Son Has Discovered He Can Gag Himself

Updated on April 13, 2010
K.W. asks from Portland, OR
13 answers

recently my 17mth old son has discovered if he puts both his fingers down his throat, sometimes both hands even, it gags him and now does it whenever he gets upset and doesnt get what he wants, which is usually attention from me. He hasn't puked from it yet, but will do it over and over until his eyes water and turns a bit red in the face. I can see him trying to get my reaction, it can be a stare down sometimes. I hold my ground , but do worry and wonder does any other child do this ,? Is it normal ?

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So What Happened?

just to clarify , he doesn't do it constantly, just sometimes , like he gets a toy taken away , told he can not shake the lamp agaisnt the wall, or i am busy doing something that takes total . attention away from him. I think Naomi needs to dial it down a bit. It came off very neurotic and negative. I am glad to hear this is normal and we have taken the advice of today and ignoring it has worked already. His pedi Dr. says he is extremely well adjusted , very social , super curious and active and strong spirited . he also turns off the computer when i am typing like right now , to get my attention . I am a stay at home mom , at give him tons of one on one time and his own space time , i am very into the attachment parenting method, but I am also a first timer and don't always know what is normal and what to freak on on .Thank mamacitas for making me feel clamer.

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H.L.

answers from Portland on

Totally normal and it will pass. Gently tell him not to do it and then ignore the behavior. He will stop soon. My son did this for a while to see what would happen...both with how his body reacted and how mom reacted.

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R.C.

answers from Portland on

I would say pay more attention to your baby. It's extremely important at these ages that your baby/child knows they can get your attention when they need it. Children this age don't have the emotional development of adults to be manipulative or whatever. He's telling you that he's not sure if you're going to listen to him if he needs you. A great book about this is The Science of Parenting. It tells you about the neurological and emotional development of children. If you shut down your baby's/child's instincts at this age, it will affect how they are for the rest of their life; they have studies and brain scans that they didn't have until the last few years that show this. Basically when a baby/child at this age is living in a state of insecurity they overdevelop the part of the brain that activates in fear, and there are a lot of immediate and long term emotional consequences. We have to remember that babies brains are just as different from adults as their bodies. As adults, we want people to pay attention to us, and listen to us when we need it, but we can understand if someone is busy, and wait. Children are needier of their parents attention than adults, and babies are not ready to be rational, and their brains are connecting short term events. "I gag, I'm in pain, I yell. What does my mama do? Nothing. She will not come and help when I'm hurt and yelling." I'm sorry but that's all your baby knows, and he's wiring that into himself, and that's what he expects from every event of pain. He does not know that you will react differently if there is a real incident, he doesn't have that much development. Alternative: "I gag, I'm in pain, I yell. What does mama do? Comes to me, helps me feel better. whew. I am safe and can count on her to come when I'm scared or hurt." Raising an emotionally secure child is extremely important, and later consequences if they are not are not good. I think you'll be proud to raise a secure, confident child. There are many studies that show that responding to your child when they want attention does this, and also makes them easier at separation ages 2-3 years old. They are only this needy for a short time, and it gradually lessens. You'll be happy when your older child feels naturally he can turn to you when he feels distressed, in school, on the playground, with an overbearing family member, or whatever. I've seen families where the parents detached from the child at an early age, and I think it's pretty sad. The children are less affectionate and not as close with the parents, and often much more demanding.

At his age you need to still interact with him a lot, but more and more you should be able to do something on your own for a few minutes at a time, turn to him and work with him for a few minutes, etc, back and forth. It's not like being on your own, but you will work your way up to that. And I always made sure that I sat down for a good, concentrated time with just my son and me, with no distractions. That time made more time for me later. My son has never watched TV, and plays on his own for hours. He's very relaxed and we get compliments all the time about what a pleasant and balanced child he is. That said, he did insist on a lot of attention from us as a baby, but we treasured it and him throughout.

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G.B.

answers from Tulsa on

Isn't it fun to watch them discover this? It only lasts a few weeks so don't respond to it or he'll figure out he gets attention for it and will do it more.

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S.B.

answers from Redding on

I honestly don't know a single little one that hasn't figured out they can make themselves gag.
It comes with the territory.
It can start simply by putting their fingers too far down their throats on accident and realizing the result.
If they do it when they don't get what they want, they are basically saying, "Fine. Say no. I will put my fingers down my throat and make you really sorry."
I would just ignore it, especially if it's an attention thing. Baby drama!
I had one little kid tell me he was going to hold his breath until I said yes, (obviously a little older than your child but the same concept) and I just said, "Well, do what you want. I'm still not going to say yes, but I'll get my watch and time you to see how long you can hold it."
Putting their fingers down their throats, at the worst, will result in them throwing up and it's gross and scary and doesn't taste very good, but that's why they won't do it for long.
Don't cave in and don't rush to your son and freak out and worry when he does it. He'll just keep right on going with it.

Best of luck!

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R.P.

answers from Davenport on

My 16 month old does this also. I don't know if is a attention thing or just exploring his body! Hope it is just a phase cause he does puke :((

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M.M.

answers from Anchorage on

You've gotten lots of great feedback but I just want to reiterate that it is extremely normal! There is nothing destructive or emotionally damaging about it. I agree that ignoring it is the best method and will NOT emotionally damage your child! My daughter went through this phase. She is extremely strong-willed so would forget about it and then remember again later so I dealt with this on and off for about 1 1/2 yrs. (very on and off. She'd do it for a few weeks, realize I wasn't reacting and forget about it for months). My daughter is now 3 1/2 and never does it anymore. I also think it's an interesting sensation for them and something new to discover. Hang in there! :-)

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C.R.

answers from Seattle on

I have no idea if it's normal or not, but my 22 month old daughter has recently started doing this - about two months ago. I hate it... I'll be watching this post to see what others say!

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N.F.

answers from Seattle on

I knew a neighbor a while back who's child (age 2) did this. It was for attention when baby #2 arrived and obviously it worked. So what my neighbor starting doing was ignoring them or showing that it didn't get her attention. Unfortunately her child starting throwing up because that was grounds for definite attention. So she just simply made them clean it up and they got a timeout. It only took a couple weeks until her child stopped doing it, but she said it was the longest month of her life. I hope this kinda helps because I don't have the personal experience of my own.

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D.P.

answers from Seattle on

My son did that, too, at about the same age. It stopped after a few weeks of me ignoring the behavior when it was happening. Now, a year later, I'm ignoring the tongue-sticking-out-of-his-mouth-making-vibrating-sounds (with spittle flying). I tried nabbing his tongue with my fingers a couple of times but it's too slippery... *sigh*. I hope this phase passes as quickly as the gagging-himself phase did...

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K.M.

answers from Portland on

My son did this at about 9- 10 months old, and even gagged himself to the point of vomitting. I was at my wits end! The Ped said it is a normal phase and just a thing of the child learning control and wanting attention. We, the parents, did our best to ignore the behavior, and after awhile he stopped doing it. It is only a phase. (Read that again!) It was horrible at the time, so I know what you are going through. Hang in there, it does get better, and some day you may even laugh about it. We do!

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L.R.

answers from Portland on

Please don't let Naomi's response throw you for a loop. It's normal and will pass if you don't give it attention. Unless he starts showing actualy self-destructive tendencies it sounds like you have a perfectly normal little boy.

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M.P.

answers from Portland on

A stare down is attention. I wouldn't let him know that you even noticed.

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A.W.

answers from Seattle on

My daughter did the same thing. It was a phase. I stopped paying attention to it. Although a few times she did make herself throw up. If she did, I cleaned her up with little attention and made little fret over it. She eventually stopped, but it took about 2 to 3months. I hated it so much. So hang in there and he will get thru it. However, if he doesn't, which could happen, make sure you chat with his DR about it because it could become behavioral. At least that is what our DR said, but it eventually went away. They just find these new sensations and ones that seem to get our attention more, seem to be the ones that really stick. Us poor moms!
Hang in there.

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