Hi everyone,
I'm asking this strictly based on curiousity. The answer won't change my life or my parenting, but it's something I can't help but wonder about.
My son and I are both born nerds. We're both total bookworms, we're both athletic disasters, and in our different ways, we're both ridiculously shy. Nurture may play a small role in this, but really, we're talking about nature here.
What I'm wondering is, is there some kind of underlying physiological connection between, say, a lack of social fluency and a lack of physical fluency? I mean, there are so many people who are blessed with both innate social confidence and innate physical prowess. I see it in my nephew, whom I have helped to raise -- the kid can scale a 10-foot wall, scramble down safely without missing a beat, and then become best friends with the very first kid he sees on the playground. But my own son and I -- we don't have that, whatever it is. I know social awkwardness and low muscle tone co-occur with Asperger's syndrome, but my son and I aren't Aspies. We're just ... quiet little library mice. And believe me, you don't want us on your sports team.
I can anticipate this one well-meaning response -- "Just because you're like that doesn't mean your son will be, sign him up for some sports, etc." I understand where that comes from, but it's not what's going on here. My son was tagged as shy at age 1, and it hasn't stopped since. He was flagged as having low tone two months into kindergarten. He may have gotten this from me, but it's from my genes, not my parenting.
Not looking for advice here -- we like our bookish selves -- but I'd love some scientific insight.
Thanks!
What an amazing question. There have been studies on the genetic links for shyness which seem to indicate that it is an innate quality people are simply born with - and that it gets passed down through families (at least in mice). I hope some behavioral scientist who teams up with a geneticist reads this and sees the potential. I'd love to know too.
I am a HUGE nerd. Think of something super nerdy, and I love it! I was incredibly shy as a child. (I'm very introverted, but I am not as shy as I used to be. I still have many moments, though.) I'm not sure you can get more shy then I was. I was also an excellent athlete, and excelled at any sport I tried. I competed at a very high level in soccer, and was being recruited by very good colleges, before I quit. My dad was painfully shy as a child and young adult. (You would NEVER know now! Being in the navy, forced him out of his shell.) He was being recruited by the White Sox minor league organization in high school, before he had a knee injury. He excelled in the navy far above his peers. He is 54, and he is still playing soccer!! My sister is outgoing and determined as any, and have no athletic prowess whatsoever. Same with both of my uncles. They have NO athletic ability, and they are super social experts. My dad, their brother...the opposite. My nephew is the star of his high school basketball team, and VERY shy. His sister, social butterfly and excels, in everything but athletics. My neice didn't know a person who wasn't a best friend, and she can hardly walk two feet without tripping. Her dad? Very shy semi-professional skateboarder. His sister? Clumsiest outgoing person you'll ever meet.
No, I think this plays our in your family...but is not true in many.
Hmmmm, you know I wonder whether your shyness/social awkwardness as you put it BEGAN as body language, then progressed into what you consider to be poor coordination.
At any rate, I'd imagine there IS a physiological connection between the two, right? At the beginning of your post my mind went straight to the Aspies I know...but that's not it, so.
Couple interesting things I found:http://readingbodylanguagenow.com/bodylanguageexpert/
http://www.2knowmyself.com/body_language/body_language_de...
:)
Anyway, I see nothing wrong with being a 'quiet little library mouse'!
There could be since there's a major connection in people with Autism and poor muscle tone.
Poor muscle tone can be a sign of sensory integration issues, which may lead to social problems (though not nerdiness). I can imagine a child with sensory issues, who does not like to be jostled by peers, would tend to remove himself from active social situations and would prefer to read a book. You might want to look up sensory integration disorder and see if you or your kiddo have any other markers.
What Kristin said...muscle tone, balance, etc. is part of sensory integration. If your son was flagged as low-tone, that is indicative of a sensory processing dysfunction. I know you said that you won't be changing anything, but I do hope that you had an OT evaluate your son for potential benefits of therapy.
Hi,
Here are two great books that might interest you:
The Out of Sync Child (about sensory integration issues) and
The Challenging Child (there is a chapter about extra-sensitive children)
I think that you will find some answers in both of them.
B.
My son definitely has the Aspergers low muscle tone and social awkwardness. He's had occupational therapy for low muscle tone and fine motor issues, and isn't good at (and dislikes) sports. He has social awkwardness, but with ADHD isn't shy or quiet at all. So I don't think shy/quiet is necessarily the same thing as socially awkward.
Sometimes it's hard being a quiet mom of a loud kid. I've always been a shy bookworm, not good at sports. I've wondered over the years if I could be on the spectrum myself, or if it could have been because of my nearsightedness (hard to play sports when your glasses don't fit well, hard to make friends when you can't see their faces) or allergies(hard to learn how to swim when you're having trouble just breathing).
Perhaps you could find some forms of exercise that fit your personalities better than team sports. Gardening, nature walk, hiking, swimming, biking, riding a scooter, weightlifting or raquetball(indoors and not too many people).
Hi there! As part of an introverted couple with a socially and physically awkward 5 year-old son, I have been where you are! :) We always chalked his behavior up to the apple not falling far from the tree, but when he wasn't making social connections in preschool and his teacher became concerned about certain behavior, we sought a professional opinion. He is beyond clumsy, i.e. he falls out of chairs while eating, trips over nothing, etc. The diagnosis is sensory processing disorder and he is currently undergoing occupational therapy to improve his social skills and gross motor coordination. So to answer your question, in this case there was a definite connection between his social and physical difficulties. Check out "The Out of Sync" child. This book has a checklist to help you determine whether your child has SPD (if you're interested). My son fit the description to a T. My daughter, on the other hand, is a born athlete and social butterfly - nothing like her brother! So I agree with you in that it's nature, not necessarily nurture.
Cool perseption, but there are way too many factors in play to blame it on physical ability. I believe it has more to do with environment than anything else. For one thing, you've got society's view/stereo type of gifted/educational oriented children/adults. They view us as unsocial nerds, who just aren't good at being fashionable nor athletically good. (I will admit my son is very physically strong and coordinated as well as into fashion, but a lot of his strength comes from a combination of genes from my dad and kung fu at an early age.) Other kids just don't seem to want to socialize with smart kids, because it makes them feel inferior or it just isn't "cool." Also, many times the gifted/educational oriented child has nothing in common with them. I remember telling my son to find something he has incommon with his peers, even if it's a toy they collect. It gives them something to talk about. I never viewed myself as shy. It's just that I didn't have anything to talk about, couldn't identify with my peers, and didn't feel like being social with other kids that pick on me. I viewed them as the ones with the social skills problem, since they couldn't figure out how to say "hello" without name calling. My son was social from day one. He has the "gift for gab." Part of it may have been my fault, since I would encourage him to talk and make sure he didn't dress nerdy. I alway cut his hair in a "cool" fashion. If he couldn't find something in a store, I had him ask the store clerk himself. I had a fear of him being picked on like I was. I have also found that private schools are a lot better than public for the gifted/educationally oriented. Public schools are way to big and focus more on sports. The private schools focus more on academics and the arts. Sure kids pick on each other no matter what school they go to, but it a lot less in a private school and there's always some child that will be able to identify with your smart kid. I have also found that children in the arts like band, choir, chorus, painting....most of them are nerds and are more social with each other. Your son doesn't have to be in sports. He just needs to find his niche. Keep in mind you will need to find extra-curricular activities for him to be involved in once he gets to high school, if he's planning on going to college. Colleges look for hobbies and extra-curricular activities and not just grades and SAT scores.
