Step Kids

Hi Gwen,
I am a step mother and my children have a step father. I have read and heard before that if you become a step parent to children over the age of 5 or 6 it works best if you become more of their ally and not an authority figure. Leave all discipline to their biological parent. He will have to make them respect and listen to you when he is not around. This is how it works in our home and so far so good.

good luck

When you marry a man or woman with kids...Most of the time it is not glorious. You have to remember that they are from a broken home and they see you as the cause of that. The kids are trying to make sense of everthing and it is hard for them. When you were little...I bet you couldn't imagine your parents breaking up. And if they did it would of been horrible for you...Can you feel that pain just thinkg about it. Don't be so h*** o* them. They love their dad and mom and you are considered an intruder to them. When you are in a marriage with children you also have to except that his chidren will always come before you. They need him more then you do an you have to make room for that to haoppen and not get upset. Your husband will see how wonderful you are when you do. You can make this work..You just have to work harder at it. God bless...

Is your infant from the father of the two teens? If so, then they may feel that he is starting a new family with you and the baby and are insecure as to where that leaves them. 13 and 15 are really hard ages anyway so when you add this latest complication it can be a lot to handle. What about family counseling? These kids need to address thier issues of insecurity and abandonment before it poisons potential relationships in the future.

ok i haven't read the other responses if there are any but my parents divorced when i was really young and i know how it is when you get to be a teenager and your parents divorce and on or both remarry They may feel you are keeping their parents apart or they want their parents to get back together or it could just be they think you are trying to replace their mom the best thing to do is to sit them down with your husband and find out which one it is and come to a conclusion that works for all of you try to be calm about it and don't fly off the handle you and your husband need to understand that this is a hard change to deal with and its not easy for kids to get over

Hi. I have three stepsons ages 8,14,15. My Husband and I have been married for four years but never really had to deal with the kids being jealous because we lived in Germany until this July. We had all of the kids all summer and the 8 year old really put a toll on our marriage. He was hateful, not listening, picking fights with my 5 year old daughter, and just being unbearable except when his Dad was around. I told my Husband EXACTLY what was going on and how I was feeling. I told him that it was not fair for me to be going through it and he needed to put his foot down. If he didn't then all he was doing was enabling his son to continue to disrespect me and it would only get worse as he got older. I had to tell my Husband that if he was going to continue to let this happen then I would have to leave until he was gone for the summer because it was not fair for me to have to try to be the bad guy. I was also really worried because the son was actually supposed to live with us, but his mother backed out at the last minute. I also had to get really tough on the son too and take things like the gameboy and other treasured items away. I made him sit in his room with absolutely nothing to do and if he wanted to pout about it then I told him to do it where nobody had to look at him being ugly. His Father also started getting onto him. You really need your Husband's support and for him to put his foot down. I would also talk to your Mother n Law and tell her how you feel and ask for her advice. Maybe she could even talk to the kids in some way that wouldn't let on like you had told her. I know teenagers can be difficult too. Luckily I get along well with the 15 year old that lives with us. Sometimes he gets an attitude like he doesn't have to listen to me and follow my rules too, but again my Husband steps in and starts setting the law down when I tell him what is going on. If their dad isn't going to do that then he is basically telling them that what they are doing is ok. I hope this helps. Good Luck. Blending families is hard work and takes effort from everybody involved.

Hi, I would suggest making your husband get involved. If you have his full support, then the both of you need to sit down with the kids and get to the bottom of the real problem. Are they just being spiteful teenagers or is there something they really don't like about you that you need to know. I would talk to the mother in law too and ask or have your husband ask what the kids have been telling her. Ask her to not just take their word for it, but ask you for your side of the story as well. The more you know, the more you can react accordingly. I know teenagers aren't the easiest to talk to, but it is worth a try. Your husband needs to stand firm on not tolerating any disrespect for you. They may not like you, but they should respect you as their dad's wife. I wish you the best, let us know what happens.
A.