Time Outs for 18 Month Old

I honestly do not think an 18-month-old can "think about it".
I believe there is a series of events.
Each is a separate event.
The 18-month-old mind cannot put any cause+effect processing
to any part of the events.
So, you can remove her from whatever the situation is.
You can tell her why you're removing her.
But please don't expect her to THINK about it.
Over time, you'll observe the changes and development in cognition.
She's not there yet.

18 months is too young for time outs. you can put them in a crib or playpen for a few minutes which does stop the behavior but as far as putting them on a time out chair or getting them to "think about" the behavior its not going to work as their brains just are not ready for that. your best bet is to say "NO" sharply which lets them know you mean business. and then if the behavior continues pick them up and put them into the crib or playpen as your doing. she will get the idea.

When my children were toddlers, we did a lot of "do overs" where, if they were caught doing something like grabbing a toy away from another kid, they had to give the toy back and say sorry to the other child for taking it away, then they had to ask for the toy the right way and wait until it is given to them. Kids do not know how to do this naturally so I often had to be present to model this behavior for them so that they could learn what was expected of them.

I actually didn't start time outs with my children until they were about 2-1/2 and usually it was for acts of physical agression or throwing a fit to get what they want. I'm of the opinion that disciplining is a great thing and children really do need parents to set out boundaries for them but you will usually get better results when your child is really young, if you spend those first couple of years really teaching your child how they are to behave and rewarding them (with hugs, tickles, high-5's) when they do it right.

This is just what has worked for me. Hope it helps you as well.

When my 2-1/2 year old was 18 months, I couldn't keep him in time-out either, especially away from home. I've found that any kind of isolation works with him, usually in his crib when we are home. Away from home I have taken him out of the situation into a bedroom or any place away from the action. I sat him on the floor, and I sat somewhere else, turned away from him so that I was in the same room for safety, but he wasn't getting any attention. If he came to me, I just turned away (which is terribly hard when he's screaming "Mommy"). After a minute or two I told him we would go back with the others, but he could not do whatever it was he was in trouble for. This seems to work for him. Now just the threat of time out seems to get him back to appropriate behavior. This age is hard. I hope this helps.

Time out is one minute for each year of age so making her sit for 1 minute is correct. I can't image she is processing what you are trying to do at this point. She simply has no concept of time out yet. Just keep redirecting her to another task and keep things out of her reach that she isn't supposed to touch.

If she is aggressive then sit her in your lap, facing away from you, if she head butts backwards be sure and keep your hand behind her head so you don't lose teeth like I did. Don't talk to her, don't let anyone distract her, make sure she is ignored for the time in your lap. When she is calmed down talk about keeping hands to yourself and things like that. Just keep repeating it.

Redirect. Redirect. Redirect.

My son gets a time out, and we started that at about 18 months. We always give him a warning ( if you throw you spoon again, you will get a time out), then when we put him in the time out we are very specific about 1) why he is in time out and 2) how long it will be. The general rule is 1 minute for each year of age, so an 18 month will be in time out for a minute. After the minute, we tell him again why he was in time out, and that it is time to get up now. I usually pick him up first, hug him, then give him a kiss. Something like (pick him up) " Honey, you can get up now. You were in time out for throwing you spoon after mommy told you not to. You need to listen to mommy. I love you." (kiss, put him down, or continue hugging him if he is hugging me).
A few times he was defiant and got up from the time out chair. At this point I put him back, and told him if he got up again he would get a spanking. He did, and he got a spanking. This happened 5 times in a row. Not a hard spanking, just enough to get his attention. It was hard for me, but now he is two and hardly ever needs time outs or spankings because he knows that mommy and daddy mean what they say. He will test us occasionally, but consistancy is the key.

Spankings are a personal thing, and every child is different, but so far they have totally worked for us. Here are our views on spankings: 1) Not hard, just enough to let them know you mean what you say. 2) Always give a warning first. I wouldn't like it if someone out of the blue just hit me, children deserve to have a chance, and with short attention spans they really don't always know when their behavior is unacceptable. 3) My husband and I do not want to raise a child who no one wants to be around. There are lots of children/teenagers/adults who were not disciplined when young and are not well-adjusted to be in society now. 4) It is our job to teach our son life lessons, in the long run it is easier to learn what is unacceptable from us now then later in life from someone else (friend, teacher, police officer).

I agree that 18 months is too young to "think about it", she needs specifics. But children understand more then we think sometimes, we just need to let them know it, in short, simple words.

She's pretty young to "get" what you're trying to teach her. Unconditional love, gentle guidance and constant supervision are your best defenses at this point. Time-outs should be very brief, as you indicated. Lots of gentle, verbal direction and redirection, distracting her with something else, gently moving her and explaining - these are all good things. You're expecting a lot of a 1-yr old, I think, but she's in a learning phase and that's a good thing. She just is going to be limited by her lack of language to express her feelings. You can try naming her feelings (you're really made right now) and sometimes that helps. Hang in there. She's growing and learning at her own pace.

Timeouts worked FANTASTIC with my 1yo... so I have to disagree about them not working. They were swift and immediate - scooped up, and in the crib or out in the car seat, or on the couch, or outside the restaraunt, or, or, or. It was also pretty "simple" to get him to "stay" ;) when we were out and about, because if he didn't stay where I put him, he got strapped in his carseat OR we went straight home. So he learned quite quickly that if he got the "chance" to stay, instead of be in the carseat or go home, to take advantage of it. (Certain offenses, like throwing sand on the playground, or hurting other children was an immediate 'go home' offense... EXCEPT... at family gatherings/ friends' houses he typically got a warning. <laughing> Throwing sand or wood at the park was hilarious, because he'd PUSH that boundary. We went home 3 times in under a minute - not to go back again that day at all... with me guilt tripping him periodically "We COULD be at the park right now, but you THREW SAND at someone so we had to LEAVE, so we CAN'T be at the park. All 3 times I'd reminded him about not throwing and all 3 times he *looked* at me right before he threw it. Home we go. After that, no more throwing sand.)

Now... I didn't do the minute per year of age thing. They'd typically last between 3-10 minutes. And if he started playing/etc I'd *remind* him he was on timeout and what for. Step 1 was make him cry/upset (to link feeling badly with hurting others), Step2 was calming down, Step3 was talk about it (at a year it was enough for "No hit?" and a big shaking head "no" (he'd say "yes" if he was still angry) and arms reached out, and then he'd go apologize to the person he hit (hugs, or pats, etc.) which is step4 ... to set things right.

Prior to age 3 timeouts were ONLY for hurting others. Everything else got a "punishment to fit the crime". Ex) Fighting over a toy, meant the toy went away. Damage a book, the books go away. Whine, you don't get whatever you're whining for.

Also prior to age 3, timeouts were a GREAT tool (they were a lifesaver AFTER age 3). Prior to 3 they were rarely needed (maybe once every other week, except for certain things that the 'gears were turning'. like 3 days in a row of throwing sand), offenses rarely repeated more than 2 or 3 times. We'd often go MONTHS without needing a timeout. But we had the terrible 3s at our house, and that could be timeouts 10 times a day on bad days, and he was usually in timeout at least once a day on "good" days. Don't get me wrong, we'd have days without, but they were rare. Ditto... inappropriate behaviors would be repeated and repeated and repeated, unlike when he was younger and timeout nixed them FAST. OMG. Thankgod for age 4. It was an overnight thing at 3, and equally overnight at age 4. YAY the lovebug returned! Completely necessary for healthy development and all (independence seeking & cognitive emotional integration... by OY what an exhausting year. Esp since, as an ADHD kiddo -merely suspected at the time, known for sure now- he's prone to super intense emotions. Our timeouts at 3+ lasted well over an hour. He'd be in full flail for 30-40 minutes (normal with adhd), so we couldn't even GET to talking about it, finding solutions, or putting things right until 30-45 minutes later.)

Take your pack and play with you when visiting until she's learned to obey.

Practice. Make a game about obeying mommy. An 18 month old will have a hard time doing it, but they can slowly learn. Be consistent. Use a blanket and have her practice staying on the blanket until you tell her to get off. Use a reward system to teach her, stickers are great! Once she's learned it, then you know she can obey and when you sit her in time out, she is capable of doing it. Then when she's in time out, and escapes, put her back. This will be a learning process as well, but since you know she can obey you from your earlier training, then you know she can do this too.

Best wishes!

I, personally, disagree with moms that say they are too young for time-outs and to think about what they did. Here's what we did (and still do) with my DD....

We would give her a warning & threaten with a time out. If she did it again, she would have to sit on the floor in the corner away from the TV, radio, friends, toys & everything else. The first few times we did this we sat with her to make sure she didn't get up but we did not talk to her any extra because we were there. When we set her down for time out, we would tell her why she's going. Every 45 seconds or so, we'd remind her why she's in time out. Then at the 2 minute mark we'd let her up & have her come to us. We then talked again about why she was in time out so she knew it was wrong. Then she had to apologize to Mommy for acting up, the child she hit/took a toy from etc. Then she has to say "I love you" and we do a hug and kiss.

This method travels anywhere you go. Playpen/crib or not. I have done this in the middle of the store before when she was being a rotten stink.

Good luck Erika!

There are better options than time outs. Try redirecting her to something which is acceptable. Rather than telling her no, tell her what she can do - (instead of stop picking up the camera - 'let's go pick up the toy camera and play with it). If she will hit the baby or other child, tell her -no we do not hit and then don't let her play with the baby but do give her something she can do. She will not think about what she has done - she is too young. Try looking at the Positive Discipline group on Yahoo if you are looking for ideas.

my oldest used to do a dance for me in time out ignore it and make her stay till her attention thing is done. the longer she acts outthe longer she stays she will get the point. 18 months in my opinion is a little young for a time out. they dont comprehend. my youngest wasnt put in time out till over 2 but he has delays and he wouldnt have grasped the concept. i would just move his hand or what ever or make him take a nap. usually the ladder. at least make her lay down when she misbehaves.. I bet she goes to sleep.

I find that redirecting him, ignoring the unwanted behavior, or praise for the good behavior works best for my 16 month old son. He has a great arm too, and tends to throw things and hit his brothers or other kids out of the blue (he is just testing his boundaries/exploring/learning cause and effect) but I feel like time out wouldn't work for him at this age. For example, he hit a little girlfriend that came to our house for a Christmas party - not to hurt her, but purely to explore what happens when he does that. I told him firmly, "No hitting" and followed it up quickly by, "We give hugs. Can you show me a hug?" and usually he does (or I repeat my request a few times if needed), and I make a HUGE deal about the hug/correct behavior.

Time outs are actually designed for parents to cool down and be able to redirect their kids to a different way of behaving without elevating the situation (i.e. yelling at them). If you do choose to do time outs, you're right in using 1 minute per year of age, and make it a quick and boring interaction - even if she is dancing or doing something you don't want her to do, it's all ignored behavior in time out.

In the discipline area of things, 16-22-ish months is a bit tricky -- just takes some creative parenting. Hang in there, it does get better!

Hope you find something that works for your family!

I'm sure someone else has recommended it but in case they haven't...

Happiest Toddler on the Block by Harvey Karp. He's easy to follow and I would get the DVD that goes with it. It helps you to understand her capcity of understanding when she's "not listening" and help you to communicate with her so she can understand you better.

Good Luck!!