What to Do with Their Hair???

Updated on July 28, 2008
K.K. asks from La Vergne, TN
24 answers

My husband and I disagree strongly on what to do with our children's hair. My husband is 1/2 AA and 1/2 Puerto Rican and I am white. We have a son (3 1/2) and a daughter (16 mos) whose hair is a nice blend of the three cultures. They have beautiful curls that are soft (not what most people consider "kinky"). My son's hair seems a little coarse but we keep is short and I don't mind putting pink oil in it to keep it soft since his is kind of dry. My daughter, however, is the cause for our disagreements. Her hair is very soft and fine (like baby hair) but curly. He says that I should put pink oil in her hair everyday and gets really mad if I don't. I say she has hair more like mine (only curly) and a detangler daily is just fine. Either way, when she sleeps on it for naps or pulls it (which is a whole other story) it gets frizzy where the curls have been rubbed. I need suggestions for how to care for her hair. Because she's so young, I don't want to use anything really strong and absolutely refuse to put any chemicals on her hair. HELP!!!

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So What Happened?

Thank you so much for all the great suggestions. I definitely have an arsonal of advice to take to my husband and maybe we can come to some compromise or agree to take her to the hairdresser when she's a little older and able to sit still for more than two seconds! I love having a place where I can ask odd questions and get so many wonderful answers. Thank you ladies!!! :)

More Answers

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M.E.

answers from Lexington on

they are many rpoducts that you can use for her hair. as a hairdresser i can recommend some for you. 1st off you need to make sure to keep the dead ends trimmed off, that will help with the frizz the most. pink oil might be a little heavy for her hair, but you can try rubbing jsut some regular baby lotion in it or a curl defining cream or glossing cream. great clips(that's where i work) sells a great glossing cream in their private brand. it's about $10 and a little goes a long way. jsut rub a dab in on wet or dry hair. it's help add definition to her curls, reduce frizz, add shine, and won't weigh her down. you might have to experiment with a few products before you find one that works for you, but i hope this gives a starting point.

1 mom found this helpful
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K.L.

answers from Raleigh on

Use a silk pillow case. It cuts out the frize in the back of the hair when they sleep.

1 mom found this helpful
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T.B.

answers from Raleigh on

I too have multicultural children. I am also a Licensed Cosmetologist. I remember when I tried the Pink oil in my daughters hair, lol. That was a mess. You are absolutely right, she doesn't need that much moisture(grease). I don't even know too many 100% AA that use that product. If you are going to leave her hair 'out' then you will need to use a moiturizer( I recomment S Factor moisture treatment by Tigi) then a mousse to let her curls just curl up but not get too big). Her hair will get frizzy in the back after naps excessive play etc. I also Recommend using Smooth 'n Shine Super Shine conditioning Gel for doing ponytails, pigtails, braids and twists. Maybe use a headwrap for naps. My daughter got used to it after a few days( and knowing she wouldn't have to get it redone as often). Also, I use a smoothing conditioner in the bath after shampooing. This is very important. I only have my daughter shampoo her hair 1-2 times/week. Comb or brush with a paddle brush. Then I gently rinse making sure to leave some of the conditioner in her hair. While her hair is really wet, I style her hair. Or I dry it and then Use a flat Iron( something that I would do before having it Braided) I hope this helps! Good luck.

1 mom found this helpful
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R.H.

answers from Clarksville on

After years of fussing with my hair I have finally found the perfect shampoo/conditioner for me. I have naturally curly hair that stayed frizzy my whole life. A year or so ago I came across Pantene for Women Of Color. It is in a dark brown bottle. Everyone noticed the change. It is awesome. I will never go back to anything else. You can get it about anywhere and it's not expensive. Try it!

1 mom found this helpful
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S.M.

answers from Charlotte on

I have a friend with the same problem - and she is convicted about no chemicals. That said, she has worked with her beautician since her daughter was an infant, and her hairdresser has steered her to hair products that fit that solution without harsh chemicals....apparently there are several brands that have great products - smoothing creams, etc. Stick to your guns, take a stand for your daughter....your husband has NO CLUE what it like to be female and desire to have long, soft, moisturized hair...he can just buzz his!! This mom also braids her daughter's hair (it falls to her mid-back and is gorgeous!) before bed and on rainy or humid days, otherwise it falls into soft ringlets. If I can find out product names, I will send them along. Are you in Charlotte? This stylist is at Salon Collage in So. Charlotte...her name is Sherri/

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M.R.

answers from Clarksville on

I do not have any AA in my family but I am a Puerto Rican with curly hair! Since she is so young you may want to consider the Pink Oil LIGHT. I would start out with a small amount on her wet hair, comb through and let it air dry (in whatever style she will wear for the day) to see how it reacts. Since her hair is still fine you could probably get away with a dime to quarter sized amount. I myself have tried the pink oil on my own hair and found it too greasy no matter how little the amount. If you are washing her hair everyday I have found that plain old Johnsons baby shampoo is very drying to my and my son's hair - either get her a conditioner or get a kids shampoo with the conditioner in it already. Also I know there is nothing more precious that seeing a little girl with long curls but make sure to keep her ends trimmed - split ends are curly hairs mortal enemy!!!If your local pharmacy or wal-mart carries it VO5 makes a conditioning hairdress that is wonderful as well (it comes in a tube). When she gets older and her hair gets a little thicker and stays the same consistency Garnier Fructis makes wonderful stuff for curly headed gals!

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J.K.

answers from Raleigh on

Areal light setting lotion or foam. Or mouse & children's detangler.

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M.T.

answers from Nashville on

I have been a hair dresser for 26 yrs.
If her hair is not dry you don't need to put oil on it al that will do it weight it down and be greasy looking.
Treat her hair as you would yours. When she wakes up, it is normal for a little girls hair to look like what I call, rats sleeping in her hair. Just get you a spray bottle and put water in it, keep it by your bathroom sink and spray it lightly where it is frizzy and needs taming and then comb or brush it. THat is all you have to do and it will spring back to it original curl. If her hair is fine, you can actually ruin the curls if you put all those oils in it. You can't ruin the AA hair curls because of the texture and how the strand it shaped and the make up of the each strand.
Water and a comb with a little detangler is all you need for her hair if it her hair is more the texture of yours.

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V.C.

answers from Wheeling on

Let HIM take care of her hair -- completely! I think he'll turn it back over to you and let you use your own resources before long.

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K.M.

answers from Memphis on

Ask other AA and other Puerto Ricans what is the best way to care for their hair.

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K.S.

answers from Raleigh on

I have a problem with hubby being "mad" over a baby's hair!
Anyway, as soon as you meet other AA mothers, they will tell you. Good luck. Make sure he is not too mad about lots of other things.

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T.P.

answers from Greensboro on

Pink oil is to heavy for soft/fine hair. It will weigh it down and make it matte up. The detangler is definitely the right thing to use and u can get a light creme oil made by ganier frutise(sp) at you local CVS/Walgreens/Walmart. Its in a yellow bottle. This will help with the frizz. I am AA/Indian/White and used Pink oil when I was younger. I looked like a wet cat after using it for about 2 days so I was constantly washing my hair which would make it even drier! Anyhow, I have been using the ganier for about a year and I love it. No frizz, plenty of body and no weighing down.

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C.G.

answers from Raleigh on

Hi K.,

I have a friend who's daughter is of mixed ethnicity and I suggested Carol's Daughter for her. They have several products that are all natural and very light. Hair milk has the consistency of pink oil but is MUCH LIGHTER. If definitely costs more but is wonderful. The entire line of products is. Pink oil sounds a little too heavy for her hair so try this. It's only available via mail and the website but it's so worth it. Good luck. Chelsea

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C.D.

answers from Chattanooga on

I would take the advice of a professional only, as that might actually convince your husband that he's wrong. Personally, I'd do whatever is least invasive...maybe a leave-in conditioner?

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S.S.

answers from Lexington on

i use a smoothing cream designed for adults with fine hair. it does not weigh my daughters hair down, but keeps it from getting frizzy. i put it through my daughters hair, when it is damp after a bath.

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K.L.

answers from Raleigh on

Hi K.,

Children's hair texture and even color can change over time. Hair care for mulitethnic people does require a little extra effort sometimes. A couple of suggestions: You may want to try one of the AA children's hair care product lines which you can find at most major retail outlets, grocery stores,Target,Walmart, or beauty supply stores. A new product that I saw at the hairdresser and on line designed by two friends who are multiracial called "Mixed Chicks" may help. It's a line of hair care products that addresses our various hair textures. You can Google them and either buy direct or find a local distributor near you.

Regarding the Pink Lotion (I assume you're referring to Luster's) depending on the thickness or her hair that product may be too heavy and just weigh it down and actually wind up making it more frizzy. Try and go for the lightest products possible w/out alcoholfor manageability. Don't make a big deal out of it and teach your children to embrace who they are !

I know what you're going through-I'm AA and my husband is also AA and Latino. So I too, am really learning how to embrace the curls and care for two different textures of hair on the head of one beautiful and feisty little girl :)

Kay

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M.T.

answers from Raleigh on

I had the same situation with my daughter. I have blonde, straight, very fine hair and her dad is from Ethiopia. Her hair is my texture, darker blonde and the softest Shirley Temple Curls you ever saw. I have been very fond of Infusium Shampoo, Conditioner and Leave In Treatment. They have always done great for her. I washed and conditioned her hair daily. After naptime I learned to spritz it lightly with the leave in treatment and pick it out. She is now 13 and taking care of it herself. She washes it about every 2-3 days but conditions it on a daily basis. The leave in treatment is also used daily. She now uses some mouse because every curl has to be in a certain place. (it is the age) Her hair is really down to the middle of her back when she combs it out straight but when it dries and sets it is just below her shoulders. I always hear how beautiful her hair is. Maybe this will help you.

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W.M.

answers from Nashville on

With all the races she has, I would ask a professional. Next time you get your hair cut, ask around and see what they suggest. Or go to one of those salon type stores, Trade Secrets, etc and ask what they recommend. You can maybe use the same things we use for calming curls. I like Bed Head or Garnier Fructis, or even go to the kids section and get a leave in conditioner. I have a friend who sprays the detangler or leave in conditioner in her daughter's hair each day even if she does not wash it, that smoothes and calms it. If she has more "white" in her hair, the pink oil might make it too oily. You may even be able to put a very loose pony tail in the bottom of her hair towards the end to keep it together while she sleeps so it doesn't smoosh it all over her pillow and get messed up so much. After you get professional advice (or advice from all of us :o), tell your husband that you have got it covered, besides, you know best about girl's hair.

W. M

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J.K.

answers from Raleigh on

Hi K.,
I responded to your request in private. Good luck with the hair care. Just think, your daughter will have to experiment with numerous products (as she gets older) until she finds something that works. Also remember, that AA females typically do not shampoo their hair daily. It will dry out and frizz up. Air drying our hair also causes it to frizz and tangle. Blow drying daily is too harsh for us. Try the products I mentioned to you in the email. If you'd like, I can send you the names of many more. Like your daughter, I've had to experiment over the years.

My neice is AA and white, but her hair can't decide which race it wants to mimic! LOL..Her mom generally uses creams with shea butter and keeps her hair in pigtails to prevent frizz. She also shampoos/conditions once a week. Since her daughter's hair tends to curl, she's treating it more like AA hair than white hair.

Hope that helps.

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D.B.

answers from Charlotte on

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R.V.

answers from Jacksonville on

Check out originalsprout.com. They make hair care products for children that are all natural and organic. They also have a section all about different children's hair types that will help you figure it out. Good Luck!

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S.W.

answers from Nashville on

My daughter is 23 months, her hair is curly. I use Johnson shampoo for curly hair & a Johnson leave in conditioner for kids.

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J.W.

answers from Lexington on

Her hair sounds like my younger daughter's. When she was older, she started using products to ease the frizz and that left her hair just curly/wavy. When she was younger, I gave her 2 pigtails, or two braids, or one braid or two French braids on the sides of her head joined into one in the back. Sometimes I left her hair down but just had some from the sides pulled back. In other words--I experimented a lot, and she loved looking so pretty. At a fairly young age, she started experimenting (I got her a book on braids) and took over!

I found that too many thin tight braids, though (they were in style with beads on them) just broke her soft thin hair.)

I completely know what you mean about waking up with her hair tangled and kinky. After I would brush it, it sometimes looked like a fine blonde bushy wild halo sticking out of her head. It looked a bit like Einstein's hair until it was long enough for me to pull back or braid.

BTW, we are not AA (mine is a mixture of Middle Eastern and Russian), but one brother has thick kinky hair and mine is thick dark & curly. My husband's is thin, fine and absolutely straight. Her hair ended up the mixture. It can happen whatever race, I guess.

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