Weaning My Two-year-old!

we had our daughter go in her bed at 3. it started with laying down with her, and leaving when she went to sleep. we went back in if she woke. then we went to start saying, we would be in in a few minutes, and she would call, and we would keep saying, just a few minutes. if she called again, we went in till she was asleep. now we read her a book, leave, and she is awake for like 30 mins, then falls asleep. if she wakes in the middle of the night, i tell her all is fine, and she goes right back. just do a nice bedtime routine, get him used to his room first by being there till he falls asleep, and make a big deal about it all. maybe special bedtime toy to have. it will be a very easy transition, if you be patient until he is ready to "fall alseep" without you there. also this time since dad and he have a bond, maybe have dad play special games at night and read the story. get your son really wanting to be with daddy, then have daddy do the night time ritual just for the "boys". good luck.

in response to "This is a great example of why we should not take the easy way out with newborns because then we have to deal with it later on" i am very disappointed. obviously you have no idea about the benefits of cosleeping or extended nursing. it is much easier to just let your baby cry themselves to sleep out of exhaustion. we dont cosleep to make things "easier", quite the contrary, it is much harder to decide to be an attachment parent. if you do research on the subject of cosleeping, you will read all the studies that show cosleeping produced more independant and empathetic children. there is a long list of overall benefits. we have memories with our children first thing in the morning waking up between us that non-cosleepers will never experience. we are one of the few countries that expect babies to be by themselves in a crib at young ages. as americans, we are so caught up in pushing our children to be independant. babies are babies for such a short time. in regards to extended breastfeeding, the american academy of pediatrics recommends breastfeeding until 2 yrs old, however there is absolutely no reason to expect the benefits will not continue after 2 yrs old. you should continue it till either mom or child no longer wants to.
before making harsh statements judging another mother, it would be nice for others to have their facts straight. M. has made educated choices as to what type of parent she wants to be. those are CHOICES to be a more attached parent, not someone taking the easy way out. a month or 2 of adjusting her son to his own bed is nothing compared to the wonderful experience she has had. and i know nothing about others marriage, but my children dont come between my husband and i in any way and im actually confused why that was mentioned. there are lots of fathers who are proud to cosleep. it actually strengthens are bond as a family, and as a husband and wife.

Well M.,
He is old enough to understand no, he will fight it for a couple of days but if you really want to wean him completely just stop and redirect. I felt guilty weaning my last son because when he was little he was in the hospital and they couldn't get an i.v. in him so I sat and nursed him every 20 minutes for 4 days and from that moment on he no longer took anything but me for comfort...so when it came to weaning him at 18 months I felt really guilty(and kinda heartbroken...he's my last) but after 3 miserable days and about a week of him trying to get in my shirt he was fine, better than fine he really started to blossom and grow up after I stopped nursing. I'm not sure if you want to stop co-sleeping too but if you do just get him excited about his room(new p.j.'s or sheets, a cool night light and show him how you can hear him on the baby monitor) and put him in and gate him in, again it takes about 3 nights of misery but by the fourth they've got it figured out and go to bed willing(or as willing as any 2year old). I gate my 21month year old in his room and I can hear him get out of his bed and play for 10-15 minutes but then he climbs back in bed and goes to sleep. Good luck, and don't feel guilty for moving to a different stage in your life....maybe you could go "build a bear" that could be what he picked out to help him through his transition....my son was given a chicken at the hospital last month and he walks around with "the magic chicken" all the time now, it helped him through an ER visit and he is now very attached to it. Take care,
C.

Oh my. This is a great example of why we should not take the easy way out with newborns because then we have to deal with it later on. You instilled something in your baby that is going to be very hard for the baby to let go, so please be very patient in the coming weeks. You are the boss now is the time to put your foot down our your breast up and say no.
What-ever you do get him out of your bed. I am a firm believer that no one should come between my husband and myself, I had a sleeper next to our bed and that is the best of both worlds it gives the baby independence from us while at the same time making it easy for us in the first couple of months now my kids are 2 and 4 and even if we offer them to sleep with us they turn us down and run to their own bed.

Hi Michelle,

It must be pretty hard when your son is literally hanging on you. I have 4 kids and I breastfed all of them between 7 months to 2 years. Usually I got pregnant when I was still nursing so it was kind of easy to wean babies. I think 2 years is enough time to nurse. You see, even animals wean their babies after babies are old enough. They just push away their babies. Do you only nurse night time? If you are still nursing during day time, I suggest you space nursing longer until he stop nursing completely day time. I would give him sippy cup, even if he won’t like it instead of giving him bottle or pacifier. Then you need to have another battle afterwards to wean him from bottle and pacifier. I think my 4th one was nursing after 2 years, but it was only night time. Then I started to space night time feeding. After 2 years is more habitual than need so I think you just need to be strong, don’t get emotional, try to take it as a matter of fact, stay calm.

You may not like this suggestion because it involves telling a white lie (but isn't that what Santa Claus is?), but it saved my second son the grief that my first son experienced when I finally weaned him through simple denial at 2 1/2. Here's what I did with son #2: I told him that on his birthday my milk would turn sour. I told him that repeatedly, every time he nursed. Then on the day of his birthday (you could use any occasion, I put that stuff on my nipples that you buy to put on your fingertips to keep from biting your nails. That morning, he came to nurse, pulled away at the taste and said, "Mommy the milk is sour!" That was it. I kept the stuff on my nipples for 2 solid weeks, just incase...but he NEVER asked or tried to nurse again.

I know this probably isn't the ideal way to wean but when my son was two, I took a 4 day vacation to Florida. My son always tried to latch on when he was cranky, scared, bored or half asleep. My husband stayed home with him and while I was half out of my mind with worry, my husband reported back that my son was doing just fine. He asked for me the first night but went to bed after stories were read and then never asked again. When I got home, he tried to nurse once in his sleep and I gently distracted him with a hug and some soothing words and that was it. He was weaned. Amazingly, I was actually missing the closeness and was a little sad!

Advice I can give you is to establish a bedtime routine with a bath and a few books. Give him a kiss and then let your husband take over. He will eventually realize that falling asleep and mommy's breasts don't go together.

Sometime soon, you may want to try getting him a toddler bed. Make a big deal out of it and buy special sheets but be prepared, you may have to sleep in his bedroom with him until he gets used to sleeping in his own room and then night after night you can leave a little earlier until he can say goodnight and let you go to your own bed.

Whatever you choose, customize it to fit your lifestyle and comfort. Your little one will be just fine and you will be so much happier and have more energy to spend on your child when you get a good night's sleep! Good luck.

We weaned our son at 1, so i don't know how helpful this is. We actually went on a vacation and the second we got there just stopped nursing completely and acted like it wasn't a big deal. With the change of scenery and routine he didn't even question it. By the end of the week it was over.

Don't put him on a bottle at this age, go straight to a cup. And no drinking before bed, you'll want to potty train him in the near future and who needs to break another bad habbit.

Also make a big deal out of getting him a big boy bed. Let him pick out the sheets, etc. When he sleeps in it through the night make a big deal out of it. When he wakes in the middle of the night to nurse, put him back to his bed. You'll probably need to do this for several nights before he gets into the new routine. Be brave! and Good Luck!

Hi M.. I think cosleeping and extended BF are great options, but if you are ready to be done, I would suggest weaning your son from the breast and your bed one at a time. Start talking to him about sleeping in his own bed. Get a bed rail and let him sleep next to daddy, not in the middle. Get a toddler bed for him and put it at the foot of your bed. Then move him into his own room. Once he's out of the bed, and out of your room, your breasts are less accessible. Does he only nurse during the night? I'd say not to wear nursing friendly clothes or jammies, and let daddy take over bedtime if he is at home during that time. Go out, for a coffee or to the library those first few nights so that your son knows Mommy is not an option.

Good luck!

M.,

I will be praying for you. I didn't have the chance to breast feed. The advice I would have given you has already been given. Basically, give up the cosleeping and give your son his own bed.

I'm sorry I don't have much advice for you, because my son is almost 18 months old, and I don't know how or when I will wean him! The idea seems a little abstract, overwhelming and emotionally charged right now, but I know the day is coming. I just wanted to say that you, and most of the moms who posted replies to you, are AWESOME!!! It's clear how much you all love your children. You have given them the best and met their needs, and you'll continue to do so as they grow and change. Best of luck M.--I'm sure thinking about weaning and planning for it are much more difficult than the actual weaning process itself (that's what I'm hoping anyway!)

I can tell you though that my son nursed less once we stopped co-sleeping. We moved him into a crib next to our bed, then moved the bed across the room, then finally into my son's own room. It took him a little time (a week or two), but he cut back his nursing dramatically. Of course, I started making my husband go into him at night to calm him when he would wake. (Before I did that, I started nursing him in a glider in our room when he'd wake.)

Also, maybe you could try the "Good Night, Sleep Tight" book, which I read and used, and also the Dr. Sears Baby Book, which has a section on weaning and night nursing.

Best of luck...

Oh boy - That is my exact situation right now, too! First of all, kudos to you for breastfeeding so long - that's great! I am also looking to wean my 2 yr old especially since I am planning on trying for another in the fall and really don't want to breastfeed while pregnant. Anyway, a book that has been highly recommended to me is called:

The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers: Gentle Ways to Stop Bedtime Battles and Improve Your Childs Sleep by Elizabeth Pantley

From the Back Cover:

"A good night's sleep is within reach. Let the great ideas in this book guide you and your child there . . . lovingly."
--Harvey Karp, M.D., author of The Happiest Toddler on the Block

Your toddler isn't sleeping through the night. Your preschooler battles bedtime. And you haven't had a good night's sleep in how many years? Get the rest you all desperately need with advice found in The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers.

Elizabeth Pantley's beloved parenting classic The No-Cry Sleep Solution has helped hundreds of thousands of parents gently coax their babies to sleep. Now she gives you tools to help your one- to six-year-old child get in bed, stay in bed, and sleep all night by providing no-cry solutions for:

Bedtime battles, dawdling, and evening meltdowns
Night waking and early rising
Moving out of the crib and into a big-kid bed
Graduating from the family bed to independent sleep
Ending the all-night breastfeeding routine
Stopping nighttime visits to your bed
Handling naptime problems
Nightmares, separation anxiety, and fears

I haven't actually read the book yet myself (it's on my Amazon.com wishlist), but like I said, it came highly recommended and from other mothers who breastfeed and co-sleep. I did read her book on sleep solutions for babies to get ideas for getting my son to take longer naps and it worked. Her solutions take longer than "cry it out" approaches, but I think it's worth it, especially when making such a big transition for a child that goes from co-sleeping to sleeping in their own bed. Hope this helps - good luck!

hi M. - we were in a very similar situation. my son never took a bottle or pacifier, we co-slept, nursed on demand and genuinely loved the close proximity of having our baby nestled in our bed. we chose to night-wean at 18 months following dr. gordon's plan (a gentle one - he is our pediatrician and has a great website - very pro bf and co-sleeping!) after night weaning him (he still nursed to sleep) we moved him to a toddler bed in his room. we layed with him and read him stories and listened to music like nora jones - and he would fall asleep peacefully - but at some point in the night he gets up and comes into our room. sometimes i don't even wake up - sometimes we bring him back into his room and sometimes i wrap my arms around him and relish the fact that he still likes to get cozy with his mama!! :-) i know it will end one day too soon! b/c your son has been nurtured and loved by you in your bed and comforted through nursing - he will continue to associate your bed with that. the beautiful thing about nursing a toddler is that you can communicate with them so much more - they understand everything!!! i would suggest that you talk to him and if he is still nursing then tell him he can nurse but that he has to be respectful of your body. we weaned right around oliver's 3rd birthday - not by choice - and it was very helpful to be able to talk to him to help him understand. but i had to be careful b/c we still had friends who were nursing so i didn't want to use language like 'you're too old'. good for you for knowing the value of full term nursing!! check out www.kellymom.com and www.drjaygordon.com for some more helpful advice.

The best/ easiest way I have found is to spend a few nights away from the child. Take a weekend off if you can. You could probably use it. He will not be looking for the breast if you are not around, and will soothe himself on his own. When you return don't offer the breast or even let him see it. And definitely get him out of your bed. You will never have a peaceful night's sleep otherwise. He may wake up a come into your bed, but put him right back in his own. If he is sleeping with you he will fall back into his old nursing habits. He will be fine after a about a week of what may feel torturous, but the alternative is far more sleepless nights.

Hi M.,
first of all get him out of your bed it is very dangerous sleeping with a child you could accidentially roll over on him and smother him or the covers or pillows could do it also. I never slept with my boys they were in there crib from day one. Of course there crib was in the bedroom right by the bed. It will be tough for you because he's two but a few nights without any sleep will save you the turmoil or heartbreak if anything happens to him. At 2 he should be able to drink from a sippy cup during the day and at night he may need a bottle just to transition him from your breast. There will be alot of screaming but do you want him to breast feed when he's in kindergarten? It will be the best for both of you. God bless

You might start by giving him a room of his own and telling him that he is a big boy now and has graduated to a room of his own! Put a rocking chair in there and then when he objects at first have him wait or cry it out just for 5 minutes the first week. Then go to him , sit in the rocking chair and nurse him and then put him firmly and gently back to bed. Do not go back to him < unless he is sick or otherwise something wrong> The next week make him wait 10 minutes and perform the same procedure. and so on and so forth until he is totally weaned. Hope this helps.
Are you a mormon?? I just got baptized last mothers day by the elders :-)))))

I don't really have any advice, but I just wanted to post and say all of you are awesome. My son is 16 months old, and we are still nursing and cosleeping. I was so excited to see all of you out there that have made the same decision. Keep up the great mothering!!

G.

Hi M.,

I agree--I hope you can cast aside the crappy comments from someone whose judgement (that was NOT advice!) was unnecessary...

I have had 3 kids--one who wouldn't nurse, one who nursed nonstop and coslept, but weaned overnight and never looked back, and then there's my 2.5 y/o son. I still nurse him to sleep (in his bed--he never even wanted to cosleep... go figure!). Obviously this is just a nighttime routine thing, but he is still very attached. I want him to wean on his own--I am way over nursing! I still think he will do it when he is ready. We have some sleepovers scheduled at my mother's this summer (whom he adores), and I think he will fall asleep with her just fine. I just worry about what might happen if he wakes up in the middle of the night.

Anyway, my favorite motto throughout my kids' various stages has been "this too shall pass". And you know what? It will. ;)

M.,

Although not yet two, I had a very similar situation with my daughter. She was 17 months and still nursing during the night as well as before bed and first thing in the morning. I didn't really want to wean her, but she was starting to get REALLY attached and I was getting worried. My husband kept commenting that it was time to wean her. None of my other kids nursed that long, and I never had to wean them, they did it themselves.

She ended up weaning when I started working overnights for 4 nights a week. At first I tried to nurse her at 6pm right before I left, and then at 8am when I got home, but the time crunch got to be too much and then I started forgetting and then finally she wasn't nursing at all. My suggestion is...can you go away for a couple of nights? Be around during the day, but so busy you don't nurse, and then spend the nights away. It's not like your husband can do the nursing! It wasn't intentional by any means, but it did work for us.

D.
35 year old mother of 5

is nighttime the only breastfeeding time? perhaps if you switch bf to first thing in morning then sleep wont be associated with it...or yo can still bf at night but only in his own room...something must change first, not all at once!

you've indulged him, in a good, loving way for so long that of course he expects all his demands to be met at bedtime...but once you know its not right for you anymore,,,you just ahve to decide what changes to make first and very firmly. it took me a few days to stop bf my girl (she was 21 months). i cut all milk except first thing in morning so anyone can help her sleep...then one day i said my mil stopped but i could cuddle her and give ehr juice and toys...etc. worked for us...its seemed easier to distract ehr with otehr things once she was awake and we had plans...

but there must eb something your son is attached to (if not a aci, maybe a toy? blankie? a photo? a song?) that you can give him more of during thsi phase. also, since he's 2 maybe you can tell him his preschool buddies have tehir won rooms and sleep on tehri own...etc.

good luck!