Temper Issues with 5 Year Old

A. you know I work with a great company that focuses on natural you might just need a good vitamin.. but don't be too fustrated, I had the same thing with my daughter.. after some work and tears and you name it we figured it out.. start small and work up.. 20 min a a huge amount of time to begin a habit.. start with 5 make it a huge accomplishment and fun and exciting I acted out some of the things we were reading .. when appropriate.. reading about giraffs what do you think they look like and how do they move take a moment to make it real. Also get some fun little EASY books.. I love the zip, zap zoom type of books when they feel overwhelmed, lost they shut down.. these books have 4-5 words thru the entire book the basically memorize them but the excitement of finishing and doing it and acting it out with you and them seeing you have fun.. changed everything for us.. I hope this helps I remember getting so irritated and even angry then realized that was making her irritated and angry ontop of being defeated..

Boys especially express their frustration with physical emotions moreso then actual words. My daughter last year in Kindergarten was super h*** o* herself and got easily frustrated. I explained that I only want her to "try" and I don't expect her to be perfect or always get it right. Take the pressure of of him. 20 minutes to sit and read is a long time for a 5 year old boy even. I mean maybe shift to a easy read more fun book at his choosing first. My biggest piece of advice instead of "giving him anything" try a behavior chart. When a child visually sees his good and bad behavior and is rewarded for the good, it tends to sink in a lot more. If you are giving into the fits, then they will continue. Now is the perfect opportunity to teach consequences and being responsible for his choices. I talk to my daughter all the time about her homework, that it is her obligation and responsbility to finish it, the sooner she finishes then the sooner she can get on with whatever else she wants to do. I tell her that there is a reason for this homework and it will help her not hurt her. My biggest preaching for both of my kids is "you have things in life you will have to do that you may not like, however you have to follow through, that hard work and just trying to do things right is the path to being successful". I always ensure they know it is okay to screw up as long as they are trying.
I don't think giving him supplements of any kind is the solution, he just needs to learn to lessen his own expectations and have follow through. Tell him how open his world will be when he is a good reader too. Hang in there.

So I will give you the same advice my mother who is an educator (I am as well) gave me when my son Atticus was having a similar experience.... You are stressing him out, he will never learn to read when he is being forced. Do whatever possible to make reading time fun. A 5 year-old's reading chart does not expect them to be the sole reader for 25 minutes. Make sure you are also reading to them daily so they can see reading happening/ being modeled for them. You can take turns reading a page and if a child does not know a word do not make them struggle with it. Slow down....it does not happen overnight they will not be readers until about second grade.... and remember not all readers are phonic readers many are whole word readers. Label your house making the the first letter in a differing color. Make a letter/ sound of the week shelve (you can use the same letter as his class) and locate objects from around the house to visit the shelf... label everything. The Bob book are good and are a more manageable lenght for a beginning reader. If you make reading a struggle/ battle it always will be. Stress hinders learning. If your student is having difficult mornings I would ask for a teacher conference and try to locate what he is feeling stressed out about (do this without the child present). Also I would suggest to the teacher that they try and not and stress him out, it is making school not fun and you want to build a positive experience at school and a positive attitude about learning. You can do it I have been their. And sress can look like ADHD but their are very clear differences... wait until he is a little older for the differences to be present.

C. mother of three and teacher.

A., I kind of have the same issue. I have a six year old kindergardener, who gets very easily fustrated and has a temper, but also has a hard time foucusing. If you are looking for a supplement that kind of helps the focus and energy I would look into Herbalife. They have something called NRG. For adults in its full serving it gives energy but for kids that might have something like ADD ro ADHD in a smaller dosage it helps them focus and be more calm. This might with getting easily distracted. Hope this kind of helps, sorry I can't help more with the temper I'm still working that issue myself. :)

I would first try to figure out why the temper. My son would act up when something negative happened at school and hadn't told anyone about it yet. One day he was spit on and came home and was rotten to everyone. I finally was able to stop getting after him for his attitude and he told me what happened. It almost never fails when he behaves this way, that something negative happened and he is just in need of a little extra TLC, and personal attention. Another thing I did to encourage him to read was take turns reading. I would read to him for 5 minutes then have him read to me. You may also want to try letting him get a little sleep and make sure he is not hungry at all when he reads. At our house those are the two best things to fix a bad temper with home work, along with extra attention.

Hi A.,

My oldest son, now age 12, had issues in school too. I would caution you not to be close minded to any suggestions. My son had learning issues, and after many years of testing and observations, he was diagnosed with ADHD, Asperger's Syndrom, Axiety Disorder with some OCD tendencies. We don't have him on a medicine cabinet full of meds.

The only med he is taking is to help him with his ADHD, and that med we are not increasing as he gets older. We don't want him dependent on these drugs for life. Our goal is to wean him from it as he grows, giving him time to learn the coping strategies that work best for himself.

There have been studies done that show that children who have a deficit in certain brain chemicals (which is why there is ADHD, etc), will often resort to medicating themselves later in life with illicit drugs. It really is a disease. Their brains are not making the chemicals they need for one reason or another.

All that said, I would strongly encourage you to get him thoroughly tested, then if it is not a disorder of some kind, I think it could be that he is feeding of your anxiety about the 'fight' that is most likely going to be had when it is 'reading time'. Try doing something fun with him that he likes to relax both of you and then slowly get into reading. If he is struggling, don't treat it like another thing on your list that you feel you need to get done in one single sitting. I know as mothers we are constantly marking things off out 'to do' list. Maybe you need to read just a few minutes at a time here and there. =)

I hope some of this helps, and like I said, do your homework and keep an open mind. Best of luck!

I hear you!!! my son used to do the same thing. All I did was pick a book that we could both read, and I would read some, then let him read some, we would trade off and it seemed to help him stay on task if he didn't feel like the whole 20 minutes was up to him.
He is in 2nd grade now, and he LOVES to read to me, I make a huge deal out of it when he does, I give him my 100% attention and praise him for a job well done. I also let him choose the book. When he was younger, I gave him "acceptable books" to chose from.
Hope this helps.

My kids are the same way. My 7 yr old was diagnosed with ADHD last year. The side affects that some of the meds we tried were even worse then the problem at hand. In the summer time we enrolled her into Karate (even though it hasn't fixed the problem) She is getting better and it gives her an outlet for her anger and frustration. When she comes home from school I let her take a few minutes to herself then we sit at the kitchen table (where there are fewer distractions) and we work on her homework together. We also got her a punching bag so when she is really frustrated she can get it out on that. Also I've been reading a book called 'The New Strong Willed Child' by Dr. James Dobson. This book has been very helpfull to me not only in my handling different situations but also it lets me know that I'm not the only one out there. Good luck too you! B.

I have had these issues with my youngest. Two things that worked for me, a book/video called Magic 1-2-3 (and it is!). The other thing is at night I use a lavendar bed spray and rub lavendar massage oil on my daughter's bare feet. I like the Arbonne brand because I know it doesn't contain petroleum, but any would probably work.

A.,
I totally understand Your staying away from Ritalin, and all what is around it, I am exactly the same way.
Here is one place where people wrote a lot of good words:

http://www.mamasource.com/request/6531488936626225153

advising a mom with 3 year old so maybe you'll find something useful (I wrote there also and got a flower :) ), but as the tantrums you see with your son, it is always somehow connected with studies, it seems, then it may also be some link to the activity. Maybe, he wants to read better than he is capable of, and he gets upset, and scared that he cannot do better, and afraid that you will not like his reading, and out of a fear, he'll throw a tantrum as a defensive device. You can try to read TOGETHER: he reads aloud, and you read WITH WIM in a very softest voice, so that only he can hear, almost your whisper, as you sit right next to him (his ear), so you go with the pace that you both choose, and when he will get stick with the word, he will hear how you continue reading the word. Then, you stop and wait 'till he repeats the word LOOKING INTO THE WRITTEN TEXT and following the word spelling in the book with his eyes, and go on together again. Say, you can call it 'we-reading' or something, and let him be proud, not telling that you want to help him because he cannot do it on his own, but ask him to share the book, to read together because you love reading so much also, and want to also join in. Praise him after every story (or page) is done, say how beautifully it sounds, that you can almost see all the events as he reads so well. I have a feeling that he wants to do better than he can right now... try ways of helping him so, that his dignity, pride, good feelings, happiness all stay intact, this is important, as you are raising a little boy who will be one day a beautiful proud responsible man. Think what qualities you want to see in him then, and how to help him develop those qualities. nothing happens on its own. Although kids are born with their innate nature, parents are the closest and foremost contact for them during the long period in the beginning, and our behavior's influence is HUGE! So, good luck to You, A., and be happy, both of you! happpy Valentine's day, and may you and your son stay friends for a lifetime!
P.S. don't forget to check out the link, the site I copy-pasted you in the beginning :)
M.

I truly believe that at 5 years old, learning needs to be fun fun fun. If it is not, you need to back off. Most people did not learn to read when they were only 5 years old. My daughter is that age and struggles some(she is the youngest in her class), so instead of insisting in 20 min a night I just let her read to me when she wants. She is quickly catching up to her class. There is too much pressure on children to achieve at a very young age. We need to give them a chance to succeed at their own pace. If they don't learn to love learning now, then school will only be a chore. The more they enjoy it, the better they do. Now I don't know your son, but it sounds to me like he is simply frustrated. I would avoid pigeon holing him into some learning disorder at this point. Also, I know you said you think he is sleeping enough but an earlier bed time might help. (my kids go to bed at 7 and sleep until 6:45 at which point they wake me up). At this age he should not have to be woken up so it could mean he is tired, and that is a big factor when it comes to behavior. Give him a chance to love reading by taking away the pressure, and I bet he will really improve. Good luck!

A.

I second what another mom said about Waldorf. I worked in Kindergarten at a Waldorf based school in Boulder and some kids just aren't ready to read yet. That's okay! Check out BCSIS in Boulder...play based Kindergarten may be right for your child.

Also, boys sometimes listen better when they fiddle with things. My son is 11 1/2 and he still does this. I ask him to repeat what I said and he can...word for word.

Make sure you keep reading fun...take the pressure off HIM reading and enjoy the story together.

Hi A.,
I am a mother of 3 (9,7, & 3). Like you, my oldest didn't have any issues like this. Academicaly, things come very easy for him. My 7 yr. old started 1st grade this year & would respond simalarily to reading time. For a short while, I too would get frusterated. Then I realized that he is frustrated w/ learning to read. I then started to read the books w/ him 1st, then had him read it to me (helping him on difficult words-being very cautious of my tone of voice, making sure I was encouraging him, rubbing his back, making him feel safe and secure. Reminding him that words are sometimes tricky & that even I have to sound some out). I also make sure to go to a very quiet place in the house & tell the other family members that we are not to be interupted. I even tried different times of day to find out when he was at his best; he seems to do better after dinner.
As for the morning fits, it might have to do w/ many things: seperation from you or his home, expectations at school (can you volunteer in his class once in awhile?). Have you talked to his teacher to see how he's doing in school, w/ friends?
8:30 is a reasonable bed time. When my kids started kindergarten, I noticed that sometimes they needed a nap or quiet time or to go to bed by 8pm. They are so tired from the new demands & changes in their life.
Hope this helps,
A.

Some days my kindergartener can't even look at the work she completed at school, let alone read for 20 minutes. My first grader does about 15 min everyother day (we cut it short if it's a hard day). There are attention issues and then there is expecting too much for his age. I would talk to his teacher. As for suppliments - before you put him on anything I would talk to a doctor. If you are worried about puting him on stimulents firmily say no. If the doctor insits find a new one.

Hi A.,
I had a similiar experience with my 5 year old and what I did was to set up a sticker chart for positive behavior. First I talked to him about appropriate behavior then I explained the sticker chart and together we built it - I took him to the store to pick out the stickers and each day he displayed positive behavior - including things like brushing his teeth, helping pick up his room and completing his homework he received a sticker. After 5 stickers he earned a reward like McDonalds (which he loves and I am not crazy about giving him) or time at the park or zoo - what ever motivates him I let Blake determine what his rewards were - with in reason. My son has responded so positively, he looks forward to behaving well. Also, with reading - you can break it up into 2 10 minute sessions which may be more managable for him.
I hope you find success!
A. P.

WE have also struggled with helping our 6 year old son to enjoy reading. Here's a few things I've tried:

1) Have him read to a sibling - they enjoy showing what they can do (talk first with your seven year old about showing appreciation - bribe him if necessary to sit and listen with a treat!). Make it an easy book so he feels a sense of accomplishment.

2) Get the books at the library that come with a tape/CD that reads along. My son loves technology - pressing the button on the machine, pausing it, etc. is all lots of fun.

3) Try Leapster. Our library has Leapster cartridges and they help with reading.

4) Find a series that he can really enjoy and read it too him. My son loves the Junie B Jones books because she is such a lovable troublemaker. Those books would be appropriate for your 5 year old too.

Good luck!

Have you ever looked into Waldorf education? The Waldorf philosophy is the kindergarden aged child is not ready to start reading. At Waldorf, they do alot of physical foundational work that prepares the child to be really ready to learn to read. When reading is forced upon a child that is not ready, these emotional outbursts will happen. There is nothing wrong with your son, he may simply just be not ready to learn to read and that's normal. I understand that Waldorf is not available in all areas and also, there is a tuition with most Waldorf schools, but also most Waldorf schools have a tuition assistance program and don't want to turn anyone away because of finances.

if you are looking for a natural supplement to his diet, i would suggest 'juice plus gummies'. they are made of 14 fruits and vegetables that were freeze-dried, ground up, and made into a fruit-snack like substance with no additional sugars. very healthy! they have made a world of difference in my children.

however, i don't recommend adding something to his diet without first taking things away. he may have an allergy or intolerance that you don't know about that is affecting his behavior and inability to self-regulate. my oldest son has a mild form of autism called asperger's syndrome and if i had to choose one thing that makes the greatest impact on his behavior, i would choose diet. for us, casien is a huge culpit to misbehavior and increase in tantrums. casien is in cow's milk-based products. so none of my children are allowed casien and it has improved all of their dispositions. :) instead, we use rice milk and soy cheese. many of the 'traditional' snack foods are actually very bad for our children (for example, goldfish crackers) and it is very easy to find a substitute with no casien.

another common gi-track disrupter is gluten. gluten is a little more difficult to cut out as it is in flour and cereals, etc. but for some people, it can make a huge difference to how their brain works and body feels.

another suggestion is to make sure that he is full before starting to read or gets a special snack while you read to him. popcorn or cashews might be great for this. nothing is more distracting than hunger pains or low blood sugar. hope you find something that works for you.
D.

I have a 10 yr. old daughter that I went through many issues like your son. Many children these days are being diagnosed with ADD or ADHD and medicated when it truly is a temperament issue and these children just need to be treated and dealt with differently. A few lifesavers for me were "Raising your Spirited Child" by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka (along with the workbook) and you might be interested in "Indigos". I have also done a lot of research in how to deal with anxiety & knowing when to medicate etc. Another resource for this is "Worried No More" by Aureen Pinto Wagner, PH.D.
This has changed our lives by dealing with her temperament in this way. The hard part is getting teachers and other family members to understand it's what works! But hold your ground and be your child's advocate!

I suggest reading at weird times, like just before dinner, while the bath is running, or during commercials, or, in weird ways, like while standing up, gently swaying on a swing, or lying under a table looking up. New places are good, too, like at the library, in the car, or on your front porch.

You can offer the book in different manners, like copying the book onto notecards and showing it to him like flashcards, or alternatively, writing out the story on a long piece of paper all on one line.

You can also offer odd rewards like a glass of water and a straw to blow bubbles into after each page, or (on your bed) another pillow to sit on after he reads a certain amount (he'll love reading the final page just to sit on every pillow in the house at once!).

I think that different ways, reasons, and things to read are more effective than any chemical alteration, "natural" or prescribed.

If you can meet with your son's teacher and ask how things are going in the classroom...then instead of the 20 minute marathon of reading (to your son it's a marathon, even though it doesn't seem very long to we adults) try to first just look through the pictures of the book with your son...and guess what the story will be about...having your son pick out which book might help too...even if it's not one his required reading books...what you want to do is get him interested...then you read to him for a bit and a little ways into the book start looking for words that he will definitely recognize...even start with just letters...have him start to contribute in this way and slowly work up to reading bigger and bigger chunks(first night you may want to just read by yourself so that there is no pressure on him)...reward him for his progress...doesn't have to be anything material or food...it can be verbal praise...certainly work toward him reading the required text...just like any big project for us adults there are 'baby steps' or mini-goals inbetween the beginning and the end. Your other son can certainly help out too...sometimes competition or the appearance thereof will inspire a sibling to greatness...have your older son read a story with your little one in the room and use that verbal praise/ reward as enticement. Your other son can also sit with your kindergartener and just look through or read his required reading aloud to the younger...one more tip...sit your son in a position to your right and the sound will enter that left ear first...it's weird but they've actually done research and kids make faster reading and comprehension improvement than when read to from the other side...strange huh? I am sure your sons teacher will prolly have some excellent strategies for you to try as well..good luck!

A.,
I had a child that had issues with doing work at home. We would try every evening with request from school. My child finally started withdrawing from me. I didn't know where to turn, until I received assistance/referral from public health and we went for some testing at a Children's hospital. We found that not every child learns the same and sometimes needs different methods and tools to help them. I also found out that home needs to be a refuge and not always a contiuation of school. It didn't mean that they never had to do homework, but presented differently.

I am from germany and we believe in using natural things first.I know the Doctors give children Valerian root drops before they ever try the major meds.(in Germany)
If you can't find it in the store in drops (health food store)try a german store and ask for Baldrian drops(german name of Valerian root). If you use too much he will get sleepy.The drops smell and taste yuk, but we used to take the drops on a cube of sugar.
I used them myself when I had to take tests during my pregnancy. I have a five year old son myself and I would feel comfortable giving him those myself. I would start with a low dose though.
Passion flower tee is something an american friend of mine swears by !? I have never tryed that. But you can also ask someone in a health food store to give you some tips, there is allways someone with a little knowhow.
I hope this helped you.
I am not a Doctor, but you can ask a herbalist or a chinese acupuncturist(look under Herbs in your yellow pages)they do alot with herbs to.

I know chiropractor that does a lot of energy work and homeopathic medicines. When you go in and get him tested it seems wierd the way they do it, but I have taken my screaming baby to him and it helped about 90%. It was nice to have someone figure out something. His name is Dr. Randy and he works in Layton. It is Soli Wellness Center, and I am pretty sure they have a website. I would really check into it. It has helped a lot of people in my family. My sister in laws sister is taking her autistic son up there so check into it. This Dr. is really good at helping you find ot what you need if you even need a Dr. or if he can help.

A., I am a SAHM with 4 kids. My 10 year old was a lot like your son at 5. He was diagnosed with ADHD at age 8. I have know since he was 2. (I have a younger brother with ADHD also) I put off medication until I knew he couldn't handle it anymore. He was very quick to anger, tears, frustration, etc. When we were trying to read in Kindergarten, I ended up just reading to him and having him follow with his finger. I figured when he was ready he would do it. Don't let teachers tell you he has to read before 1st grade! He finally was reading all on his own 1/2 way thru 1st grade. Now he is in 4th grade. He has read 2 Harry Potter Books and several smaller books. He loves to read and it is Never forced! Let your son have is "down time" after school. I used to have my son start homework at 5:00. They work so hard at school, they need a little "me" time afterwards. I really have learned a lot about him and me in all of this. Please email me if you have any other questions. I would love to help. I will message you with my info. Good luck!

I have a five year old son in kindergarten as well. One of the things that I did when he was getting distracted and did not want to read and fighting me is, I said to him I'll read the sentence then you read it. We did that for a few pages and then I switched it up and said now you read the sentence first and then I will read it. Another thing I would do to keep him interested is to read the whole thing to him talk about it and if he was interested let him then read it. Sometimes after reading it I would let him go play for a while and then try to bring him back to it and then have him read it. He usually does good now but some days he is just off and we have to go back to some of those little tricks. Good Luck and I hope you find something that works for you.

Hi A.,
When my son was going through this same thing I decided to think about his situation and ask him a couple of questions. First, I realized he didn't know how long 20 min was and that it felt like forever to him, so I set the timer. Before I did though I asked him how long he thought he could read. I would then honor him by setting the timer to his specified time. We'd sit down and read and he found it wasn't as bad if he knew it was going to end when he said it would. Also, he like to challenge the time he'd set for the day before-so it didn't take long to get the "required" amount. I also asked him why he didn't like it. He said it was too hard. I then decided to make it a bit easier by taking turns with him. I would read one word and he'd read the next and we'd take turns that way or take turns on each page. Before I asked these two simple questions and actually listened to the answers he would put up a brick wall and was determined not to do it. I also asked his teacher what to do in this situation. She said that if he puts up a wall we should sit down together and I should read the book to him with my finger running along each word. It worked, he would open up enough to do that. Then without even realizing it, he would be reading a couple words on each page because he couldn't help himself. He's now in first grade and is almost finished with The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe-which he is reading completely by himself. We both found that when he's not pushed and can do it on his own terms he really enjoys reading. OH, and for the morning thing too... A timer works really well for my two boys. Just set it for 2 minutes and see if he can be ready before it goes off. As far as overall behavioral issues there are natural things you can do for him that are challenging but will really make a difference. You can remove all Enriched White Flour, Sugar (refined white sugar), and Partionally Hydrogenated Oils from his diet. You can also get rid of artificial colors and flavors as much as possible. Also, I've found that if our children's little bodies get the nutrition they need they feel more positive, active, loving, and are better able to deal with their "stressors". I found that Isagenix is really helping my children manage these things. They get along with each other better, their moods are more stable and they are happier and healthier. It also cuts their cravings for sweets and junk foods. I can tell you more about Isagenix if your interested, it's truly been a huge blessing in my life.

You have gotten lots of advice her. I am a "try the simple solution first" kind of mom.

1. I thought my first grader was getting enough sleep too--until we started putting him to bed at 8 instead of 8:30. What a world of difference in the morning.

2. Reading comes at different ages. They say read 20 minutes a night. Guess what. Reading TO your child counts as well. Your child will learn more if you read TO him then if he struggles to do it himself.

3. Choose something you can read together. Hop on Pop is a great book to get for that--boring for you but perfect for him. WHO cares what they send home--get what is right FOR HIM.

If you get a book like Hop on Pop read it every night for a couple of days then let him start reading some of the words and sentences. Then slowly let him read more and more as he feels more comfortable with it. If you only get through a few pages a night thats fine.

4. Shake things up now and then. Have your 7 year old read to him, or help him read. Tell your 7 year old "this a cool big brother thing to do". Ask your ex-husband to do it 1 or 2 days a week.

5. And lastly--remember--boys are boys and they wiggle and don't sit still at times, and get distracted. 10 minutes of good quality reading time is better then 20 minutes of fighting.

Hi A.,
I have a 9 year old son that when he was 5 acted very much like you are describing. Most of this letter is about how he has improved however I will tell you quickly about my stepson so you have a little on 2 possibilities.

I have a 26 year old step son that was diagnosed ADHD when he was 8. They did put my step son on ridlin before trying a lot of other possibilities. I would definitely try other options that most psychologist know about on how to get kids with ADD to focus better. They have learned a lot in the last 20 years and have a lot of other options available from diet to brain exercises that help ADD kids.

My own son is not ADD but does have moderate dyslexia. He fought homework, would not do his abc's, learn the days of the week... even though an incredibly smart kid. When I asked his preschool teacher and then kindergarten teacher and then 1st grade, they all kept saying don't worry he is a boy and they sometimes take longer to learn or to show interest in reading.

What I have discovered since, after having a 2nd grade teacher and then reading specialist at school and now a tutor 3 times a week (she does a specific training called Wilson tutoring, geared specifically for kids with dyslexia), that a lot of kids have dyslexia, many forms, from mild to severe that cause huge frustrations for the child, they don't understand why they can't do what the other kids are doing. My son constantly sayed he was bored at school, didn't want to go to school, would fight with homework at home.... I have since gone to seminars on dyslexia, it isn't always turning letters around, it has a lot of different forms and as many as 30-40% of people in this country have some form of it. A good source of info. is UBIDA, Utah Branch of International Dyslexia Assoc. go to ubida.org, I went to their conference last year and did a 1 hour group where they did excercises that showed how a dyslexic sees and hears things differently. I did alot of other things that were a great help and spoke with people that had a lot of insight on things I would never have thought of. It made it easier for me to understand and empathise with my son and put me on the track of finding a tutor that worked for him.

My only regret is not having it diagnosed sooner, they say if you can find out when they are in Kindergarten or 1st grade when they are first learning to read they haven't learned bad coping skills yet and can learn good coping skills instead. With the extra reading help at school and with the tutoring my son went from reading 12 words a minute at a 2nd grade level to 77 words a minute in just 3 months. It is life changing for him.

He still struggles and may never read at a regular speed however he is learning how to break words down so he can do them on his own. The other plus is it is helping with his math. He still doesn't love school however he isn't bored anymore because he can read the directions and generally keep up with what is going on in class. He has just started to enjoy reading books on his own. He is close to being at grade level now.

We still do a lot of work at home, I have found if we do homework as soon as he gets home with a healthy snack and his favorite music playing he does his homework with out such a struggle. If the TV goes on before homework it is a lost cause for the evening. He has also started doing better with exercise, we try to go for a walk or cross country ski even for 15 minutes or 1/2 hour and he seem to stay more focused and happier with homework without having to lose so many priviledges. His self esteem has ski rocketed, he told me he thought he was stupid because he couldn't keep up with the other kids. Although he doesn't like taking an hour now 2 times a week with tutoring, it counts as his reading homework for the evening and once he starts with his tutor, a reading specialist from school trained in Wilson and very positive and upbeat, he does great.

Sorry for such a long letter, hope it helps and hopefully your son isn't ADD or dyslexic!
S.

If your son needed glasses would you hold them back from them and have him eat carrots and hope that would improve his eyesight? Why are we so opposed to medicine if it helps? I don't believe in overmedicating but I'm certainly grateful for highblood pressure medicine and allergy medicine. Take him to the Dr. and get whatever help is necessesary. I have seen a child in our neighborhood go from a disruptive, angry child to a gentle, happy child with the help of a little medicine. The child is happier and so is everyone else.

I have 3 boys, 8yrs, 5 1/2 yrs, and 2yrs. There have been many studies that have shown that boys do better when entering kindergarten at 6 to 7 years of age. School systems are pushing the reading thing way to early. Waldorf style of education don't push reading til much later for boys, til 11yrs old. Boys are wired differently in the brain, as discribed in The Wonder of Boys by Michael Gurian. I recomend finding a school that is supportive of the natural learning process or just hold him back a year as to help him not feel so frustrated.
Good luck, A.

Hi A.,
I think the most important thing you can do regarding reading with your five year old is to relax about it. Let him play with legos, draw, play with play dough, make a sculpture out of duct tape etc while you read to him. He will read when it is interesting to him and when he is ready for it and then I think he'll really go for it in a big way. Pushing too hard will just make him hate it. For now, just have fun with a good story while he is within earshot.

As for supplements, I would recommend seeing Dave from Dave's Health and Nutrition (there is one in Sandy and one in SLC) He is very good at homeopathic remedies. I also know a great Herbalist, Tisha Mecham who lives in Sandy and a Reflexologist, Tiffany Rhodes, who lives in Salt Lake. I trust them all. If you would like traditional medicines, Dr Mike Cobble of Canyons Medical Center in Sandy is Fabulous. He specializes in pediatric psych meds. I know from experience, the right treatment makes a ton of difference. I'm doing herbals for one daughter and traditional meds for another. Feel free to send me a personal message if you want to know more about any of these providers.

Sincerely,
L.

Sounds to me like he has a fear of failure. The pressure to read well is huge on little kids. Try not to push him--reading is supposed to be fun and enjoyable. If he can read really really easy books like the bob books, have him read those instead of introducing ones that may be challenging. When he reads those over and over and gains more confidence in himself he will naturally move on to harder stuff. I'm not a doctor, but I don't think he needs to be medicated. It seems to me like a natural reaction to too much pressure. Are your mornings too rushed?

I also have a 5yr old son who is a kindergartner. Of course I don't know your full situation but it sounds like he is getting frustrated and anxious to me. My son can be a perfectionist and if he can't get the hang of something or have success in the beginning he gets upsets and then starts acting out like getting angry, crying, stomping, babytalk, or using ways to be distracted to avoid what he doesnt want to do.

You mentioned ridalin so there is obviously a bigger picture going on than just the reading - but all I would say if at all possible, try to accomplish this without drugs. For me, I just have to remember that my 5-yr old is just that - 5. Even though he is verbal and articulate, he simply doesnt have the emotional or cognitive skills to let me know his frustration other than reacting.

My advice would be to back off the "required" reading aspect and just make reading time fun where you read books to him. Ask him questions about the pictures, build on the context of the story with things he knows about from daily life, etc. It's overwhelming to my son to read a whole book all on his own, so we usually start with his "sight words" or words that he picks out to read. For example, if the book reads "Fetch the ball, Biscuit. Woof! Woof!" He picks out a word to read. Maybe "ball" then it expands to ball and woof-woof. then fetch-ball-woof woof etc. Pretty soon he's telling me - Hey! That was MY word to read!

You might also consider some of the good computer games that include reading/math, etc. My son likes "JumpStart" kindergarten as well as "JumpStart" first grade.

I hope that helps you - I think your 5-yr old is responding pretty normally to what he seems to feel is a lot of performance anxiety.

Blessings!

I have a 5 yr old son too. He was like this to a tee, but he turns 6 in a few weeks, and he seems to be getting better. I think they grow out of it. I thought maybe he was A.D.D., but he's not. He goes to bed at 7:30, and gets up at 7:00 am. enough sleep is a must with these kids.
He also takes a nap everyday after kindergarten. I think this helps a lot. Just keep doing what you are doing. You have to stay consistant NO MATTER WHAT. He is testing his limits,and it is up to you to make sure those limits are in place.

Hi A..

Something you may want to consider is food allergies/reactions. It's not generally known that food reactions can cause behavioral issues besides physical reactions. My eight-year-old has food allergies/reactions that cause her to basically lose control. Normally when you tell her no to something, she balks like many kids, but when she's eaten something she reacts to, it's a whole different story. She screams, calls names, hits, kicks, throws things. It's seriously like two different kids. Most of the time, the reaction would show itself at bedtime or when you tell you she can't have or do something. But I can see a subtle difference in her when she's had something, before she has any outburst. She's a little louder, a little more energetic. Red dye is a very common one, and that's the one that I discovered the problem with.
There is a lady in Emmett who has treated her for the allergies, and afterwards, she can eat the food again and doesn't have the reaction anymore. Her website is cadencehealing.com. While holding the food in your hand, she uses a laser light around the back of your head and then voila, it's gone. I don't know how it works, but it does.
Through muscle testing, you can see which foods that he's reacting to (if that were the case). I would take whole bags of food in to her to test and then treat for the ones she reacted to. Then I learned to do the muscle testing myself, so I could test her before she ate something to try to avoid the episodes. If it's something that he's eating every day, you might not think to question it if the behavior is like that every day.

Often the reactions to the food are emotionally based. It's like they download the emotion into the food. Don't know if there are any stressors in his life. My household is very stressful and tension-filled. She was doing great after the treatment for several months, but since Christmas, the tension level in the house has grown to new heights, and she is back to having the reactions, reacting to new foods that she was fine with before. I'm trying to rectify the home situation, and hopefully that will help it in the end.

You say you are afraid to take him to the doctor's because he'll be put on Ritalin. I can almost guarantee you that my daughter would be on Ritalin right now if she had a different mom. Or bipolar meds.
L.

There are a number of reasons that he could be reacting this way. Does this only happen when you are asking him to read? If so, then I would back off on the reading work. You may need to discuss this with his teacher. It is NOT worth turning him off to reading to get this homework done. Every child has his own timing for learning to read and no matter how good the teacher and curriculum, if they're not developmentally ready, it just doesn't work. (My third child didn't read until he was 11--does just fine now.)
Oops, just noticed that you said he does this before school in the morning, too. Did these behaviors just begin when he started K? Did he go to preschool? Have you talked with his teacher to find out how he is handling being in the classroom? It seems to me that he is frustrated or anxious about his experience with school. You may need to do some digging to find out what's troubling him. If you can pinpoint when this started, that can help you narrow down the cause of his anxiety. Reassure him that you want to help him feel comfortable at school and see if he'll tell you about what's bothering him.
Good luck!

Hi A.,
I don't know if I have the answer, however I can only tell you what I have experienced with my 5 year old. My son refuses to read books as well and will get on the floor kicking and screaming.The teacher has actually stopped sending them because of his reluctance. He is on an IEP through our school distrcit and they have suggested that he may have ADHD as well. Of course, we don't want our kids to be medicated. However...they did mention that he has some "vision tracking" problems. I took him to a vision therapist and she has tested his eyes. Apparently, he needed glasses even though he has passed all of the vision testing for school. It has more to do with how he sees the words in the line. This is not an uncommon thing for kids to have...so I've been told. They have told me that many kids get misdiagnosed with ADHD that mearly have a vision issue. It comes out as frustration and can be fixed. My son wears glasses and is going to vision therapy and it has helped tremendously. I don't know if this could be your son's issue but I know it has helped us out a lot. Just knowing that kids get misdiagnosed was enough for us to check it out. I hope you get it figured out. I understand how frustrating it can be. We all want what's best for our kids. Good luck :)

In my opinion, 20 minutes is too long for a kindergardener's required reading. My 1st grader (who goes to a tough academic school) is only required to read for 15 minutes. The rule of thumb is 15 minutes for every grade level. If I were you, I would ignore the "required" 20 minutes and maybe keep it to him trying to read for 5-10mins and you reading to him for the rest of the time. As for a supplement, I use something called "Rescue Remedy" on my kids. A couple of drops on the tongue when they're upset or agitated and they calm down pretty quickly. You can do a bit of internet research on it before deciding to try it on your son, but I love the stuff and use it myself when I find myself upset at the kids or something. You can get it at WholeFoods or WildOats. Good luck!!

It looks like others have written a lot of great ideas about the importance of nutrition and sleep. In terms of you managing his needs as they present themselves right now, I recommend reading "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk," by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. This book is at the library. There are chapters on helping children deal with their feelings (like frustration) and engaging cooperation. He certainly is needing something! Trust yourself and know he will find his way.

A. - My name is J. and I am a certified teacher with a masters degree in literacy and I am intrigued by your question.

Kindergarten is not what it used to be and unfortunately not all children are developmentally ready to learn to read in kindergarten. First, is your child an older or a younger kindergartner? When did he turn five?

Second, a simple solution might be to split the 20 minutes into 5 or 10 minute sessions. After a day of kindergarten, sitting still with mom for more "work" might be too much for him.

Next, does the teacher expect the 20 minutes of reading to be done by your son or someone reading to him?

If he needs to do the reading then I have a few more questions. What books are you having him read? Who selects them? Is he bored reading the same books over and over? Are the books to hard for him? Is he having problems with reading/writing in school - what does his teacher say about his progress? If he is having problems at school, that could explain his behavior in the mornings. I have worked with numerous kids who came to me as behavior problems when the problem was really that they wre struggling with their schoolwork.

My 8 year old son wouldn't sit down and read with me at that age either. I was devastated because I thought I could really help him learn to read. Mid-first grade we found out he needed reading glasses. Kids are screened at school for distance, not reading and when he wasn't making progress I asked the Special Ed teacher to read with him. He needed glasses!!

So, while I know you said you didn't want to take your son to the doctor for ADD or ADHD, you might want to have your sons eyes checked.

Again, I recommend that you talk to your son's teacher to learn about his behavior and progress in school.

I am happy to answer more of your questions if you want to contact me directly (although I don't know how to do that since I am new to this website).

This happened with my sister in laws boy he is age six. This is what they did that worked wonderful. Motivation was the key. We have chucky cheese here a pizza place with arcade games and such. Any way for every chore that he does or every homework item that he accomplishes he gets one token for the video games/rides. They go to chucky cheese every 2 months. The kids get to spend there tokens that they earn but do not get any additional ones.

Also they have a chore bag where they grab different things from the bag some are actual chores others are things like do a cartwheel or make a funny face. So some days they get off scott free.

As a teacher I see students get distracted, rebel, and act terrible because they don't want to let the adult down in thinking they can't do it. Try to take off the pressure of reading and turn into a more positive enviroment. Also it has been proven especially for boys that they read better right after excercising. Have him run around play a sport then read.

Hope some of that helps.

I'm right there with you. My son is 5 and in Kindergarten. He has had problems at school, he's even been suspended for hitting another student. He's usually a sweetheart.

He has some severe problems reading and doing homework at night. I have finally made sure that he's not hungry, and that I have him active while reading. Example, he reads a sentence/word and then I have him jump up, touch his toes, put his nose to the ground, etc... congratulate him, then read another part and repeat. I hold him in my lap as we read, or I have him stand between my knees as I sit in a chair.

We also have the ADD/ADHD threatened. I have had tests done, I have had him observed, and his teacher leans towards ADD. The school psychologist is not convinced, nor is his docter.

There are many treatments out there beside drugs, could be as simple as a change in diet. But I suggest you use every available resource his school has to offer and have them help you.

Also, I have my son pick out his clothes the night before. He gets up at 6 every morning and watches "Magic School Bus" while I get ready. He has to be dressed and ready to go before the show can be turned on. It works for us, perhaps something similar could work for you?

A. I would find something positive to set. With my son who is now 19 I used to give him stickers. It seems silly that something so simple could change so much. We went to a school supply store as they have a huge selection. They had smelly ones, trucks, rockets, animals. Everything that a kid could want. I also like the idea of showing him exactly how much time and setting the timer. Also break it up into two sessions. He loved those stickers and they worked for years. I kept a little chest full and used them as rewards for other things also. Clean room, brushing teeth, making bed. If you have ones they really want it changes everything. And NO MEDICINE. DO NOT USE RYDALIN. Used it on one of my older children who is now 24 and he shakes all the time. A nice side effect from the drug! He was only on it for a month and it changed him for the rest of his life.

My son is younger and in preschool but I felt I had to reply to your post. It's so important for boys to love reading and not be turned off to it at an early age with forced reading and books they can't relate to. It sounds like your son has already found a way of stalling and getting out of reading. There's probably good reason for that- if you can find out what that is you could help. Maybe the book is too hard; words too hard; too easy; too cold; too tired; wrong time of the day etc.

I'd start with a shorter time like 5 minutes have a great time with a short book. Give lots of praise then increase it by an interval the next time or as appropriate until you get his limit. I think that's the most important thing, HIS limit then extend as development allows. Turning the session into something positive will help you both.... I hope you get a resolution. It's not easy.

If he's having a hard time, maybe choose easier books? Or go to the library or book store and let him pick the books.

Does your son have to do all of the reading? My son is in first grade, and he's supposed to read 20 minutes every night, and some nights he reads all by himself, but other nights he doesn't want to, and I want him to enjoy reading, not for it to be a chore, so sometimes I read to him.

I think making sure he is having a good experience reading is more important that actually reading the full amount of time at this point.

A.,

Don't rule out utilizing meds, although it's wise to be reluctant to do so. Too many people jump right on that as an answer, but I believe one should pursue everything else first and meds should only be used as a "helper", not to eliminate the problem. After all, children need to learn how to deal with things on their own.

It sounds like sleep, or lack thereof, is not an issue, which is one of the likely causes. You might also consider diet. Sugar in particular can cause tempermental behaviors in some kids. I've had some of these same problems with my own son and one thing that contributed to them was the asthma medicine Singulair, which I've heard from a number of other parents, so look at his meds if he is on any. I posted some other thoughts and information along these same lines to someone else yesterday, which might be helpful. A quick link to that, if it works, is http://www.mamasource.com/request/6143576600110694401. If that doesn't work let me know and I'll copy and paste the post for you.

Also, if you suspect that your son has ADD or ADHD, or if you just want more information about that, there is a national organizatin that has a plethora of information, as well as bulletin boards similar to these at http://www.add.org/index.html

Good luck to you.

there are so many great ideas from all the moms on this board. i even got some great ideas for my son. i just wanted to make one suggestion. before you decide on any one treatment or strategy it may be helpful to really observe your child and make sure that you are really getting to the root of the issue. your son may just be going through a phase or he may have some kind of diagnosable challenge. there are lots of diagnosis that could have the symptoms you are describing. he may have some kind of anxiety issues, ocd,aspergers, autism,mood disorder, or he may have some kind of learning challenge or dietary need. for example my son has some of the symptoms you are describing and he has a form of autism. that doesn't mean your son is autistic too i just wanted to make the point that there are lots of things that could be causing your sons behavior. i know it is hard sometimes when there seems to be something"wrong " with our kids but, i feel it is better to get to the cause and try and fix it than avoid what is happening. your son may not need drugs, maybe he just needs to learn some behavior techniques or get some extra help at school to help him with the thing that seem to be challenging him. i would consult with his doc(you can tell him you want referrals and natural help,not meds), his teacher, maybe a development psychologist, or nutrition expert.you can get alot of free help through your public school. get all the info you can so your son can be his best. it may be a lot of work but i am sure you won't regret it

I teach first grade and I am one of those teachers who requires 20 minutes a night also. But, don't make it a chore for him...Right now while he is having difficulty reading...just read to him. It is just as beneficial to have him hear YOU read! It will help with his fluency, comprehension and love of reading!!

Hi A.,
I understand how frustrating it can be to have a child that is not ready to read when the school says they should be. My daughter was in that category, too. It helped when I would read every other page with her. You might read to him for a while and have him follow along, at first. One of the things you want to avoid is to pressure him to do it when he feels like a failure because he cannot do it well, yet. This can teach him to dislike school and reading, or to believe that he is "too dumb". I would cut down on the time at the beginning. Maybe only 5-10 minutes, and make sure it is a story that he is interested in hearing. Check with your public library for good stories for a 5 year old boy.

You are right to look for a good nutritional product instead of a drug, if he is not eating at least 7-9 servings of fresh, raw fruits and vegetables each day...which is the recommended amount. The lack of good nutrition can cause behavior,learning,emotional and physical problems. There is a wonderful whole food, natural nutrition product called Juice Plus. It is 17 fruits, vegetables and grains in a chewable or gummie or capsule form. I have known of several moms whose children were able to better control their ADD and ADHA when taking Juice Plus. Check out www.madjuicer.com for the research that has been done on this product.