Sleep Training Advice for 2 Year Old Toddler

Hi C.:
As when your son was in your womb HE determined when he was ready for his birth. He determines psychologically when hes secure enough to stay alone in the dark,and when hes ready to give up the diapers, he will decide that as well.It would appear, that you've answered your own question here. You mentioned things were better, when you stayed with him,until he fell asleep. Now,because (YOU'VE) decided hes ready to give that comforting at night up,hes feeling less secure,and your all losing sleep over this. Unfortunately, you've caused him to feel more alienated,and frightened,by putting up a gate. If you lock him in,it will create even more anguish. He already feels you've both abandoned him.I'm afraid you've taken two steps back,as a result of your being eager in his accepting his new room. You can correct this, by going back to comforting him,and letting him know your there for him. You were so close to him doing this all on his own. He was satisfied with you being there till he fell asleep,It will now take a little time for him to feel secure again. Raising our children,watching them progress and go through all their different stages,is all trial and error. If one way doesn't work you try something different. It takes alot of patience love and nurturing,but give him the time he requires to mature. He's only a toddler for a short time,and your comfort and understanding will benifit and remain with him for ever. I wish you and your darlin boy the best. J. M

my rarely gets up ut of bed and she has been in a toddler bed since 18 moths old (shes 22 months now). wht i do is a bedtime routine. we get our jammies on brush her teeth do her breathing treatment (she has asthma) and we read a story. then i kiss her and her 3 lovies good night and i tell her that i dont want to see her up till morning. now her and i share a room so sometimes shes in my bed when i goto bed and i just move her back to bed. i wouldnt lock him in his room because that can be very scary to him. when he wakes up in the middle of the night try to stay calm and say its time to go back to bed and that theres no need to cry but he needs to stay in his room. tell him that he can play quietly in his room if he doesnt want to sleep but he can not come out and wake you up. it may take a while to work but it may help. good luck!

C.,

My son is 2.5 and I have yet to make him stay in his bed through the WHOLE night. Like yours we have the whole CARS theme and while he loves his room, he's not ready to sleep in the big boy bed. And, for me that's okay. I have had to take a step back and re-evaluate what my son is and isn't ready for and not force him into something he's not ready for.

Since you say, you've had to lay down next to him I'm not sure if you co-slept or if he was in another big boy bed before this...I'm a co-sleeper with my son, and it's what works for us. If you previously had a Family Bed, he may be feeling left out of the loop. If his little brother sleeps with you, in your room or in a crib somewhere you may want to consider a 'special bed' in your room where when he wakes at night he can lay down without disturbing anyone's sleep. Over time, just knowing he can come to you guys for comfort will be enough to keep him in his own bed. This is what I'm doing with my son...in a way it's really about taking the extra steps to make our kids transition from one comfort zone to another. If he's used to someone being there for him when he falls asleep, then it will take time for him to move away from that need...just like weaning or beginning solid foods, it's a process.

Try explaining to him what is happening, and what you're doing. Quitting anything cold turkey is scary and difficult. We're starting with naps, and working towards falling asleep in his bed at night. For now, I'm super excited we can get naps in his bed. I or my Mom sits with him and talks to him, rubs his back if he needs it and explains that he's a big boy now and needs his sleep to grow and that's why he has a special bed for bedtime. It's working, but it's just a matter of time and patience.

Like Jacy's little girl, my son has a lovey we call his 'dino buddy' and this has been a source of comfort on and off since he was about a year. You can make it a special trip to get a friend for him to share his bed with...nothing wrong with something to hang onto when the night gets a little scary.

Please don't lock him in his room. That to me would be so scary!! Think about how you would feel if your husband didn't like something you were doing, and locked you in the closet without explaination or reasoning. You would be angry, confused and probably sad. In my opinion it's just going to nothing, but severe the bond you and your son already have built and nutured by helping him sleep.

Don't get me wrong, I'm exhauted and pooped and would love a break at night...but, this is what I signed up for...and, truly I know there will be a time when my son sleeps on his own and doesn't need Mommy anymore.

Good Luck!

D.

My Georgia is 2 and a half also. This is an ongoing struggle for most parents at this age. We bought her a nightlight and established a routine. We used to sit with her until she fell asleep, then we would sit until she was almost asleep. Still she woke up scared. Have you sat down and asked what he is afraid of? It turned out that Georgia is not only afraid of the dark but she was hearing our neighbors dogs through the wall and thought they were monsters. We moved her bed and she was still scared. She shares a room with her baby sister, who is a noisy sleeper. Baby was the new monster. Now we check for monsters every night before bed, spread magic keep away dust (powder) and she is doing better.
When they wake at night screaming you must stay calm. Most nights she makes it all of the way but on the ones that she doesn't we calmly get her back into her room, check for monsters using a flashlight and try again. Sometimes she wants to be held for a little while from being scared. If you give up the process will take longer.
If he refuses to go back to sleep, explain that mommy and daddy need their rest so that they can take care of him and his brother the next day. Maybe give him a book with a flashlight or a small toy to quietly play with and eventually he will fall asleep.

Good luck and remember it will just take time and to stick with it.

This age, is like this. It is a hard time for sleeping and then to expect consistency in their sleep patterns.
As hard as it is... just go with the flow.

At this age too, they also develop night-time fears & thus they wake... and this is ALL developmental based. Not him just making 'trouble.' It's not easy for them either... maybe keep this in mind... and it may help you to 'see' him with different eyes.

I would not lock him in. How would you feel if someone did this to you?

We co-sleep, in variations, per our childrens needs. It's fine for us. We have a futon mattress on the floor of our room where I can be with them as needed. AND, my daughter will also sleep in her own room too...but we don't 'force' her. It's fine for us.

I know it's hard... but it takes TIME. And yes, it's tiring.. but well, this is what we as parents do, for our children. They go through so many things, and not always easy... night-time fears and night-mares are very 'real' for a child... and they want to be near their parents. You either let them, or not.

BUT you have to keep in mind... that they will still have sleep difficulties... no matter what age. So what then? What do you do when another valid sleep difficultly arises? A young child is STILL developing emotions too.. .and they don't have the 'coping skills' like adults do.. .and their night-mares and pee accidents are very REAL. What then? How do you handle this? A child's sleep patterns is NOT static. Heck, even adults have problems sleeping too, right? What do you do with yourself when you can't sleep or have stress that keeps you awake? Does your Husband lock you in your room and ignore you, and then keep putting you back in your bed telling you 'shush' and be quiet, stay still, don't get up to pee, and be independent and just get a grip? Uh.....

Again, the whole spectrum of 2 years old, brings up a LOT of sleep difficulties for a child. Then once you think it's fine, another developmental phase will arise.

For our daughter, the main thing for us is that she sleep. So, if she wants to sleep with us, that's fine. If she passes out on the floor of her room, that's fine. But, we are consistent about her bedtimes and pre-bed routines.

I know each family is different... just know what makes your child tic. Sometimes THEY lead us, instead of the other way around....

All the best,
Susan