What Happened? Husband Question

S.,

His behavior is extremely different than usual which makes me think something has happened that has frightened him. He hasn't shared it and is trying to deal with it alone. Is that possible? Try talking to him. Tell him he can tell you anything.

Sounds like he has had a bad time at something. Are you all home together all the time and building this business? Too much of something can be overwhelming. I would just ask if something else is bothering him. Let him know you are there for him. Maybe offer to give some space .. spend the day out and about or visit family if he is feeling crowded. If this keeps up, then something more serious is going on. I hope it is just a passing thing ... best of luck.

From your previous posts you & your husband have had a lot of things going on in your home recently & not good things. Your husband is extremely stressed out & needs some space. Like you said he isn't in a patient mood today so when you notice this type of behavior you should try to keep the peace. I know if I am having a bad day I will tell my husband that I need some space & would like him to take over the kids till I can get out of my funk. Your husband obviously didn't know how to express himself appropriately & lost his control with your son & you.

Let him come to you to apologize. I think you should forgive him & let him know he needs to tell you that he needs some space instead of losing control. Also it's best if you recognize your husbands stressed out a hyperactive kid should be told that daddy needs some space & he will play later.

Everything will work out, hang in there.

I can't believe all these women are telling you to put up with this. I would talk to him when your son is asleep and let him know that you'll be glad to talk with him about any stress he's under, but he can never push your son or talk to you like that again. If this happens again, you will have to prepare yourself to leave - no, I'm not kidding. You would be putting your son at risk and setting the example for him that it's ok for people to treat you and him that way. This is serious. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

You might give him some time, and then when he seems to have calmed down, ask, "You want to tell me what that was all about? Then listen, and hopefully he has a good explanation and apologizes.

At the end of his explanation, tell him your son's feelings were really hurt, and then hopefully he'll take it upon himself to apologize to your son.

If he doesn't, I don't know what to tell you.

Just leave him alone for a little while and let him cool down. Try not to show that you're upset, and try to give him as much space as he needs.
I would also try (I know it's hard when you're upset) to respond with love. It sounds like he's really stressed out about things right now and he needs to know that you are still here for him. Maybe after you lay your son down or whenever you get a moment, give him a kiss on the cheek and tell him that you love him. Or something else that is small, but very meaningful =)

Play with your son and be the best mom you can be. Be the best wife you can be. And your husband will (or should) come around. If you respond angrily or hurt, it might just piss him off more.

You definitely should talk to him about how hurt you and your son were, but when he's cooled down and is able to talk with you and listen. Men need space sometimes, and that's perfectly fine.

I know it will be hard, but I really think that love would be the best response to this right now. Anything else would probably start a fight...

Good luck, mama!

i think that he is likely under a lot of stress and just hit his breaking point. We all get there and say or do things that we are really not proud of and that we really wish we could take back. I would just give him some time for you AND him to cool off for awhile. Once everything has, after bedtime, just tell him, "i understand your stressed and overwhelmed and i appreciate all you do. But you really hurt us both tonight." and try to maintain a civil conversation about it.

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I think he is obviously under a lot of stress- nonetheless, that is not ok for him to act that way to your son- or you for that matter. I think you need to give him some space for a little while until your son is in bed. Then after your son is asleep, go talk to him. Ask him why he reacted that way and tell him that it hurt both of you. Also, make it be known that that type of behavior is not ok, nor will it be accepted. If he is stressed, then he needs to find a better way of dealing with it. His son loves him and wants to be around him, not pushed away. Be firm, and hold your ground, but let him know how bad that hurt you. Good luck and sorry

I am sorry this happened to you and your child. It sounds like he was having a bad day which is no excuse for his behavior-just maybe an explaination. I would let him cool off and talk with him about it tomorrow and ask him what happened to make him snap like that. Listen to him and then tell him how it made you feel and how your son responded. Try to let go and forgive- he is human.

M

my husband has done this a few times to me - usually when he is horribly stressed out and somthing is on his mind - I am always majorly pissed off, and he has to apologize - which he always does.

you have to tell him not to ever speak to you that way again - tell him to tell you what the heck is wrong, tell him he must apologize, buy you some choccies - then move on.

I don't believe that this is a divorcable or leavable offence - men are just stupid sometimes, if he is a great dad and husband normally then let it slip

Try and forgive your husband. You describe him as nearly perfect, then lightly he pushes your kid away, and you should have taken your kid and given him some space. He was already at his breaking point and instead of backing off, you got in his face and he snapped. Let it go and forgive. Its not a pattern. Why is your heart broken over one incident? Do you expect your husband to never get mad or stressed or snap ever? He still loves you and your son and probably feels stupid right now. If you demand an apology he will feel even more frustrated. He needs forgiveness and patience.

I'm sure when he calms down and you tell him how unacceptable him pushing your son and speaking disrespectful to you he will apologize. Now my hubs has never told me to F-OFF in any language, but he has snapped big time at me or my son when he is overworked, over tired and over stressed. This is not an excuse but an observation. You said he has his own biz and he works many hours. Maybe something isn't going well and he hasn't told you and it is stressing him to his limit and you "always hurt the ones you love". Talk to him, since this is not his M.O, he should be repentant and apologize to you and your son. Take a deep breath and go talk to him, you'll feel better afterwards.

To me it sounds like something went very wrong at work and he is very upset about it. For lack of control he is taking it out on the both of you if he could I am sure that he could kick himself in the butt. Give him a hug and tell him that you love him and ask what you can do to help. This is part of the marriage for the both of you. Good luck.

Whooooooaa! I would tell him flat out that he owes you AND you son apologies immediately. Is this his son as well?
It doesn't matter how hard he works, if your son is hyperactive, or if he's attached to dad--this is a red flag.
I'd think if he apologizes and it never happens again, he was having an extremely bad day--we all do/say regrettable things once in a while. But if it happened to me/my son ever again--I'm afraid it would be a deal breaker for me.
Sorry this happened to you & your little guy. Best wishes.

If this is really out of his character something is wrong. I know that you are rightly hurt and so is your son but I think you should also be concerned with your spouse. I would go to him after things have sort of settled down and ask him what is wrong. Be sincere and be concerned about how different he is treating you all. I'm really sorry that this has happened to you. I can imagine that your heart is broken now. I think that something has happened. His job, his health, something is worrying him and for some reason he is not sharing it. Women talk about things when something is wrong, for most men it's the opposite. I hope and pray that things are somewhat settled before the night is over and your night is not long.
C.

i would stand up for myself and tell him he is not allowed to EVER talk to you like that. Make it very clear you appericiate all the hard work he is doing but some times if he feels like that he needs to back off. Now when you said your son was hurt did you mean his feelings or he was actually hurt. sometimes kids need to know there boundarys with other people. and if a person tells them to leave them alone they need to back off. i did not see an age for you child so i dont know if he is old enough to comprehind this yet. i would hate for your son to annoy a really bad guy. we all have our moments of anger but your right its a little over board (not as bad as it could be though). i would just wait for the right moment and let your husband know its not acceptable. i would also have steped in before it got to the point of your husband shoving him away. you might want to talk to him about it. try not to be emotional but as matter of fact as you can be and strong stern voice. hope this helps. its ok you and i both get angery and yell which is not ok to do but it happens and we all have the choice of forgiveness.

Oh wow, how hurtful. I am really sorry, I would be very hurt too, I am a cry baby anyway, so something like this would have wrecked me. You say this is totally out of character for your man, so I think I would give him some space for a couple days. I am not one to say the silent treatment is Ok but something is going on and just staying away is probably best right now. I would be praying about it for sure. What he did is not Ok and you two will have to work it out when he gets his mind right, he owes you and apology and an explanation and some major tlc for this terrible thing he has done. But at the moment see if you can lay all of that aside and just pray for him and get your son to pray for him too. If you son asks what's wrong with daddy just tell him the truth, "I'm not sure, why don't we ask God to help daddy right now" Then just pray for daddy with him, it will help! Oh, and even though he hasn't asked for it, forgive him. Forgiveness can take that heaviness right off your heart and if your son says he is mad at daddy etc, you can just ask him to forgive him as well. I do this with my son when he comes and tells me somebody pushed etc, I say "well, did you forgive him?" He always goes, "yeah" and just gets right back to playing, drama gone. I have no clue why he did this or what is going on and I really hope it gets resolved quickly!! I have no judgment for your man, his actions are terrible, but I bet there is something up and he is lashing out. After the storm passes it would be good to tell him how much this hurt you and that you never want to be treated this way again. Marriage is tough at moments for sure, hang in there and just know that I will be praying for you guys!

He absolutely owes you and your son aplologies. He needs to cool down
before you can diplomatically discuss his problem. He would never allow
a teacher to treat your son this way or let anyone talk to you in that manner,
with THOSE words. Somethings up and if it's a problem with something you
did/did not do, he responded in a way that could really hurt you. Test the
waters to get a feel for his mood to calm and wait for a private moment and
be all ears. Hear him out. And, then, the floor is yours. Hope you get the
answers and response you need.