Social Skills for My 10 Yr Old

My heart goes out to your family - it seems that everyone is miserable and trying to cope. I do not know your situation enough, but you might like to checkout Landmark Education (www.landmarkeucation.com). They have classes both in NY and NJ, and they are amazing. As a graduate of this program, I can certainly vouch that it has changed my life. Instead of blaming others and feeling not having control of my life, I have decided to let go of resentment (and I had no idea how much I was holding on to). By stopping to make others wrong, I am taking control of my life like never before, doing things I had always wanted to but putting it off with excuses, or stories I made up. They have a program for 8 yo, but you should check out the adult program first. Trust me we can all use it, no matter how well rounded we think we are.
Good luck and I hope regardless of what you choose to do, that things work out for your family.

Hey LV

Do you ever have any children over for a play date? It is possible he just doesn't do well in a large group of kids. Sometimes children can be cruel and they could be teasing him or saying things to put him on the defensive and therefore he is the one getting caught acting out. If he doesn't have friends then I am sure he feels ostracized so therefore he will be even more inclined to be argumentative and on the defensive. You said he is intelligent my son was the same way and I remember the teacher telling me he was intolerant when the other kids would get things wrong and she would have to go over the same thing again. He would do the same thing roll his eyes. This was in fifth grade. He was bored and not challenged so they tested him and put him into the Gifted program where he was academically challenged and fit in much better in those classes. Not sure if its the same situation but sometimes the kids who do really well get teased so they slack off to try to fit in. I am just grasping at straws here because it could be so many things. Do you have him involved in cub scouts, sports, karate, any other activities other then school so he can socialize with children other then his classmates. It sounds like he is trying to get your attention by arguing, and complaining, and in a way he is however only in a negative way. I would try to really sit and talk with him let him know how his behavior is effecting everyone around him. If you are loosing your patience with him (understandable so) then maybe you are also coming off as argumentative. I know sometimes when I am frustrated I think I am talking but I really am not I am sort of dictating, and not really listening. If it keeps up even with trying some new things then I would take him to therapy. You do not need to know for what if there is a problem then the therapist will figure it out. I would call your local recreation department and try to involve him in activities with kids other then his classmates and see how he does. I am a little disturbed by his teacher not being able to guide you. After all she spends enough time with him during the day that she should be able to give you some input. Just my opinion. As far as him acting out at home try to sit with him for a while and discuss his day and try to let him get everything out. Maybe he feels like he is not being heard so he complains and nags just so he can get your attention. Good luck I hope things work out for you.

I'm wondering if there has been a significant change in your home or family recently that may cause him to react in such a way. I'm practically raising my sister who just turned 11 and I find her to be that way at home, but not so much at school.

Also at this stage, their bodies are completely out of whack due to puberty. Some kids have a harder time dealing with the changes that occur during this time, since they are very aware of them and its visible change. Maybe he is feeling insecure about something.

I would try involving him in a sport or music or art classes...maybe even a debate team. Let him chanel the negativity and frustrations into something positive.

Another possibility might be that since he's so intelligent, he's not being challenged enough, leaving him bored and open to nonsense. Have them test him academically and see if he can have some more challenging classes.

I hope something in here helps! Godd luck and keep us posted.

Your son's teacher should have referred him to his quidance counslor. He/she would be able to evaluate if this is behavioral issues, attention issues, emotional issues etc. I am really surprised that the G.C is not involvesd - you should ask to make an apt. witht he G.C. He/she will be able to refer you and your son for the appropriate services. Good luck.