What Age Can You Start Sleep Training a Baby

'The New Contented Baby Book' by Gina Ford provides schedules from birth which are designed for a baby's contented night sleep. It is a painless method, no crying. I used her method from birth, yes, even in the hospital. It works. All my babies were contented sleepers.

Try the book, The Baby Whisperer. She does not advocate crying it out, and has a gentle approach to sleep training. It sounds like what you are looking for!

The Baby Whisperer by, I think, Traci Hogg. I don't know if it is still in print but, if not, you can probably get it used on Amazon or EBay.

First of all, find another doctor. Yours is giving you bad advice and you know it. Second, educate yourself on babies and their needs, how their systems work. Your baby should have several feedings a night at this age. Any book or system you find, or anyone you get advice from about "sleep training" WILL involve crying it out to some extent or other. Please do not be that selfish. Babies were not designed to sleep through the night. They were designed to be fed several times throughout the night. Modern parents, however, tend to put their own needs above their baby's needs - hence the onslaught of such crazy things as "sleep training". What sleep training does is it teaches a baby that mommy and daddy are not available to meet his or her basic needs. So selfish! All good first time moms are tired. It goes with the territory. I know it is a shock to your system, but you will adjust. You and your husband are the ones who need the sleep training. You are parents now. You have a young baby. You will be (or at least you should be) waking up several times a night to feed him. You can sleep next year. FOLLOW YOUR INSTINCTS! You know that sleep training is a nutty concept. You know you shouldn't let your baby cry it out. You know you should be meeting his needs at this stage of his life.

Dr. Sears book mentions 18 months is a fine time to start 'fuss it out' because they can somewhat logically understand more at that time and they have built up trust. My son was a NON-SLEEPER (seriously did not sleep more then 3 hours for the first year) is 3.5 years old now and is great at going to bed when it's time, etc...he never had separation anxiety as a toddler (or ever for that matter) and he has a lot of great trust in his world. I love it! It was hard, but worth it. My daughter is 16 months and she had to CIO sometimes because I just physically could not get to her as quickly and it broke my heart. She is very clingy and doesn't trust her world nearly as much, It's very sad and hard for me to know that I may have been a part in that unsure part of her. Now that my son is in preschool, I spend a lot more one on one time with her and she is starting to venture out more and undertand that I'm still here with her when I'm not holding her. So IMHO, it's HARD to get up with each cry and console your baby, but in the long run I truly feel it's well worth it!!! :)

IMHO CIO = teaching your baby that they can not rely on your help to guild them thru this new world. If that is your goal, go for it, but if it's not then don't.

Best Advice I was ever given ~ When in doubt, imagine what you would do if you were on an island all by yourself (with your baby) and NO ONE (not parents, in laws, doctors, friends, family, etc) is there to give their advice. What would you do? That is the right thing to do! That is your mothering instinct! It sounds simple and it does bring larger worries back to the simple form and reminds you that YOU are the best judge for you and your baby. :) Do what feels right to YOU and works for YOUR baby. :)

L.,

Tired is a part of the job description!! Welcome to the crew!

Just wanted to add that my son was 8 wks early, 7 wks in the NICU and we were told to always take into account 'Adjusted Age'...so, technically when he left the NICU my son was not gestationally 7 wks. While this may not apply here, we were advised by nurses in the NICU to make sure our son's environment was not completely silent. They suggested playing sound CD's while he slept and adjusted to our much quieter and less busy home. The transition from NICU to much less active zone can be tough.

Also, on the sleep thing...at 4mos. is when my little guy got his first tooth. He was also still nightfeeding, due to his overwhelming growth spruts! I'm not a CIO Mommy at all, but you can start to tell when they really need something...food, diaper.etc.

Love how Susan put things...be calm and you don't always have to go with you Peds advice. Mine told me that sleep training shouldn't happen until after weening...worked for us. But, he's given us advice in thigns I've chosen to hear, but not heed!!!

Good luck!

Hold him & love him. When he wakes, he needs you or his daddy. It is as simple as that! I did with all three of our children & they are turning out to be wonderful little human beings, who were never left to cry. Yes you will be tired, but isn't that the course we choose when becomming mothers? He will eventually sleep on his own, with less waking moments as he gets older. Go with it, and be in tuned to what he needs. He is still so young.

Yes there are many books full of advice, but the best advice is within you already! Follow your heart & your God given maternal instincts.

Egad, I wouldn't let him cry it out either. Everyone is different, that's just me. :)

With my first child, I liked "Secrets Of The Baby Whisperer- how to calm, connect, and communicate with your baby" by Tracy Hogg. As always, I use books as references... not to follow it to a "T." But, it gives good things to try and to learn from.

Each baby though, is different. There is no one "model" that will work for all babies. And lots of times, a baby changes so much each month and at each developmental change or growth spurt or teething phase... that sleep "patterns" are NOT STATIC in babies. It will ebb and flow and change... so a Parent must ebb and flow too.... if you want "sameness" in sleep pattern & behavior every night... it will lead to frustration, for the Parent.

It's good to encourage "self-soothing" in a baby... ie: pacifiers, a lovey, white noise, soft lulling music... etc. Some babies are more sensitive than others to stimuli...some like it to sleep, some require ABSOLUTE stillness and quiet to sleep.

Most of all, they need as you say, comfort, and regularity.... and routine. This enables them to "know" when it is time for sleep, and a "habit" will be developed. It takes time, and all babies have different learning curves. But find a "routine" pre-sleep and by sticking to it, there will be consistency. It helps a great deal in the future as they get older.

Main thing, find your "groove"...ie: what works for you/Hubby and baby... that brings on a peaceful sleep. After having my 2 kids... I found that the thing that helped most was having a consistent routine every night, pre-bed. Now when I say "bed time soon..." they know what it means, and we go about getting ready (same routine) and then I give them time to wind-down... then, go to bed. And there is less topsy-turvy to it all and the sleep "ordeal." LOL.

But really, ALL babies will cry and wake up during the night. THIS IS NORMAL. To expect a baby to sleep through the night is really just bringing on frustration for the Parent. They wake also during growth spurts because at these times they get hungrier and need more intake and need this feeding. It's okay.

For a baby "sleeping through the night" means sleeping at least 6 hours straight... so if he goes to bed at say 7:00p.m., and 6 hours later he wakes...that would be 1:00a.m.- (to us adults, that is waking up in the middle of the night), but for a baby it's NOT. Think about that.

Some babies DO GET very hungry during the night and need to feed. 6 hours is a long stretch to go. My son was like that and a voracious feeder... and I woke to nurse him on demand, as many times as needed if he was hungry during the night. I did that with my daughter as well.

Now the thing is... some Moms don't wake to nurse/feed their baby if they wake during the night and "train" them that way so they don't wake up. On the other hand, some Moms WILL wake and feed/nurse their baby and provide what comfort the baby needs even if they wake during the night. Knowing that in time, they grow out of it. EACH baby is different.

Yes, they will wake if the pacifier falls out. It's okay. When he gets older he will be able to put it back himself. For now, no. It's all developmental...it's not his fault. It's just inconvenient for the adult.

When he starts to teethe... this will cause another sleep issue and wakings. So be prepared for that one too....

Just go to him, put the pacifier back....soothe him or whatever manner in which you want to do it. You don't HAVE TO let him cry it out just because the Doctor told you to do that. It's your baby.

Also, what you may try is... instead of going to him at the drop of a pin when the pacifier drops out or he makes noise... stop, wait... and then, really listen to his noises... and see if you "really" need to go back in to him to put him back to sleep. MANY times, a baby will "stir" and make noises...but they are in between REM sleep transitions.. and will go back to sleep themselves, if not interrupted. This is NOT 'crying-it out' though... it's taking a deep breath first and then really seeing where your baby is at...

Comfort, soothe, and feed him during the night if that is what he needs. That is what I would do.
Your boy is doing fine.

All the best,
Susan

Babies need love, reassurance, and food. Teach him that you love him and will always be there for him by responding to his cries.

I have frequently heard that sleep training should not be done sooner than 6 months old. I also felt that ST was against my maternal instincts and never sleep trained my baby. He is now 20 months old and sleeps through the night (after I night weaned him at 12 months he started to sleep through the night) unless he is bothered by teething, a cold or something like that. I just did my own gentle method of encouraging him to sleep. When he cried, I went to him and soothed him a little. If you meet a need early on, it will go away. As your baby gets older, he will sleep longer and better. Right now he is so little and needs his parents. The only book I read on the subject was, The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley and it has good ideas in it. I didn't follow it to a T, but I did my own version. Keep following your instincts!

Check out Dr. Sears. I have "The Baby Book" but he might have specifiucally for nighttime parenting. Crying it out is cruel and unnecessary. You should never intentionally turn your back on your mothering instincts.

First, congratulations on your little guy! I am also a first-time mom to a 9 1/2 month little boy and am loving being a mom. Sleep has been a challenge for us and we're not proponents of the cry it out method. There's a great book called "No Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley. I wished I had read it before my son was born, but better late than never!

One final thing...your son's sleep habits will change as he goes through different growth spurts, teething, and milestones, or responding to other changes in your household (travel, work, guests, etc.) The most important thing is to set a routine and keep it, even when it doesn't seem to be working. Once they work through whatever they are going through, they will settle back into the routine until the next "big" change. It's always an adventure...buckle up and enjoy the ride!

L. - follow your instincts. They're better than any parenting expert.

Hi L.,

Follow your heart! In my mommy opinion that is way to young to cry it out! In fact I am of the opinion God gave us babies to take care of them not leave them alone to "figure it out on their own" Also we were gifted with an incredible instict to do what our baby NEEDS and if he needs the pacifier put back in his mouth well then do it! I am a huge fan of the "Attachment Parenting" approach (google that) My oldest was not an easy baby only slept short increments of time day and night. I literally thought I was going to die I was so tired. I am so glad I chose to meet his needs. He is a fabulous, loving, kind, compassionate, smart, well adjusted 11 year old! Also check out www.askdrsears.com. Feel free to email with any specifics on how I do this approach. Love that baby and best of luck! PS I do NOT like the baby whisperer NO WAY
Steph

Secrets of the Baby Whisperer or The Baby Whisperer Solves all your Problems are FANTASTIC books. I love Tracy Hogg's philosophy of treating children with respect while setting boundaries. She doesn't advocate crying it out but also doesn't think you should rock/feed your baby to sleep. I found her books really helpful for my first son and have just started using it on my newborn (5 days old).

Hope you like her.

G.

Hi L.,

As a mother of two older children (8&10), I would encourage you to trust yourelf on this.......I always went to my children when they awoke or cried at night, and although I was tired, it was well worth it.

Today they are both secure, confident children.......I think it is important they know they can count on you. I'm not saying to continue this when they are older (2 & up), when they are clearly avoiding bed and manipulating you.....I just think an infant is in need of the reassurance that they are not alone in the world.

I hope this helps!

"The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems" by Tracy Hogg. This woman was a genius (she passed away in 2004) and her methods have been wonderful for our little guy. You're on the right track with the shh/pat! Good luck :)

Hi. I say follow your heart! I did the cry it out method with my first baby and I lost more sleep because I felt so terrible about it. I was under the impression that if I didn't do it, he'd never sleep in his own bed. When I had my second baby, I got some new information that made more sense to me. I'm happy to say that I never let my second baby cry it out and we have much happier memories about bedtime. My boys are seven and three now and they share bunkbeds in their own room. We share our bed with them often because we want to. There is seldom a problem with getting them to sleep in their own beds when my husband and I want to be alone. Families all over the world share beds and babies are much happier and feel safer in mom's arms. I agree with Nancy. You could check out Mothering Magazine or Attachment Parenting Magazine for more infomation on natural parenting. Follow your instincts! You and only you know what is best for your family. Follow your heart!

L.,

I agree with some of the others... listen to your mommy instincts. Don't do the cry it out. I wouldn't be able to stand that!!! We used The Baby Whisperer by Tracy Hogg. Her book helped us to raise a wonderful toddler. We started her "sleep training" methods as soon as we brought him home. Good luck and enjoy this time with your little one!

A.

congrats on your baby boy! i would highly recommend "the baby book" by dr. sears. i too, could never let my baby cry it out. trust your instincts!

Some people have given you good recommendations for other methods, but I wanted to add in my .02 that I would never do the "cry it out" method on a 4 month old, especially one who spent his first 5 weeks in the NICU! He was already in an artificial environment for 5 weeks, and this may affect how secure he feels. Many 4 month old babies still wake at night so he is not unusual.

ASAP
Read Baby Wise or the many other like that.

Hi L.,

When my son turned four months old, I remember our pediatrician saying that often at this age they can change their sleep schedule for the worse because of some developmental thing that happens at that age. She told us that if he woke up unexpectedly not to feed him (he was already sleeping "through the night"--midnight to 5am--by this time). Instead, we were to pat him and tell him soothingly to go back to sleep (just like you are doing)--not to play with him or handle him too much--otherwise he would say to himself, "Hey, an extra play/mealtime! Great!". She said not to worry, it will go away. I know it sounds cruel, but babies are really advanced little buggers early on! They will sleep--I promise! And they can manipulate you from a tender age. It only takes a few nights before they learn that if you aren't going to play with them or feed them at a ridiculous hour ('cause nighttime is for sleeping!) that they will sleep. By four months old, most babies' stomachs can handle going five plus hours without eating. If they're not sick or really wet or too hot or something, they're really okay to just sleep. It's okay if they cry a bit. Crying is healthy--it's exercise and how they communicate--and they really don't cry for that long if nothing is wrong with them. Our son is now 4 1/2 years old and sleeps alone in his room and can get himself to sleep by himself and has been able to do these things for a really long time, thank goodness. I remember being amazed at how right the doctor was--they really can sleep alone in their own room after a couple of months of life; they really can learn to drink water from a sippy cup at six months; they really can give up a bottle at 12 months; they really can give up a pacifier by that age too. I remember being really worried about that stuff but it all passed very uneventfully. Those things have more to do with parent hang-ups than kid hang-ups! Let me tell you what could happen if you aren't careful about this sleep thing--I have a girlfriend whose kids are 5 and 2--and neither one can get themselves to sleep alone--she and her husband spend an hour or more in the kids' rooms at night soothing them to sleep. She can't "bear for them to be lonely." The two year-old also wakes up at 5am or earlier and expects to eat or have milk or play or watch a DVD (why? I think because she has given in many times for the short-term benefit and fed him or played with him, etc.). The result is that she and her husband are exhausted and it has made a strain on their marriage. Originally they wanted 3 kids but now they are saying no because the last five years have been sleep-deprived! They are going through hours of middle-of-the-night crying now at 5 and 2 because (I believe) they didn't go through this when the kids were smaller. If my son wakes in the night now for some reason, he's the one who kicks us out after five minutes or so. If he wakes up way too early sometimes, he has to stay in his bed until a decent hour. I'm not supermom--those are just the rules in our house. The best baby book I read was "The Baby Whisperer"; another friend of mine loves "The Happiest Baby on the Block." Ultimately, you know your baby best and you need to do what is best for your family. The Mom Police do not exist and therefore no one is going to come to your home and tell you that you are doing it wrong. You do what makes sense for you. Good luck! :-) D.

Hi L., you are a sweet mommy, and by your situation I completely understand your reluctance to have your little guy "cry-it-out", I bought this book called The No Cry Sleep Sleep Solution. By Elizabeth Pantley. It's a pretty good book, and if you can absolutely be consistent, and follow exactly what she says to do, I'm pretty sure it will work. It was working for me but I was growing impatient and not good at sticking to the plan. Good luck, and as a mom who eventually had her baby cry it out at a year old, it only took a couple of days and it hasn't changed his wonderful, trusting, happy personality one bit. He still knows we love him more than anything!

Please don't do the cry it out method. I wish people would stop using it. It's awful.
Try The No Cry Sleep Solution book if you really feel like you have to try soemthing http://www.amazon.com/No-Cry-Sleep-Solution-Gentle-Throug...
The book is a good read and could have some things you can start trying to help him self soothe so when the paci falls out it doesn't wake him up so much.
But 16 weeks, having spent time in the NICU. That's a lot for a little guy to take in. He'll sleep soon enough.
Also, Dr Sears is amazing. I have every book he's ever printed and used them so much when my boys were babies. http://www.askdrsears.com
Best of luck and congratualtions on your son :)

I began to respond then decided I'd wait to see what Susan (SH) had to say on this and lo and behold, we must have been typing at the same time. I have nothing to add, just wanted to say Susan gives great advice here at Mamasource. This site should be called Susansource! Seriously L. - she has advice you can ALWAYS trust!!

I second as always, everything she said!
M.

I really like Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child.

I don't think it's too early to start sleep training your child. But keep in mind that at this young age, you need to be very flexible. At this stage it's all about you trying to learn your child's "I am tired" signals versus using the clock as a bedtime cue. At least until your son starts sleeping through the night.

With my kids they both slept 8 hours through the night at about 3 months of age, then 12 hours at 3.5 and 4 months respectively. Once that happened I got them on really good nap schedules and paid attention to their tired cues. My son would take 3 two hour naps until he was almost 2! My daughter was a 2 2 hour nap taker until she turned 1. Then she went down to 1 3 hour nap a day. When my son turned 2 he went down to 2 2 hour naps a day. Then at 3 he went down to 1 2 hour nap. Then shortly after he completely stopped taking a nap. Then at 3.5 he started taking his nap again.

Occasionally as infants my kids had to cry it out. Like when we moved to our new house or they were overtired when we were on vacation or something like that. But for the most part, once they got on schedule they went to sleep fine.

Now they just cry it out because they DON'T want to go to bed and will tell me so :).

I would take everyone's advice, and use what works for you and your child. Each child's natural sleep pattern is different, even between siblings as you can see with my kids.

Good Luck! And Congrats on your little guy!

Hi L.,

Congratulations on your new little one!!! A happy baby, relaxed baby!!! Beautiful!!

A new baby helps one to be very present (They have immediate needs!) ~but~ have you and your husband considered that what you do now is setting the stage for your son's future sleep habits? Healthy sleep is one of the best gifts you can give your son (and yourself). I don't know why your child was in the NICU but my first child was a preemie and she did fine without the pacifier at night shortly after leaving the NICU (fyi: She was breastfed and seemed to have her sucking needs met that way). Having spent the first three weeks of her life in the NICU she arrived home already on a very good sleep/eat (breastfeeding every three hours in the nicu, awake and then to nap) Once home I just continued this routine (Always breastfeeding as needed to satisfy true hunger!) As far as sleep is concerned here's what I did with my daughter and am attempting to repeat with my 12 week old daughter (Thankfully, non-preemie but it is harder this time): When my firstborn arrived home from the NICU I had an Arm's Reach Co-Sleeper attached to a bed in her own room where I slept for the first few months of her life. Sometimes (When traveling, visiting grandma', etc. we used a Baby Delight Snuggle Nest which also gave her her own little space (next to me). When shortly thereafter she transitioned to a full size crib, she was was already comfortable with her room and her own space. I tried to always put her down at consistent times (I used the timelines in The Contented Little Baby Book by Gina Ford) when she was tired but still awake without any sleep props (paci, no rocking to sleep etc.) and spoke to her to let her know it was sleep time, saying something like "this is a nice, cozy place for you, I'm swaddling you now, sweet dreams." Thankfully, she didn't cry much unless she was letting us know that she was hungry or needed to potty (we practiced elimination communication, which was great for us). We would respond to her needs promptly then put her back to bed quietly. Our daughter is now a very secure four year old who sleeps peacefully in her "comfy, cozy bed" as she says. We snuggle whenever she wants all day through then when naptime or bedtime comes she happily goes to bed. Now I don't take all of the credit for how well she did (that would be silly) but I do believe healthy sleep habits can have huge benefits throughout a child's life. I do believe that we as parents can help to lay a good foundation by what we do or don't do with our children. One other thing that I think helped my daughter get off to a good start (even with sleep) was learning about the principles of RIE (rie.org). They have a book that I found very helpful titled, Your Self-Confident Baby. I wish you a lifetime of happiness with your son!!!

S.

Susan gave some great advice, but I just wanted to chime in on an issue. We let my son have his binky until he was 9 months old, but I always wished I had taken it away sooner before it became a habit. Your son is just about the age when all of a sudden it becomes a "lovey." Might I suggest substituting with a mini blankie instead? They sell these tiny soft blankies at Target that are solely for that purpose (buy at least two so you can wash one while the other's being used). It will take some time for him to adjust and recognize it as a comfort item, but if you keep giving it to him it should work. What I hated about the pacifier was that it was confusing for me to know for sure if he just needed the pacifier put back in or if he really needed to eat. Once I eliminated the pacifier, it was no longer a question (of course, at 9 months he didn't need to eat off me during the night anymore and he started sleeping 11-13 hours straight once he got used to not having the binky anymore). Before that I was getting up 3-5 times a night just to place the binky back in his mouth. I was a wreck and needed sleep so we finally decided the binky had to go.

Hi L.,
The Happiest Baby on the Block by Dr. Harvey Karp is a great book and an easy read. I don't let my kids cry it out. A friend of mine has a son who is four months old and he's now sleeping five hours a night and taking naps during the day. Your little boy will get there. Maybe he just needs more time. After all, he was in NICU for five weeks. My little boy was in NICU, too and came three weeks early. Good luck to you and your little guy:)

I think I started around that same time and she would sleep 6-8 hours a night and people thought we were crazy but hey it worked and that's all that mattered to me!!! She did wake up a few times in the middle of the night whenever she hit a milestone but hey what's one week of sleepless nights compared to months of it. She is now 14mo and sleeps about 12hrs at night and naps 2-3 hours in the daytime.

The book I recommend is REALLY easy to read, super short and straight to the point: The Baby Sleep Solution - Suzy Giordano & L. Abidin. It's worth a read and there are a million other books out there and I have other ones on the shelf but it's the only one I actually had time to read.

I think you're right on in your thinking. He's still so little and needs to know you're there for him. Preemies need a little more time to adjust to things but he'll catch up eventually. Get the Super Nanny book, she's got some great ideas but remember they're not one size fits all. Tailor them to your child. Good luck and trust your instinct.

You won't want to hear this, but my doctor also recommended the cry it out method, so we did it, and it's the best thing we have ever done. If I were to only give one piece of advice to a new mom, that would be it. My girls are 4 years apart and now a pre-teen and teenager, and they are well adjusted and of course remember nothing of that time, and they have gotten a good nights sleep ever since (and so have I!) Anyway, when they were about 4 months old, it started to be a nightmare, taking forever to get them so sleep, and they would wake up a few times and not be able to put them back to sleep themselves. So my doctor recommended the crying it out, and one daughter did it at 5 mos, one at 6 mos. I recommend 5 months. She cried 1/2 hour (I cried too toward the end) then she fell asleep. I didn't go in all. She woke 5 hours later and cried for only 30 seconds (and I didn't go in), then slept til morning. The next night, she cried for about 5 seconds, then slept the whole night, and never cried again. My other daughter did almost the same thing. Some babies it will take longer, but it's so worth it. Yes, it seems cruel, but when you think about it, it seems cruel NOT to do it, because you are being cruel to yourself not getting enough sleep, and cruel to the baby that they are also not getting enough sleep. I've known a few moms who never tried anything, and their kids had sleep problems until about age 10! Plus, the longer you wait, the longer it will take to train them. They will remember nothing of the crying it out a couple days later, so I really recommend it. There may be a softer way of doing it, but it will probably take much longer. Good luck!

http://www.drjaygordon.com/development/ap/index.asp

Your instincts are right on--- keep meeting his needs. He's only 4 months old and had a rough start, and he needs you to continue to meet his needs and build that trust.

NOW!! I am a child therapist and I can tell you that if you don't start now he will have a much harder time later. It's OK if the baby cries. Put him to bed comfortable. Allow him to learn how to comfot himself back to sleep. All three of my children slept through the night at 8 weeks and no negative side affects, so it's really NEVER too early

Wow, so many great pieces of advice. I wish however, some women would stop "asserting" expert opinions on what is "right" or "wrong'. There's nothing wrong with any method of training, as long as it's done with love, care and isn't neglecting his needs. I used my own cry it out method with my third baby when he was four weeks old. Since then he's slept through the night, twelve hours a night, since that time. One mom mentioned that it was "wrong"... I don't agree. Just because you chose to be a mother, doesn't mean you have to resign yourself to never sleeping again. I have three kids, am a deaf mother, and all three were successfully sleep trained by a month old. Of course, if they got sick, or were teething, that's a whole nother story, but if there needs are met, there's no reason to withhold them from sleep. It's a great start and helps your baby to realize "night" from day. A rested and happy mother, makes for a rested and happy baby. You do what you think is best for your baby. I will mention however that because your baby was a preemie, your baby might be developmentally younger than a fullterm baby. I do agree that preemies need more touch, and love than a fullterm baby. Not that it makes a difference, as ALL babies should be touched constantly, and hugged and cuddled and kissed. Hope this helps..hope all the advice from everyone helps! It's always interesting to see different methods and opinions! Just rely on your instincts. Don't be too lax though, as you DO want your baby to learn to self soothe eventually...

Hi L.:
I agree Michelle....SH ...I certainly couldn't have said it better.

Hi L., your son is the perfect age to start teaching him how to soothe himself to sleep and sleep through the night. There are things you can do to gradually help him learn these skills, without having to just let him 'Cry it out" . My name is K. Smith and I am a Sleep Consultant and Parenting Coach. If you would like more help please visit my website at www.theindependentchild.com
Good luck to you,
K.

dearest L..

the reason he's crying until tears come out is because that's what babies do. i know you're going to get a myriad of answers but here's what we did with both of our children who are some of the best kids around that we know now that they are 9 and 7.

we started at the suggested age of 2 months (of course you had the nicu issues so your case is different). do all the bedtime routines. then put them down and that was that.

when they cry, let them cry. again that's how babies communicate. they are not dying. we would wait about 1/2 hour then go pat baby but don't pick up. then leave.

if crying again, wait again but make it longer. yes you will suffer much more than baby. and yes you will not get any sleep for a few days but then it's over!

the baby learns and feels comfortable in his own skin and becomes a great scheduled kid who knows what to expect in life and is very well adjusted. we have friends with very whiny kids who STILL sleep with parents. in fact, what about a teenager who still sleeps with mom (and it's a boy!).

so take all the advice but know that this technique works if you don't fudge on it and you get great kids who are not traumatized by it - really.

you could try running a white noise fan or soft classical music.

Please, Please don't do the Cry It Out method. A least not yet. Your baby just got out of the hospital. He needs you. He is too young. You are his mother and know what is best. Dr. Sears's Baby Book was a great help for us.

Good Luck and please remember that this phase will pass.

Try the No-Cry Sleep solution by Elizabeth Pantley.

our baby has the same pacifier issue. When it falls out, she screams. I gave her a tiny bit of rice cereal mixed with breast milk before her bedtime feeding and then fed her normal breasstmilk. She slept 5 hrs! She's 6 weeks old. I don't know how to stop the screaming at the other times of the day when the pacifier falls out. I'm also getting so tired going back and forth to reput it in just to soothe her.

L.- Yes, start sleep training!!!!
I started sleep training my son at 6 weeks and it was the best thing I ever did!!! I used the "cry-it-out" method which was successful and very hard at times (I found myself "crying-it-out" along with my son occasionally). He's now 25 weeks and I will put him to bed at 8:30pm and get him up at 8:30am. He doesn't sleep the whole time but he's content with hanging out in his crib. We have plenty of cuddle tine during the day so I can fulfill all his needs- and mine too! I based my sleep training on the information in the book "Babywise" by Gary Ezzo. I also started reading "Good Night, Sleep Tight" by Kim West which is a MUCH gentler approach that will probably be perfect for your family. Obviously, do what's best for your family but know that the little crying that my son had to endure did NOT break his spirit or hurt him!! I am always being told what a happy child I have- and now he has a happy mom since I have been getting sleep!! Good Luck!

I 100% agree with Baby Wise. It is a MUST read!! ASAP!!
http://search.half.ebay.com/on-becoming-baby-wise_W0QQmZb...

Copy this link into your search bar & it will take you right to the book. It's silly how cheap it is through half.com

Take care!

i have to say your motherly instincts are right on. i agree that this is a little early to start sleep training you baby boy, especially with your circumstances. most books i have read have said to wait until the 14 lb and 4 month mark. Not until both of those milestones have been hit should you try and work at sleep training. even in the best of circumstances, this takes about a lot of work but its well worth it. one book i really likes was the sleepeasy solution. ive bought it for all my new mom friends. good luck and enjoy this time ...it goes by SSSSOOOOO fast. take care and remember your insticts are always best mama!

Hi, just catching up on my Mamasource...I couldn't stand the CIO method either. Don't let others convince you to do something you are not comfortable with. I haven't read all your replies but I have been online with lots of moms from all over the globe on www.babywhispererforums.com. The site is based on Tracy Hogg's book "The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems". Basically, the philosophy is about building trust with your baby, using gentle parenting methods, and not practicing CIO. You will get lots of support there about everything under the sun related to parenting! Hope this is helpful. Good luck!

Y. :o)

The reason that it seems cruel is because it is cruel. You are right on, listening to your instincts. This is especially important because you have a premie - all babies need lots of love and closeness but premies especially so! It helps them to stay healthy and really thrive.

You are a wonderful Mama - keep doing the great job that you are and respond to your baby when he needs you.

If sleeping continues to be an issue, you may want to try The No Cry Sleep Solution (book) by Elizabeth Pantley.

The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley has a lot of great ideas and also The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Sleep Problems by Tracy Hogg. (Her SECOND book, not the short, small first book she has.) I've read 'em all and those two are the best. :)

My kids were sleeping through the night by the time they were 3 months old. I don't think it's never too early to train your kids for night sleeping.

The way I did it, was by accident. I would play with them, feed them, and talked to them while they were asleep. When they got real tired, put them down. They started sleeping through the night because I played with them during the day.

J.

I agree from personal experience that 4 mos. is too young to just let him go, especially with his history. I have two boys (2 1/2 years & other is 9 months) and had great success with the Ferber method for my older guy, which we did when he was 12 months (could've been done a bit sooner, but we were pushovers). Since that time he has loved his bed and never had any problems going down for naps or night. We plan to "Ferberize" our younger son next month. Dr. Ferber's book is "Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems" and I recommend you read it cover to cover--very insightful! Of course, the various methods say you can start sleep training even earlier than 4 months, but they're only infants for so long! And I'm in the crowd that believes "crying it out" it just too cruel. How can you expect a baby to trust you if you do not respond to him? Good luck!

As the mom of two preemies, I never let them CIO that early on, they're still so little and need your constant love and attention...everything gradually works its self out, as with most things in life :-) I did at about a year stop answering the call for a nursing at 3am or so and that only took a couple of days adjustment. Congratulations on your healthy baby!