I may be a little premature in this but i wanted to make sure i am doing it correctly. My BF and i have been together for a year, he has a 4 year old from a previous relationship, she is amazing! i couldnt ask to have a better women in my life to deal with! Well this past weekend i picked up "B" from his moms and we decided to go do a little bonding, so we went to a local swimming hole and then out to eat and later to fire works when daddy got home. he was discussing his day with him and how much fun he had and the name mommy came out when he asked me a question...I laughed and simply said Whats my name? he looked puzzled, but then he realized what he had said and smiled saying "oh yea, your awisha, not mommy, but my mommy says your like a mommy to me" He is right, and she has said it to me, i am a mommy of some sorts to him, but i feel that mommy is a special name for the bio mom, well i heard that i shouldnt correct him, that it is a feeling that they are comfortable enough with you that they feel they can call you that. I dont feel quite comfortable though, like i said thats a special name for his bio mom, what should i do if it happens again?
Thank you everyone for the responses! Im not a bio mom myself yet so im new to this, i wanted to clarrify a few things though that i accidently left out that are important, myself and bio dad are engaged to be married in 2013, and we do live together, if that wasnt the case i would not even be thinking it. i wouldn't allow it, because like someone pointed out, you never know what will happen in a relationship tomorrow, and the ones with children are even messier. and the context of the whole mommy convo with me and bio mom happened on mothers day when i was a little depressed because i was soposed to give birth 2 weeks earlier and she had said well you can celebrate mothers day today because you are in some sorts a mother to "B" and we all appreciate that, and after that "b" must have brought it up
It sounds like you are a great person to be around. If a child is responding to you in this way, you must be doing somehting right. :) If you are uncomfortable with him calling you mommy, maybe you can come up with a special nick name that you both agree on. That is going to be special to him and you, because he feels close to you. This is just a thought. :)
my daughter calls her step mom 'mom' when she is with her,i am still mom when she is with me......everyone knows she is my child.....no one can take that away from me.........kid doesen't need stress over who to call what--be happy you all are being called!!!!!!!!!!
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my daughter calls her step mom 'mom' when she is with her,i am still mom when she is with me......everyone knows she is my child.....no one can take that away from me.........kid doesen't need stress over who to call what--be happy you all are being called!!!!!!!!!!
as long as bio mom and dad are okay with it - go for it!!! this is great that he has two really great female figures in his life that are mature enough to get along!! YAHOOO!!!!!!!!
How about Momma Alisha? My stepson called me Momma R. for years...now I am just Mom!!! :-) Especially if the birth Mom seems to be in agreement with it...I wouldnt worry about it too much. I think it is fabulous that the two of you have such a good relationship!!! Being a "step parent" can be hard at times!!!
I like KansasMom's answer. I have a great mother in law, and I call her Momalah cause she's more like a mom to me than my own mother. You're her 2nd mom :)
every situation's different... i usually feel that if the bioparents are active in the child's life, that the names "mom" and "dad" should be reserved for them... but there's always some situations with different circumstances.
If his mom is ok with it, then do whatever's comfortable for you. I personally think having him pick out a special nickname for you is a sweet way to address it.
Whenever my stepdaughter has called me mom (she's nearly 13 now, and i've been with her dad since she was 2) i always just said "that's not my name silly" and laughed it off (always keep it light! I agree with a previous post, something so minor is NOT something to stress a kid over! and if you make it not a big deal, so will they!). She came up with "JoJo" as a nick name & has always called me that. She has said that i'm like a second mom to her, she's knows i'm one of her parents, but i know her mother would be hurt by her calling me "mom" so i completely respect that.
I always knew whatever she called me would not make or break our relationship, and we really do have a close one! i may not be her mom, but i'm her step-mom which is a unique special bond.
I don't have an answer to your questions, but I did want to say that I think it is awesome that you and the 'bio-mom' are on good terms and bonding. When I first saw your question, I thought "here we go another step-mom grip". What a relief to see someone who is more concerned with the best interest of the child then one-upping the other parent. Keep of the great work!
Saturday night I was tucking Genna in, we were married Saturday for a bit of back story. I told her well now Troy really is your step dad. She said I know and smiled, but I would rather still call him Troy. I said that would be perfect. :)
I go with they didn't ask for the situation so why make it harder for them by coming up with names and titles.
My younger son would rather call him dad cause then he isn't embarrassed when he accidentally calls him dad. What can I say, it is Andy logic. :p
My older two are 21 and 23, they call him Troy.
Oh, in case it wasn't obvious, next time he brings it up just affirm it is his decision and that you are happy with whatever he comes up with, so long as it is respectful.
You call yourself a "step-mom" and him a "step son" so what's wrong with him calling you "mommy"? He knows his bio-mom and he knows you are not his bio-mom but he likes to call you mommy anyway. Be happy! It sounds like everyone else is. Maybe he can just call you "mom" instead of "mommy". Do you know how many step-parents out there that would be so happy if their step-children would call them mom or dad? My son in law is one of them!
You do fill a maternal role for your "step son". He is close to you, and you to him. You love each other, spend time, and you are responsible for his well being. It's wonderful that you, his mom, and your partner have his best interest in mind, and are working TOGETHER!! Yay, you guys!!!
Why not ask him if there is a special name he would like to call you. For example, I am Mama / Mama Ephie to my bio niece, and my sister (her bio mom) is Mommy Rita. Some families have a Daddy, and a Papa. My husband is Uncle Max / Daddy Man / Daddy Oyster (my niece came up with those). You could also have an endearing twist on your name, that's just for him. For example, if your name is Alisha, perhaps he would like to call you Li-Li, or some other name that is endearing, familial, and gives voice and recognition to your special role in his life. Also, there are different names for mother, in different languages. Perhaps one would fit for you? We have THREE sets of Grandparents for our children (actually five, but one is estranged and one passed on). Each has their own name and is important and valuable. We have a Nana (my mom), a GeeGee (my step mom), and a Grandma G (my MIL).
We can never have too many people who Love us!
You could leave the communication door open and say something like, "Mommy is the name you call your mommy ______ (insert her name here). Is there a name we could use for me that would be special like mommy is for you and your mommy, but that's for us? I'm so glad I get to be one of your mommies, and that I get to have you in my life! I'm also really glad you have your mommy. We all love you!"
what an honor for you how does his mom feel about it how about mommy aad your name?
I have said this a million times on here and I will say it again. I'm a step mom and my kids have a step mom. I am secure enough as their mom that I don't care if they call their step mom "mom", which they don't. My step daughter does call me "mom". I am the mom in my home, even to the neighbor kids as she is the mom in her own home. That being said, you are not married yet and that to me is the key. You are not LEGALLY his step mom. I would feel bad about my bf's son calling me mom and then we break up, it would break his heart and he is still young. However, he is already calling you mom and his bio mom doesn't seem to have a problem with it so I would just let it go. I hate that parents stress their kids out about this when its just something so minor. good luck.
I would be careful at least until you and BF are married. If you let her call you mommy and than you and BF do not last she will be very hurt and confused. (If you are living together and know this is long term than that is diffrent, but you always have to be careful with the emotions of the little ones)
I would continue to refer to yourself (and have BF refer to you as) your name. If/when he slips and calls you mommy, don't make a big deal out of it. Let it go. He obviously knows who you are and you aren't pushing the issue.
I think until you are actually married you shouldn't be called 'mommy'.
~Although I was never comfortable with my step kids calling me mom when they were little...I met them when they were 5 & 2 and I just corrected them...in a fun way 'I'm not mommy silly-goose, I'm Karma'. Now that they are older (19 & 16) and I have my own kids they call me mom when talking to me or about me when around the younger kids...and refer to me as 'my stepmom' to their friends...and I am ok with that. I think in the beginning it was just uncomfortable to want to take the mommy title...b/c they had a mommy?
I don't like the term 'step' anything. It cheapens the relationship you have with the other person. Whether it is a step-Mom or sibling. I also don't like the term half brother or sister, again it makes the relationship seem less important. With my kids I have always taught them to love the people in their lives and not lable them.
You don't half love a step parent or sibling or half sibling so if it is okay with all parties Mom-Dad-brother-sister are enough.
