Stranger Anxiety - New Lenox, IL

My daughter has always had stranger danger. What we do with her is to tell her that mommy and daddy says it's ok to talk to that person and then we take her over to the person and say it is okay to be friends and say hello. We simply state first that she has stranger danger and that she needs to know it is OKAY. We usually ask the person to put his or her hand out for a "high five" and have them introduce themselves or have them ask if she remembers them and reintroduce themselves if she doesn't remember. What you could also do is give her a special bracelet to wear when family is around that helps her to feel safe. That way whenever she is wearing it she has something to feel and hold on to while she is aquainting herself with the family. Or allow her to hold a special blankie or doll. Good Luck!

My daughter went through the same exact thing. The only men she would look at were Dad and Grandpa. Everyone else she was afraid of and would hide behind us or on our lap if anyone else was around. She eventually grew out of it. You just have to let her be and try not to force the situation. She will come around in time. Be patient.

It's not a terrible thing for your niece to have stranger anxiety. Are her parents concerned with this or are you raising her? Does she get upset and cry or does she just not want to shake hands and/or hug? I have never encouraged my kids to hug friends or family if they didn't want to. I would just hold her as you introduce her-be an example and shake hands or hug but ... she's not even two years old yet - pushing her to be outgoing just will have the opposite effect.

I would not worry about it at all. Most kids go through that stage of stranger anxiety and it's perfectly normal. I would be more worried if she walked up to everyone with no issues what so ever. Treating the situation like there is something wrong with the child does not help at all because in fact, there is nothing wrong! Try to not label her as shy though... that is a stigma that will stay with them.

My daughter is 21 months and she started having a very hysterical reaction to strangers, but especially men. Even our Dads and her uncles. We finally told everyone to ignore us when we come over. It worked like a charm. At first it took up to a half hour to an hour for her to warm up, but now it only takes about 5 minutes until she's bringing toys and cups to her uncles and Grandpas. My daughter was the first baby on my side of the family and everyone is always super excited to see her and it was just too overwhelming for her. It is just a stage that I think most little girls go through. I am told I was the same way. Hope this helps.

Good luck- C.

Bring her around these people more often so she gets use to the. Never forget her feelings though...don't force her to hug or kiss the people etc. She'll do it when she's ready if they earn her love and faith. Kids sense things that we can't fathom. Be sensitive to her, she's the one to worry about.

My oldest was like this. It would frustrate my in-laws when they would come and visit from florida for 5 days and he wouldn't warm up to them until day 3 or 4. I wouldn't push the kid she just needs to go at her own pace. Family can not take it personally it is just her personality and it needs to be respected. She will come around and won't have this issue later if it isn't made into an issue now by forcing her to mingle when she isn't ready. My son is 13 now and he is super friendly and isn't shy at all.

Encourage the 20 month old to trust her insticts and let the family know they should earn her trust by spending time with her in a setting in which she feels safe.

The only defense our children have against a world gone mad is that inner sense of caution around strangers. It will be worn down soon enough, so while it is strong in her, encourage her to acknowledge it, name it and trust it.

I have a 10-month-old who just went through a period of stranger anxiety and it was also worse around men, even her grandfathers! Our pediatrician said it was perfectly normal and a lot of children are more wary of male strangers than female strangers for some reason, maybe because they are so attached to their moms at this stage. Even so, it made family gatherings hard. We found the best thing to do was to have people ignore my daughter until she got used to having them around. Instead of walking up to her right away and saying HI! and trying to hold her, they let her initiate contact with them on her own schedule. Eventually she came around.

Hi S.,

My now four-year-old was the exact same way. She eventually grew out of most of it. We did not try and push her, even though it was a little upsetting to my brother and father. I think just attending more social gatherings over time helped her. We do feel it's a good natural instinct though, so I wouldn't recommend forcing anything.

My daughter has always been that way. Especially around males and unfamiliar adults. She is 5 now and she is still this way. Even with her uncles especially those she doesn't get to see too often. If takes a LONG TIME to get her to warm up and finally move from behind my apron strings and talk. When someone says something nice to her and she hides behind my legs, I always just whisper to the person initiating contact that she is a little shy. As for my brothers and cousins, they are used to her now and they know that it is nothing personal, she just takes a while to warm up. I always tell them to keep trying to talk to her. The more they talk to her and talk about fun things she likes (like barbies or something), the more likley she is to warm up sooner.
I dont know why she does this, she just always has. Some little girls are just shy. Her dad always says "hopefully she will continue to be this shy around boys in High School!" LOL

I wouldn't worry too much about the stranger anxiety. Actually, it's probably a good thing. You should read "The Gift of Fear" and "Protecting the Gift". The author, Gavin de Becker, writes of how important women's intution is and how in all situations when he's interviewed women that have had violent experiences, they spoke of something not seeming right just before the event happened. His books teach us to tap into our fear and understand them. Too ofen, women are taught to downplay their natural instinct and are branded as being paranoid. He thinks that one of the worse things we can do is to make our children, daughters especially, become comfortable with people that they are not comfortable with. We should let them come around on their own and in their own time.

Reading the books opened up my eyes immensely. I still read them periodically because I notice myself become complacent and ignoring my environment in certain situations.

Good luck!

Hello, My Daughter had this as well. Still does to some extent and she is 8.. I have to have female Dr. and Dentists for her I have no idea where this came from.... I would not push her into anythingshe is not comfortable with. Just act as if it is no big deal. She will warm up sooner or later. I just use to tell my daughter that he is a nice and freindly.. I'm not sure I helped but just wanted you to know it is not uncommon. D.