Total Melt Down

Hello Rebecca,
Hi my name is T.. I am a single mom of four teenage boys...lol. They are good boys. I was reading your message and I wanted to share some information with you. I am a preschool teacher and I work with 18 3-4 year olds. Sometimes my classroom can be very trying. We started a new program that helps work with behaviors. We have been using this program for 3 years and I love it. It is called Conscious Disipline. Dr. B. Bailey has designed this program and it is very helpful. I find myself using it at home with my boys too. I am going to send you a link to read about it. It has some great breathing techiniquis for calming a child down. If you would like more info let me know. She has great calming down rituals, music and activites. I do all of the stuff in my classroom and it has change so much.
bye bye and good luck
T.

http://www.beckybailey.com/conscious_discipline.cfm

It's always good to rule out possible diagnosis but you can also try this. I saw Doctor Phil do it to a 4 year old. Video Tape her while having her meltdow then show it to her.... You'll be surprised her response. That is if she doesn't have an actual medical issue.

im not sure if this works, but i use to watch nanny 911 and this is what they did. if you dont pay her any attention then she will stop. im not saying it will be right away, but soon. she is doin it for attention! i was told that if you show her that you'll cater to her when she acts like that she will keep doin it. also after she is done with her tantrum sit her down and ask her how she feels about what happened and ask her to please tell you in a nice way or you can walk away till she is calm. if none of that works then ask your pediatrician what to do. im sure they can help you better then i can. well the best of luck with that! i hope it helps!!!

i would suggest reading dr. dobson's "the new strong-willed child" - great advice on tantrums, etc. no matter your religious views or views on spanking. good luck! E.

Hi Rebecca- I too am going through this with my 5 year old son. We've dealt with this kind of behavior from him since birth, and with each passing year say a little prayer that he'll get better. He is now in kindergarten and we are still dealing with it. This is what we do...until someone gives me a better idea. We implement the naughty corner from Supernanny. Yes he still howls like a wild animal, but he hopefully knows that his behavior will not be tolerated. I also put him in his room if he's having a full out tantrum and ignore him....usually when they behave like this they just want attention..even if its negative, and I refuse to give him any until he can come to me settled down. When we are out in public and he starts with this kind of tantrum, we either leave or if we are outside, say at school or a park, I put him in the car...of course within viewing distance. He still does it. The thing I try not to do is lose my cool, so in a lot of these situations....I'm putting him away from me so I too can calm down. Good luck if anything totally curbs this behavior....PLEASE, PLEASE pass it on. oh dear....gotta go....he's having one right now.

Big hugs for you!! Its hard to see your child do that sort of stuff!! I know Lilly gets that way when she is tired, over-stimulated, wants attention...etc. Maybe you could try to stop helping? Ignore it...dont talk to her or put her in a spot where she wont hurt herself and its no fun to be there? WHatever you try be consistent with it and stick it out...especially if you start something new. I hope she gets better for you.

make her think you're ignoring her. put her in a quiet place and let her scream it out (i prefer the 'naughty chair', but her room is good too). remind her that she's gonna make herself sick if she keeps this up and had better calm down (sometimes i'll gently blow on her face to cool her off so she doesn't throw up) when she's done w/ the fit, then ask if she's ok now. does she need a glass of water or something. Then explain that this is not acceptable behavior and no one is going to respond in a nice way if she is not nice. I'm sure they will still happen from time to time, but the have to test the boundaries, so i wouldn't try to calm her down. that just gives her extra attention for bad behavior. Mine started doing this a couple of months ago everyday over little things! Now she really only does it if she's had a long day and tired, or if one of us has been working odd hours and she misses us for a couple of days. I still handle it the same way...they've gotta learn! Hopefully it helps.

Hello Rebecca. I think that you should have your daughter evaluated for Autism. My daughter is very sensitive to small things too. She has panic attacks that are undescribable. She is only 5, and she becomes more sensitive as she gets older.

When my daughter has these meltdowns, I try to reassure her that food falling off the table isn't a big deal, but on her level. Sometimes during a meltdown/tantrum, she will repeat a phrase over and over again, while hyperventilating. It's really stressful on everyone. However, sometimes, I can see the tantrum coming and can prevent it; or at least keep the situation from getting to out of hand. For example, she likes to eat at the coffee table. And sometimes she will drop her drink onto the carpet and automatically go into a full blown tantrum. Well, I get her sippy cups now and totally avoid the episode. But at the same time, I talk to her about how to sit the cup down without spilling it. The best time to talk to my daughter is when she isn't really thinking about it. Now, I am reintroducing regular cups with no lids and she drinks out of them with straws and does not lift the cup until she is calm. So, it's been a process, and you have to become creative and have nerves of steel.

If you want to talk, you can email me. I feel for you Rebecca. And for you little girl.

Blessings,
M. F.

Have you had her tested for Autism Spectrum Disorder? I have a Nephew that I have custody of that does the same thing. He is a very smart boy, now age 13. There are alot of children out there that go undiagnosed because we don't think it could happen to our child/children. It is worth getting her evaluated. There are alot of programs out there today that could be of assistance to her & you/your family. If diagnosed, she may even qualify for SSI & medicaid if money is an issue.
I hope I haven't offended you. I'm just trying to help. It is not easy living with a child who totally melts down at the drop of a hat. I know, I deal with it everyday.
Let me know how it goes. Maybe we can give each other some insight or just relieve some stress. Good Luck, P. S.