Sorry to ask...it's Personal...

we do it 1-2 times a week. I know my husband wishes it was more, and I wish it was less. :-) I've had a hard time having orgasms since I had the baby and it frustrates him, but doesnt bother me as much since I'm usually just wanting to make him happy and go to bed. hee.

This is a question that has been rolling around in my head also. I dont have much of a drive and me and my husband have a running joke of 16 wks. But in all seriousness we are lucky if I get in the mood once a month.

We rarely have sex, but I found a great Gspot vibrator on the Good Vibrations website. If I get 0ff first then I am not disappointed when he OS done too soon.

We have sex about once a week. I have found that the longer I go without it, the less I want it. Once I get back in the swing of things, I want it more. One thing that makes me feel sexy is to wear sexy bras and panties - it puts me more in the mood just knowing what I have on underneath my clothes. Don't expect the type of sessions you had before kids - sometimes our best sex is the 15 minutes we get when we put a video on in the living room for our son and go lock our bedroom door for a quickie.

what a brave query!

Im 28 (for another week!) my husband is 31, we have a 7 year old and an almost 2 year old (the 2 year old sleeps in my bed)...My husband works on oil rigs and only comes home every 3 weeks for usually less than a week. Im lucky if we have sex twice a month. I think if he worked in town it would average out to about once a week.

Id like to think itd be 5 or 6 times a week if the baby werent in the bed most of the time. But you have to remember one thing.

Normal is non existent.....normal is a scary, impossible answer. there are too many variables that exist to equate yourself with another couple.I certainly feel less amorous than i did before i changed diapers, piled myself neck high in laundry, and my hands were dry from the amount of dishes i did that day. Back when i had washboard abs and more free time than i knew what to do with.

if you NEVER feel like having sex then i would consult a doctor to check your hormone levels to see if you are lacking somewhere.

But if you still yearn, still get roused up then i dont think you have anything to worry about, set up a date night, flirt more often with your husband, even things that dont end in sex, like showers together, backrubs, and making out can help keep the fire lit.

i am 32 and my husband is 33, and we have an almost four year old. honestly, with relationship stuff, financial stuff, work stuff, kid stuff...i'd be happy if it never came up...lol. or maybe i just say that because i never get the chance to miss it. i will meet him halfway, usually about 2x per week. i'm not usually "too" interested, but it makes him happy. i have always thought he has a pretty high sex drive, and i am lucky i suppose, that his desire has not diminished, since we've been together for 9 years. mine went south when i became a mother, i think. i am usually the tired one, the stressed out one, the uninterested one...but i find if i just "do it", i usually #1, get into it once we get going, and #2, make him happy with so little effort. so it's worth it to me to "go along". sort of to keep the peace if you know what i mean! besides, there is no rule saying it has to go on for an hour....my hubs is often just as happy with a quickie anyway. it really takes so little to make them happy. which really does make me happy too. to me, a little compromise goes a long way towards a happy marriage.

Married 10 years , two kids, we usually go at it every 3-4 days.
It's usually at 1-2am when his wandering hands find me.
I just give in , it's fun. And I'd rather me get him off than he take care of himself or go somewhere else.

Generally once he starts things my tired turns into " do me now".

We have a four-year-old, who finally recently started sleeping through the night. Sort of. lol! So, sex for us was a challenge because we knew we only had a limited amount of time before she'd wake up, and nothing kills the mood more than watching the clock. We finally worked out a system. I get our daughter to bed about 8/830, I take a shower, take my time, and relax a little bit so I can change gears from mommy to wife. Meanwhile, my husband tidies up the living room and kitchen and makes me a cocktail (I just can't relax when the house is a mess). When I get out of the shower, there's a cocktail waiting for me on the bathroom counter. I get my jammies on, sip my drink, meet him in the living room, and we watch a movie and talk, or fool around. Usually by the time the movie is over, our daughter wakes up. I settle her back down, get her back to bed, and then we know we are good until morning. Usually, getting a chance to just decompress after the day puts me in the mood, even if I am tired. And then some days, I'll just tell my husband I am pretty tired. If he's still in the mood, he knows not to expect earth-shattering sex from me that night, but just appreciates the effort. If I come out of the bedroom after my shower in something sexier than jammies, he knows I will be taking the lead. I found that after a few weeks of this, I was in the mood more and more often. Good luck!

I'm 27, hubs is 31. We have a 20 month old and I'm 32 weeks pregnant with #2. We have sex about once every two weeks.
We're both exhausted, I'm huge, and well, our only "alone time" is after our son goes to bed, and we usually use that time to clean/talk/relax/unwind.
Don't stress it, I think (and hope) it comes back eventually. Just make sure you keep the communication lines open, and also be open to sex even if you're a bit tired.
Sometimes a little goes a long way! :)

Right now: Nada (I'm ticked at him, and have been for a few months)

Prior to being ticked: Almost daily UNLESS I was sleep deprived. Then, not until I caught up on sleep. Then back to daily. But for the "Where'd I leave my brain?" sleep dep periods... it could go weeks.

Lack of sleep is the #1 libido killer.

Mmmmm... and to get a little (perhaps too graphic)... aka stop reading here anyone who might get offended by said graphic nature:

Like the whole "sleep begets sleep" thing, sex begets sex. The more often you have it, the more often you want it. So ONE way to up your sex drive is to start m*********** x times per day. Especially women, who are capable of multiples, m*********** doesn't create a "okay I'm done now" thing for most women... but instead starts a "Hey sweetheart... Can I talk to you for a minute?" after a couple days/couple weeks.

We have sex about every 3 days. Usually my husband initiates, though sometimes I do. My sex drive has NEVER been high. I remember reading a Dr. Laura book that said, even if you're a bit tired, let the ball get rolling cause you need the love and affection, too - even if you feel like you need the sleep more. It's true. Sometimes sleep is MUCH more appealing than sex when you have kids (LOL), but the love and affection you share is very important, too.

Try to find a middle ground between how often you used to, and how often you do now, and work towards that. Be honest that you're tired, but you love him and that you don't mind him initiating. And if you REALLY feel like you can't follow through, let him know, but if you're just so-so about trying - go for it :) Hope that helps a little.

We have a 3 year old and an almost 4 month old. We have sex, I would say, and average of 4-5 times a week. We both enjoy it and we both feel it is an important part of our relationship. One thing that we have learned is to take advantage of time. There is no reason why sex has to occur at night or even in bed for that matter. We have also found that even if one is tired once things get started it isn't too hard to happily continue. I have a friend who has sex maybe once every few months and it is because her husband just doesn't do it for her and for some reason she won't tell him what to do to make it better. Also, I think it helps to tease each other throughout the week/day. An ear nibble here a flick of the tongue there...you get the picture.

this is a totally appropriate question to ask us mamas. who else can you ask? ;)

my daughter is 3 and i was not interested in sex during pregnancy, nor after. i am only just starting to get my sex drive back, and i'm still so tired i'd much rather just sleep. i do it quite often with my partner because he enjoys it so much. if i were a single mom i'd probably never have sex and be just fine with it.

not saying that i'm typical or even healthy - just wanted to give you some support to know you're not alone.

I know you have lots of answers already but here are my "two cents". We have a 2 and 4 yr old. Now that neither child is nursing, they are sleeping thru the night, and are not in our room anymore, we have sex about once a week, which is 3-4x a month. He would like it to be more but it is way more now than anytime since we had our first child (there was a draught of nearly 8 months!) It helps that the kids are older and more self sufficent and that we put them to bed at 730! Also, if I'm not in the mood or tired, my husband is a-okay for me to just "help" him, and sometimes the "helping" gets me interested too. Lube is great, I never needed it before kids and I don't need it now given enough time, but time is in short supply with small children around. There are lots of options, warming, tingling, etc, and while it kind of wierded me out at first, it really does work!

someone was just on here asking about toys try that! your drive is down now but it may pick back up later on down the line. but the toys help also.

DH and I are 1x/week-ers. We always have been. I could easily go longer without it, being tired so often. But I make sure that I give him at least 1x/week to keep him happy. Usually, even if I'm tired, I wind up getting into it once we get "started" anyway. It's just the "getting off the couch" or "out of bed" that is hard.
But I know how important it is to relationships. I've even noticed that if we miss a week on occasion, I don't feel as close to him as I normally do, an I don't like that. So, I go out of my way to make sure I'm not dropping the ball there.

I see you have a lot of answers but I'll answer anyways. we have a 4 year old and almost 2 year old. we have sex about once a month, maybe twice, because that's pretty much the only times I feel like like. he, on the other hand, comes on to me about a 3 days after sex and hopes for the best for the rest of the month, lol. yeah, we used to be crazy before kids, but either it's my hormones, or I just can't relax with the idea of the 4 year old might come downstairs. quickies are all but gone, being as the last time we tried that my son came knocking on the door (we were in the bathroom) and started asking things like, are you pooping or peeing? when will you be done? which needless to say ruined the mood, but was a good laugh. you are not alone in the lack of sex drive. if you are troubled by it, perhaps have your hormones checked by the doctor.

It's been an issue in our relationship for a long time. I have low testosterone levels which are a factor, plus stress, kids.

I could care less if it never happened again honestly. No libido of any kind.
Average currently ~once every 2-4 weeks.

For me, part of it, too was going through chemo right after our daughter's birth 2 years ago. My Oncologist's office asked what birth control we would be using when I started chemo - I looked at them befuddled and said, "People in chemo WANT to have sex?". It didn't happen.

Early in our relationship it was very frequent. Not sure what happened, but it was long before kids came along.

I spoke with my OB/GYN a few weeks ago at my annual appointment. He said most of his patients would prefer just not to do the deed. He said the average is about once every 2 weeks because women need to keep their husbands happy.

I am in the same boat as you, so what a great question. I have found that when the baby is taking a nap in his crib I am able to focus on my husband and have sex. We are very quiet. My husband wants it all the time and I just had to keep telling him it is not going to happen all the time and will only happen when I feel ok about it. I am still a little sore too, so that is a factor, but I at least try. I will admit that I don't have the drive like I used too before children, but how can you when you are tired all the time. I think you are totally normall and the only fix to this is your husbands understanding and any help he can give so you are not so tired.

I am very interested in what others say to this question too.

Hi Littletomboys,
When my husband and I got married 9 years ago we were doing it every day to every other day. Then we started a family 5 years ago and it diminished to 2-3 times a week. Then I got sick after my 3rd child and for about a year we only did it maybe once a week. It was really hard for my husband but he was understanding about it. I was sick, had 3 very young children and was on steroids and a handful of other drugs that diminished my sex drive.
Now that you know my sex history, I just wanted to tell you that MEN LOVE SEX!!! (Most men anyway!) My husband and I have a very happy sex life now because I understand his need to have sex regularly and I respect that. We do it once or twice a day and maybe a day will go by that we don't because of our busy schedules but never more than two days go by that we don't have sex. It helps that I enjoy it too! But, I'm likely to say that even if you don't want to do the deed, maybe you could please him other ways where he still feels that he is being taken care of by you.
I hope you can spark a flame again in your relationship...it's really important. My husband and I are so close to one another, closer than we've ever been before!

I am 28, and my boyfriend is 37, and we have a 16 month old. For the most part we try everyday. With crazy schedules and stuff it doesn't always work. I totally agree with Beth B. The longer I go without it the more I don't want it. Once we're intimate again, I want it all the time. My boyfriend and I stay connected sexually by texting a lot. LOL. I know it seems stupid, but he works really long hours, so when I send him sexy texts it gives him something to look forward to, and that in turn gets me going to. By the time he gets home, even if he goes to bed before me, he always tells me to wake him up. Also, talk about what turns you guys on and try some new stuff. It adds variety. =) Good Luck.

Love this question! To be honest, I have NO sex drive and I believe that it is related to both breastfeeding as well as general exhaustion. I have a 16 month old and my focus is on her. It is hard to "get in the mood" when I simply cannot take my mind of my daughter and her needs. In addition, my breasts are on "lockdown" as I do not want my husband getting anywhere near them so long as I am still a nursing mom. They are just too sensitive. Since we had our daughter we have only had sex maybe a dozen times. Part of that was also related to a horrendous recovery from a c-section gone wrong so we didn't even start trying to have sex until about 6 months post partum. Anyway, all of my friends say that a low ssex drive is typical and that you really have to work out finding that connection with your husband. I do try to satisfy him with oral sex and hands jobs because that just seems easier. Ha! Sorry that I have no wonderful suggestions for how to get that spark back. Friends tell me that after your child is 3 or so, it does seems to find its way back!

When I was younger, yes I didnt want it at all. My boyfriend did. I was tired from the children, but he pretty much understood. Later in life at 35, my sex drive increase and i also had another toddler, but total different problem. My boyfriend is 16 years older. So I was like 30 and he was about 52 when this happend. He did not want it at all. It really was hard, i took it as rejection. I feel if 2 people love each other, they will try to fit it in. You dont want to lose that passion for each other, it may never come back, trust me I know. Things have gotten better. I think he saw how hurt ive been and my youngest is 5. So, yes, you are normal to not want it like you use to. But it wont last forever. Maybe explain this to him and tell him he has a lot to look forward to because you sexual peak isnt even around until after 30. Things will work out him time. Hang in there and your not alone.

yes , you are not alone. I am the same way. And i feel bad but i think if my husband helps me a little more around the house i wouldn't be so tired by the time its bed time and we'd both be happy. I've tried telling him that and he doesnt believe me... but its the truth. Good luck

i think everyone in any relationship goes thru a dry spell at some point. it is hard when you have many other things running thru your head. (e.g. stress work frustration bills) its also hard to see yourself as a sexual human being when you are a mother 24/7 but communication is the key! in my relationship sometimes he's too tired from work or im too frustrated from being stuck in the house wit our super fussy daughter its just something you cant ignore or avoid. just hang i there and keep trying some sexy things. hehe read cosmo :)

If you have seen a change in your libido that goes beyond the infant/waking during the night stage, then there is something that is affecting you. Could just be stress. Take a hard look at your life, what is stressful for you, and brainstorm with your fiancee what changes could be made to try to help the situation. Maybe getting more help from friends or family? Maybe finding ways to work in exercise and/or time away from the kids? Stress produces hormones which wreak havoc on your body after chronic exposure, and make us feel tired.

Another thing to be aware of is that depression can cause one's libido to tank (or even become non-existent.) Our first two children were both extremely difficult, the first because of temperament issues during toddlerhood, the second because of health issues as an infant and toddler. It was a helacious five plus years for us. That lead to stress, insomnia and depression for me. I felt tired, frazzled, burned out, irritable, moody, and frustrated all the time, and had little/no interest in sex. Took me many years to realize I was depressed.

Once I started treatment for depression, and my stress levels decreased, my libido and our sex life got back to our normal (pre-kid) level. (2-3 times per week.)

If it's not stress/depression, something is keeping you from getting a good night's sleep and making you feel tired all the time. Talk to your doctor and maybe have some blood tests done to check your thyroid, etc.

I have two kids, 3 & 1. Our 1 year old sleeps in our bedroom (in her own bed most of the time). It makes having sex difficult. We make time though. We HAVE to make time. We aim for at least once a week, sometimes twice.

I'm in the same situation as you. I could go a couple weeks and be fine. My husband, not so much. It bothers him so I have really been trying. I'm a stay at home mom and have three kids so I'm also very tired at the end of the day. Once you get going, you wake up real quick :) So, just give in. We have started using toys. I don't like to use them all the time so what we did is scheduled a Sunday night "us time" when we use toys, massages, etc, our fun night. Seeing him happy and excited the next day makes me happy and makes me want to do it more often. We are at about 3-4 times a week now.

we have only had sex 5 times in the past year....horrible! the first 6 mos. her dad worked nights, but even after that, it did not happen often enough!!

i have sex 2-3 times a week. my other half wants more. :0 if you are having much less than that you may be in a mild depression. get more sunlight and start doing something that makes you be more active mow the lawn instead of making him. it will make you more tired at first but your energy level will go up in the long run. start arobics or something along that line to make your energy go up and vitamin c and iron vitamins. go on a date with your husband get spontaneous sp? and I garantee your sexdrive will come back and you will find the energy to do it.

My husband and I went a whole year without having sex, from the time we conceived our second child until the baby was four months old! I was sick and tired most of my pregnancy, and then when the baby came we were overwhelmed with having two kids. It's getting better, we make time for cuddling and kissing most nights, but we've still only "done it" a handful of times in six months. Our kids aren't great sleepers, and that's part of it... But I think we're stll struggling to find the balance between being parents and just people... Good luck to you ... And us!

I have a 2 year old and ever since I became pregnant with him I have had NO sex drive whatsoever! I would say we have sex 3 times a week, but none of those times do I really want to. Even if I am not completely turned off by it, I am just too tired! I am 7 months pregnant which makes me even more tired than normal. We have sex when my son is sleeping and it's usually just a hurry up and get it done kind of thing. I want to try to work on making our sex life better after my daughter is born because I know it bothers him that I have no interest in it, when he wants it all the time! I do wonder how often it will be though once we have 2 kids!

I find that while I am pregnant or nursing my sex drive is pretty low and during those periods we have weeks with no sex. When my body is getting back to normal and I am NOT on birth control we usually have sex 2-3 times a week.

I only see my husband Fri-Sun nights (he gets home around 230am and our daughter is usually in bed with us those nights). We aim to have it every night on the weekends. Sometimes we end up doing it 2x in one day. Other times, we'll end up only doing it 1x a weekend - depending on what is going on (people over, I go to bed while he's still entertaining, etc).

While I am tired too, I try to always get into the mood (take a bath for example to relax) or he'll get me there on his own!! I know afterwards I sleep much better, feel more complete about our relationship and know he's happier!!

I'm 25 and my husband is 34. We just had a baby almost 3 weeks ago. Before baby, it was every day. I doubt that's going to change, either. We both have such high sex drives... lol. ...

Before my daughter about 2 times a week... After having my daughter it has been far and few between, maybe once every other month (my daughter is 4 years old). I know he wishes for more but personally I am dealing with issues (body/weight, lack of drive, tired and so on) which he knows all about. For me I can not get out of mommy or work mode but I have found that a glass of wine does help me slip into sexy wife mode (not always but sometimes). A nice relaxing bath with a good book, candles, glass of wine and bubbles also might get me in the mood but not always. My husband has the motto "If you (wife) feel the urge wake me up! I do not care what time it is or what is going on the next day... wake me up and lets do it!"