Teacher Wouldn't Let Daughter Go to the Bathroom Would You Complain?

I've been in the classroom 17 years as a substitute, mostly with this age group.

There are specific bathroom times when we encourage the children to go at that time. Morning break, lunch, before/after recess and after specials such as music art PE. It's important they learn to be in the class during instructional time.

We're trying to teach them about the routine and structure in the classroom.

Many times, if you let 1 go potty you have about 5+ more who suddenly need to go to and this disrupts the class.

Of course I allow children to go and I know which ones are asking to go in order to get out of the classroom with a buddy.

I would communicate with my child to try to adhere to the bathroom schedules. Also, most children exaggerate and you may not be getting the whole truth from your child. I would not talk to the teacher unless this routinely happens.

We still have some children that age who struggle to hold it. I never want to not allow a child to go and then they have an accident in clsss which is humiliating to them.

My way is to allow a child to go but remind them about the specific times they should go. When others suddenly have to go because 1 is going, I judge that based on history with each child and who is known for using bathroom requests to get out of the classroom.

I think it's important to remember that 6 year olds still aren't that organized at school, and they still fail to recognize when they have to go to the bathroom. They do occasionally have accidents, and most classrooms require a change of clothes.

But they are also unreliable reporters. They can dramatize how tough something was, when it really wasn't. It's possible that she had just passed by a bathroom directive/opportunity, or that she had already been to the bathroom 4 times that day, or that she was trying to avoid some task or some other child, or even follow a friend to the bathroom. And some kids go through phases when they really hold their pee because they don't want to miss out on what's going on. You just don't know. That doesn't mean your child is inherently dishonest, just that she is probably like all the other kids and occasionally clueless or distracted or a little bit defiant or oppositional. It's okay - she's learning her way in the world.

I think you can email the teacher and say your daughter was a little confused about bathroom access or privileges, and you wonder if the teacher can help you clarify things. Ask what the bathroom schedule is, what the kids are supposed to do when they have to go, how many kids can be out at one time, if there's a pass that they take with them, etc. Some classes have 1 boys' pass and 1 girls' pass, for example; that limits kids going together, and it also gives the teacher a quick visual of who's where. When I was teaching, there was a board where a laminated pass (1 for each gender) was attached with velcro - a teacher could look up and see, "Oh, I still have 1 boy missing from the class for the restroom," which helped when other kids were out for speech therapy, the nurse, reading support, and so on.

You can add that your daughter "seems to think" she asked to go on several occasions but was only supposed to go at lunch. Leave out the part that you believe the teacher said "no." Close with another offer to help your daughter learn the proper "etiquette" and reinforce the class rules.

I would ask the teacher nicely about the bathroom policies. What and when are the approved times to go? So you can help your daughter know when she can expect bathroom times.

I have worked with this age group and there are always ones who use going to the restroom to get out of boring work or when the teacher is talking. They ask to go so much that sometimes when they actually HAVE to go as a teacher you can't tell and sometimes make a judgement call on saying yes or no. With 6 year olds if you say yes everytime someone asks not only will the one go suddenly the whole class has to go.

Most teachers of this age group will have pretty specific times they have the whole class use the restroom in turn. Just nicely ask about her policies and when you should remind your child the appropriate times to go. Then have a talk with your daughter about going at those times.

If this is a one time occurrence let it be a lesson on paying attention of when to use the restroom and how uncomfortable it is to have to hold it. Being uncomfortable once can be a powerful lesson on remembering the next time. (Now if your daughter is prone to UTIs or has kidney issues or has a medical reason to never have to wait to pee...then that is different and you need to remind the teacher of the situation).

You catch more flies with honey than vinegar so be sweet in your approach. :-)

I would explain to her that from now on she is to go to the bathroom during her lunch break EVERY DAY. It is the new rule. Even if she doesn't think she has to go, the rule is she has to go sit and try. I would be firm! My daughter is 7 and I help in the class occasionally...kids are impossible and great at interrupting the day with one kid asking to go pee and 6 others all asking at the same time. So many teachers have set times during the day that you are to go use the bathroom. I am sorry your daughter had to hold it so long. Instead of talking to the teacher about it, I would be supportive of the teacher and set a strict rule with my daughter so this does not happen again.

Given her age, I'd go with sending her to the bathroom anyway to avoid an accident. A reminder that she needs to go during lunchtime is also appropriate. It is normal for kids to put off going in favor of play/socializing and they must be taught to manage their time.

Do talk to the teacher, but don't start right in with complaints. Ask questions and listen first. It could be that your daughter has been given reminders several times already, but she still keeps waiting until lunch/recess is over to use the bathroom.

Also ask your daughter why she didn't go to the bathroom at the end of the day before coming out of the school. That's a logical action she seems to have missed.

I probably would ask the teacher about it, but I would be careful to ASK the teacher about it. Ask the teacher what happened without telling the teacher what your daughter said.

This definitely doesn't sound right at all, so I'd be pretty anoyed. But the thing to try and remember is that most of the time there is so much more going on that a 6 year old can notice - maybe there was another chance to go and your daughter missed it, maybe this is a patter your daughter has (not going after lunch and then always asking just a few minutes later), maybe the teacher accidentally got confused and forgot that your daughter asked. But is is worth asking the teacher.

As hard as this was on your daughter, schools thrive on a schedule. If the teacher says your daughter should have gone to the restroom after lunch, make sure your daughter knows to use the restroom after lunch, every day, just in case.

You need to confirm what happened, you're only hearing your daughter's side of the story.

Not yet. I would encourage, and let your daughter practice using the restroom at school during lunch and designated breaks, even if she doesn't have to go badly at those times. If it continues to be a problem, then I would talk to the teacher

I'd ask the teacher about it in a friendly way.
I'd also tell my child to try to use the bathroom when ever the class is given a chance to use it, before lunch, recess, etc.
Even if they don't feel the need at that moment, at least try.
If my kid has to go a lot - I'd be having them checked out by the doctor to rule out any infections or other issues.
Really - if she had to go that badly - she'd have left a puddle somewhere - and kids do.
It's not that uncommon.
The fact that she could hold it for several hours makes me wonder if she's got a bladder infection that makes her feel like she's got to pee when she doesn't need to that badly.
Please have a doctor check it out.

You may want to clarify the proper procedures and when they have standard opportunities (to help your daughter understand what/when she is supposed to go). But I would NOT approach the teacher in a confrontational manner or accusatorial that she kept your daughter from going to the bathroom.

You need to explain this to your daughter as a learning opportunity. What did your daughter learn from this? Be proactive: Don't let your daughter learn that teachers are mean and don't like kids going to the bathroom. Or that her teacher hates her. Or her teacher isn't fair. Or anything else along that vein. Help her see this as a learning experience that she needs to go when given the opportunity (whether she thinks she needs to or not) b/c she may not have another opportunity at the exact moment she needs to go. This is how you avoid emergencies. Most emergencies are caused by lack of action when it was appropriate.

Talk to the teacher. Maybe there was a misunderstanding. A six year old should be allowed to use the restroom regardless of the time. Heck a grown adult should too.

The teacher may say "Madison asked for the bathroom pass 3 times and I watched her skip around then come back to the class without enter the restroom." I am not saying this happened, but I have seen it in the second grade with kids who do not want to do certain classroom activities.

Tell your child when she has used her words and told the teacher she needs to go and the teacher says she can't that she has your permission to just stand there and pee.

I can't believe how mean this teacher is. I'd be on the phone and I would absolutely tell the principle.

I will also say that almost every kindergarten class has a bathroom inside the classroom. If it's first grade they do have to go out of the classroom. But there's no reason this teacher makes every student in the classroom stay in the classroom until the bell rings.

If it were me I'd park my car, get out, and take her right back in the school and let her go. I'd make all the rest of the parents wait. Then when I was told off by others I'd let them know why.

Yes, she's 6. That teacher has an issue and/or doesn't have kids. She's not in 5th grade. When they are that young, the teachers we have had would never have not let her go to the bathroom when they had 2 hours left until the end of the day. At this age, they are too young to really realize that they need to use the bathroom at every break/recess. Does a fourth grader understand? Yes. A 6 year old? Not so much. I would say something to the teacher. Also, I would talk to your daughter and tell her "make sure you use the bathroom at every recess". I would drive the point home by telling her every single morning when I dropped her off for school. Just to reiterate and get that message stuck in her head.

I'd speak to the principal. That can cause an extended bladder. And if you don't feel that they are listening to you, call the pediatrician and ask for a note telling them to let your daughter go to the bathroom. If they ignore her THEN, send a letter to the school board.

Like TF, I am a substitute teacher. But I will tell you flat out that I do not make kids hold their pee. If another child asks to go, I tell them that they have to wait because another child is in the bathroom. If they really don't have to go, they forget to ask again. If they are nervously looking at the door to see when the other child arrives, they NEED to go.

Shame on this teacher for making your daughter miserable like this.

I told my children that if they have to go because it is an emergency then they are to get up and say "it is an emergency, I am going to the bathroom."

My cousin was denied going to the bathroom as a child and she ended up in the ER with stuck stool. It was obviously terrible for her.

Yes - I would. That hasn't happened in any of my kids' classes. Seems odd if she needed to go.