't seen in something like 16 years. So even though he had cousins, he didn't have a closer relationship with his like I had with mine, and he didn't miss it. He does enjoy being part of a bigger closer family now, but that's not for everyone.

My dad was in the military, so while we have cousins, we were never close to them. My sister watches my kids and just had her own baby, so they will grow up with close family like I did not. I am glad for them. And also getting to see them play with their 2 dozen cousins on my husbands side was great. But, I never missed out on it not growing up because it was just the way it was. She won;t know any better and she will definitely be okay. I'm sure she is well loved and thats what she will know :).

My husband and I have friends who are both only children, and have decided to have only one child. Thus no cousins, and no siblings. I do not want to speak for them, but I think that they are not worried about that because he won't know anything different. Their friends all have children now around the same age or slightly older (our kids are older than their son). We celebrate birthdays, Christmas, etc, as if they are our family. True it is a different celebration, but when you live in a different state from the rest of your family you often have different celebrations. I do not know if I have helped at all, but I would not be worried about it. Holidays will still be special for her if she is still surrounded by family.

I grew up without any cousins and my brother went to live with a relative when I was only 8 so I basically grew up an only child. My mom's friend's children and my school pals were my playmates. It was lonely sometimes when others weren't around but I used my imagination to play by myself. I also learned to reach out to and get along with other kids of all ages in order to have someone to hang out with. I think this has actually helped me in life. My advice, don't sweat it - your child will adapt and will not know anything different- but I would make an effort to set up playdates, etc. as much as possible.

I was close to my cousins, too, but I don't think your daughter will know what she's missing. If she has any future siblings to play with, I'm sure they'll keep her happy over the holidays. My father's side had no cousins for me when we went to visit them. I had fun with my grandparents and uncle, even the kids in their neighborhood who became our friends. So you can encourage your daughter to make friends while visiting relatives. Plus, even if your sister-in-law waits too long to have her own kids, there's the chance that she may one day adopt.

It'd be nice to have siblings and cousins who are close in age, but if it's not the case, there's nothing you can do to change that. Your daughter will have friends, but I am convinced we get in life what we need, not necessarily everything we want. She will benefit from being in the midst of wise elders and will probably be very creative and independent. And, whatever she feels she missed by birth, she might inherit by marriage. Her future husband might be the youngest of 14! Who knows? I wouldn't worry about it. I'd make sure she has good friendships, and when she is older, join things like girl scouts, where she will make friendships with other girls.

Hi,

I grew up on the east coast and all of my cousins were on the west coast. it is nice to know that I have them but honestly, we never speak or "hang out". My kids have cousins that live in another country but here, we have a couple of families that we are VERY close to and we spend Thanksgiving together with one of those families. it is as if we were one family. The family consists of my parents, my friends parents, us and them. We are not all related by blood but by friendship and honestly, it is the best way to spend a holiday. No awkward moments discussing family stuff etc. We just hang out, everyone contributes and we enjoy. We met this family through our oldest daughter and we have been celebrating thanksgiving together for at least 7 or 8 years. We also vacation together occasionally and see each other at athletic events. it is like having extended family around. Sorry to go on but I just wanted you to see that there are always options. Sometimes you just have to create them.

Hi Wendy!

I've also thought about that with my daughter. My husband and I do have siblings but our families are spread out and don't see each other often. But that's not how we grew up, at least not me. I grew up with my cousins so I want the same for my daughter... I just don't think it is going to happen the way I planned. So I decided that my friends' children would be her 'cousins'. We have several very close friends and I have no doubt that they will always be around. We even spend holidays with some of them so our daughter will always have someone around. Maybe you could do something similar?

Can you reach out to your cousins and their children - her first cousins once removed or second cousins or something like that?? I am also an only chil, and i had one cousin on each side also both only children. So our kids are the only kids in our families of that generation. We aren't terribly close because of distance. But it is still a nice conneciton to have. I also was close to my father's cousin's kids.

I really wouldn't worry. Being related doesn't make you close. What makes children close is that their families invest in helping to cultivate relationships. You can just as easily do that with friends kids. I'm close to 2 of my 6 cousins. The other 4 I don't even know. However, I have a girl who is the daughter of my parents best friends and we are just like family. I think it's more important to have individuals with similar values and the age factor in common in your daughters life, so she can form lasting relationships. Hope that helps!