Terrible Two Goes Public!

Kudos to you for actually leaving when he is throwing the tantrum! I know it stinks to have to leave early but I think that it sends him the right message. I always hate to hear a Mom say if you don't stop we will leave 5 times and never leave! So I think you are doing things the right way. He is just testing his limits and if you continually let him know what they are then he will change his behavior! GOOD LUCK:)

I like the responses so far...the only thing I can think to add is to make sure he is rested and fed before going out. My son would get overstimulated with situations, add tired and/or hungry on top of it, he'd melt down! I thought my family and friends would never see his true self! He'll be 4 next month and is definitely much better...so there is hope!

There were times (and are still times) when my daughter will start a public fit and if we're at WalMart, I just put her in the front of the cart and ignore her. I go about my business, pushing the cart and pretend she's not screaming or crying. She stops very quickly when she's not getting the attention. She also knows that if she starts that, then in the FRONT of the cart she goes, or if she wanders off or will not stay with me. On occasion, I will let her scream her fit out in the van if my husband is with me. I just leave him in the store to finish up with my other daughter and I take little one to the van and she hates that she can't be with Daddy and sister shopping.
I will be sad when she outgrows the cart though (which is happening very soon), because it surely helps when you need to get things done and she's in the mood to sprawl out on the floor.
Good luck, I have one that is a public screamer and one that isn't. I think ignoring has helped us out more than anything else. Some kids get bored and use the screaming and fits to get their parents to leave the store. My nephew did that and when his mom refused to leave, he stopped having the fits.

Stop him where he stands. Where he show's out....you need to correct him there. I use to go to the restroom & call myself taking care of him BUT as soon as we got back out in public.. yes he did do it again....so I had enough & let him have it right where we stood, do you know he had the nerve to be embarrased? It's safe to say he didn't it anymore...I could've kicked myself for not doing it sooner. Good luck & God Bless!

I think you are doing the right thing in taking him home and putting him to bed. And yes, you are right. You have to take him out to train him the way you want him to be.

On this note, something kind of interesting.. This weekend my daughter was out with her grandmother. She went into the bathroom by herself and came out upset. She told my mother that there was a mother in there spanking her child. She heard her tell the boy that she was not going to allow him to be rude.

I know that everyone has to choose the way they will train their children. But I'm here to say that a LOT of very successful CEO's of major companies say that they were spanked as a child and that it did them a lot of good. Since I run a daycare I have to work extra hard to find non-corporal ways to deal with things. I know it can be done. But it's so much more slow!

Suzi

I just wanted to let you know, my son did the same thing. It is SO embarrassing, because you know what a sweet good little boy he is, but no one else can see it. My son did grow out of it, so it will end eventually. It sounds like you are doing the right thing, just keep being consistant and following through. Good luck!

Oh boy, does this take me back to when my own son was that age !!
He is really playing a game with you !
As adults, we find it hard to believe that negative attention can be rewarding, but in a child's world, it certainly can be.
He is getting exactly what he wants when you leave where ever you are because of his behavior. He wants to leave ! And then, he has learned nothing about how to get what he wants appropriately, but only how to immediately get out of a situation he finds boring or uncomfortable !
Don't leave where you are, unless it is someplace HE really wants to be, like the toy store. Even then, try "time out" first. You can always find a corner somewhere, or if necessary, time out in your car. This will work better if you do this first ....
Before you go, have a talk with him. Even a two year old can understand a simple talk about what you expect from him, and the reward or punishment that will accompany his behavior. Tell him exactly what good behavior you want from him, and then explain what behavior you will not tolerate. Next tell him there will be a reward if he is good (reiterate the expected behavior at this point) and a punishment if he is naughty (reiterate the naughty behavior). Decide together before you leave what his reward and punishment will be. If you are going to the grocery store, it is easy to decide the reward when you arrive, as it won't be long before you hear him beg for something. If it is reasonable, you can use what ever he begged for as his reward.
Tell him "ok, if you are quiet, do not kick on the floor, and obey Mommy all through the store, then I will give you that as a reward AS SOON AS WE LEAVE this store."
As you walk the isles, take every opportunity to tell him what a good boy he is being, and remind him how nice it will be when he gets that reward, and how proud Gramma (or whomever you chose) will be when he shows them what he got for being good ! Remind him OFTEN through the store when you first begin this, so his excitement and willingness to cooperate stay fresh in his mind.
Start with very short practice trips to the store, so you can set him up for success early on, before you expect success in a more trying situation.
However, if he "blows it" and throws a tantrum, DO NOT under ANY circumstances give in and give him that reward later.

A reward does NOT have to be expensive, nor does it have to be a sugary treat. Things like a page of stickers, a small bottle of bubbles, etc. will work just as well.
When you get to where you are going, before you leave the car, remind him one more time of the behavior you expect AND the reward for it, but if he displays the behavior you don't want (kicking, screaming, etc .... be specific with him) he will NOT get his reward, but will get time out instead.
IF this is a place he wants to go, like the toy store, ice cream place, play date, etc, it is okay to use leaving as a punishment, otherwise, leaving is not an option because that is very likely what he is wanting to do and you are unknowingly reinforcing his behavior when he gets what he wants, which is to leave.
He WILL test you a few times on this. The key is to let punishment or reward be swift and appropriate, and be consistant EVERY time. The key to success in any form of teaching is to be consistant.

Also, I personally, do not like to use "bed" as a punishment. Going to bed should be a pleasant experience. If it is sometimes used as a punishment, then when he occasionally doesn't feel like going to bed, he will feel as though he is being punished when you put him there, and you may begin to have problems getting him to bed at nap time or at night.

Time out in a specific corner or chair in your home that is reserved just for that purpose is a better option. When that space is used only for time out, he soon gets the idea that his behavior has been not so nice, and he is there because of it. Timing his time-out period begins when he has stopped throwing his fit, and is quiet. It's ok if he is crying in time out, as long as it is quietly and not an all out tantrum. Timing never starts before the tantrum has ended. Then match the number of minutes to his age. In his case, 2 minutes.
When his minutes are up. Talk to him and explain why he was in time out and help him to understand how he could have avoided time out.
"Time out" is just that. It is taking time out from a situation where the child has lost control of himself, and/or become completely frustrated to the point of acting out, and needs to regain his control of himself.

He is becoming more independent and also may be testing you to see what you will do. As long as you are consistent and say what you mean, it will turn out a lot better. Children want that consistency. You can also talk to him before you go anywhere and tell him what kind of behavior you expect. That way he knows if he acts up you will leave.

ya know, i forgot about this phase! my baby is 9 mo. my next oldest is 10, i haven't done this for a while. i do believe you're doing the right thing so my advice is .... keep up the good work! God bless the mothers of two year olds... and teenagers!

Only a few words of advice can and will cure this:

Catch him when he's being good and ignore the bad behavior.

Be ready to leave if you are in public on a moments notice but give no attention to it. Simply pick him up and go to the car and leave. Or just go into another room if you are at home. He has learned that you give him most attention when he is bad. Try the opposite! I just did this with my 2 year old and had the very best weekend ever!!!

hey, i'm with you and dr. phil! i always remember dr. phil told a story one time about when his boys were younger and his wife left an entire FULL grocery cart in the middle of the checkout line because the boys were acting up and didn't "believe" mom would really take them home right then and there. i always said i'd do the exact same thing - not only will they know you mean business, but better to leave embarrassed than stand there prolonging the embarrassment as your child gets more and more out of control. i don't know about your son, but most kids get the whole "bye bye" thing and get excited when it's time to go bye bye. stick to your guns - acting out means no more bye bye! he'll get it eventually. and you're right, it's a completely natural phase. hope he gets over it soon!

Sounds like you're on the right track. The only thing I'd add, which I found out to be important with my own son, is to communicate your expectations before going in the public situation each time until he gets a good habit going. Maybe even make- up a little book - "When we go __________, I will act ___________. I will _________ when moma _________. I will hold on to the cart. (and so on with the details of how you want him to act) When I do this it makes moma happy. It makes me happy.
If I act _______(negatively), then I have to ____________(whatever consequence you've decided on).
This makes me sad. It makes moma sad.
I will choose to act nice.

HOpe this helps.
N.