Would This Rule Upset You as a Parent?

Updated on February 16, 2018
K.A. asks from England, AR
26 answers

Hi, I teach 9 and 10 year olds. I never allow children to visit the toilet/bathroom during lessons. Would the rule bother you as a parent?

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S.S.

answers from Atlanta on

Yes. This rule would bother me. While I have my sons go to the bathroom before their tutors or instructors come over, you can't expect them to concentrate on what you are trying to teach them.

8 moms found this helpful

A.W.

answers from Kalamazoo on

I always told my kids that if they needed to go and the teacher would not let them, then go anyway and tell the teacher to talk to me about it.

6 moms found this helpful
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J.C.

answers from Philadelphia on

My cousin had a teacher like you. She ended up in the ER with an impacted stool. I taught my kids at an early age if it is an emergency they are to get up and tell the teacher they are going to the bathroom and will be right back. They are not asking permission, they are stating a fact.

5 moms found this helpful

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S.T.

answers from Washington DC on

i don't believe you're actually a teacher or you'd have your principal all over you. you can discourage disruptive bathroom break abuses, but if you really *never* allow a child to use the restroom when in need, you're the abuser.
khairete
S.

11 moms found this helpful

T.F.

answers from Dallas on

Yes it would upset me.

I've been in the classroom 17 years as a sub and I realize there are specific times we encourage the students to go to the bathroom.

However, there are times when a student needs to go outside of those parameters and it is cruel and humiliating to use your "power" to not allow a child to go to the bathroom.

You need to rethink your rules. Maybe you need to not be allowed to go to the bathroom when needed and see how it makes you feel.

Maybe you need to rethink your profession.

9 moms found this helpful
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S.O.

answers from Philadelphia on

Absolutely. Not everyone can poop or pee on cue. The child may have digestive issues, which would require the use of the bathroom at non-official times. Your refusal to allow the child to use the bathroom would them make you in violation of, at least the Americans with Disabilities Act, if not also Section 504. Your school, and you personally, could/would face fines and you could lose your job. Do you really want to be the bathroom Nazi?

9 moms found this helpful
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K.G.

answers from Fort Myers on

The kids aren't paying attention to you if they are focusing on not peeing on themselves.

9 moms found this helpful
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S.B.

answers from Houston on

Of course it would bother me. Wouldn't it bother you if you needed to go to the bathroom and were told NO? You need to rethink this policy. No child can pay attention if all they are thinking about is that they have to pee.

8 moms found this helpful

V.S.

answers from Reading on

That would absolutely bother me as a parent. As the parent of a type one diabetic, access to the bathroom is critical. As the mom of a highly anxious daughter prone to panic attacks, sometimes the bathroom is her only place to get composure. And my period started when I was 10, so don’t think that won’t be an issue for your female students. And as a human, I can’t imagine why anyone has to tell someone when they have the right to take care of their body. Obviously, if someone abuses the privilege then action should be taken. But this rule starts by mistrusting children and assumes they are already lying about needing the bathroom.

7 moms found this helpful

C.T.

answers from Santa Fe on

yes. If you have to go you have to go. Respect goes both ways.

7 moms found this helpful
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M.G.

answers from Portland on

Yup.

If you need to go, you need to go.

6 moms found this helpful
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A.D.

answers from Minneapolis on

The "never" part would bother me. I think it's good to frame it as "encouraging" your students to use the restrooms during times that are less likely to be disruptive. One of my kids would likely become very anxious if there was a "never" rule. There's something about being "forbidden" to go, it may just worry her so much she would suddenly develop more urgent urges during that time

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B.C.

answers from Norfolk on

While I understand you can't have kids coming and going during a lesson - every once in a great while a kid needs to go to the bathroom off the usual schedule.
I'm assuming there are times when the class uses the restrooms - before lunch, before recess, etc over the course of the day - and everyone should try to go then.
For most kids that works quite well.
But sometimes a stomach bug pops up unexpectedly and you need a bathroom otherwise a clean up is needed in aisle 4.

Your rule is alright provided there are a few rare reasonable exceptions allowed,
Now if a kid is abusing it and always asking to leave the room and doesn't have a medical note explaining why he/she needs the bathroom a lot - I'd be calling a parent teacher conference so I could discuss the situation with the parents to see what is going on.

6 moms found this helpful

W.W.

answers from Washington DC on

K.

Welcome to mamapedia. Now go home. Do not pass go. Do not go to the bathroom.

Um. Yes it would bother me. Do you not realize that at 9 and 10 some kids bladders are still having issues with "holding it"?

Let's make you sit and endure "holding it" while someone drones on.

I'd find someone else. You'd be fired and NOT recommended.

6 moms found this helpful
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J.G.

answers from Chicago on

Yes it would bother me, but I don't send my kids to school so I don't have to deal with rules like this.

It's always good to encourage kids to go between classes/lessons, but how would you feel if you were told you couldn't go to the bathroom and you really, really need to? You can't always plan for bathroom needs. The rule strikes me as a massive violation of personal freedom. It also strikes me as a way of telling the kids they aren't responsible enough to handle their own learning and toileting needs. I try to encourage my almost 10 year old to take on as much responsibility as she can. At this age they really are becoming aware of how their choices impact others. Why not encourage that?

6 moms found this helpful
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E.B.

answers from Honolulu on

Yes, a rule like that would bother me. There are certain "never" situations that can be instituted in a classroom, like never cheating on a test, never being cruel or mean to another student, etc. But those are behaviors that most children who have been in school for a couple of years (like a 9 or 10 year old child has) should be able to master.

Behaviors that are manageable by the child are different from physical urges. Nausea, a sudden urge to urinate, etc, are sometimes beyond everyone's control. To say "never" can make students anxious and nervous, and distract them from learning to the best of their ability. Making a reasonable rule allows the kids to understand that the teacher is in charge and that appropriate behavior is expected of them.

A perceptive teacher knows which student frequently wants to leave the classroom and who will take an excessive amount of time in the bathroom and will set limits for that child. A perceptive teacher will recognize which students are sincerely trying to do their best in class but who simply need to use the bathroom at an inconvenient moment and will respect that child's needs.

A capable teacher will be able to set certain boundaries. For example, it's pretty reasonable, before a big test, to tell kids to go to the bathroom now if necessary because for the next 10 or 15 or 30 minutes while they are taking the test, bathroom visits will have to wait. And that kind of teacher will be able to keep order in the classroom and not allow any bathroom breaks to be disruptive.

An effective teacher will be able to respect any physical accommodations prescribed by a doctor in the case of a child who needs frequent bathroom breaks due to a medical condition without calling undue attention to the child.

5 moms found this helpful
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M.M.

answers from Dallas on

Clarify what you mean 'during lessons'. I am a teacher. My students cannot go to the bathroom while I am giving intruction, but once they begin the activity they can take care of any personal business. Is that what you mean? Or, they can't go unless they have completed the assignment? If it is the latter, that would be the wrong way to handle the situation.

5 moms found this helpful
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J.F.

answers from Las Vegas on

Yes, this bothers me. My son has a medical condition that flares up unexpectedly, and when that happens, he needs to go to the bathroom.

While I get not wanting constant interruptions during lessons, you have to allow students who really need to use the bathroom to go. If there is a student who abuses bathroom visits, deal with that student rather than putting unnecessary restrictions on all the others.

4 moms found this helpful
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K.L.

answers from Los Angeles on

Yes. If my child was in your class I would request they be moved. Why should I worry about my child suffering or developing a kidney problem just because you have a rule? If someone is abusing the washroom privileges deal with that child independent of the others but don't make everyone suffer. If you are a good teacher they will catch up on a few minutes missed quickly.

4 moms found this helpful
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J.C.

answers from Anchorage on

If a child needs to use the potty they should be allowed to. You will know the kids that are doing it just to get out of lesson because they will be the repeat offenders. Just have a pass and only allow them one at a time.

3 moms found this helpful
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L.W.

answers from Nashville on

I hope you are not truly a teacher.

A good teacher should be able to discern if a child is continually going to the bathroom to get out of class versus actual need. And some chlidren may also have medical issues which are none of your concern.

I still remenber as an 8-year ild having a teacher who had the same policy. As a result, I ended up unable to hold it, and peed in my chair. So had the additional embarrasment of that as well.

If you continue this policy, you'll probably be facing discipline from the principal or superintendent ad well as a potential lawsuit from upset parents.

3 moms found this helpful
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H.M.

answers from Dallas on

I would so not be ok with this rule. I have a friend that her daughter peed on herself in the middle of class because she was in so much pain from holding it and not being allowed to go. Shortly after she had to be treated for a UTI. Her mom had conversation with the teacher and I can guarantee you it was not a nice one. And she told her next time she asked and she said no she would be walking out and use the restroom then to the office to let the principal know what was going on and the kid did not get in trouble for having to go after that. There are times when you have to go you have to go and they are still young they are unable to hold it as long as adults can.

3 moms found this helpful
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N.K.

answers from Miami on

It depends. If the kid is using the bathroom excessively and constantly, or if other kids are going to the bathroom as a group and spending extended periods in there socializing, then yes, having some control over their bathroom breaks would be necessary. Otherwise, if a kid on occasion asks to use the restroom, no. We all have emergencies that come up, like a sudden bout of diarrhea or the need to cough excessively. Also, if the kid has a medical condition and they can prove it, then yes, you may need to allow the child to use the bathroom multiple times. Some kids suffer from small bladders, other kids get so distracted during recess that they don't realize they need to use the bathroom until it is absolutely too late.

My daughter's old school had the bathrooms inside the classroom. It was just one toilet, so that whole "let's all go hang in the restroom" thing could not go on. I don't think kids start doing that until middle school though, honestly. The teacher said she never had any issues with kids abusing the need to use the restroom or trying to get out of tests by spending half the testing time inside the restroom.

3 moms found this helpful

8.W.

answers from Sacramento on

Yes! This rule bothers me immensely and comes off as completely unnecessary and well, just plain mean. Please, explain to me what use this rule has and what it is you wish to accomplish. My 9 year old daughter's teacher enforces this rule and takes it a step further by punishing the children if they have to go while in class by making them spend an entire recess walking laps. I've had to bring her a change of clothes before because her requests to use the bathroom were denied. It's not like they're old enough to use a trip to the bathroom to get out of a particularly boring lesson, or as an excuse to wander the halls. Obviously, I don't know the reason or what a day in the life of a 3rd grade teacher is like or how they do what they do, so I attempt to rationalize the rule by explaining to my daughter that perhaps the teacher wants them to learn to use their free time to do things like use the bathroom and getting a drink of water, though my daughter's response is always the same, "I think she's just mean." Honestly, I kinda do too. I mean when ya gotta go ya gotta go, ya know? Unless you find your lessons are constantly interrupted by your students asking to use the restroom, why the restriction? You should let your students (and parents) know why you have the rule in place, what it is you expect from them, and what you hope to teach them by having such a rule in place. Maybe, set aside times during class, like after completing assignments or tests or once you're done giving your lesson, when it would be appropriate for them to ask to go to the bathroom. It's the least you could do. Aside from throwing the ridiculous rule out all together.

3 moms found this helpful
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N.B.

answers from Oklahoma City on

I would tell the kids if they needed to go and the teacher refused that if they couldn't hold it any longer then the teacher would likely be glad to clean up the mess they make, that I wouldn't be upset with them.

I will say though, kids should learn to go when it's time. Like before they go in the classroom, before they go into the chapel for church, before they leave the house, etc....

I hate getting on the road and we're not even all the way to the highway yet and it's "I need to go to the bathroom".

But if the class is at a time where they might have biological stuff going on, like it's an hour after they eat lunch and they need to normally go poop at that time, then it's something that they just need to go take care of. The teacher needs to let them go.

If you don't like the kids leaving your class to go to the bathroom then I suggest that you'll need to make sure the area they're sitting during class is completely washable so that you can clean up the mess they might make.

2 moms found this helpful

T.D.

answers from New York on

I think they should be allowed to use the restroom when necessary. But if you are giving a lesson with work time after it and you know it's just a few minutes of instruction you can say they need to wait but if they are in obvious distress needing to go then send them to the potty! I don't think there needs to be a rule about it. They ask. You tell them they can go in 5 minutes when the lecture lesson part is over.

2 moms found this helpful
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