Sleeping Problems with 22 Month Old

Hi R.,
to be honest, I've never had to deal with a situation like yours.

But it does sound like an "attachment" issue at the heart and core of the issue, as your son's ability to bond has been messed up due to the abuses of his bio mom.

I'd like to recommend that you look into Baby Wearing, or Attachment parenting websites - there are lots of them. I'll include a few links I found that I think might be helpful and you can research on from there.

I "wore" my baby with a baby sling for actually probably a year or more once he was about 6 months and my c-section wound healed up where I could tolerate carrying him. He was much more peaceful and less fussy once I started carrying him with a sling (as I wasn't very strong elsewhere, and he's my only child).

http://www.attachmentparenting.org/princtouch.shtml

They are talking about babies here, but even twenty two months old I would hope he'd be able to respond eventually. Time does help heal wounds.

Another one I thought of was websites having to do with adoption issues - because, in a real sense, you are adopting your stepson. The process is complicated in that he "remembers" his dad but he's dealing with a "new" mom, even though technically he has known you all his life (so far, 22 months)...

http://forums.adoption.com/korea-adoption/325155-help-bon...
So some of this is specific to foreign adoptions and can be ignored, but eventually I'm sure you'll hit on something that resonates with you on your situation - and I thought it interesting to notice that many of these parents also used baby wearing slings and wraps to carry their child.

The Bjorn is one that is seen a lot at places like Target or Wa-Mart and is cheaper but I found them very uncomfortable being a heavier mom myself. So you'll have to take consideration of your body type and experiement - maybe attend some LaLeche League meetings or find a local adoption support or if you are really blessed, a local shop that carries different types of baby wearing systems to find one that works well.

Another thing that I found helpful with my son was using lavender oil from the healthfood store - this was actually something I learned from the "All Creatures Great and Small" animal veterinarian series by James Harriott (sp?) years ago - and maybe he got the idea from watching his grandma, I've no idea, ha!! but basically I would rub just a drop or two of lavender oil around my son's chest and nose so he could smellt the lavender, and I'd rub some on my chest (since I was breastfeeding at the time but it works even now, if he's really fussy!!) - the idea being then that he'd "smell" that I smelled like "him" and didn't smell "different"...and so it seemed to calm him down. Plus lavender has calming effects anyway - well known as one of the safer herbs around babies and young children.

So anyway I'm sure this is not going to be a "one tap of the magic wand" miracle cure but I'm hoping something here will click and work for you.

That poor little guy has a lot going on, but hooray for you for being there for him, sounds like he needs a guardian angel.
As for the sleep problem, they have a pediatric sleep clinic at St. Luke's hospital, the nurse in charge is named Nancy (I think, Berkmeier) don't quote me on that, I may be way off. You and your husband should make an appt and arrange for a sitter for your son. She helped us a lot. You can contact your pediatrician and they may need to give you a referral. Good luck, but the longer you wait, the harder it is to break him of the habit. Hope you get some sleep soon!

Hi R.,

We went through this with my almost 4 yr old and she is now sleeping in her bed all night for 3 weeks now.

My 15 month old is currently coming into our bed everynight now. So when she comes back in there I walk her back to her room and put her back in her bed and tell her this is her bed and thats mommies bed. The 1st night I got up with her 4 times by the 3rd and 4th night we were down to twice and now we are down to 1 if none at all.

So I am here to let you know it is a battle, you have to stay consistent with it if you want him to sleep in his bed. If not keep allowing him to come to your bed.

You yruly are HEAVEN SCENT! Do you rub him down after his bath at night? It's almost like giving him a deep massage & humming (you could get some calming Cd's) with soft music or sound that might help. He may have become too dependant on coming into your room. I know it's not easy for you or your husband (because it's his first) but try that & keep me posted. Good luck to you & God Bless!

It sounds like you need a pediatric psychiatrist. There are several good ones in the KC area. He was tramatized and needs help that only a professional can give. It's not just a sleep thing with him, it is an emotional thing. Please seek help for him soon. Good luck and God bless.

I would try to set up a daily routine everyday if possible and a nite time one,have you tried to read books to him while he is tucked in his room/own bed before nap time and bed time,so for he get's the idea it is time to rest and sleep. If the pattern continues it will only get harder for him to outgrow it and he may want to cosleep all the time.I'm sure you and your husband have reassured him that he is in a safe place now and will continue to stay safe.

Hi R., Sounds like your litle guy has been through alot in his early life. I would continue co-sleeping for sure. Winging him off later will be a lite task compared to what could be life long residual insecurities, lack of trust issues and an inability to bond, etc... that could result from being left alone in his own room right now. All we need is Love!!!!!! Unconditional Love.. It will be worth it. Normal in Erope and many other contries. Oh, A big Bed Helps HAHA. Hope this helps

I don't have much suggestion for you, but would just like to comment that my now 5 year old sounded a lot like that and he was never abused or anything like that. From the night he was born he would never stay alseep very long by himself. I was going to school at the time. I always tried put him in his bed to sleep(a crib in our room), but he would end up in our bed much to my husbands dismay. It was the only way I could get him to stay asleep for very long at a time. I'm not one to let a baby cry too much, but I did try sometimes. He could scream and cry for hours! I never knew what to do and of course I was always getting comments from family members and no one ever wanted to watch him much.
He now shares a room with his brother who is 5 1/2 years older. It took a long time getting him in there. I would have to lay with him until he would fall asleep, and then later he would come crying and get in bed with us. It got a little better when he started preschool. We had a better routine then and since he got up early every morning, he was more tired at night. He is now in kindergarten and is pretty normal getting to bed, always needing a snack or something to try to delay. He has gradually over time started sleeping through the night more and more times, but he still occassionally wakes up crying. Now that he is older he is able to tell me he was having a bad dream and things like that. He has also always been a very shy, attached child, it was extremely difficult getting him off to Kindergarten, but it has been good for him and he is starting to open up a lot. Of course a lot of people just think I spoiled him, but really I tried not to, there just never seemed any way around it.
I guess I just wanted you to know that you are not alone. My only advice would be to have patience and remember that he will only a baby once, and he has already been through a lot. He's lucky to have you and his dad care for him.