Where Should We Move?

Updated on March 23, 2011
S.W. asks from Dallas, TX
11 answers

We live in Frisco currently and need to move to a bigger home. Our plan is to stay in the new home until my two boys (3 and 5) are out of high school. My husband REALLY likes Prosper and we have a home already picked out to build there (need to sell current home first). He feels if we buy there now, we're ahead of the growth that will surely happen there, and we already know we can get more house and more yard for our price range and the schools are exemplary.
Here's my issue: I am half black and my children are 1/4 black (hubby is white). I grew up in all-white schools my whole life, but I always wanted to be in a school where kids "looked more like me." My older son has white skin, blue eyes and light-colored hair. My younger son has brown skin, brown eyes and hair. Looking on greatschools.org, Prosper's percentage of black students is no higher than 8%. My husband and I have talked about my worry of my boys (especially my younger one) not fitting in, being picked on or excluded from things because of his skin color. He tries to assure me and says we have a good solid family, we will educate our boys and talk to our boys, help them deal with any issues of race that may arise. I did not have that growing up, so that's why I have fear, worry and hesitation.
My question is: Should we trust in our family bond, our relationship and closeness with God and move where we really want to live, or should we play it "safe," so to speak, and choose neighborhoods/school districts with a higher percentage of black students? TIA

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So What Happened?

Wow! I am amazed and humbled and, frankly, overjoyed by all of the responses! Thank you, Moms!
My husband and I discussed it yet again last night and he once more reassured me of the very things you all have said: We have a close family bond on our side, we have change in times on our side, and most importantly (and what I should rely on the most) we have GOD on our side.
Momof3H, yes I am paranoid. Thanks for pointing out the obvious! I grew up in a world that was different than now, so as a caring and nurturing and protective mom, I think it would be strange that I didn't worry about this issue at all.
Thank you again, Moms, for responding and for the advice. I will pray on this more, but this time my prayers will focus on relinquishing the path and decision to HIM and not try to adjust or change the path myself.
W

More Answers

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B..

answers from Dallas on

Don't play it safe! The family you describe, is well prepared to create a wonderful and confident boy, no matter where he goes to school. Trust that you have created a home to nurture him, and prepare him for the world.

5 moms found this helpful
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R.M.

answers from Cumberland on

Oh, God love you, to be discussing this in this time is unspeakable. Just when you think racism is behind you-it rears it's ugly head. I would invest in the future-and build your dream home in the great school district. My children were raised in one of the most affluent school districts in the nation-and believe me-race was never an issue. It was a liberal freak show-but race was never acknowledged-all the kids mixed together in one big pot-and frankly-this generation is the most ethnically tolerant-they will amaze you and love your children. Many, many blessings.

5 moms found this helpful
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M.M.

answers from Washington DC on

Kids will get picked on no matter where they live The blond might get picked on for being clumsy, or the other might get picked on for being smart instead of multiracial.
Teach them how to be kind to all sorts of people. Teach them to be helpful and compassionate.
I would move where you will be the happiest as a family. Where they will get the best education. Trust in your family and God.

5 moms found this helpful
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A.M.

answers from Dallas on

My two cents....everyone I know in Prosper is super nice and laid back. Even if your kids are in the minority, I don't think they will be treated poorly. There is always the possibility but the area seems pretty open minded and very family oriented. And as Prosper grows, so will its diversity. A ton of people are moving in there. Good luck!

4 moms found this helpful

D.C.

answers from Dallas on

I think you will do fine. My family and I live in Frisco and we are a black family and that was one of my concerns because of the low percentage of blacks in the area but my kids have done very well. They don't look at color because it's not something us as parents focus on. It's unfortunate to say but kids aren't born hating, they are taught that at home. Anywhere you go you run the risk of dealing with hateful people but you should move where you are comfortable and where the schools are exceptional because it's part of your taxes that are paying for that quality school. Take advantage of all the neighborhood has to offer you, let your boys be boys and I believe you won't have anything to worry about.

Your boys have grown up around each other and they are used to their differences so when they get to school, I don't believe they'll be surprised or questioning why so and so looks different. The fact that you and your family have a relationship with God also helps. Keep trusting that you'll choose the right place.

2 moms found this helpful

V.W.

answers from Jacksonville on

Only you guys can answer that. I know that, for my kids at least, skin color has nothing to do with friendships. My blond haired, blue eyed, fair skinned daughter, who happens to be a tomboy, gets regular calls from a boy in her class (they are in 4th grade) who is black. One of her good friends at school is a little boy who is black.... she admires the way he dances and they joke around alot. Her first year at this school (last year) she made 2 really good friends. Both girls (!).. one black, one white. The black child died after a terrible car accident last spring and I took my daughter to her funeral services. She cried often for awhile and still keeps the order of service from the funeral as a memento.
My son has been in karate for years (I think 7 years). He has a lot of friends that are black in his karate classes, even though the majority of the students aren't black. My son is also fair, white blonde hair and blue eyes. He was called a "toe-head" for YEARS as a younger child, if that gives you any idea...
He has had several Indian friends through the years as well (as in relatives in India... not native American).
I don't know if it is just where we live, or the younger generations, or what... but it seems less and less of an issue as to who is friends with whom. That said, I come from a white family, and I am sure that there are issues that go on that I am oblivious to without realizing. Maybe my own kids are more the exception than the rule and I don't know it. But I don't live in TX either... I think (without any first hand experience of course, so I may be totally wrong), that it is more important the character of the kids your kids will be around, rather than their skin color. If they are "good" moral kids, then they won't care what your boys look like. Have you visited the area or the schools there to try to get a read on what the families and kids are like? I'm not sure how you would go about assessing the moral fiber and character of kids there.... but that is what would seem to matter most.

2 moms found this helpful
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M.R.

answers from Kansas City on

I grew up in a small Midwestern town, graduated in a class of 63. People were very closed minded. When my sister, who is white became pregnant by a man who was black people definitely talked. Fast forward 16 years. My parents are now raising her child in this same community which is even smaller now. I really worried about how my nephew would do, and how people would treat him. but he has done great. He has many friends, a girlfriend, and plays three sports. my mom worries that he is not exposed to his other heritage, but there is not a lot she can do about that since my nephew's dad left when nephew was 9 months old. I do think things have changed since I was in school 15 years ago. Is there still racism, yes, unfortunately. But kids today are much more exposed to different races from media, social media etc., and I don't think it's that big of a deal to the kids. I frequently get into arguments with my nephew bc his friends will make remarks/ Jokes about .nephew's race that I think are inappropriate, but 16 year olds think are funny.
I think you should move to a community you feel safe in, has good schools, and all the amenities you desire. If you let the small mindedness of a few people sway your decision, then those people have succeeded. Be the light for change. Raise successful, kind children and racist people will have no case. Good luck with your decision. I know it must not be easy. Blessings.

1 mom found this helpful
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L.G.

answers from Dallas on

I have lived in Prosper for 17 years now and absolutely love it. I have great neighbors, only know about 1/2 of them. But in this time and day, most people do not even know their neighbors. I walk my dogs regularly by myself with no safety issues. And yes you can still buy a house for a good price. I feel that no matter where you chose to live, kids will be kids (which is not always right) but if you teach yours better then all will be well.

1 mom found this helpful

S.G.

answers from Dallas on

I understand. My husband and me currently live in Plano and our looking for a house in Little Elm, Prosper, or Savannah. We decided on Little Elm. So we have taken the time to go out there to not only look at homes but to go into stores and walk around to see how the neighborhoods are, who lives there and how we are reacted towards. We are a blended family, me black&mexican but not light skinned like my sister, my husband is swedish and our children look different, the oldest is 17 tan (looks like Raven Simone) and our youngest is 2 slightly tan with straight hair. some people assume my kids have different dads or are adopted, but its no big deal to me because i heard the same as a kid. Wherever you go there will be a few nuts in the bag, but as long as you and your husband are strong with a good family base they'll be fine. Just go check out the neighborhoods and go into the places where you'll frequent and see what happens.

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M.H.

answers from Dallas on

Definately move to where you want to live. I really don't think your son will have color issues. Sorry, but I think you are being paranoid.

M.P.

answers from Provo on

I was teased in elementary school because I was skinny, but was called fat all the time. Kids chose stupid things to tease about. I highly doubt that it would be because of color. As most have said, this generation is the most multi-cultural.

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