Separation Anxiety in a 4 Mth Old?

Wow, it sounds like this is going to be hard for you. As far as sep. anxiety in a 4mo, yes, it is possible. It's not common, but it does happen. It's really great that your family can watch him, and also really great that they're already spending time with him. It sounds like you're a teacher, so starting with half-days won't be possible. But maybe you could "practice" the week before school - get up at school time, go through your morning prep, and bring him to one of your caregivers (or have them come to you, if that's how you're doing it). Then run an errand or something not too long. Each day lengthen the "away" time, so the next week won't be such a shock.

Maybe make a little picture album for him to take with him. And of course a lovey - even if he isn't particularly attached to anything yet, find something small he can sleep with and make sure his caregivers give it to him at naptime. Waking up without mommy around can be one of the most confusing things for babies.

He's pretty young, but peek-a-boo and hiding favorite toys under a blanket are good games to help him understand object permanence.

Have some faith in your child too. He WILL adjust, and his relationships with his family will be that much stronger for it. It will be rough for a while, but consistency will help both of you through it. And I do mean consistency - consistent mealtimes, consistent mommy play time, consistent bedtime.

I really wish you luck. I was fortunate enough to be able to stay home with my daughter, but if I HAD needed to go back to work, it would have been awful. She was super needy (still is, for that matter!) and I didn't have any kind of support network then. I hope you get lots of good ideas!

It is hard going to work when you have a little one that you want to be with. I wont say that you get use to it, I sit at my desk everyday wondering how my little girl is and what I am missing. I miss her like crazy and feel I miss way to much. I decided that I want to work from home so I am still at my regular job and I am working on a home business. Have you thought much about it because than you can be there and work around your little guy. If you want some info on it I can give you some.
I wish you the best of luck, D.
J.

Dear D., start leaving him with someone for small periods of time. He will learn that you always come back and adjust. Look at Bowlby and Ainsworth, they are psychologist that developed the theories on separation anxiety. Since you have to work, all we can do is manage and reassure him on a regular basis that you love him and will always come home. As he gets older and involved in activities of his own acceptance and security will set in. Keep him involved in healthy activities, sports, scouting, camp, or arts and crafts. Encourage his gifts, talents and abilities to reassure him of your love and respect for his leaving you. This is positive reenforcement of healthy relationship skills.

I am going through the same thing!! I started my 3 month old with the babysitter last week. The first 2 days for 2 hours, then 3 hours, etc. Tomorrow is my first day back to work, and I think will be harder for me than for him! I am going back only 2 days a week until after labor day but he will still go to the sitter on my off days for a few hours. It seems to be working well so far; tomorrow will be the test though! Good luck...I am feeling the same way as you are!

Hi D., I think one way you can do this is to have the people who will watch her come over while you are there. Let the sitter take care of baby with you there. Let him hear your voice,all the while the other person is changing him, feeding him etc. I hope this will help in the transition. No one will be mom but he will see that the others are ok with you. Best wishes, Grandma Mary

I know what you're going through and my third on has a real problem with that and I am trying to figure out how to work it out. I don't haveto work, but if I want to workout with my husband at the Y, and put all three of our boys in the nursery, he has a problem with that and I haveto be in the nursery while my husband works out and vice-versa with him. It's even difficult when going to church. He doesn't want to be in the nursery with the people, so my husband and I had to take him into the santuary with us and it's not always easy for us with that. He doesn't like to just sit there. Out second son does and color and "writes" the whole time and it's great, but our third son, no, he won't. the only thing I can say is that keep doing it and make it longer each time he's left with someone you can trust, really trust with no doubts and hopefully it'll work otu and maybe he's not that time...my third son is 10 months old and just started it almost a month ago.

I completely understand your worry. Going back to work after baby is very difficult. Leave him with something that smells like you and home, if he is not being watched at home. (your night shirt, etc) Make your transitions quick and do not go back in after leaving. He will not cry all day. He will cry longer if you return and show him that his crying got you to come back. He eventually will learn that you always come back, and he won't cry any more. This will take time, but the stronger you are, the easier it will be for him.

It is very difficult to do - my daughter was 18 months when I went to work part time. Whatever you do, don't look back - have everything ready to go, say your goodbye and be on your way. Her nursery school teacher said the longer we take, the harder it is for them and the people watching them. It'll break your heart many times, but know that you are doing what you need to. Good Luck!

Start today with small trips out of the house. Go out without him daily for an hour and build it up each day until school starts (or atleast up to a few hours). Don't know if this will work, but hope so! Good luck!

Your son is picking up on YOUR anxiety. He is too young to be missing you. You need to RELAX and trust the grandmas. They raised you and your husband and can take good care of your baby. Its nice to have a routine for an infant, but if the routine is too rigid he will also become rigid and get upset over any deviation. RELAX and enjoy your job, your relatives and especially your baby.