Very Jealous Daughter

Updated on February 01, 2008
J.L. asks from Hoffman Estates, IL
6 answers

Ok another request of mine...Help but for awhile my husband and I were on auto pilot going through the motions of day to day survival. As you know being sleeped deprived with the damands of a newborn and older kids can be a romance killer. Now that my son is getting into a better routine and a little more sleep we are trying to come out of the "fog". We are working on improving our relationship that has had its ups and downs so we have improved on being more affectionate with eachother i.e. Back to holding hands, kisses, hugs, gentle squeeze of the shoulders etc...The problem is my 2 year old daughter gets so angry when I touch or show love to my hubby that she screams and cries and proceeds to hit me and yell at me..."Saying don't touch my Daddy" While I know little girls are attached to their daddy's, how do we get past this?

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S.A.

answers from Chicago on

First of all, though your husband may think it is cute, he has to put his foot down and set her straight. I think I may have done a bit of that when I was little and my father had to sit me down on more than one occasion to explain that though he loved me very much mommy was his wife and he loved her very much. He would tell me that one day when I grew up I would get married and have a husband and children too....but I would not be allowed to hit mommy or yell at her every again. And he would punish me if I lashed out at her. Without his assistance in this matter, you will be hard pressed to correct her behavior. She needs to know that daddy loves her and he loves mommy and he will not let her be mean to mommy ever. His admonishment will go a long way to improving her behavior.

J.S.

answers from Chicago on

I think Daddy needs to gently tell your daughter, "No hitting mommy." and to give her a hug as well. If she continues to throw a tantrum, place her in her room until she calms down. Her behavior is understandable, but there is no reason you should tolerate it at all. I also think that Daddy should be the one to send her/take her to her room if she doesn't behave. That will send a stronger message to her. Good Luck!

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A.P.

answers from Chicago on

Wow, what a hard thing to deal with. I had a similar problem with my son and a boyfriend(now my husband). We just started to include him in on the hugs and kisses as much as we could. He wasn't use to seeing that type of love with someone and his mom. At first he didn't want anything to do with it, but after a while, and lots of talks,he got use to it. It probably took about 5 or six months. Good luck, its not an easy thing to deal with.

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C.N.

answers from Chicago on

My son is also 2 and is doing similar things. He yells at us about random things. What I will say to him is "This is what Mommy's and Daddy's do when they love each other". If there is further fighting it, don't stop doing it, maybe then you do a family hug where you run over and include her in the middle making it really fun! We also do family hugs from time to time- nothing planned of course, but if one of us is holding him we will all hug. He likes to yell at us and say things like "No Mommy is going to do it"- if it were putting on his shoes. I would respond with, anyone can put on your shoes honey. I don't want him to get into a habit of getting whatever he wants by screaming at us because my nephew does that and it is very annoying. Good luck!

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M.E.

answers from Chicago on

I think your daughter is asserting some dominance in the area of affection. I would probably suggest doing a lot of group hugs so she doesn't feel left out, then maybe sit down with your husband and your daugter and have your husband do the talking and saying how much fun it is to show love to both of you. When she does begin her control in this area, your husband needs to be the disciplinarian and tell her that it's not okay to be unkind and that showing love is a nice feeling that all of you can do for each other. I hope this helps.

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M.N.

answers from Chicago on

Wow, also!! I'm sorry your in this situation. It's hard enough keeping up a healthy relationship and then to be confronted with this. I think the person that responded about including her is a good step. Maybe the more she sees it the more it will become normal? It's interesting that she is starting territories already in the house. are you closer to your son?

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