Another Sleeping Request!

I have 21 month old twin boys, and I have that same problem with one of them. I don't like to do CIO either but I do try to wait a few minutes before I go in their room. 8 times out of 10, it's just a bad dream, and he goes back to sleep. If he keeps crying, I go in and pat his back. I do not pick them up if I can help it. Although the son who wakes up most will generally go right back to sleep if I hold him and hug him for a minute. Another trick to avoid picking them up is to kneel at their crib. This keeps them from reaching up to you. And then you could also try talking to them from the door, but not going in. That works for me sometimes. It's tough to hear them cry like that. Good luck.

My twins were 2 1/2 before finally sleeping through the night. I remember waking up that morning and running to their room to see if they were ok! I didn't believe in the CIO method either. Here is what if found - my boys have to sleep touching one another. We ended up putting pillows around their sides to simulate them sleeping next to each other when they were older. Now, they are back in a full-size bed together until one is old enough to sleep on the top bunk! They still touch feet or sleep back to back. Good luck, and the sleep thing does eventually work itself out. It doesn't seem like it will when you are sleep deprived!

Good Morning,
You know you might want to slow things down for them an hour before bedtime so that they are not overly stimulated from an action TV program, playing, just any energy causing activity. I think their little bodies internalize this stuff and they cannot relax or even might be afraid. If you could read to them or just listen to quiet peaceful music it might help. It would also be good if there is no yelling or fighting going on in the house. When my oldest daughter was about 2 or three, I was living with my folks and my dad loved to play with her after work and he would get her to laughing and running, the chase thing, "I'm going to get you", and every night she would have bad dreams and could not stay asleep. Finally... we figured it out and stopped the high energy level and after that she did fine. I hope this helps you.

If you put their bed next to yours, I am certain everyone will get much more, and better sleep. Check out www.askdrsears.com for sleeping info; he may even have ideas for moms of twins. Good luck, and I applaud your decision to refrain for CIO...Have a great day!

A calming cd is very nice, however I have used a sound machine for my son since birth. So it rains in his room every night. (Pretty loud) HE has slept thru the night since he was 3-4 months old--he is now 21 months. Good luck!
Johna

M.,

If your children had a stay in NICU, I wonder if they're not doing what it seems to you - checking to be sure you're still there. You may want to consider recording you and your husband singing lullabies and playing that ever so softly in the background. They'll hear your voices and not feel abandoned. Maybe this might help.

D. S (mom to 5, granny to 1, attachment parenter, DEM)

Hi M.-

I found the No-Cry Sleep Solution books really helpful. While I used some of the ideas I also found learning about sleep habits and statistics really helpful. I thought my son was the only one not sleeping through the night and was reassured to find that is actually the norm. I also did not agree with the cry-it out method so her advice and research I found reassuring. I am happy to say that just before 3 my son now sleeps through the night. He will occasionally wake up an hour or so after he goes to sleep (maybe once every week or two) and will go right back to sleep after I reassure him I am there.

Good Luck!

W.

I am the mother of twin girls, now almost age 20. I hate to tell you this, but they were 12,almost thirteen before they slept through the night 10 times! I just remember sleeping whenever I could, and just dealing with it. I think it's a twin thing.... sometimes I would hear them talking to each other and when I checked on them, they were talking to each other in their sleep! Hang in there, they will eventually get to the point they will not need you to go in and check on them.

Good Luck!

I applaud you for your Social Psychology degree and respect it greatly. As you raise your own children, you will find that everything you learned is not exactly correct. That applies to any degree. I've successfully raised 2 respectful, happy, independent young men. It's my opinion that "crying it out" will not harm your babies. Often small children develop behavior habits. They may be waking up out of habit, rather than need. It is not likely that it is manipulative, but it could be, or could develop into that. Most likely it is habit. I would recomment the book "Baby Wise." It has common sense approaches to subjects such as this. Since you have twins, it may be necessary to separate them during this transition. Sleeping through the night is medically important for the twins, during this critical brain development, as well as for you and your husband. "Crying it out" is far less harmful than continuing to allow this pattern to continue.

Music is fine for about 15- 30 minutes,then try a floor fan that has a nice 'hum' to it, if you are interested in trying white noise. It will cancel out all the little noises of the house that may wake them. Are they in the same crib? If so it may be time to separate them so they learn to fall asleep on their own. That is the key, learning to fall asleep on their own will give them their own sense of security and eventually keep them sleeping through the night.
Hope this helps a bit,
E.

I have 2 1/2 year old twin girls and will second and third the loud white noise machine. From the time the girls were babies, we put an air filter on high between their cribs and they started sleeping through the night at about 6 months. We still have it in their room even though they're in big beds and it works well to block out the noise of the house and even thunderstorms.
Good Luck!

Read "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child," by Dr. Marc Weissbluth. It has great advice and it worked for my two girls and my best friend's two as well. The twins may need an earlier bedtime so they can get into a deeper state of sleep and continue to sleep. When kids stay up too late or don;t get enough rest, their bodies release hormones to help them stay awake. These hormones then interfere with their sleep. The book really helps. Good luck!

Hi, M.,
My daughter didn't sleep all night consistently until we visited an upper cervical chiropractor (she was 4). This has been the answer to our prayers - we lost so much sleep in those years, I can't believe we continuted to function at all. The informative website is www.uppercervicalcare.com.
After my daughter's first adjustment, the Dr. said, "She will sleep tonight." My husband and I laughed out loud. We took her home, she put her head on the pillow and was OUT...did not wake until morning. This has been a consistent pattern. The nightmares are very few, as well. I would do it over a thousand times!
Take care!

Hi M., I have one year old twin girls, and I wish I had some advice for you. My only advice is that in my opinion, one method is not that much better than the next, it is just what method works for what child. Our girls have always slept pretty well, they sleep through the night around 50% of the time, and the other 50% get up once in the night to nurse. We do use a nearby bathroom fan to drown out any household noise. I do nurse them to get them to go to sleep, and typically that puts them right down. Do you girls fall asleep easily and do they nap well? Are they waking on old nightime eating schedules? When our girls wake during the night, they will sometimes fall back asleep on their own, but if they are crying (one in particular), I know they are hungry. However, we have occasionally allowed them to cry it out (one of our girls who has had some instances of wanting to get up more than once after around 9 months of age), and for us, it only took one night of this to get her back to regular sleep patterns, and less then 45 minutes. I'm an LCSW and don't feel occasionally use of this (and not letting them cry for hours) is harmful- unless a baby is in pain or hungry. The other twin slept right through it. We have had a few crazy nights (mostly early on), where both just had trouble sleeping, but it was only isolated instances. Those times, we just held, nursed, rocked, etc., did the best we could to get through that night! I have read parts of the "Healthy Sleep Habits" book mentioned by another person. It may be helpful to you, but he does advocate for some crying it out, in certain situations. He does give lots of other tips as well. Our girls also have blankets they are very attached to, and one uses a pacifier to sleep. Do you girls have something they are attached that may help soothe them back to sleep?

I wish you the best of luck- maybe some others with children closer to your twins age will be of more help! Take care, F.

Hi M.,
I would highly recommend reading the book "Secrets of the Baby Whisperer" by Tracey Hogg. I am a pediatric PA and have 2 boys (one of whom is a difficult sleeper). I have read many, many books on parenting/sleep issues, and this is by far the best book I have come across with regards to teaching your children to put themselves back to sleep (without crying it out!) She teaches you how to recognize your child's personality type and tailor your methods to that child. It's an easy read, and I haven't had a patient yet that it didn't work for. I hope this helps, and that you get a full night's sleep - soon!

Hi!
I am a Chiropractor and I have to agree with Stephanie B. Upper cervical work could really help with this:) Let me know if you would like any more info! I'm sure you can find a great on in your area!

My Oldest didnt sleep all night till she was close to 3 yrs old. My son at a year and I did nothing different with them I believe that kids will sleep all night when they will. At their age giving them some weak camomile tea is ok and even a small piece of melitonin is ok. Try the tea first little bit of honey in it.
And also look into the No cry sleep solution books by elizabeth pantley. She has one for toddlers I have not read that one but I have read the orginal " The no cry sleep solution"

I have 2 boys ages (4 and 1). My 4 year old is not a great sleeper, but my 1 year old is. One recommendation I have is to run a loud fan in the hall way or in their rooms (Of course not pointed at them or not making it too cold for them). The noise might be soothing for them. You might also try a sound machine as back ground noise as well. My 4 year old still wakes up a couple of times a week. I'm with you, I never let my kids cry it out. I think it is important to meet their needs and make them feel safe. My 1 year old will put himself to sleep and never cries. My 4 year old is just a different kid as we used the same techniques on both children. Good luck to you!

M.:
Have you tried moving their bedtime an hour or two back. Maybe they aren't sleepy.
P. S

I totally agree with you about refusing CIO - and there's plenty of research coming out of our top universities and published in peer-reviewed journals that say that CIO methods can lead to long-term psychological problems.
(See Alvin Powell, Harward; James McKenna, Univeristy of Notre Dame; Peter Fleming, considered the top expert in the world on SIDS, University of Bristol)

It strikes me that a common justification for the CIO method is that "Sleep is a need, too, for the baby, and for the mom," but it implies that the moms who "respond to their babies needs" are all martyrs who are constantly sleep-deprived. That's a false dichotomy. The kellymom website says this about nighttime parenting: "Your goal is to maximize sleep for everyone in the family, while respecting the needs of your child." Sounds good to me.

OK, for some advice on "nighttime parenting", see here:
http://www.kellymom.com/parenting/sleep/index.html

Kellymom has tons of information on attachment parenting (AP) issues. Are you familiar with Mothing magazine, Dr. Sears, and the Berkeley Parenting Network? They are also AP-friendly, and all of their websites have advice and articles about infant sleep. (www.mothering.com, www.askdrsears.com, and http://parents.berkeley.edu/)

Of course with twins, you'll have different issues to deal with. I can't advise you there, but there are plenty of AP moms with twins, so maybe you can google for that.

I noticed someone had recommended that "Healthy Sleep Habits" (Weisbluth), but I think he's the most extreme CIO-proponent out there, so I'm pretty sure that's NOT the guy for you. Just a couple of days ago someone posted a similar sleep question. But she had been following Weisbluth's advice, and her baby was crying for over an HOUR every night, and sometimes even vomiting. LOTS of folks responded to that one, so you might get something out of that post. (I personally think Tracy Hogg "The Baby Whisperer" is a bit of a chump, as well, but not atrocious, like that Weisbluth fellow.)
(Here's the post)
http://www.mamasource.com/request/8127467741138386945

Someone also mentioned the "No-Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley - I like that one too. If you want to get a flavor of that one before buying the book, there are chapter excerpts at the kellymom website (same webpage as above)

Since you have an academic interest in Psychology, I think you would enjoy some books by Meredith Small, "Our Babies, Ourselves: How Biology and Culture Shape the Way We Parent" and also a similar one for older children, "Kids." She's more of a cultural anthropologist, but I think you would find her fascinating, and she writes about all kinds of things, including sleep.

By now, you're probably thinking "You all keep recommending books to me - when am I supposed to READ? I have TWINS! And they are NOT sleeping!!! Hello?!?"

Sorry.