Strange Question for Moms- Toddler Freaks Out When Mom and Dad Hug/kiss

Updated on January 30, 2008
M.S. asks from Petaluma, CA
16 answers

Hi Ladies,

I have a strange question. My son loves kisses, giving kisses, affection etc. My husband and I give tons of kisses and affection to him daily. Our issue that we are trying to figure out is why he freaks out everytime that my husband and I kiss or hug. He starts jumping up and down, screaming, gets a terrified look in his face and we don't know what to do. We have never had any type of argument or negative affection with eachother in front of him or around him. We have included him in our greetings and in everything we do, but I am not sure why he is acting this way. He looks scared and we tell him that mama and dada are fine and we are saying hello and that we love eachother. Does anyone else have any experience with this??

Thank you so much!

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So What Happened?

Hi Ladies,

I just want to thank all of you who responded. I feel much better about it now. I am glad to see that you have gone through this stage also and that its "normal". We will continue our affection and include him in on it as a group as well. Thank you!!

Featured Answers

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A.S.

answers from Los Angeles on

lol!!

I totally understand.

Trust me.. they get over it. I was the same way when i was little!

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K.T.

answers from Los Angeles on

My son went through this too. I think he was upset because he thought we were only supposed to hug him, and that if we hugged each other we were excluding him. Try doing 'group hugs' for awhile, and use a lot more subtle affection with each other like hand holding cuddling. Don't worry, they do get over it.

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S.D.

answers from Los Angeles on

I think he is just jealous of your attention not being on him. He probably doesn't know how to express it, other than crying. I think it's important you comfort him with words, but don't stop being affectionate with your spouse. It's important for kids to see loving parents. I'm sure he'll outgrow it. You could try some "group hugs" and "group kisses" too. Children are very attached to the opposite sex parent in ways that are hard to explain, unless you're familiar with psychology and Freud.

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G.M.

answers from Los Angeles on

hello M.,
I agree with the other ladies, this is very common and some children can act out more than others. Now your son is now learning more about relationships in the way that he may feel threaten by your husband. For girls it is the opposite. My daughter was like that with me. You just have to let him know that mommy loves him and daddy. Always letting him know how big your love is and that it will never end. In time he will settle into things when mom and dad are hugging. If you want, when you both want to hug each other and he is there, grab him and hug him between the both of you. Make it fun and over act your love to each other and him. So he knows that nothing has changed when it comes to him and the both of you. In time when he grows out of it, you will laugh about it. How long it takes? That depends on the child itself. All you have to do is give it time. No worries!!! This is normal. He will be ok, you will see.

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B.N.

answers from Los Angeles on

My son did the same thing. My son wanted me to himself and did not want to share. My husband and I would still cuddle but we would usually start with a group hug. During the hug we would tickle him and make him laugh so that he relaxed and knew that he was loved also. My son also needed a lot of reassurance when I held other babies or talked about having another baby. I found telling him that there is plenty of mom to go around and lots of hugs helps.

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R.F.

answers from San Diego on

Your request brings back soooo many memories! My son used to get between me and my husband and try to push us apart. He was my first born as well. Even to this day at 10 years old when he see my husband coming close for a smooch he always yells "break it up you two." But nothing like when he was a toddler. Your son thinks that he should be the only man for you. When his perception of the world begins to include friends and activities which are not centered completely around himself his maturity will allow more understanding of your relationship.

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A.T.

answers from Stockton on

That's totally normal. Junior is jealous, boys seem to do this more than girls. My mom says I used to yell "Stop it!" if my dad put his arm around her. My son is 3 now & will still yell "EEWW!" if we kiss and will sometimes try to push my husband away if we embrace in front of him, he says "That's MY mama! Go away Daddy!"
My son LOVES it when we both hold him in a group hug position and kiss him on each cheek. We call it a kissy sandwich.
He also gets upset if I hold or play with another child.
He tends to make alot of noise if we're having a conversation for too long and don't include him, so we're working on the manners.
Good Luck!
At least you know your little guy thinks you're #1!

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K.R.

answers from Sacramento on

Sounds like he might be a little jealous of the attention mommy is giving to daddy. At 2 years, my son would squeeze between me and my husband when we would hug. We didn't get married until my son was 5 years old and I remember him holding my hand and looking strangely at me when my husband and I had our dance. He did not want to be excluded or share me with anyone. I think boys are just usually attached to their moms while they are young. He should be fine, especially since it sounds like you show your husband and your son a lot of love. :-)

P.H.

answers from San Diego on

My son gets annoyed with my husband when he loves on me also..he just gets a little jealous because he is a mommas boy... lol.. but we don't let it affect how much we give each other affection.. we aren't going to let our children control us that way that that is all you little one is trying to do..just being selfish.. he will grow out of it.. :)

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J.R.

answers from San Francisco on

Hey M..
I just wanted to let you know, that it is perfectly normal. I have a four year old that went through that stage when he was 15 months to 2yrs old. I also have a two year old that is going through that right now. They grow out of it. My four year old use to not let my husband and I sit next to each other. He use to squeeze in between us. I was a stay at home mom, so he was more like that's my mommy, no one else can give her kisses or hug her, but me. Same goes for my two year old. I hope that I was able to answer your question.

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S.H.

answers from Sacramento on

Awwww....I have no advice but, a similiar situation only my daughter is 3 and very verbal. She tells me that my husband is her husband, When daddy and I even get close to each other she runs to us and pushes me away. She's a daddy girl all the way. She even wants my ring.

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R.C.

answers from Sacramento on

Dear M. S

How interesting to hear somebody's else baby does this! My 18 mo old doesn't do it anymore, but he did and at age 16 mos too!! We actually found it funny and kissed and hugged more to get him to do it. We chastised him when he threw toys at us, but we refused to let him stop us. We felt if we stopped it would be showing him that a temper tanturm got him what he wanted. I just think it is a phase, cuz he stopped about a month later. Just like you, he got lots of loving on and if he came up to us we included him in the hugs. I don't have any advice just a "hey, my kid did that too!" to make you feel better.

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V.M.

answers from San Francisco on

That is so funny...All I could do was chuckle when I heard that because it brought back so many memories. All 3 of my sons went through the same thing. I agree with all the other comments. Don't stop giving affection to your husband in front of your son, but include him and tell him you love him and daddy. He will outgrow it and he will inturn know how to relate to his future wife. Girls go through the same thing more with there dads. My daughter would pull her dad away from any female he would talk to. That's my girl, just kidding...but that is how they learn about relationships by what they see us doing. Keep loving...SMILE!

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S.W.

answers from Los Angeles on

Hi, M.,

My son did the same thing, too! You're son is just jealous or feeling threatened emotionally of your attention not being on him. Absolutely normal in his development! My son is now almost 6 and still insists I give him a kiss, too, after I give his father a kiss! He also still prefers to sit in between us. We also sometimes involve him in a "3-way kiss" in which we all 3 kiss each other at the same time (basically, a group kiss) and he laughs and feels satisfied with this, then lets the two of us kiss without any more interference! We used to have to do that more often when he was a toddler and now only occassionally.

S.

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C.B.

answers from Richland on

M.,
WOW!! We have adopted our children and so we have had some quesitons about our childrens behavior. So I found an EXTRAORDINARY doctor in Watsonville that has been working with us. He has 5 of his own children and has help numerous other famillies. His name is Dr. Lester and you can find out more about him at http://www.lesterclinic.com/pediatrics.html. I hope that this helps.

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C.L.

answers from Sacramento on

After I read what you wrote I thought to myself, wouldn't the most obvious reason be that your son is jealous of the attention you are giving your husband. Because you guys shower him with love and affection, wouldn't it make sense that he sees he is not getting any of the love or affection being shared and he might feel as though he is unloved. My brother went through the same phase, when my mom would pay attention to me or my dad he would throw tantrums and freak because he wasn't receiving the attention.

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