The Next Step with Our 5 Year Old

Hi,
I hope all is going a little better. On the "plan" have they tried reinforcing good behavior rather than taking away when he is bad. He may just need to be shown what happens when he is good--like spending one on one time is great--but also right away reinforcement. Hey son, you are doing a great job at ..... here is a sticker, tootsie, new book.....whatever might work. And how are you to get him "under control" when you are not there? Be specific in your plan and maybe include your son in the plan, too. Accountability sometimes helps even at a young age.

I would check in with your peds doc too. Although, our first told us we were just over protective and worry too much for first time parents. We have since had our oldest diagnosed with high functioning autism (6 years ago)--so the moral of the story is if the Dr. brushes it off, don't let them get away with it or especially let them make you feel bad--find one who will sympathize and then help you!!!!

Take a breath and keep reading for ideas. Being informed will be you ally.

J.--mom of 3 boys and a great hubby

Hi K.,

I would bring this up with your pediatrician to see what he or she has to say and if they feel he should be tested for anything. Be specific with your doc and let them know you want to find out what is causing his behavior. I briefly read the responses and saw a good comment on communication - it's important that not only can the child communicate but that they are understanding what is being communicated to them. If you are not feeling supported in your school district, I would contact PACER as they provide parent advocacy for parents of children with disabilities and behavioral problems and may be able to give you some really good advice on how to work with the school district, what to ask for, etc. I believe, and they can explain further, that the school district may have some responsibility in determining why your son is acting the way he is. Their main number is: ###-###-####.

Whatever you do, don't wait. I'm sure your son is not happy that he's behaving the way he is either and he's obviously frustrated with something.

Take Care!
M.

Hi K.-
Sounds tough and you're doing the right thing.
I have a girlfriend who has kids diagnosed with ADD- she's in Robbinsdale MN- her email is ____@____.com and her name is Kathy Conway. She might know of someone you can go to see to test. I'm a med. prof. but work in open heart- but I'm also a wellness coach and so is she. We have some products- she's using them now to see how her son does. We know of some people who use them- when they do their sons are great in school- the days they've omitted for whatever reason- these kinds of behaviors surface. Might be worth looking at too without getting "labelled-diagnosed"- it's liftoff along with nrg tea. Liftoff helps you "stay on your game" as our prof. beach volleyball assoc. team sponsors say. YOu can view them at http://www.mydietshop.org
I will be out of town for a couple weeks. If you can't reach Kathy let me know- I'll be on email. Good luck and hope you can resolve this for your son.
B. Jarmoluk
____@____.com

Something to keep in mind may be that he is continuing with old behavior that has worked for him in the past. The center being consistent with him will be helpful. I read your update to the last response and it sounds like your previous center was actually really belittling to him. He may still need to work out some issues with that whole experience. I do recommend a child psychologist-not just a pediatrician. They will know more about the "symptoms" your child is experiencing and may have ways to help you address his behaviors at home while giving him an opportunity to talk about some stuff. Then if need be, they can direct you to the doctor (psychologists/therapists can't prescribe meds) for medication. I know there are a number of clinics that charge on a sliding fee scale if cost is an issue.

I am no expert on ADHD, but my now ten year old acted out in 1st grade and his teacher kept telling me I should look into getting him checked out for it. I did talk to his doctor and he was not impressed. He said that Aaron was acting very typical for his age, and that he did not like to put that kind of treatment on a child that young without major issues. After 1st grade he moved on to a new teacher and I was informed at every conference how great a kid he was. I was really glad I did not push the issue on ADHD. He is now in fourth grade and doing great. I believe he had a hrad time adjusting to the kids in school, not the staff. Kids can be so mean, and I know my child lack the maturity to deal with the negative things kids did or said to him. He acted out! It took a long time for us to help him develope a thicker skin to what the kids were doing and saying to him, but he now knows who his friends are and understands that not every kid at school is going to be his friend. That was hard for him at first because he is very sensitive, but it is a fact of life he has now learned to deal with. I hope this helps a little. Be patient and talk with him about his feelings and about his friends a maybe you'll be able to help him through this too. He will find that kids everywhere are the same some are not as nice as others, and he probably at first did good at his new school, but then he found that there were mean kids there too and now is not doing as well again. bless you and good luck.

I am NOT a therapist or a teacher, but my opinion is that your son does not have ADD/ADHD. I've seen this behavior in other kids and can tell you it sounds like he's frustrated about something. Is he able to communicate well with his teachers at daycare? Is he unhappy at the facility he is in? I, too, would be frustrated if they weren't calling me with issues as they arise. I've been there...not fun.

Hang in there! Boys can be aggressive at this age but they do grow out of it. He's old enough to ask him specific questions about his day at daycare. I bet you may find out something is going on there that doesn't agree with him.