Update on 12 Month Old W/ DD, Would Appreciate More Feedback...

After reading your original post (found here: http://www.mamapedia.com/questions/2084366481776312321) it sounds like you're doing everything you can in terms of testing and doctors. If you think they missed something, you can always go to another doctor. But if it seems like they've covered all the options for now, just try to encourage your son and give him opportunities to walk and talk and explore the world. You're very courageous, don't feel so guilty! Even if he is DD you will still love him and take care of him like a wonderful mother and there's no reason to feel regret about that. Maybe you should talk to doctor's in your area to see if there's some kind of support group you could attend, or consider therapy for yourself. Sounds like you need to remember to take care of yourself, too! Good luck.

I guess if the doctors don't find anything to be concerned about, you probably shouldn't be either. My daughter didn't talk until her third birthday and she's not DD, she just has hearing loss because of fluid and VERY enlarged tonsils and adenoids (her surgery is next week). She didn't walk until 15 months old. I can't remember how old she was when she crawled but it was later than most babies. I understand your concern, I've had the same ones (and yours is even more founded than mine, considering you already have one DD child), but if we pigeon-hole our kids, they won't grow to their full potential. Don't put your son in a box- just let him be who he is and if there is a problem, it will present itself fully in the coming years. Enjoy him for who he is now, why all the pressure? He's not even 2 yet. Take a breath, enjoy your baby while he's still small, and deal with this as it comes at you.

GL Mom!

my four year old is just starting to put sentences together and still dont understand the commands i give her sometimes. She crawled at 11 months, walked at 15 months and is just trying to get the potty thing at 4 years. I have never had her tested and she is just developing at her own rate. I do believe if i brought her to the doctor they would have some medical name for it and recommend all kinds of testing. But no! I am not doing that because i can see improvement and she is learning at her own pace. Her 2 year old brother seems to be following the same path. He cant talk hardly at all but just chatters. He still drinks a bottle.....
some reason my dear children are just a little slow. I freak out if i compare them to other kids, but I refuse to do that.....

It seems like your son is getting the help he needs from EI but you need some emotional support for yourself. Is there a parenting support group for parents of special needs children in your area? Maybe check with the nearest children's hospital or larger hospital in your area. You could also try individual counseling for you especially if you are feeling very overwhelmed and sad (could be depression as a reaction to your situation). My daughter was a late walker and was right on the line of me calling EI for help (she walked at 17.5 months and 18 months is the guideline to get services). She is 2.5 now and has caught up fine with plenty of informal practice and encouragement. One good book I read that had lots of info about the emotional impact on the parents with special needs children is Quirky Kids.

I felt a lot like you, Dr. didn't think it was much, etc., etc., but could give me meds, which didn't help. Also, I didn't want to be numbed. I wanted to feel the highs along with the lows....until I realized I wasn't feeling any highs at all. In retrospect, I even lost how I see color. Everything looked grayer. When I finally found the right doctor a few YEARS later, I realized that trees and grass were actually green again, and that maybe I could finally peek out of that dark hole. It's not perfect now, and it took a while to get to this point, but the right doctor did help. However, I was so totally helpless and lost until I picked up a book out of curiosity at Barnes and Noble and read it with tea in the cafe. Of all things, it was Marie Osmond's book, Behind the Smile. I never had anything in common with Marie Osmond, right? I bought the book, which is about her post partum depression, which my doctors weren't really concerned about. This was not just the blues. As I read that book I cried. For the first time in a long time I cried, rather than just get angry? Anger often stems from sadness. What she described was exactly how I was feeling. I finally didn't feel so alone and useless. This led me to Brooke Shields' book about her similar experience. What? There's more than just me? Hurting my baby was never a consideration, so I don't think I was taken as seriously. However, when I'm sad, removed and irritable, I am definitely not being there as I could be. To heck with my Drs. I started calling around and researching on my own. I don't know if any of this will help, but I hope just knowing you aren't alone in your feelings, and that there are helpful and knowledgeable doctors and friends out there can help you find a path to coming back. By the way, I didn't know it at the time, but I also had a special needs baby, but because all the milestones were hit well, nobody could see it. I thought it was just my overmomming it. In pursuing answers, I was even told not to look for a problem where none exists. My child has Aspergers. A couple of good tips for me were: listen to music, especially from your good times and try out some new, exercise - right. Who has time...or energy? Swimming is great, but for me, stretching really helps. I started back with a bit of yoga moves at home, which had helped me relax before. I could do it with baby playing next to me or even a few moves during naps (I learned to nap with the baby). You can also do some stretching here and there in your day. Stretch while grabbing the laundry. Baby can be a good for weightlifting, something I found rewarding (light to med weights) in the feel good effort and quick results. Lots of good things about stretching. Get out! With and especially without baby. Even going to Target alone works! Going to someplace like a Starbucks or other indulgent place, ALONE, is 20 points. Getting out with any friends is on the point scale, too. Try to read something fun, even before bedtime, even for 5-10 minutes. You are not being selfish if you come first at certain times. Of course, if anyone told me any of this back then, I'd have said thanks and done nothing. But try even one. I think it will help, if even a little. It's baby steps for me. But knowing I am in power, rather than having been taken over by a munchkin I love to death, and can do something amlittle at a time, helped me get back a little of the control I was losing. Good luck to you. I hope you can have a real smile very soon.

Help us out – get the address from the original post you're referring to, and add that link to your request so we don't have to go searching. You're more likely to get responses that way.

Are you saying you want us to figure out what is wrong with your 12 mo old? It looks like you said the doc doesn't know what's wrong or the therapist? If you strongly believe something is wrong then get a second opinion. There is something called CMS that my facebook friend posts about all the time that affects kids that is undiagnosed or misdiagnosed. Maybe you can google it and see if you can get more info. Otherwise, I too am the step mom of a permanently disabled child so I know how hard it is. There is help thru the state also. It may help us if you update the "so what happened" and let us know exactly what you are looking for. Good luck.