Toddler Waking Scared at Night

When my kids were young & had nightmares - I told them it was their dream and they had the power to beat up the monsters/bad guys.
Try telling him that its his room and he has the power to protect himself there.
Kids imaginations are wild - teach them how to control their fears.

I am having the exact same problem with my 3 year old son! Please let me know of any ideas/suggestions you receive.

Thanks,
C.

I agree with the monster spray (bad-guy spray) idea. I used a can of air-freshener that my son had never seen before. I told him that it's monster spray and we'd go around spraying under the bed, etc. This works really well. Good luck!

Is it possible that you are trying too hard to comfort him. When we keep explaining and returning to explain and reassure over and over we begin to feed into their fear. i.e; "if there are no bad guys, monsters why do they keep talking about them?" sort of thing.

Bad Guy Spray is often helpful. I'd try telling him that there are no bad guys in his room after you finish spraying. Then, if he cries, return and tell him in a firm voice there are no bad guys: that you are confident that he'll be able to calm down (I'd stay in the room until he's calm) and know that they aren't there and then leave. Give him a chance to see that nothing happens and that he is capable to deal with his fears.

Has your SIL tried playing soft music or having some sort of white sound to cover the normal noises at night? Another thing to check is if he can hear any sort of noise or voices especially if they live in an apartment. Perhaps he hears the TV that the parents are watching.

Does he have a security blanket or it's equivalent? Both of my grandchildren have stuffed animals and do seem to feel some fear when they've forgottent to take them to bed with them.

Could he have begun being "scared" to get more attention and as a result has now convinced himself that there are bad guys?

When my grandchildren were afraid of monsters near that age their mother was very matter of fact. "There are no monsters." She did go thru the room with them a couple of times but after that she just said, "there are no monsters. Go back to bed." I think that this worked because first she acknowledged their feelings, showed them the room was safe. and then was confident that there were no monsters. Kids trust their parents. If the parent keeps trying to reassure them perhaps there are monsters or bad guys. Otherwise why do they keep coming back to tell me there aren't. The kid is able to sense the parent's concern and focuses their thoughts on the bad guys. This is related to the saying, from Shakespeare I think, "me thinks that you doth protest too much" which indicates that the opposite must be true.

My grandkids also watched Monster, Inc. which I think helped them to associate monsters with being good. They focused on the good monsters with a little help from Mom and me.

Since the toddler tells his parents he's afraid of the bad guys this probably isn't night terrors which may occur at this age. However, it's possible that he is having bad dreams. Is he also able to say what makes the bad guys bad? If he remembers a dream have him talk about it.

Another less likely cause could be that the toddler hears himself or someone else referred to as a bad boy, bad guy and when this is combined with the religious idea that bad people go to hell could result in fear. It did for me. I still become emotional when I hear my daughter tell her children, "you are a bad girl/boy" when they do something wrong. No one is bad. Everyone is good but we all do bad things. For the Christian it helps to remember that we are made in His image. That includes children.

have they tried monster spray? sometimes the concept of a protective deity is too abstract for some children to grasp (where is god? why can't i see him? how can he protect me if i can't see him?) and they have a hard time wrapping their little heads around it. a lot of kids this age, because of their active imaginations, need something tangible to help them conquer their fears, which is why sometimes just comforting them isn't enough. have your SIL get a spray bottle and fill it full of water (my cousin gave her son a bottle of air freshener!) and at night when he goes to bed, she'll go through with her son and spray EVERYTHING in his room. every time she sprays, remind him that the bad guys don't like the spray (and it can be monster spray, bad guys b gone, god's protection spray, whatever works best!) and as soon as she sprays all the bad guys will be gone. then have her leave him the bottle on his bedside table. tell him that anytime he gets scared in the middle of the night, he can use the spray to get rid of the bad guys. this is something your SIL may have to work with him on. she can go into his room when he gets scared in the middle of the night, gently remind him that he has his spray and that if he sprays it, he'll be safe.
i've seen this "monster spray" method recommended in several children's magazines. the obvious rebuttal is that giving the child something tangible to rely on to feel safe is unhealthy, remember that this is just a phase and he will grow out of it. once he grows out of it, he won't need his spray (or whatever else it is he needs to feel safe and secure at night).
i feel for your sister in law; my own daughter is terrified of owls (chalk it up to a preschooler's overactive imagination: she saw one of the older winnie the pooh cartoons, and decided that owl was a very scary bird) and we had a period of several weeks where we had to buy a stuffed tiger in her room to scare away the owls. now she just asks "are there any owls?" and after we tell her no, she's good to go.
good luck!

Three is old enough to teach a very productive and life-long skill. First you take the concern seriously. Then you sit down in a family meeting, write down (or draw at this age) the problem. Then you all brainstorm ideas on how to solve the problem. As you talk you dwindle down to the best ideas. Make sure at least part of the solution was his solution.

An alternative thought on God: Just because adults understand that God is, for lack of a better term, a 'good guy' doesn't mean kids do. I remember being a kid and my grandma telling me God watched everything I did. It creeped me out. I thought he lived on our roof and spied on me. Which doesn't make the kid feel super safe in their home. And if he's exposed to Biblical stories, remember the Old Testament is filled with God's wrath.

The kid needs to feel that he himself has power over his own fears.

Good luck!

We practice having our three-year-old telling us stories at night. It lets us peek into what his brain is thinking, and gets alot of what he is thinking out and gone. He comes up with some good ones, and we can try to make the stories have a happy ending so he is thinking about something funny and nice right before he goes to bed. Oh, we don't do this in his bedroom. We settle him for bed upstairs in the living room.

I also think sugar close to bedtime (including fruit juice) gets his mind going faster and thinking of more things.

Good luck.

Red Flags!!! Did you guys ask him is he's seen anything bad at a friend's house? People assume all the time that other people don't watch things like that in front of their kids but our three year old is being exposed to all sorts of movies at his biological moms house that has him waking up terrified at night. Something is getting in. My two kids who are only permitted to see cartoons and nothing else never wake up scared - actually we have no sleep issues at all. Once we sat down and found out the source with other son we have had to leave the bedroom door open and the bathroom light on. He saw MI3 and is freaked out that someone is going to hurt him. I think it was the eye scene (where the guy jumps up and nearly stabs Tom Cruise in the eye). But I've known ppl who think it's fine to have movies like The Ring on with their toddlers in the room! You just really never know.

Once you find the source you can start dealing with it. But honestly once those images are in you can't remove them. He will probably settle down in a little bit, but if he's fed more of whatever is going on it won't stop for him. I hope you guys get to the bottom of it!

We had some issues with our 2.5 year old with dinosaurs and monsters under the bed or in the closet. Kids go through this. We made up a water bottle with anti-dino spray (maybe they use anti-bad guy spray) and sprayed the room every night and left the spray bottle by her bed. This seemed to help and after a few days she sort of forgot the whole thing.

Marda's post seems to nail what I was thinking...

It sounds like your sister-in-law has fed into his "fear" so much/often, that she's created a whole new level of anxiety and dependence. Her little guy sounds like he might be using this fear to control her and gain comfort.

Our daughter (a little over 2 but very self-aware and verbal) kept telling us that there was a ghost in her room, we told her it was just a dream and that nothing could hurt her. She "showed" me where he was in her dream (near a window), she told me what he "said" (deep voice, it was very cute). We acknowledged it, reassured her that she was safe, and told her she still had to sleep in her room. She fussed and said, "I'm scared." for a little bit, but we kept telling her she was safe. We did not intentionally go in to comfort her after the first time (we stood outside her door and said, "You're okay, Mama and Papa are right in their room and can hear you") because that creates a whole new level of control for her. She "played the card" for about a week, but we stayed very matter-of-fact about it and just continued to acknowledge her feelings and let her know she is always safe when we're home.

She could consult with his pediatrician too about any anxiety he may be experiencing during the day.

It doesn't sound like "night terrors" because kids don't remember those and don't "wake up" from them.

I have heard that the best thing to do is to agree that it is a real concern and come up with a solution. If you keep trying to convince him that there are no bad guys, and no reason to fear, then he just assumes you don't get it. And if you don't get it, he can't trust your solution. Don't dwell on the agreeing with him part, but don't tell him he is wrong. If they have a dog, put the dog in his room and explain that he protects. If not, get a squirt bottle of bad guy spray and tell him that it repels bad guys. Or something more creative. Give him something he can DO when he is scared.

Have they tried leaving on a lamp in the room with a timer that goes off say after an hour (when he's already asleep)? That worked good for us. My son always like to have the light on but we didn't want it on all night and didn't want to wake him turning it off every night. Our lamp was pretty bright where it lit the room pretty good and son felt safe. Just a thought that might help.

It started at the same age with us, after an episode of Scooby Doo, actually. No more SD around here!!!

I was very matter-of-fact with our son. "Oh, honey, there aren't any monsters in OUR house. Daddy uses his magic to keep them away!" End of story, no questions asked. It worked for a while. Now almost 5, he fibs and says he had a bad dream (about 2 minutes after going to bed) to try to get to sleep in our bed. I say "Uh, oh, you better not watch XYZ show" that he saw that day that may have caused nightmares. They are clever little stinkers, but we're smarter!!!

Good luck!

Perhaps its time to forego the prayer for some good hard facts. Maybe he simply needs to be told they are not in there. Look under the beds..Show him, look in the closets, show him! When all done looking to make sure there are none..simply say "see No Bad guys". After that if there are prayers said etc..then do it. That's fine to give him "divine protection". There's certainly nothing wrong with that..but make sure he's not getting the idea that "God will protect him from mommy if he's pulling her leg" Have go into the dark of his room during the day time if possible..maybe its just shadows from trees..he may need a darker shade or something on his window. Might be time to say though. If he's playing things that "have bad guys" maybe he feels they are going to come and get him because HE defeated them. Perhaps he learned about bad guys in a fairly benign place but just exaggerated it in his own head. Simply reassure, put back to bed, and say "No bad guys"..maybe do the "look thing" once a night..or twice..but don't let it become a game..which it sounds like it could. I am wondering if there is simply a neighbor that comes home in the early morning and maybe he hears music, or voices and that neighbor simply needs to be more considerate of his neighbors. Good Luck :) Hope she figures it out.

I made a "monster be gone spray" It was water and lavender oil. The oil helps the little one to relax, and the name helps the child feel better.
I would go in and make a big deal of spraying the window, closet, under the bed, on top of the bed, all the stuffed animals....
Carman had a song out a few years ago called "God is bigger than the boogieman" And singing that with the kids would help.

There is a new night light out on the market, it is one that the child can pick up and walk with. It was in the shape of a rocket.

Good luck

Have your sister go in with a broom and sweep him away, saying, "Go away, you do not belong here and may not come back!!" Have her look in the closet, under the bed, in all the shelves, and bookcases. She can do this when the boy goes to bed first thing or when he wakes in the middle of the night. I would do it in the middle of the night when the boy is most afraid and "sees" the bad guys. She can sweep the bad guys all the way to the front door and out of the house. Have the son watch her. I know this is pretend but it will help if she makes it a big deal.

Another solution is to give the boy a brand new stuffed bear or lion, something furious. Tell the boy that the bear will "protect" the boy in all his bad dreams. Get a book from the library, or store about this. Having such a special animal will be a security animal for a long time. Make a big deal about it. My son kept his until he went to college, but by then it was more of a symbol than a security animal.

Toddlerhood is a wonderful stage as their imaginations are wildly active as they are starting to understand more of the big wide world around them. I too would suggest the "monster-be-gone" spray of water and lavender add some glitter so that they can see that it has been sprayed. Also I told my kids that we have magic doors and windows so no bad things can get into our house. Since toddlers have such active imaginations the world of make believe works to our advantage (and as I found out when my middle child was 3)disadvantage. Making up a silly song to sing that will scare the monsters away helps too.

This little man needs to feel in charge of his life. If there is what he sees a threat then He needs to be reminded that this is his house, his room and no one can come in unless they are invited. Tell him to tell those men they are not welcome and to go away. Jesus wants him safe and he can ask for help in sending them away if they don't listen.

Hi B. B!
Sorry to hear about a scared little one. What I would do is to take away something that may be adding to the toddlers fears and turn off the turtle light and jusk keep a nite light on if any. Change the setting by perhaps playing some soft sooting music, but very softly. Everytime mom and dad goes into the room because the wee one cries out, he is training mom and dad to come in at his every little peep, cry and scream.It takes an adult with nerves of steel to turn the tide back to how it was, so tell your sister in law to hang in there and hold her ground! my best wishes
L. L

They're obviously religious. Do they include the "scary" part of that? Maybe the not-so-happy parts of the bible are getting to him?

My son was having similar experiences for a long time. He still has a night light in his room which is turned upside down so he get a bit more light in the room but we have also started leaving his door cracked open. When we put him to bed we ask if he wants the door closed or "cracked 2 fingers." He invariably says "two fingers" so I put my fingers in and show him that it's cracked two-finger widths. On particularly bad nights we leave a dim light on in the hallway and or leave our door open so he can hear us around and getting ready for bed. It may take him a bit longer to go to sleep this way but there is more comfort that way for him. Good luck, I know it's awful to go to bed that way <3 ~~

That happens to my daughter on occasion. We let her go to sleep with her light on and the hallway light on and then when we go up to bed, we shut off her room light and then a few minutes later the hallway light.

If she wakes after a few hours of sleeping, I go in to her room. We happen to have a double bed in there along with her toddler bed so I usually go in and sleep the rest of the night in her room so she isn't scared. It takes a while to calm her down and get her settled so she'll go to sleep (15-20 minutes) but that works and it only happens once every few weeks. (she is 2 years 7 months old)

Having the hall light on worked better than a night light for me. And perhaps some reassuring Jesus music to listen to as he goes to sleep.

Have they tried sleeping with him or having him sleep with them until he begins feeling secure sleeping alone.

Okay this may sound silly, but it worked for my daughter. IKEA has some great night lights in different colors and they have little faces on them. They can either be plugged in or run off of a charge.

I knew they were there and before taking my daughter who suddenly went through this stage, I explained that the lights were special because they would keep the monsters out of her room. I don't remember what else I told her, but that they were designed for this purpose.

We went to IKEA and she got to pick hers out (and one for her baby brother). It seemed to work. She had a bit of trouble the first two nights and we reassured her w/o turning on all of the lights because her gaurdian light was on.

They are kind of cute litte round lights in red, blue, green and one other color I think. My daughter chose the blue one. It is easier to turn on and off than the green one (her bro's).

You also might try a small amount of melatonin. They make some chewable ones (we use Nutrition Now 500mcg Peppermint flavor - Fred Meyer carries it) and this too has helped my daughter sleep more calmly with fewer nightmares/nightterrors.

Good luck to you and your little one,
D.

This is very common with 3 year olds. They are very imaginative and so their little minds come up with some pretty creative stuff. The best thing for her to do is to talk to him about it. Have him talk specifically about what he is seeing. It will at least give them something more to work with. I use "magic dust" to sprinkle on my son to get rid of all the bad thoughts. We've even discussed where they go. He's decided they are shipped out to a landfill with the garbage man. Whatever makes him feel better. Unfortunately this is a part of them growing up. She may need to stay in the room until he is back asleep before she goes back to bed. I wish her luck!

Children especially respond to picture images. You could give him an image of Jesus Christ (either an icon or a picture printed from the internet). Don't worry. This is not idol worship. Icons have been used by Orthodox Christians and have been in our churches for 2000 years (think Greek and Russian Orthodox). Icons are "written", not painted, and they are prayed over the whole time they are being written by the icon writer - often a monk, or the wife of a priest - usually by very devout Christians. Check out http://goarch.org/resources/clipart/christ - this is a Greek Orthodox web site for pictures and more information. Check out this site for where to buy them, in case you're interested (no I don't make any $$ for this) http://www.skete.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=category.displa...

A lot of people really respond positively to this icon - and miracles have happened http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Theotokos_of_Vladimir.

You can choose your icon, and even print it out if you want. Or you can buy an icon of your choice. My children especially liked the icon of Mother Mary (Greek word is Theotokos - which means Mother of God). My children were really comforted from night terrors with the icon of the Mother of God, even more than those of Christ.

I believe this happens because children are very open to the spiritual realm at this age. They need to be prayed for and ask for God's protection every day. In the Orthodox church we also cross ourselves, and pray "Lord have Mercy as we do so, and teach our children to do so, because this also makes the devil flee them. (At the beginning of the Protestant Reformation, Martin Luther wanted people to continue crossing themselves - but we cross ourselves differently from the Catholics).

God bless all of you for being so concerned and helping your sister in law. I hope and pray for relief from this ordeal. A house blessing wouldn't hurt either.

Hello.

I do not intend to alarm you I am just mearly making a suggestion for your sister's child. It sounds like these could possibley be something called "night terrors". Please have your sister talk with her pediatrician about the possibility of this. The reason I think of this is because it sounds just like my son when he was 2 and a half until he was about 5. He had night terrors and would wake constantly at night in a panic. Sometimes he would even wet the bed but very rarely. He ended up getting some sleep meds and also just letting him sleep in our bed on the nights he had one seemed to prevent any further terrors that night. He is 8 now and is doing much better but he still has troubles sometimes...very rarely though. I just thought I would mention this and maybe you two can talk and decide wether or not to ask the doctor about it. Have her try letting her toddler sleep in her bed after the first night terror and see if it stops that night. Sometimes just the comfort of mom/dad beside them (they can reach out and touch them in their sleep) allows them to sleep more peaceful and they are less isolated feeling. Also, take away the thing putting the pictures or lights on the walls/ceiling. That can really creep out a kid that suffers from night terrors. Replace the night light with an actual lamp that has a BLACK LIGHT BULB in it and put a radio in the room UNDER the lamp. Play soft jazz type music or even the country radio station. This seems to comfort night terror victoms.
Hope this helps.

M.
____@____.com

It sounds like he is having alot of separation anxiety & needs to sleep with his parents or at least in the same room for awhile until he feels secure enough to be on his own...he's only 3!

Is there anything else going on in his world that could be causing him stress? If so this could be a manifestation of that and he may need to talk to someone about his feelings, like a councilor.