Toddler Either Refuses Nap, or Sleeps Too Long

My son will be 3 in December. His nap patterns, or lack thereof, were taking a toll on my marriage! He would refuse to nap, no matter how tired and cranky, until 5 or 6, only he'd wake 3 hours later and try to stay up until 12am! He is very active, and my husband would just get in from work when he'd wake, raring to go! What we decided on doing is "forcing" a nap on him at 1 or 2 pm(by 'force' I mean lay him down in his room for 10min-9 out of 10 times it would work), or if he refused to nap until 3pm or later, then I would wake him after an hour-hour and a half. This really works out well for all of us-my son has reestablished a regular 9-930 bedtime, which allows us some alone time, aside from passing out exhausted together, and he also wakes and eats at regular times, and just seems more organized all around, I also cut out any sweets, and colored and processed food/drink, and noticed a huge difference almost immediately.Hope this helps!

no need for concern, but just make sure your routine is solid for both nap and nighttime and do not let her make the rules regarding naps. if you know she needs the rest, help her to settle down. if you think she may be ready to give up naps, use the quiet rest time to keep up with the winding down. my son is required to stay in bed, but can read books. we use a kitchen timer for one hour so he can feel like he is not being forgotten. good luck. my son is almost 4 and he still needs his naps almost every day. it can be challenging because his friends dont nap and he wants to play. but there are many days when he talks about his nap in such a way that i know he is looking for ward to it deep down because he needs to recharge. also, just a thought -- when my boy is wild at naptime i try to make it a point to get him out to blow off some steam in the morning.

This is pretty normal around this age. My youngest did this, but I just changed the name to 'rest time' and said she needed to stay in her bed (she could have two picture books) and rest her body, but if she didn't want to sleep she didn't have to. Of course she fell asleep every day! The rule was that rest time was 1 hour (although she usualllly slept for 2). I explained that she was expected to stay quietly on her bed during rest time. I would close the door, but would open it after the hour was up. If she was awake she could get up then, if she was asleep she would see the door open when she woke up and know rest time was over so she could get up. We started the door closed rule when she tried to close her eyes for a minute and then try to convince me she had slept!
The truth is she needs the rest at this age whether she knows it our not and frankly you need the break so you can be rested too.
PS - excellent advice about coloring in food. It really is helpful to eliminate it. Coloring causes behavioral problems in a lot of kids and is pretty easy to avoid. Red seems to be the worst culprit and you'll be amazed at how many foods contain red dye. Read labels, even on things you don't think would have any dye. It's a real eye opener!

My 2.5 year old often does this, at least once a week probably. Whenever he skips a nap we always have him go to bed an hour earlier. He does fall asleep that early and then wakes up at his normal time. It's like he just adds the sleep time from the nap on his night time sleep. Maybe when your daughter skips her nap, just plan on an earlier bedtime and that way you won't have to wake her up for dinner.

My 3 year old did this about 2-2 1/2. It really stinks sometimes but I found that trying to force the nap issue just makes us both miserable. I know when he is going through a growth spurt as he will then take naps. Usually he doesn't and sometimes he won't go to bed any earlier and sometimes he will. Sometimes when he skips a nap he will go to bed around 6 and will not wake up till the next day but, lately when he does fall asleep then he will wake up btwn 8-9 to eat, take a bath and go back to sleep.

I find that just being flexable is a good happy medium. My three year olds sleeping habbits are way different than my 7 year olds were at the same age. My 7 year old NEEDED sleep. My 3 year old doesn't seem to need the sleep his brother did.

Each kid is different and has different sleeping patterns and needs. Good luck and try not to worry too much!

That was about the time my now 3 yr old dropped the afternoon nap (the last one :( ) for good. If your baby does get really tired, of course let her have a nap, but i would just try putting her to bed an hour earlier if she doesnt take that afternoon nap.

Because you dont want her to miss dinner try to feed her, but if she falls asleep, I wouldnt wake her....she wont starve and she'll eat a good breakfast! I dont think you have anything to worry about.

However, as they adjust she might get a bit cranky. If you "know" she needs some rest in the afternoon say after a busy morning, try driving around the block to get her off to sleep a bit and then slip her into bed. BUT dont let her nap past 3 or so or you'll have issues going to bed.

Good luck, I think it's normal. Just a readjustment period. L.

I get the concept of "refuses to nap", but what are you doing with her when she "refuses". Are you just allowing her to do what she wants, or is she at least in her room? When my children were toddlers, we had a nap-time routine that they had to stay in their room for the duration (1-2 hours). They didn't HAVE to sleep, but they had to be quiet. Nine times out of ten when they were convinced they weren't sleepy, I would come in after 2 hours and find them asleep on the bed in the middle of a puzzle or book. Perhaps you need to enforce a "quiet time" and give her the choice. Put her in her room and tell her she can sleep or play quietly, but she cannot come out until quiet time is over. I think you'll find that she'll fall asleep. The important thing is to have a set time every day and don't let her sleep past when she should. Otherwise she'll never have a regular nap or bedtime and her sleep will be all messed up.

My first question is whether you have a consistent routine? If your routine varies from day to day, this may be causing her to not need a nap, or to need more sleep at different times. Sometimes you just need to make adjustments in that case.
If the routine is relatively the same each day, what I would suggest is that at about 1 p.m. you simply put her down with the instruction that she is to 'rest' (I try to avoid the words 'nap' and 'sleep') for an hour. You may need to sit beside her and rub her back, or simply put your hand on her back, hold her hand, or whatever helps her to stay quiet. Perhaps some quiet soothing music will help too. Usually it only takes ten to fifteen minutes for a child to go to sleep if they are truly tired. I find that most children do need that rest during the day, but they are just keyed up for some reason and resist. I tend to do the same thing myself, so I can understand it. The little bit of time you spend helping her get to sleep will be worth the effort for both of you.
This is a pretty normal problem at your daughter's age. She is growing up and learning she has some independence so is trying to exercise that independence.

My daughter does the exact same thing. She is now almost 3.5 yrs old but they say around 3, they may lose the nap all together. My daugther almost never naps anymore but she is still very tired around 2pm and should take one but won't. Come 5/6pm, she falls asleep without dinner because she is too tired to stay awake (and what a bear attitude she has - whoo!)She wakes up around 8/9pm and is wide awake and ready to play. My husband and I are getting ready for bed around 9/9:30 so this drives us crazy! We try to keep her up and then put her down at 8:30pm and she tends to sleep through the night. If we let her fall asleep at 5/6pm and she wakes up, she stays up til midnight talking and singing and yelling for us from her room and that is no fun. So yes, I know exactly what you are going through and it is nice to know I'm not the only mom with a child who does this. If she won't nap, try to make her have quiet time for 1 hour in her room lying down, TV off and no noise and she may fall asleep but if she doesn't, at least she is somewhat rested. Good luck. As she gets older, it will get better.