Son Getting in Trouble at school....would Love Suggestions for Follow up at Home

My first thought on reading this, for both the bathroom incident and the bus incident is that he was just being a 7y boy. Was it right? No, but I don't think it is necessarily related to the ADHD.

Did you ask him why he was laying on the floor of the bus? Besides not being safe, its not the cleanest place to take a nap!

My 9y has a hard time focusing on individual work and has missed SEVERAL recess periods over that last few years. That is not a bad thing. It is teaching them that the work comes before play. Last year it took me going into the school before school once a week. Having HIM sort through his desk and finish all the papers (that he'd been missing and just COULDN"T find!) with me standing there. He would finish them in under 10m, but when left on his own would take days!

As for him not telling you the truth, there are easy ways to prompt him. For my son, I just say something like 'So I got an email from Ms. J today'. Do you know what that's about? Once I was just kidding and he responded with 'Man, she's fast'. .... that opened a WHOLE can of worms! We also have a website where you can see what they ordered for lunch. That one throws him every time!!

For the bus incident, I applaud you for the apology note. Our driver used to take it one further and had a kid write the note and then read it out loud to the bus.... You could also get a copy of the bus rules and have him write them 5 times.

I would also probably back off a bit until the 3rd or 4th episode. He's a boy. He's going to be curious and get into trouble. That's what kids do. That's how we learn. That's how we make memories! He'll test the boundaries and the teachers will correct him.

As for the football game tonight, if you were really wanting to go, I don't see why you shouldn't. Just skip the popcorn and ice cream...
Good luck
M.

Sounds like you are on track. One thing that I would recommend doing (and maybe you are already doing this) is to NOT ask about his behavior/getting in trouble as soon as you see him each day. Make sure to hug/kiss him and ask him about his day. Ask if he learned anything new, etc. Then ease into asking about the behavior. If you can't get him to open up to you, I suggest asking the teacher to mark down when he has to miss recess or if he gets into trouble. Then just look in his agenda each day and talk about it. Maybe on the days he doesn't get into trouble, she would be willing to make a smiley face or something in there to show he had a good day.

Instead of focusing on the 'bad' behaviors, reward the good. For example if he doesn't get into trouble 3 out of the 5 days during the week (or whatever is acceptable to you), then there is some sort of reward (ice cream, choosing what is for dinner, etc). That way he knows that he's being held accountable and being rewarded at home for staying on task and following directions.

I would still go to the game (but now that you said no game not sure how to handle that). I would not punish the entire family for his behaviors. Do something else like not allowing him to watch tv or play with a game system for one day.

Also, once the punishment is set and the day is over, leave the behaviors behind. If you dwell on them and keep bringing them up, he's bound to start thinking that is all he's doing to keep your attention and he may either start acting up more or may stop telling you when he gets into trouble because he doesn't want to get punished.

Good luck!

It sounds like you're on the right track. I have a seven year old son who has ADHD and one of the first and clearest signs when his medication dosage needs to be increased is that the impulse control goes and he's more defiant. I know young kids do goofy things, but with kids with ADHD you have to be particularly in tune to any changes like this.

You shouldn't necessarily need a meeting with the doctor to up the dosage. We've always been able to call the psychiatrist's office, have a discussion via phone and she'll forward the increased dosage to the pharmacy. So, if things continue to spiral downhill, don't feel you have to wait until an appt. (which I know can often take a while). The more serious you sound about things, the more seriously they will take your concerns.

Good luck! Hopefully things will get back on track soon.

I think you are a wonderful Mom! All I would add, as I'm sure you know, He has a medical condition which is unlikely to go away based only on behavioral training. You would certainly give your child with a bacterial infection the antibiotics that help him get better, so it makes sense you would try any meds that will help him with this as well. Good Luck Mom, and kudos for your fantastic attitude!

First off I just have to say I really admire you. I think the effort, time, attention and care you are putting into your son and the situation is completely incredible. It's what moms should do, but that doesn't mean they all do it and it really means something that you do. In later years when he is older and a parent himself I bet it will mean the world to him.

I don't have a lot to offer in the way of advice. I think your consequences are appropriate and the meeting with the new teacher is vital. Is he on an IEP? If he's not on some kind of specialized intervention from the school I do think it's really important because the contract can go with him from year to year. He will go into the next year with the previous IEP until a new one is made and the contract can be in it, so with a little hint from you to the counselor before school about the contract he can begin the year with it and it will provide the continuity that he really needs.

My heart goes out to your son because it doesn't feel good to be unsuccessful and he already has to be feeling some of that. Having said that, I think as his mom you are doing exactly the right thing.

L.

**another thought or two - maybe the bus isn't so great. There isn't alot of supervision and it has to be monstrously stimulating to a child with ADHD. Also do you have any type of rewards system in place and a contract with him at home so he can keep track of his successes?

I have a 7 yo too, and while he probably is ADHD we have never had him labelled, I homeschool him for K and most of 1st, then I put him in school last year as it was too much for me with a new baby.
needless to say he behaved awfully, having never been in school he didn't know how to act, and got his name on the board every day. he had a wonderful teacher who told him if you get your name on the board tommorow you will get a spanking f=from the principal.
well I guess he didn't believe her, and he got his spanking. that pretty much cured him for the rest of that year!
fast forward to last week and start of second grade, new slightly more lenient teacher, he is playing up again - it is hard for them to settle back down again - his punishment if he gets his name on the board is that he is not allowed to play the computer that night - he is a computergameaholic, so that is major punishment for him - find what he likes, if he is good he gets it, naughtiness in school will get it taken away for that night.
I think apologizing in person to the bus driver will be good rather than a note, which is the easy way out - and no tv, I think you could tell him he can go to the game, but if that ever happens again you will be much harder on him.

Too Little! Get that contract back, make sure he's taking the meds (because some boys get embarrassed about taking them and needing them), read books about it for strategies, some kids also have other issues that frequently go along with ADHD. I don't think he sounds like a has enough respect for authority and that's what worries me most. He hasn't had enough discipline, or he could have a personality disorder, or ... who knows. An ADD counselor or Life Coach should be tried. See if you have one of those after school and summer programs for kids that are ADHD. They help teach them social skills and all that good stuff, along with study skills. It's not all about the medicine and things will get worse if you and he don't learn some more tricks of the trade.

If you let him not exercise self control he will grow more and more out of control. I don't know how long kids have had ADHD, but I suspect it was a long time before it was diagnosed, given a name and made the perfect excuse for bad behavior.

Kids did that kind of thing when I was a child and from listening to my dad and grand dad talk, they did that kind of thing since there was running water in school bathrooms. The old time solution was a one sided discussion with the "Bored of Education". I personally think kids grew out of the misbehaving a lot quicker when they understood the consequences for bad actions was quick, certain and understood.

Check to see if your son is allergic to anything. My son's behavior improved when we changed his diet so he no longer ate anything with FD&C Yellow #5, Blue #? and Red #? and items made through fermentation. (They make soy sauce by fermentating soy beans. Vinegar is made by fermentating and vinegar is in a multitude of foods like pickles, mustard and hot sauces.)

I still think the misbehavior will stop quicker when the consequences are quick, certain and understood, even if the old time consequences are not used because of polical correctness. I sure think over medicating is not the solution. Some teacher and school authorities will work with you and some will not. Give the teacher your cell number and tell her you will support her in keeping control of your son in her class.

Reward good behavior and punish bad behavior. Rewarding good behavior is very important too. I noticed a positive improvement in my kids behavior when I added positive reinfocement to the negative reinforcement.

Good luck to you and yours.

One thing I would highly suggest in addition to all you are already doing is to look into removing chemicals from your home/diet. I know going organic can be expensive but there are many ways to save and you don't have to go organic on everything. http://www.foodnews.org/sneak/EWG-shoppers-guide.pdf
Many of the chemicals we come into contact with everyday exacerbate ADHD and other disorders. Since this is a family thing I would really suggest doing some research on it. You may find an answer that will help you kick the meds while keeping good results.