Sex Marriage

I think only you can decide if you want to stay. I have a low tolerance level for men and marriage. I realize that life is way too short to be unhappy! I stayed in a loveless marriage for a while trying to work things out and then I just could not do it anymore. My oldest daughter told me how bad things were for her because she saw how unhappy I was. I did try couples counseling and counseling for myself before I decided to throw in the towel. It is not easy being single especially with kids. I have got to admit that this is the happiest that I have been in a long time now that I am single.

In short, yes! If you want to stay, you need some serious personal and marriage counseling. But it sounds like you know the answer to this question. I suggest that some personal counseling will help you make this transition a bit easier. It's past time to take care of yourself.

I am always shocked to hear how willing we as a culture are to call it quits and "move on." I believe that marriage is a covenant between one man, one woman and God that should not be broken. Before you decide to call it quits, may I suggest you seek the Lord in prayer and willingly surrender to His will for your marriage and your life. I once felt as you do and I wanted little to nothing to do with my husband; I would avoid having intimate relations with him and felt as though all he wanted was sex (which frustrated and annoyed me to no end). I no longer felt close to him because we never really talked any more which is what makes me feel heard, known and most of all loved. What I came to realize, by the grace of God, was that I needed to submit to my husband. I know, I know, it sounds "old fashioned" and trust me when I say that I never, ever thought that I would submit to anyone. But God showed me through His word that submission is not a place of weakness, but of strength. It is much more difficult to willingly submit than to challenge the authority of your husband. Once I submitted to the authority of my husband, little by little things began to change; my perspective around how I saw my husband, his willingness to talk and share, and best of all our relationship has grown stronger because we understand each other and purposely love each other. While many believe that love is a feeling, the reality is that love is a verb, an action word. If you want to feel love, you need to show love. May I suggest watching the movie "Fireproof" and/or reading the book "The Love Dare." Maybe even watch the movie or read the book with your husband. But most of all L., pray, pray, pray and surrender everything to the Lord...He will be faithful.

I pray the Lord will bless your efforts and bless your marriage L..

Im 33, w a 2yr old...was married to my sons dad for 2yrs, together for 4yrs. The fact that you stayed in a marriage just because of your kids says a lot to me. You obviously were only there for them, not for the relationship with their father. So its natural to feel the way you do. If your husband does not make you happy, complete you, support you, make you feel loved, cared for, cherished, respected, and IMPORTANTLY, isn't your best friend...then 20yrs is a long time and time to move on.

My ex calls me a quiter and a failer for walking out on our marriage. The thought of having sex with my husband made me sick to my stomach. The touch, did NOTHING for me. I wasn't in love with him anymore. He wasn't my friend. And knew my heart was gone and I tried counseling myself. Ya it helped our communication but it didn't help rekindle anything of how i felt towards him. Oddly enough, having my son made me realize I really did not want to be with this man anymore. A month after our 2yr annv., i walked and never looked back. That was 2yrs ago.

Do i regret it, NO! I am LOVING every minute I am not with him. Unfortunately he is still in my life due to our son. Hearing his voice is a constant reminder why i left. No matter how hard this man tries to get me back and say what he says, I made the right choice. Yes my son doesn't have a full time father, but i REFUSE to stay in a unhealthy marriage for my child.

If you feel in your heart your done...your done.

Sex for a women is tied into everything else everything you have been threw is on your mind you cant for get it you need therapy Men dont relize sex starts in the brain. maybe enough is enough time for you to live.

good luck

I think it must be other reasons why you are thinking in the possibility to divorce.
Even if sex is a part of marriage is not a enough reason to divorce, I mean, what if he or you would get in a accident and couldn't have sex but loved each other?
There must be something else going on with your marriage, does it is enough reason for divorce? Well, that is one thing only you can answer your self since only you know what is going on, but sometimes we run away from what we think we don't want only to find out that what we need was so close to us.
Do you really think you will be happy alone?
Is there any love left? Does your husband and you are willing to work it out?
A marriage is made of 2, I love the word marriage in Spanish, is call: "casados" casa=home dos=two. casados=home of tow.
I takes 2 to build a home and it takes 2 to let it fall.
Good luck in your decision what ever this will be.

Sorry you're going through this. In my humble opinion - the lack of interest in sex is rarely the problem, it's the result of other problems in the marriage. You don't say much about your relationship with your husband. Do you talk (communicate) about things other than the children and every day tasks? What's changed in your relationship? What would it take to make you happy? What would it take to make your husband happy? You have to be willing to talk about both those things.

I've been married for 18 years. We have been through a lot - many health problems for both of us to start with. It hasn't always been easy keeping connected. However, after my daughter was born (10 years ago), I discovered that I needed more "couple" time. Sometimes we've been lucky enough to have a date night or time alone. Most nights, I'm happy with 15 or 20 minutes of face to face talking after we're done with dinner and my daughter has been excused from the table. My husband helps around the house, although I do the bulk of the work because I don't work during the day. My husband puts me and my daughter ahead of himself and I try to do the same. We all put God first and that has been a tremendous help to us as a family. We love and respect each other. My husband knows that loading the dishwasher or throwing in a load of laundry to help me, means there's a good chance that I'll be well-rested and interested in sex later on.
He also know that if he gives me that 15 minutes of talking, I feel closer to him and want to have sex later on. Women want men to listen to them, men want sex.

After 18 years of marriage, we still enjoy being together because we take turns in sharing each other's interests. Even with all the aches and pains (back troubles for me, neck troubles for him, hormonal & thyroid issues & weight gain for me over the years) - we manage to have sex about 3 times a week. Not bragging here, but we've come to love each other more not less with each passing year. Are we perfect? No, but we talk about everything.

If you have fallen out of love with your husband, you might want to ask yourself what has changed. You might also ask yourself what you are bringing to the relationship to enhance your husband's life before you see his shortcomings. What kind of example are you setting for your children as far as a model of what THEIR marriage should look like? Good luck.

Marriage is a lot of work. Sometimes we get the point where it feels like that's all it is. We aren't being rewarded for our efforts, and the romance is gone. Sometimes talking to someone else can help you see if it's just the relationship has gone stale, or maybe talking to someone else can help you see that your heart has changed.

I would urge you to take an honest look at your relationship and ask yourself if you're getting what you need to be happy and if you're willing to work on it with him.

Good luck

There are intimacy therapists out there that help with these kinds of issues. It could all be just they way you are thinking about sex. Since you have 7 kids, I would be thinking I know what makes them and I don't want to do it anymore. There are lots or reasons for lack of interest...you just need to find yours.

I am one month shy of 40 and I have had no desire to have sex for the last 3 years..unless Bruce Willis comes around..lol.

Nanc

If you have only stayed in your marriage because of the kids, then it sounds like you have issues other than sex. If your husband is taunting you (calling you gay), clearly, the emotional commitment of marriage is not there. If you would rather your husband be having sex with another woman, then you have already left the marriage emotionally, it sounds like both of you have, and that you have way bigger issues than differing libidos. If you have any desire to save your marriage, you might try counselling. If you stay together, you need to address the intimacy issue. Is it that as you are aging (closer to menopause) and have had all these kids, that you simply do not want sex as often as you used to, or are you turned off by your husband due to resentments about other things?
Good luck

Marriage is hard work. Don't we all know it...I would suggest a book called the 5 love languages and find out if it is really that he is not talking your love language. I know that this helped me know that I am more interested in my husband spending quality time with me and having intimate conversations more than physical touch, and gifts, etc....and when he does these things I feel loved. That makes everything else easier. I got the book on CD at the Library and listened to it in 3 days in the car. It is worth a try...it is a hassle to get out of a marriage....it could lessen the hassle of staying in one. Good luck!

You asked,

Does this mean it is time to move on?

You are the only one that can answer that.
Has your husband ever cheated on you, is that why you don't want him touching you.

If not, then I think you have just lost that loving feeling.

You need to spend some alone time with your husband. I know, I know, you can't because of the kids. BUT you really need to make it happen.

You and your husband need to fall in love again. The only way to do that is to find your JOY again, smile at him, touch each other, talk alot, make love
In a wild and new place. Play games and go on walks and hold hands.
My point is TRY to make it work again.
And if you say " I have tried and it's not working"!
Then I think you can TRY HARDER or walk away ~ it's up to you.

I wish you all the best.

Sounds to me like either you are too tired to enjoy his advances or maybe you are bored with your bedroom behavior. If you are too tired and want him to help more around the house you could maybe turn it around on him. Say" if you help me fold the clothes and put the dishes in the dishwasher, then we would have more time for the bedroom." And if you are just bored with the same old routine in the bedroom suggest spicing things up with toys, role playing, giving each other massages. You will both be surprised how just one or two small changes in your daily routines can really turn up the heat. If all that fails I would check with your doctor and have blood tests run to check your hormone levels. Good luck and hope you get things worked out :)

As others have posted, marriage is hard work. You both have to want it to work for it to work and be willing to put in the effort and time it takes for it to work. I would get some counseling and see if you can find out the root of why you don't want to be intimate. Get your hubby on board and supportive of you so that the two of you can work through this. It isn't normal and I am no doctor, but I would guess the intimacy left a long time ago-- you need to rekindle the fire again! Take a couples retreat, get to know one another again-talk, talk, talk. Get the communication opened up--it will help. Good luck!!